Written by David Hayward, the Naked Pastor
I am a pastor who left the ministry. It was one of the most difficult decisions and transitions I ever made. It’s not just a matter of changing one’s career. It is much more complex than that.
Here’s why:
money: Like any other career change, it is very frightening to let your salary go. Even if it might be an insufficient one, it is still difficult to let go of your guaranteed income. Most pastors have no idea how they will provide support for themselves and their families if they leave.
family: Especially if your family is Christian, they had so much pride in the fact that you were “serving the Lord“. Pastors will anticipate a great deal of disappointment from their families when they walk away from this very special calling that so many people took such delight in.
self: When pastors get ordained, they, like me, vow that they will never, ever give up. They swear that they will serve the Lord and the church until death. To even think about surrendering this induces an incredible amount of personal shame.
theology: I always took great comfort from scriptures such as, “Run the race. Fight the good fight.” These passages helped me in the worst of times to persevere. To quit the ministry evokes enormous feelings of spiritual failure.
vocation: Almost all the pastors I have known are very specially trained. They have focused their whole lives and educations on theology and ministry to others. It is feared that to walk away from the only job that employs these skills is to expose oneself to a completely unmarketable and unemployable position. Usually it requires retraining, which in itself is too daunting to face.
congregation: To leave the ministry is to walk away from the congregation that the pastor has served. It can feel like abandoning your family. In fact, some might accuse the pastor of being a false shepherd who abandons the sheep. To anticipate this painful separation is excruciating.
enemies: Those who have questioned, ridiculed or even opposed the pastor’s ministry will suddenly have all the ammunition they need to say, “I told you so!” I’ve heard many times that leaving the ministry was proof that I shouldn’t have been a pastor to begin with. It feels like throwing in the towel, and there are people who love to cheer that demonstration of surrender.
meaning: To leave most jobs doesn’t bear the weightiness that leaving the ministry does. Leaving the ministry carries an existential significance that shoots a resigning pastor into the darkest of nights because, as most pastors sense, their job wasn’t just a job, but an extension of their spiritual selves. Ministry is the expression of their convictions, and to leave the job appears to be the desertion of these core convictions.
waste: All pastors are taught and believe that they are planting seeds. They toil year after year with faith that one day their labor will bear fruit. To consider leaving the ministry is to consider relinquishing the garden and to leave it untended or under the care of another who doesn’t share the same commitments. All that work is gone to waste without any chance of sharing in the harvest, if it ever comes.
friends: When pastors leave the ministry, they leave friends. For one, they are walking away from their peers in ministry. They are quitting that team. But they are also walking away from people they’ve served through their births, baptisms, marriages, divorces, deaths, tragedies and spiritual pilgrimages. They are saying farewell to people they have loved in very significant ways, intuitively knowing that walking away from the community network will also endanger their chances of that ever happening again.
If you are a pastor, perhaps you can think of another reason why quitting the ministry is very difficult. I would appreciate your comments… anonymously if necessary.
This is a wonderful piece, and I’ll definitely respond to it as a former missionary who resigned, but it isn’t really functional as a rhetorical piece until we know WHY you resigned.
Hi Rand. For those who want a little background, I did a talk at a University recently where I told my story. It’s an hour, but if you have the time and are interested: http://youtu.be/BlITkaYarV4
Thanks so much, I enjoyed your talk very much. I’m originally from Newfoundland, so we’re almost neighbo(u)rs! I think so many of us struggle with these problems of institutions. Sting has a great line in a song about the death of his father: “Men go crazy in congregations, they only get better one by one.” But too, there’s William Blake and Bach and Mozart; the holocaust. So how to live?! I have no idea.
Very moving, profound and true.
I have 1 to add: not believing any of the nonsense anymore.
On first reading, I thought this came from you, Bruce. Then went to the website and learned more about the guy who wrote it. Left him a comment.
The more I consider religions the more amazed I am at how huge they are… how they are an actual entity. And it scares me if I allow it to.
To the point. Nicely said. Interestingly enough, a number of those reasons are the same ones that made it hard for me to leave the faith. After I had left, the same reasons made it difficult to tell my extended family.
My gosh, it must be almost insurmountable for some preachers and pastors and priests to leave Christianity and move on. If you think it was hard for a lot of “regular” Christians who don’t actually make their living at leading the faithful, it must be 4 times harder for the leaders.
One guy has lived on his wife’s paycheck for years so that he could serve the Lord. He always says “She makes the bacon, I make the bacon bits.” What happens to the family dynamics if he says he doesn’t believe anymore. She may be ticked off about all her sacrifices. She may not want to leave the church. His kids may also be pissed off for all they missed out on or believe so much they won’t talk to the guy anymore. Who knows? It would be rough on all involved, I would think,
All this moving on from Christianity and then being absolutely broke from giving all for the Lord would be tough too. I wish all the non-believing clergy well and hope they figure out their next move. I can’t really blame them for staying church leaders. They would be letting down a whole bunch of believers, some of whom are nice people. They would be facing scorn from a lot of Christians. They would be losing their paycheck. Wow!
I think I found a new blog to follow…