No matter what direction I go or don’t go life continues to saunter right along.
Full of Joy.
No matter how I feel or don’t feel life refuses to stop for me, for anyone.
It seems like yesterday…
but I know its not.
Youth has become a distant memory and middle age is in the rearview mirror.
The clock clicks off second after second bur it seems that there are extra clicks in between.
The phone rang tonight.
A welcome voice of one I have known for a lifetime.
I say all the right words.
Yet, I know that life is ugly and full of travail and pain.
No matter what the smiling snake oil preachers or new age guru’s tell me…
life is a rough road for one and all.
If through the twist of fate I reach the golden years, or so they are called anyway…
how will it end for me?
Does it end well for anyone?
Is there such a thing as a good death?
Dead seems dead and who would ever want to choose dead.
As I lay in bed at night I feel my heart beating.
You know your heart is enlarged.
But it always has been.
I listen to my breathing.
It seems shallow.
It seems more labored than before.
I turn in the darkness to look at the one I love.
I wonder what she thinks?
I wonder how she feels?
We have spent our entire adult life together.
Our love has endured.
We have endured.
Perhaps she is what makes life worth living.
Perhaps she will be what gives me the strength on that last day to smile
it’s been good.