Monthly Archives: January 2010

Hell Does Not Exist

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Oh preachers preach about it.

Life is short, hell is real……..or so they say.

Baptists are noted for being hellfire and brimstone preachers. In my Baptist preacher days I preached hundreds of sermons on hell. The altar was often lined with sinners fearing hell. I was a very, very good hell preacher.

Jonathan Edwards’ famous sermon Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God was a hellfire and brimstone sermon.

People know that some day they will die.  Most people fear what happens “after” death. It is the fear of the unknown that leads many people towards religion. Hellfire and brimstone preaching is good for the Church business. If people fear hell they are more likely to buy into the whole salvation/heaven scenario. You don’t want to go to hell do you? You don’t want to burn in the flames of hell forever do you?

Scare people right into heaven.

I have come to conclusion that most preachers really don’t believe in hell. Preach all they might about hell……….when it comes to putting their theology into practice they cower and refuse to proclaim their hell belief.

Let me tell you a story of a man named Bob who was raised in a Fundamentalist Baptist home. His parents were stern, devout, Christians.

At the age of 17 Bob attended a Revival meeting at the local Baptist Church. When the invitation was given Bob walked down the aisle, knelt at the altar, prayed the sinner’s prayer, and in that moment became a Christian.

A short time after this Bob had a falling out with his family and he moved out of his parent’s home. Bob never attended Church another day in his life apart from an occasional funeral or wedding.

Bob lived to be 83 years old.

From the time Bob was 17 until he died at age 83 Bob lived a life of sin and infamy.

Bob was a child abuser. Bob beat his wife. Bob was a drunk. No woman was safe from Bob’s leering eye and his groping hands.

Bob was a nasty, vulgar,  kind of drunk.

Bob raped a woman while her 12 yr old son was home from school sick. He was never prosecuted because his victim was a mentally troubled family member.

Bob died recently.

Bob’s funeral was held at the local Baptist Church. His family attends the Church . The funeral was the first time that Bob had been to Church in over 60 years.

The preacher mentioned what an ornery man Bob was. And then the preacher spent the next 20 minutes preaching AT Bob’s friends. The funeral service was not about Bob at all, it was all about Jesus. Maybe that was better because it was probably hard to find much good to say about Bob.

Mercifully, the preacher brought his Jesus talk to a close with an invitation to trust Jesus as Savior.

Why? So they too could be in Heaven some day with Bob. The Bob, who at age 17 walked down the aisle, knelt at the altar, prayed the sinners prayer, and became a Christian.

Shocking?

Hardly.

I have attended dozens of funerals over the years. I have preached a good number of funeral sermons myself. In every case, the deceased was preached into heaven. No matter how the person lived, no matter what they did, heaven was their final destination.

Baptists are known for believing in what is commonly called “once saved, always saved.”  While I no longer claim to be a professing Christian, I can’t get “unsaved”. Once saved, always saved. (also called eternal security, perseverance of the saints) God has me whether I want him or not.

So, according to the Baptist preacher Bob is safe in the arms of Jesus. Pity all the women he raped, abused and molested over the years. Pity all those he terrorized when he was drunk. The fire insurance Bob bought at age 17 covers everything he would ever do. He received immunity from prosecution for all his debauchery.

It matters not that he never attended Church the past 60 years. He never prayed. Never read the Bible. In fact he cursed God. He hated God. He lived as if there is no God.

But, at age 17…………………..well you get the gist of this by now.

It is time to honest preachers. Hell doesn’t really exist does it? For all your preaching about hellfire and brimstone when it comes to death everyone makes it in.

Anyone who EVER had a momentary religious experience is safe.

Preacher, if you object………….then why not tell the truth about Bob? If your God be true, if your Bible is true, then people like Bob are burning in hell. It seems you can quite easily tell of people going to heaven, why not the opposite?

Personally, I do not believe in hell. If there is any hell at all it is here and now. But, if you claim to believe the Bible is the Word of God then speak like you do. Don’t pollute God’s heaven by sending any more Bob’s there.

The Fundy World Tales Part 2

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This entry is part 2 of 17 in the seriesFundy World Tales

The Trinity Baptist Church years. 1970-74

In the summer of 1970 our family moved from Deshler, Ohio to Findlay, Ohio.

My father sold vacuum cleaners for Kirby. My mother continued to be deeply involved in right-wing politics. She worked as a volunteer for George Wallace. Wallace ran as a Democratic Party candidate for President  in 1972. Our home was broken into, purportedly by someone looking for documents that were damaging to Wallace.  Our own version of Watergate.

In the spring of 1972 my parents were divorced. My mother divorced my father, A short while later my mother married her first cousin, a recent parolee from prison and my father married a 19 yr old girl with a newborn child. My sister and I lived with my father and my brother moved in with my mother.

Our family attended Church three times a week up until the time my parents divorced. When we first moved to Findlay we attended Calvary Baptist Church, a large Church associated with GARBC. (General Association of Regular Baptist Churches) We left this Church a short time later and began attending Trinity Baptist Church. My father said Calvary was the rich Baptist Church and Trinity was the poor Baptist Church. We were definitely poor, so Trinity became our Church home.

Trinity Baptist Church was a new Church that had been started by Gene Milioni in 1952. Milioni a graduate of the first class of Baptist Bible College, Springfield, MO. The Church was an Independent Baptist Church affiliated with the Baptist Bible Fellowship. Milioni would pastor the Church for 50 years, retiring in 2003.

Trinity was a growing Church, typical of Baptist Churches in the 1970’s that were believers in hyper-evangelism and the bus ministry. There were several days, special days, where the attendance exceed 1000.

After we had been at Trinity for awhile the Church added Ron Johnson as assistant pastor and Bruce Turner as youth pastor. Turner would ultimately play an influential part in my life and my call to the ministry.

We attended Church every time the doors were open. I mean EVERY time. Our family attended upwards to 200+ services a year. (Sunday School, Sunday Morning, Sunday Night, Wednesday, Youth Meeting, Youth Rally, Revivals, Bible Conference, Missions Conference)

My father was a deacon in the Church for a time. He quit being a deacon because he couldn’t quit smoking. (or so he said. I wonder…) My father went into business with a man in the Church. They started a hobby store called G and B Trains. The business folded a few years later when my father and his partner got into a dispute over money.

After my parents divorced our family quit attending Church.  I continued to attend Church just as I always had.

In the fall of 1972 I made a public profession of faith in Jesus Christ. At a revival meeting I went forward during the invitation and prayed the sinner’s prayer. I was baptized by immersion the following Sunday. I was 15.

Several weeks later I let the Church know I was being called to preach. Since the age of 5 my desire had been to be a preacher. Now I was on my way.

In the early months of 1973 my father announced we were moving to Tucson, Arizona. We packed up quickly, had an auction, and moved. Later I found out that creditors were after my father. Another few days and we wouldn’t have had a car to move in. They tracked my father down in Arizona and repossessed the car.

I finished high school at Rincon High School in Tucson. In the summer of 1973, homesick for Ohio, I hopped a Greyhound bus back to Ohio.  I lived for a few months with my Mom in Bryan, Ohio before moving down to Findlay.

I moved in with a young family from Trinity Baptist Church. Bob and Bonnie Bolander, along with their two little girls, took me in. They lived in rural Mt Blanchard.  I started my 11th grade school year at Riverdale High School. After a few months thing were not working out. I still wonder to this day what the reasons were. So I moved again back to Findlay,

Bruce Turner, the youth pastor at Trinity, found me a place to live with an older woman in the church, Gladys Canterbury. So that Gladys could get payment for keeping me and I could receive medical care, I was declared a ward of the court. Officially, I was a ward of the court until age 18.

I reenrolled in Findlay High School. I worked at part-time job at Bill Knapp’s restaurant. I rode my bike to school each day, got out of school at 11:30 A.M., went to work, and then rode my bike several miles home each night.

A week before the end of my 11th grade year of school I left Findlay and moved back home with my Mom. When I went to enroll at Bryan High School for my 12th grade year I was informed that Findlay High School denied me credit for the entire 11th grade year. I had missed taking my finals and I would have to retake 11th grade all over again.  I quickly became the angry redhead and informed the world that I was dropping out of school . (in 2004 I took the GED exam. I am now a High School graduate)

In upcoming posts I plan to trace back over my years at Trinity Baptist Church and detail the teachings and practices that played such a prominent part in my training as a Christian.

Stay Tuned.

Women, The Doormat Of The Church

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Many years ago I was watching the Old Time Gospel Hour on TV.  The Old Time Gospel Hour was the flagship program of Thomas Road Baptist Church and Jerry Falwell.

Falwell was preaching about women and the Equal Rights Amendment.

I have never forgotten what Jerry Falwell said:

We don’t believe in equal rights for women. We believe in superior rights for women. We believe in putting women on a pedestal.

I remember thinking, at the time, that makes a lot of sense. The Equal Rights Amendment was viewed as an attempt to blur the lines between the sexes. To make our culture unisex, which was considered by all to be a grievous sin.

The Fundamentalist/Evangelical Christianity of my youth taught me:

  • Women are to submit to men.
  • Women are best suited to be mothers and keepers of the home.
  • Women are emotional whereas men are logical.
  • Women should be discouraged from going to college because this makes it less likely that the woman will be a good mother and a good keeper of the home.
  • If a woman is insistent on going to college she should go to a Christian college. Her choices? Pastor’s wife, single missionary, Christian school teacher.
  • Women are not suited to intellectual endeavors.
  • Women should not be involved in making decisions. The decision maker in the home is the husband. The decision makers in the Church are the men. Government is reserved for men.
  • Women were to give the husband sex whenever he wanted it. If she didn’t put out she was risking her husband having an adulterous affair and it would then be HER fault.

The viewpoints above showed up in sermon after sermon. Is it any wonder so many Fundamentalist/Evangelical marriages are dysfunctional? That women schooled in such an environment have difficultly functioning in the real world?

Even in my own marriage, I was a typical “I am the boss, chief decision-maker, you submit to me” husband. I made ALL the decisions. For twenty years this is how we “did” marriage. Gradually, as I became more liberal in my understanding of life, I realized how hurtful this was to women in general and to my dear wife in particular.

My wife finds it hard to make decisions. She told me one time that  she was “afraid to make decisions because she might might make a wrong decision and then you’ll be mad at me.” I said ‘Yep. That’s the price of admission. Making decisions means you might piss someone off.” I see my wife throwing off the bondage of the past but I wonder if she’ll ever be totally free of teachings of the the past. Submit. Obey. Do what your husband says. He is the head of the home. It is hard to shake such indoctrination.

Is marriage really a partnership when only one partner decides everything? Certainly we each have our strengths, our weaknesses. I am not about to enter my wife’s kitchen. First, we will all starve. Second she is a far better cook than I will ever be in ten lifetimes. I pay the bills. I write the checks. I manage the money.  I am good at it. I am able to analyze numbers on the fly. (it is called Gerencser math in the family) So, I do what I am good at and so does my wife.

Now there is ONE area I refuse to relinquish control.  The remote control!! :) It’s mine. Don’t touch it.

I digress…

How did Jerry Falwell’s superior rights for women work out practically in the Church?

You judge. Does what follows seem so superior to you?

  • Women sang in the choir and did special music numbers
  • Women played musical instruments
  • Women cleaned the church
  • Women worked in the nursery
  • Women taught children in Sunday School and Jr Church
  • Women cooked food for potlucks and Church meals

Looks very similar to what was expected of women at home.

Women were not allowed to be pastors, deacons, elders, teach older children. They were never allowed to teach any group of people that had adult men in it.( thus usurping the authority do men)

Granted, there is great improvement in some sectors of the Christian Church. Women can now be pastors, elders, deacons, worship leaders ,etc. Women teach theology at some Christian colleges. Thanks to feminism women have a lot more opportunities than they did years ago.

But the Church still has a long ways to go.(i.e the Catholic Church is still in the 12th century) Vast swaths of the Fundamentalist/Evangelical Church still practice the repression of women, They sincerely believe they are following the teachings of the Bible when they do so. If God said it…end of discussion. As a result thousands upon thousands of Churches continue to be man only institutions.

One Church I pastored wouldn’t even allow women to speak in a public Church business meeting. If they had a question they were required to whisper  the question to a man and then he would ask the question.

I visited a Mennonite Church years ago where the women sat on one side and the men on the other. Keeping to the mantra that women should never lead, when the Congregation sang the women always started singing a note after the men. (that said, the singing was spectacular)

In the early 1970’s my mother gave me an important lesson in equal rights. She worked as as nurses aide at Winebrenner’s Nursing Home in Findlay Ohio. Female aides were paid less than male aides because the male aides did more of the “heavy” work. Truth was, that both sexes did the “heavy” work.

So my Mom, the crusader that she was, sued Winebrenner’s. It seemed so silly. There was only a bit of change difference in the wages. I was so embarrassed when the lawsuit story hit the front page of the newspaper.

But, she was right. Winebrenner was discriminatory in their treatment of women. My mother filed a federal lawsuit under the provisions of the 1964 Civil Rights Act. (Title 7) The courts agreed and my mother won.

While I was embarrassed at the time (I was 15) I now see how brave my mother was. To stand up for what was right. To dare suggest that women should be treated equally.

We still have a long way to go on the issue of equality. Women are still treated as inferior to men. The glass ceiling exists, regardless of whether or not bigots like Phyllis Schlafly can see it. Yes, things are BETTER but we should not rest until we are a society that is blind to sex, sexuality, race, and religion.

Utopian? Perhaps.

Justice and fairness require that we press forward even when it seems failure is certain. That’s one lesson my Mom taught me that I will never forget.

The Fundy World Tales

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This entry is part 1 of 17 in the seriesFundy World Tales

Setting the Story

My parents were saved (put their faith in Jesus) at the Scott Memorial Baptist Church, San Diego, California (now Shadow Mountain Community Church) in the early 1960’s. The pastor of the church was Tim LaHaye.

Prior to my parent’s salvation experience, our family attended the Lutheran and Episcopalian Church in  Bryan, Ohio. I was baptized as an infant in the Episcopalian Church.

My parents were actively involved in right-wing politics in the 1960’s. My parents were members of the John Birch Society. My mother worked in the Barry Goldwater presidential campaign.

My parent’s right-wing political ideology fit well with the right-wing religious ideology they were immersed in at Scott Memorial Baptist Church.

We moved from California in 1965, returning to Bryan ,Ohio, where our extended family was located. We began attending Fundamentalist Baptist Churches like Eastland Baptist Church and First Baptist Church.

In the late 1960’s, we moved from Bryan, and over the course of the next four or five years we moved several times. While the houses and schools were different, my parents always sought out a Fundamentalist Baptist Church for our family to attend.

In 1970, our family moved to Findlay, Ohio. For a short time our family attended Calvary Baptist Church. (My father called this the rich Baptists church.) Since we were definitely NOT rich Baptists, we left Calvary and began attending Trinity Baptist Church.

Our family attended Trinity Baptist Church for several years until my parents were divorced in 1972. After their divorce, my parents quit attending Church. Both of my parents remarried shortly after their divorce. My father married a 19 year old girl and my mother married her recently paroled first cousin.

I, however, continued to attend Trinity Baptist Church.  My father moved us to Tucson, Arizona in 1973. I returned to Findlay, Ohio in the fall of 1973, and moved in with a family in the Church. I moved back home to Bryan, Ohio in 1974.

I dropped out of High School after my 11th grade year. I moved back to Sierra Vista,Arizona and lived with my father for awhile. I then moved again, back to Bryan, Ohio, and lived with my mother and her third husband. (her second husband killed himself)

No matter where I moved, I found a local Fundamentalist Baptist Church to attend. (Sierra Vista Baptist Church, Tucson Baptist Temple, First Baptist Church)

In the fall of 1976, I moved to Pontiac, Michigan to attend Midwestern Baptist College. At the age of 14, I  had made a public profession of faith in Christ and was baptized. Later that same year I publicly confessed I believed God was calling me into the ministry. Now, at age 19, I was acting on God’s calling.

Midwestern was a fighting-fundamentalist, Sword of the Lord, King James Only, Independent Baptist College.  The college chancellor was Tom Malone. Malone was a graduate of Bob Jones College (now University). He was also pastor of Emmanuel Baptist Church in Pontiac, the Church that the students of the college were required to attend. Emmanuel was considered one of 100 largest Churches in America during the 1970’s.

The theology and methodology that I would use in the ministry over the next 25 years was cultivated at Midwestern.

In 1978, I married my college sweetheart. 8 months later, unemployed and pregnant with our first child, we left Midwestern and returned to Bryan, Ohio.

In upcoming posts I want to write a bit about my years as a pastor. Before I do that I need to back track a bit and write more extensively about the stops along the road of life that had a profound impact on my life.

  • My years at Trinity Baptist Church, Findlay Ohio (1970-74)
  • My years at Midwestern Baptist College, Pontiac Michigan (1976-79)

Sin

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Sin is a fundamental part of the Christian gospel message.

According to the Bible humankind began sinning in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve, the father and mother of the human race were created without sin. God gave them a command, a law. The command was simple….DON’T eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. (Genesis 2:16,17)

Now why did God (or the gods) not want Adam and Eve to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.?

The Bible says in Genesis 3:22:

And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:

By eating of the tree of good and evil Adam and Eve became like the gods. That’s what the Bible says….the man is become as one of us. (plural, don’t read trinitarianism into this verse) Adam and Eve now had knowledge of good and evil. The Lord God (one of a number of gods?) put them out of the garden of Eden. Why? The gods feared that they would eat of the tree of life and live forever. In other words, it was necessary to put them out of the Garden of Eden to keep them from becoming gods.

Quite a story isn’t it?

From the story in Genesis 1-3 comes the Christian teaching on original sin.

Because Adam and Eve sinned (the Bible says sin is transgression of the Law, God’s law) their “sin nature” is passed on to every human being. The Bible is quite clear on this issue. Humans don’t become sinners by a willful act. Instead, they are born sinners. Every human being is born speaking lies, filled with iniquity, and a hater of God.

What is unclear is how this whole sin nature is passed on from human being to human being. Is it genetic? Is it in the “blood” of the male, as some Christians believe. (this explains why Jesus had to be born of a virgin) No one really knows.

Our family is expecting two grandchildren this year. According to the Bible my new grandchildren (and the three others I already have) are vile, wicked, sinful haters of God. Until they are “born again”they are under the control of the Prince of this earth, Satan.

Nice way to start life isn’t it?

What I have stated above is standard Evangelical doctrine. All except the bit about Genesis 3:22. I would love to hear any Christian exegete Genesis 3:22 and explain to me (or explain away) what this verse clearly teaches.

Anyway, back to  the issue of sin.

The Bible says sin is transgression of the law.

Christians fight amongst themselves continually about the word law.

What does the word law mean? The ten commandments? Well actually nine commandments because Evangelicals are not Sabbath keepers. Maybe they are even eight commandment believers. Evangelicals seem to make an awful lot of graven images.

Of course, the Ten, nine, eight commandments are not enough to live by. Think of all the things that they don’t cover. Think of all the sins preachers preach against that are not addressed by the ten commandments.

Besides, Christians have to decide which set of ten commandments to go with. The Lord God gave two sets of them and they differ with one another.

Some  Christians say the Law is the Bible in its entirety. Every thing God commands we are to obey, the gluttonous Baptist preacher bellows. But he doesn’t really believe that.

The truth is most Christians pick and choose from the Bible what laws they want to keep, what laws they think are the “important” ones.

Evangelicals scream about the evil of homosexuality. They quote Romans 1. Homosexuals are reprobates. I am not sure how a sinner can be any worse than a vile, wicked person with a deceitful heart that hates God. Maybe  being a reprobate is a sinner on steroids. Seriously, the reprobate is beyond God’s grace. In God’s eyes they are already in hell. He is just waiting until they die. (which is interesting because God holds the keys to life and death. Why doesn’t God kill all the reprobates on the spot?)

Why do street preachers go to Gay Pride rallies and preach at the homosexuals? I used the word at on purpose.  The homosexual is beyond God’s grace according to Romans1. The reprobate has a heart that can not receive the grace of God.

Back to my point. The Evangelical brashly proclaims that homosexuality is a sin. When pressed for what this means….many Evangelicals stumble and fumble around. What is it that makes a person heterosexual? They have sex with the opposite sex. Fornication is the sin of having sex before you are married. (I am being general here. I know there are many shades and crooks and crannies to the whole matter of fornication) Adultery is the sin of having sex with someone who is not your spouse. It is the sexual act that makes a person a fornicator or an adulterer.

A homosexual is a person who has sex with the same sex. The sin of homosexuality is when two people of the same sex engage in sexual activity.But what about a person who is a homosexual and they don’t engage in sex? Maybe they just masturbate on occasion like most every man in the universe. Are they still a reprobate?  Does orientation alone make you a reprobate?

Back to my point. The Evangelical says the Bible says homosexuality is a sin. Since most homosexuals will indeed have sex they have broken God’s law.

Well…………let’s get serious about this God’s law thing.

Let’s stone to death all homosexuals. And adulterers. And fornicators. And rebellious children. And people who worship other Gods. Maybe the radical Muslims really are the TRUE  people of God.

If Evangelical Christians really believe the Bible is the law of God then it is high time we start stoning the people mentioned above.

Well ,uh,I, uh, don’t believe that. What do you mean you don’t believe that? I thought the Bible was God’s law. I thought the Bible was God’s roadmap for life? I thought the Bible was God’s divine rulebook?

As I stated earlier  most Evangelical Christians pick and choose from the Bible what laws they want to keep, what laws they think are the “important” ones.

In other words Evangelical Christians are hypocrites. They turn the Bible into a lie because they ignore the parts that are inconvenient or contrary to what they want to believe.

The Bible, especially the old testament, paints God as a wrathful, angry being that hates sin. In fact, he even hates the people who sin. God has no time for the Evangelical feel-good of “hate the sin but love the sinner.” Oh no, the real God hates sinners. Yet, at the same time the Bible says God loves sinners. Hmm……God needs to see my counselor.

Most Evangelicals have a sin list. It is the the things they consider sin,. Usually their sin list is an admixture of Bible, personal convictions and politics.  Yes, politics. How many times have I heard a blowhard preacher say socialism is a sin against God. Really? Chapter and verse preacher man. Keep looking……you’ll find it. After all, you can always makes the Bible say anything you want it to.

Until Evangelical Christians get their “what is sin” house in order we have no reason to listen to them when they pontificate about their pet sins. (which as Ted Haggard proved seems to be sins they like too)

Personal experience and observation has made it very clear to me that most Evangelical Christians don’t really believe the Bible. Oh, they talk about it being the inerrant, infallible, inspired Word of God BUT they pick and choose what they want to believe and practice. I have come to the conclusion that most people, to some degree or another have made a god to worship that is in their own image. They then choose what Bible rules fit their god.

I recently was involved in a discussion about a Sam Harris (an atheist) quote posted on Facebook by a friend of mine. (this friend is not an atheist)

Harris wrote:

….even if we knew that one of our religions were perfectly true, even if we knew this was God’s multiple-choice exam… even if we knew one was *perfect*, given the bewildering profusion of doctrines on offer and given their mutual incompatibility, every believer should expect damnation purely as a matter of probability.

Harris raises the issues of the bewildering profusion of doctrines in religion. (for the sake of this post, Christianity) The fact is there are as many Christianities as there are Christians. No two Christians agree on what sin is. No two Christians can agree on what God’s law actually is.

When Evangelical Christians start to truly believe ALL of the Bible then I might take their moral and ethical  pronouncements seriously. Of course I know this will never happen. It is IMPOSSIBLE to live by the Law of God. Right on Brother Bruce. That’s why God gave us grace. Jesus became our” we can still sin and it is covered” card. Grace covers it all.

While writing this post on sin I have sinned.

I am listening to classic 70’s rock via Pandora on my Squeezebox Boom. (please no Momma’s got a squeezebox and Daddy never sleeps at night jokes) :)

Every preacher I heard as a youth said that rock music is an abomination straight from the pit of hell. Playing songs backwards was even worse. Did you know that playing the Mr. Ed theme song backwards was a sin?

Sin. Sin. Sin.

Everyone has their own list of sins.

I do too.

It is wrong to roast children over an open fire and eat them.

Can all agree this is a bad idea even if God roasted quite a few people in the Bible?

Dear Friend

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This entry is part 2 of 6 in the seriesLetters

Dear Friend,

You got my letter.

I am certain that my letter troubled you and caused you to wonder what in the world was going on with Bruce.

You have been my friend since 1983. When I met you for the first time I was a young man pastoring a new Church in Somerset, Ohio. I remember you and your dear wife vividly because you put a 100.00 bill in the offering plate. Up to that point we had never seen a 100.00 bill in the offering plate.

And so our friendship began. You helped us buy our first Church bus. You helped us buy our Church building. In later years you gave my wife and I a generous gift to buy a mobile home. It was old, but we were grateful to have our own place to live in. You were a good friend.

Yet, our common bond was the Christianity we both held dear. I doubt you would have done any of the above for the local Methodist minister, whom we both thought was an apostate.

I baptized you and was privileged to be your pastor on and off over my 11 years in Somerset. You left several times because our doctrinal beliefs conflicted, you being an Arminian and I being a Calvinist.

One day you came to place where you believed God was leading you to abandon your life work, farming, and enter the ministry. I was thrilled for you. I also said to myself, “now _____________can really  see what the ministry is all about!”

So you entered the ministry and you are now a pastor of a thriving fundamentalist Church. I am  quite glad you found your place in life and are endeavoring to do what you believe is right. Of course, I would think the same of you if you were still farming.
You have often told me that much of what you know about the ministry I taught you. I suppose, to some degree or another, I must take credit for what you have become. (whether I view it as good or bad)

Yesterday you got into your Lincoln and drove three plus hours to see me. I wish you had called first. I had made up my mind to make up some excuse why I couldn’t see you, but since you came unannounced I had  no other option but to open and the door and warmly welcome you. Just like always…..

I have never wanted to hurt you or cause you to lose your faith. I would rather you not know the truth about me than to hurt you in anyway.

But your visit forced the issue. I had no choice.

Why did you come to my home? I know you came as my friend but it seemed by the time our three hour discussion ended our friendship had died and I was someone you needed to pray for, that I might be saved. After all, in your Arminian theology there can be no question that, a person with beliefs such as mine, has fallen from grace.

Do you know what troubled me the most? You didn’t shake my hand as you left. For 26 years we have shook hands as we came and went. The significance of this is overwhelming. You can no longer give me the right hand of fellowship because we no longer have a common Christian faith.

Over the course of three hours you constantly reminded me of the what I used to preach, what I used to believe. I must tell you forthrightly that, that  Bruce is dead. He no longer exists, but in the memory of a distant past. Whatever good may have been done I am grateful, but I bear the scars and memories of much evil done in the name of Jesus. Whatever my intentions, I must bear responsibility for what I did through my  preaching, ministry style, etc.

You seem to think that if I just got back in the ministry everything would be fine. Evidently, I can not make you understand that the ministry is the problem. Even if I had any desire to re-enter the ministry, where would I go? What sect would take someone with such beliefs as mine?  I ask you to come to terms with the fact that I will never be a pastor again. Does not the Bible teach that if a man desires the office of a bishop (pastor) he desires a good work? I have no desire for such an office. Whatever desire I had died in the rubble of my 25 plus year ministry.

We talked about many things didn’t we? But I wonder if you really heard me?
I told you my view on abortion, Barack Obama, the Bible, and the exclusivity of salvation in Jesus Christ.

You told me that a Christian couldn’t hold such views. According to your worldview that is indeed true. I have stopped using the Christian label. I am content to be a seeker of truth, a man on a quest for answers. I now know I never will have all the answers. I am now content to live in the shadows of ambiguity and the unknown.
What I do know tells me life does not begin at conception, that Barack Obama is a far better President than George Bush , that the Bible is not inerrant or inspired, and that Jesus is not the only way to Heaven. (if there is a Heaven at all)

This does not mean that I deny the historicity of Jesus or that I believe there is no God. I am an agnostic. While I reject the God of my past it remains uncertain that I will reject God altogether. Perhaps……..

In recent years you have told me that my incessant reading of books is the foundation of the problems I now face. Yes, I read a lot. Reading is a joy I revel in.  I read quickly and I usually comprehend things quite easily. (though I am finding Science to be a much bigger challenge) Far from being the cause of my demise, books have opened up a world to me that I never knew existed. Reading has allowed me to see life in all its shades and complexities. I can no more stop reading than I can stop eating. The passion for knowledge and truth remain strong in my being. In fact it is stronger now than it ever was in my days at Somerset Baptist Church.

I was also troubled by your suggestion that I not share my beliefs with anyone. You told me my beliefs could cause others to lose their faith! Is the Christian faith so tenuous that one man can cause others to lose their faith. Surely, the Holy Spirit is far more powerful than Bruce. (even if I am Bruce Almighty)

I am aware of the fact that my apostasy has troubled some people. If Bruce can walk away from the faith……….how can any of us stand? I have no answer for this line of thinking. I am but one man……….shall I live in denial of what I believe? Shall I say nothing when I am asked of the hope that lies within me? Christians are implored to share their faith at all times. Are agnostics and atheists not allowed to have the same freedom?

I suspect the time has come that we part as friends. The glue that held us together is gone. We no longer have a common foundation for a mutual relationship. I can accept you as you are,  but I know you can’t do the same for me. I MUST be reclaimed. I must be prayed for. The bloodhound of heaven must be unleashed on my soul.

Knowing all this, it is better for us to part company.  I have many fond memories of the years we spent together. Let’s mutually remember the good times of the past and each continue down the path we have chosen.

Rarer, than a Ivory-billed woodpecker is a friendship that lasts a lifetime. 26 years is a good run.

Thanks for the memories.

Bruce

*This letter was written to Bill Beard, pastor of Lighthouse Memorial Church in Millersport, Buckeye Lake, Ohio

Living In Denial

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Christianity teaches self-denial.

Self is the problem. The flesh wars against the spirit.

The spirit wars against the flesh.

Far too many Christians live lives filled with guilt.

Guilt over giving in to the flesh.

Guilt over letting self have control.

It goes something life this…

Anger is bad. Anger is a sin.

Yet, anger is a common, normal human emotion.

In fact a person who doesn’t get angry has either taken too much Zoloft or there is something seriously wrong.

Anger is a good thing.

Yet, how often people become angry with themselves because they are angry.

Thus they are angry about being angry.

Is it any wonder that many Christians live such conflicted lives? They are caught in an impossible conundrum.

Let me pose a question to my readers.

What if it all is a lie?

What if the very premise of self-denial is a lie?

What if envy, pride, lust, greed, anger,etc are a normal part of the human experience?

Perhaps self-denial is the problem rather than the solution.

The flesh, who you really are, is not evil.

Stop to think for a moment…Christians profess to believe that God created humanity. (or at least the first two human beings)

God gave to humankind emotions. Evidently God thought emotions were a good, even necessary part of being human.

Christianity comes along and says that how God created humans was in some way defective.

Deny who you are are. Repress who you are. Live in denial of your emotions.

Of course this is an impossible way to live.

Countless hours are spent in therapy trying to undo such thinking.

I have come to see that self-denial, at its basic level, is a lie. I can no more deny the emotions of self than I can survive without food and water.

Certainly emotions can run wild. There is always the danger of extreme and excess.

But denial is not the answer. It leads to a schizophrenic living of life.

I have lived most of my life suppressing who I really I am.

Few people know the real me.

The man they know is not who I really am. They only know the caricature. They know the facade. Perception is reality.

As I attempt to find the real me there is some ugliness.

A life of repressed emotions, a life of self control, once freed from the constraints of Christianity tends to be like a wild horse freed from a stock pen.

Imagine living your life denying the very essence of who you are.

Imagine living a life of guilt over being human.

I have come to see that I believed a lie.

A well-intentioned lie? Perhaps.

Perhaps you are saying to yourself…I could never let my emotions have free reign.

If I allowed my emotions to control me I would certainly do terrible things.

Are you sure?

Or is that what you have been told?

The slippery slope…if you look at a nice looking woman and say nice ass…you will become a child molester. If you allow yourself to be angry you will someday be a murderer.

Extreme? Sure. But, the slippery slope is fundamental to the Christian teaching of self-denial.

If you give into the flesh you are setting in motion things that will lead to disaster in your life. It is the same logic that suggests watching violence on TV makes a person violent.

Most men look at porn without becoming sexual deviants. That a few men who look at porn become child molesters and rapists only proves that  a few men who look at porn become child molesters and rapists.

Vast numbers of Evangelical Christians believe that drinking alcohol is a sin. One drink and you might become an alcoholic. The slippery slope.

So what’s the answer?

For many Christians the answer is to become reconnected with their humanity. Allow yourself to become reconnected with your emotions.

I am no longer a professing, practicing Christian.

Rediscovering who I am has been an exciting, frightful, contradictory journey.

I am starting to feel again.