Warning! Adult language. Do not read if you are easily offended. (stop scrolling so fast it is not that racy)
Female, Male, Hermaphrodite
Homosexual,Heterosexual, Bisexual, Asexual
Pornography, Prostitution
Adultery, Fornication
Masturbation, Anal sex, Oral Sex
Marriage,Same Sex Marriage, Divorce, Living Together, Hooking Up, Friends with Benefits
Age of Consent, Marriageable Age, Birth Control, Abortion
These are but a few terms and issues associated with discussions about gender, sex, and sexuality.
When these things are discussed, debated, and argued about each of us bring our own baggage to the discussion. Our religious, political, cultural beliefs and experiences often color our ability to have a rational discussion about these things. The things we have experienced in the past and the things people close to us have experienced often affects how we view issues like gender, sex, and sexuality.
These issues are hot-button issues and, far too often, discussions about them quickly devolve into posturing, drawing lines, and name calling.
Words like misogynist, sexist, homophobic, womanizer, abuser, user, and pervert are bandied about carelessly with little or no regard to the harm these words can cause. Granted, there are times that these labels are warranted, but sometimes we are too quick to attach derogatory labels to people without trying to understand where they are coming from.
Take Prostitution. I support the legalization of prostitution. What two (or more) consenting adults do sexually to or with each other is of no concern to me. I support health and licensing requirements but beyond that I consider prostitution to be a victimless crime.
When I write about my view on prostitution, I am often told that I am supporting the objectification of women and that I am supporting actions that demean and debase women.
No, what I am supporting is the right for adults to sexually do what they want without the religious beliefs or social conventions of others getting in the way. Often objectification is in the eye of the beholder. For example, many employers objectify their employees, treating them as a means to an end.
Take the issue of marriage. Again, I am indifferent to many of the objections people have when it comes to marriage. I am of the opinion that people should be treated equally under the law and matters beyond that are not anyone’s business.
Marriage is a contract and every party is free to determine the terms of the contract. Is it wrong for a married man to have sex outside of marriage? It depends on the terms of the contract he has with his wife. I know of several marriages where the woman is quite happy if the man has a mistress or frequents prostitutes.They have no interest in sex and their reasons for marrying were financial stability and companionship.
We need to remember that gender, sex, and sexuality are complex issues, complicated by the baggage we bring to the discussion. If we remember this, hopefully we will not be so quick to lambast those who have a different view than we do. We must also make sure we do not confuse a differing view on sex and sexuality with a person’s morality. My support of prostitution does not mean I use the services of a prostitute. It does mean, I make no moral judgment about people who do, and I most certainly do not make any moral judgment about a man or woman who decides to earn a living providing sexual services.
We all need to carefully think about these issues. Sadly, too many people let the TV do their thinking for them. Again, take prostitution. Most people have never sought out the services of a prostitute and most people don’t know anyone who is a prostitute. Unless they carefully think about and research this issue they will likely have a distorted view.
How does TV portray prostitution? Either they show the prostitute as a drop-dead gorgeous woman making 5,000 a night or a teeth falling out meth head who will screw anyone for 20 bucks. While both of these portrayals are true, they are the exception to the rule. Contrary to how the TV portrays them, most prostitutes do not have a black pimp with a gold tooth that beats them for not turning enough tricks. Does this happen? Yes, and it is regrettable, but we must not assume this is how it is for all prostitutes. (especially in countries and localities where prostitution is legalized)
The truth is most people become prostitutes for the money. In many ways we all are prostitutes. We go to work every day…why? For the money. Like with most things in life, it is all about the money.
I look forward to your comments.
Interesting topic Bruce. I went for a ride-along with a friend of mine that is a police officer. Most of the women she encounters are addicted to drugs and receive drugs as payment. Drug addiction is the culprit. It’s sad really. I believe if it were legal, it may solve some of the problems. Indeed, everyone brings their own world view to these issues.
There are certainly societal issues that must be addressed. Legalizing both prostitution and drugs would be one way to to lessen the violence and abuse. What stands in the way? Religion.
Well, I could deal with it being legal, but it would have to be regulated. I also worry that it would be yet another plague in poor neighborhoods. Does anyone believe that affluent neighborhoods would have hookers hanging out on the streets while johns cruised? I think not. I guess I’m against “street walking” types of prostitution. I also do fear the idea that women could be denied things like unemployment insurance or other aid if they refused to take jobs in prostitution.
Other than those things, I really don’t have any problems with the concept. A “call girl” who advertises and keeps a client list? As you said, who’s it hurting?
I think you to regulate it like they do in some European countries and in Nevada. There will always be the free-lancer but licensing and regulating would eliminate a lot of the problems associated with prostitution.
Here are two links presenting an alternate viewpoint concerning the harm of prostitution.
http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/mhvlegal.htm
http://crime.about.com/od/prostitution/a/prostitution.htm
People do not have to be Christian believers to make sound moral and ethical judgements.
Both pornography and prostitution indeed objectify, demean and debase women.
Bruce, would you want your wife or daughter to seek employment in the sex industry?
That being said I would support the legalization of certain types of drugs, and prostitution. We cannot legislate morality. However, I think we need to work toward a society where women are not viewed as sexual commodities and people receive help for drug addiction. Harmful drug use should be discouraged.
It is our business if people bring harm to themselves. This certainly impacts the culture as a whole, and affects all of us in one way or another.
in your opinion.
So you want to make things legal that objectify (in your opinion) women?
My wife and daughter are free to choose their own path in life. In the case of my wife she made a commitment to me, and I to her, to be monogamous.
Your fundamentalism is leaking out, Grace. You have a moral standard and you think everyone else should conform to that standard. You use the “cover” of protecting people from harming themselves but the real issue is your own personal moral beliefs. (which are fine) I just ate a King Size candy bar. I did “harm” to myself. Should the government regulate candy bar eating?
True freedom means a person is free to use or misuse their body as they wish. As long as they are not harming others, it is none of our business what they do.
Well, you’ve brought up another issue. I’m mostly libertarian, Bruce, in my political views. I support less government regulation and interference all around in most issues anyway.
I think people certainly should be legally free to misuse their bodies. It is just not something that government can and should regulate.
But, I would disagree with you that it is absolutely none of our business as a society, or on an individual level.
The truth of the matter is that when people harm themselves others are going to be impacted as well. We should all care.
To answer the question, about the candy bar eating. I am about to become “preachy and interfering.” (You opened the door.) After this comment, I will head to the hills for awhile, and keep my head down.
Bruce, you are not taking care of yourself physically. I can see this from your picture, of course. Eating a mostly whole foods plant based diet, and dropping all the weight would go a long way toward resolving these issues with diabetes, and high blood pressure. Your breathing would not be labored at night, Bruce.
Think of your family, if not just yourself. They need you. There is no reason for you not to live a long time. Right now you are not heading down a good road in that direction.
Anyway, don’t you want to live a long life, to continue to give those Christians “holy hell,” to be the” thorn in our side?” Think of all the sermons that will be preached if you drop dead from a heart attack or stroke. ( This is certainly the path that you are on right now.) Those fundamentalists will all be vindicated.
Respectfully and very sincerely, that “preachy”,
Rebecca.
P.S. Watch “Forks Over Knives.”
It’s on Netflix.
Respectfully and sincerely, my ass.
You got all this from a picture and me eating a King Size candy bar? Amazing.
You have no idea “how” I eat. (mostly vegetarian BTW)
You have no idea whether or not I am taking care of myself physically.
You “assume” my breathing is labored at night. All fat people has labored breathing, yes?
You assume that my high blood pressure would go away if I lost weight. You might be interested to know I have had high blood pressure since my early 20′s back when I was slim-trim and played competitive sports.
And on diabetes? It is the only god damn thing you are right about.
I do hope I live as long as you Grace so I can tell you what a load of horse shit all this was.
I have doctors and I don’t need you playing one.
Forks over Knives? Watched it when it first came out.
In this comment you show your true self. You show a complete lack of understanding and “think” by brutalizing me with your words you are helping me.
Now go away Grace. I let you comment for the sake of others but I have had enough. Like I said in my latest post, I get to decide who I associate with and this includes my blog.
Bruce
Ok, but is it so difficult to think that a Christian believer could genuinely care, and underneath it all, see a deeply compassionate and fine person in who you are?
BP is not just about weight, but is also a marker for general cardio-vascular health. It’s all the more concerning if this has been a problem since your youth. There was poignant sharing in another post concerning your health worries and labored breathing. How can there not be concern?
You are an exceedingly stubborn man, Bruce. My prayer is that it will not lead to your untimely death.
I will go away. Hope also that you live a very long time, and when we are both in our eighties and nineties (I am just about your age exactly) you will e-mail me and say, “There, you were full of horse-shit. So, take that.”
Sincerely,
Rebecca.
Sorry Grace, but what is I see is subtle emotional manipulation. This is not our first rodeo. I have borne the brunt of your passive-aggressive approach many times and it always ends the same way.
I am an easy going guy and it takes a lot to upset or offend me. You are on the short list of a handful of people who have the ability to upset and offend me. Maybe it is me, I don’t know, but one thing is for certain, you commenting on my blog is not emotionally or mentally good for me.
This is all I plan to say. Of course, this is what I told you every other time we came to this place.
Bruce
Wow. Not completely sure what to make of this post.
To my knowledge, I personally do not know any prostitutes. What I do know about SOME prostitutes are that they are addicted to drugs, some start in the profession early in life due to being a runaway or victim of child sex abuse. Any type of legalization would have to ensure that the workers were of age, and not victims of previous abuse. Or at the very least, offer services to help them if they need it (drug addiction, counseling for tramau, or even help getting a GED for runaways).
To my knowledge I do not know anyone who buys services from prostitutes. I have no idea why they would.
With that being said, I would agree that what two consenting adults do should not be illegal. What is the difference of having sex for money vs those who marry for money?
“Pornography, Prostitution, Fornication,
Masturbation, Anal sex, Oral sex, Hooking Up, Friends with Benefits”
Sounds awesome, bro! Count me in!! (As
the song goes, “these are a few of my favorite things…”)
Where the hell are the meth head teeth falling out ones who will screw anyone for 20 bucks???
Seek and Ye shall find.
Hi Bruce,
I have lived in Nevada for many years now. Legalized prostitution has not and will not solve the problem of street walkers. The brothels charge literally hundreds of dollars for their services. I knew an ex-prostitute and she got $20 for what she did in the front seat of a car. To this day I am thinking REALLY? $20. Good golly. That is just an incredibly small sum of money, don’t you think? I guess it is enough to buy some drugs with.
She also worked at the legal brothels for a time, apparently. I guess it was pretty awful since you have to take on any guy that wants you no matter what weight or disability. I won’t tell you any gross stories but YUCK!
They do test for sexually transmitted diseases at the brothels but the ones near here have been and probably still are run by the Hell’s Angels Biker Club. A fairly scary group of guys and there are rumors of county corruption but I don’t know that for a fact:)
Brothels are not allowed in populated counties so Las Vegas and Reno both have no legalized prostitution.
This is an interesting topic. I don’t see how we can tell people they can’t take money for providing sex but we don’t care if they give it away for a few drinks and dinner:)
I’m not quite sure I agree that legalizing prostitution would be a good thing. But my reservations aside, I know the professions we frown on often can only employ the dregs of society, the kind of person who is constitutionally prone to defying societal conventions in other ways. So just the fact that prostitutes are sometimes not exactly the cream of the human crop doesn’t necessarily suggest that prostitution, per se, turns good people into bad people. It our culture smiled on it–or at least didn’t frown so hard–it might attract a better class of, uh, hired help.
Make it legal and give them licenses! Organize workshops,on STDs, and use of condoms. Give them access to contraceptives and educate them on how to use it. Above all accept them as a part of society and don’t ostracize them.
Those who decide to be a sex worker for the money get eaten by the profession – at least that is what I observed in my brief foray into ‘that’ world. Those folks who are a sex professional because they enjoy what they do continue in the business for a very long time because they love what they do.
While “in the business” I found I did more counseling than actual fornicating; more talking about how a person was doing in their real life than discovering what they needed to get off. There were those who only wanted a quick orgasm and because of them I admit the business changed me as there are some actions I used to do before without a thought and now I expect payment of some sort which is totally unrealistic in a relationship. After much thought I got out because I learned I was not a sex worker for the correct reasons.
The picture of a meth addict searching for their next score is used widely in the media. That picture is then reinforced by the cultural view in the USA that indulging in sex is sinful and should be punishable with a horrible life. The hypocrisy is astounding. If humans were more open about their body’s needs and communicating those needs with the involved partners I believe the subject of prostitution would be moot.
Maybe in the next epoch humans will get over themselves. Maybe.
Good topic Bruce, Thank you for posting it.
Great post, Bruce.
There is a great book on sexuality and civilization over time that shows that our relationship between sex and society has always been messed up and for the most part religion has been the main reason. Check out “Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire” by Eric Berkowitz. He looks at laws, governments and the various things that some countries tolerated and things that the law came down on. He has long sections on the places that tolerated prostitution and areas and times where it was hunted. He has a long section on the witch hunts as well as the long way on gays.
And for the most part it is religion that is the driving force behind the enforcement of laws restricting and controlling sexuality. He even talks about the rules for when married couples could have sex.