Monthly Archives: August 2012

Abortion Facts, Lies, and Contradictions

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Here are the FACTS about abortion:

Very few abortions occur at full-term. 88% of all abortions occur in the first trimester, with 61.8% occurring in the first nine weeks. 98.5% of abortions take place before viability. Late term abortions, after twenty weeks, are 1.5% of of all abortions (about 12,000 abortions)

Out of 1.2 million annual abortions, 12,000 are after 20 weeks. Most of these abortion are medically necessary due to health concerns of the mother, the fetus, or both.

These FACTS can be found at the Guttmacher Institute.

I realize that almost half of Americans are pro-Life, or at least when polled say they are pro-life. I am not at all convinced that as many people are pro-life as the polls suggest.

I wonder what how pro-lifers would respond to polling questions like this?

  • Your eleven year old daughter is raped by a serial rapist and she became pregnant. Would you support your daughter having an abortion?

  • Your wife is raped by an AID’s infected man. Her rape was a Todd Akin “legitimate” rape and she became pregnant. Would you support your wife having an abortion?

  • Your wife is pregnant with a fetus that tests show will be born without a brain. Would you support your wife having an abortion?

  • Your wife is in danger of losing her life if her fetus is carried to term. The doctor says unless an abortion is performed she will die. Would you support your wife having an abortion?

When faced with reality rather than political talking points I wonder how many people would actually stand by their no-exceptions anti-abortion stance?

Of course, many so-called pro-lifers say they support exemptions for rape, incest, and if the life of the mother is at stake. However, these exceptions are antithetical to the pro-life view. If life begins the moment the egg and sperm unite, then any abortion is the killing of a human life. It is inconsistent and hypocritical to call yourself pro-life and then turn right around and say, in some circumstances, it is permissible to kill the fetus.

Two years ago I wrote:

According to anti-abortionists life begins at conception. At the very moment the sperm and egg unite a new life is created. Anti-abortionists are intractable when it comes to their position. Life begins at conception…end of debate.

Let me tell you a story……

This story takes place at the We Make Life Possible Fertility Clinic.

Sue gave birth to a beautiful baby girl through in vitro fertilization. Her baby girl is 1 month old . Sue stopped by the Fertility Clinic to show off her newborn to the Clinic staff.

While Sue was at the clinic a huge explosion rocked the place and the Clinic was engulfed in flames.

John, a pro-life activist, happened to be passing by the clinic when the explosion took place. John went running into the clinic hoping to perhaps save someone from the fire.

John had been to the We Make Possible Life Fertility Clinicbefore. His wife Mary had problems conceiving and the Clinic was able to help them conceive. Unfortunately, Mary miscarried a few months into the pregnancy.

John knew that the Clinic stores hundreds of fertilized eggs (embryos) in a freezer. As he entered the Clinic is saw Sue and her daughter huddled in a corner trying to get away from the fire. John thought “Surely I should save these two.”

But then John thought for a moment, and he realized that the fire was going to destroy all the frozen embryos. He told Sue and her baby sorryand rushed to the freezer where the frozen embryos were stored.

Through John’s heroic efforts hundreds of frozen embryos were saved,

Sadly, Mary and her newborn daughter died in the blaze.

Who among us would fault John? After all, he acted according to the greater good. Who wouldn’t save 200 lives at the expense of 2 lives.

The above story follows the logic of the life begins at conception viewpoint. There is no difference between 200 embryos and Sue and her baby. Life is life. It makes perfect sense for John to save the frozen embryos rather than Sue and her baby. Surely John would be praised for saving the 200 embryos. If the clinic is unable to reopen perhaps the frozen embryos can be put up for adoption. After all EVERY embryo is a life.

Earlier this year I wrote:

If life begins at conception, and terminating a pregnancy is the murder of a baby as Pro-Life zealots claim, then the following conclusions can be made:

  • The woman who has the abortion is a murderer

  • The doctor who performs the abortion is a murderer

  • The nurse who helps with the abortion is a murderer

  • The receptionist who books the abortion appointment is a murderer

If these conclusions are true then it means that none of these people will go to heaven when they die.

The Bible is clear:

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. Revelation 21:8

It is also clear, at least to me, that people who kill innocent men, women, and children in war are murderers too. Where are the same Pro-Life zealots proclaiming the evil of war?

It seems that killing a zygote is murder but killing an Afghan child or mother is not. It seems that the only life Pro-Lifer’s protect is that which has not yet been born.

I have come to the conclusion that Pro-Lifer’s who do not condemn war are guilty of facilitating murder. Pro-Lifer’s charge those who believe abortion should be rare, safe, and legal with facilitating murder. As Pro-Lifer’s make quite clear, those who promote and facilitate abortion cannot be Christians. How can they be since they are facilitating murder?

I ask the same about Pro-Lifer’s who promote and facilitate war. How can they be Christian and support the murder of innocent men, women, and children? It seems to me that Heaven is going to be quite empty if murderers are barred from entering. In fact, God the grandest murderer of them all, would be banned from Heaven, according to Revelation 21:8.

Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie. Revelation 22:14,15

And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments. He saith unto him, Which? Jesus said, Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Matthew 19:17-19

In 2011 I wrote:

In about 17 months there will be a Presidential election. Republicans know they have a fight on their hands. They need to make sure that the faithful turn out in record numbers and vote for the Republican candidate. They need to appeal to the value voters, those who hold to right-wing political and social beliefs.

One of the key issues that will make it to the ballot in 2012 is whether or not a fertilized egg is a person. Personhood USAis circulating petitions in all 50 states hoping to get politicians to enact personhood laws. According to Rachel Maddow there are already eight states debating personhood legislation and with 2012 being a Presidential election year it is quite likely that there will be a concerted effort to get Personhood initiatives on the ballot.

One of the implications of Personhood laws is that they could make the use of birth control pills illegal. (since birth control pills are an abortifacient and can, and do cause spontaneous abortion) 46 years ago in Griswold v. Connecticut the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the right of privacy extended to the use of contraceptives and states could not ban the sale of contraceptives. (it is hard to believe there was a time where selling birth control was illegal)

Personhood laws could upend not only Roe v. Wade but Griswold v. Connecticut. If a fertilized egg is a person then any deliberate effort to kill the fertilized egg would be considered murder. A quick perusal of The Pill Killswebsite will make it clear that the Personhood crowd is dead alive serious.

What is the implication of a Personhood law?

  • All abortion would be illegal, including abortion in the case of rape and incest

  • Abortion to save the life of the mother would be outlawed since it is illegal to murder one person to save another

  • Using any form of birth control that is an abortifacient would be illegal

  • Our entire legal code would need to be rewritten to reflect that a fertilized egg is a person

  • A person causing a woman to miscarry would be charged with murder.

  • Parents would be able to claim the fertilized egg as a dependent on their income tax return

  • Fertilized eggs would be eligible for adoption

  • Stem cell research would be curtailed and possibly even banned

I can imagine a new Evangelical evangelism outreach to fertilized eggs. “Winning People to Jesus, One Fertilized Egg at a Time.”

We must not sit on the sidelines while right-wing Christians attempt to push their social agenda down the throat of the American people. We must consistently, and continually point out that Personhood laws are fraught with legal implications that will turn the legal code into a mine field.

Right-wing Christians are not going away. Obama being elected President was a stern rebuke and they have no intentions of sitting idly by and letting liberal, fertilized egg killing Democrats win in 2012. I expect a vicious fight not only on the Federal level but the State and Local level too.

Put the Bible away. Put away all the religious presuppositions about what life is. Look at the graphic below. Is what you see a baby and that by aborting it you are committing murder?

Only those blinded by their religious ideology can conclude that this is a picture of a baby. At best it is potential life but not life itself.

Now let me get personal for a moment.

If you believe people who support a woman’s right to an abortion are murderers or evil people then why do you have anything to do with me? If this is your view then why would you want to be anywhere near a neighbor, friend, husband, father, father-in-law, or grandfather like me who is a m-u-r-d-e-r-e-r? IF I am a murderer, and I support the murder of over a million babies a year, (your word not mine) then aren’t I just as evil as Jeffrey Dahmer or John Wayne Gacy?

Of course I am not and that’s the problem with your shrill rhetoric. I am a kind, decent, loving neighbor, friend, husband, father, father-in-law and grandfather. Yes I am an atheist but I am more “Christian” than many of the Christians you know.

How about asking me WHY I support a woman’s right to an abortion? If asked, you would find out that:

  • I don’t think human life begins at conception. Potential life, yes, but human life? No.

  • When I see a picture of the zygote above I don’t see a “baby.” It is a group of cells not a baby.

  • I support a woman’s right to use birth control to keep from getting pregnant. I know that some forms of birth control causes spontaneous abortions. I have no problem with this since I don’t think life begins at conception.

  • Since 88% of abortions occur in the first trimester, long before viability, I fully support a woman’s right to an abortion. (and access to morning after drugs)

  • I do not support abortion on demand after viability. However, only 12,000 a year occur after viability and, in most cases, these abortions are medically necessary due to health concerns of the mother, the fetus, or both.

I am an atheist. I don’t believe in God, I don’t believe what the Bible teaches. My beliefs are not governed by the Bible. When I came to the view I now hold on abortion it was because of the science behind the abortion debate.

I am also a father, father-in-law, and a grandfather. If ANY of the women in my family were raped or were carrying a fetus that could cost them their lives, I would want them to have access to every medical and psychological means necessary to help them. I am most concerned for the LIVING.

I didn’t come to this position easily. I have a daughter with Down Syndrome. I know many women have an abortion when they find out they are carrying a fetus with Down's. I can’t imagine our life without Bethany. My brother was born three months premature, not too many weeks past the viability line. I can’t imagine life without my little brother.

My point is this…everything doesn’t fit neatly in a pro-life or pro-choice box. Life is messy and we are forced to make hard decisions all the time. This post is an attempt to get people to see that it is simplistic and offensive when people label me as a murderer or evil. (and when you say people who support abortion are murderers or evil you ARE saying I am a murderer or evil)

I have long since come to the conclusion that there is no common ground to be had with people who are pro-life. (and Mike I am not talking about you) They start with religion rather than science and I see no way of finding common ground.

I understand the pro-life view, I really do. I was pro-life for most of my adult life. I fully understand the why’s of being pro-life. I know all the proof-texts and I think the Bible readily supports the pro-life view. (and the pro-slavery, pro-polygamy, pro-incest, pro-genocide view too)

I understand where you are coming from. Now it is time for you to give me the same courtesy.

 

Dear Bruce Turner

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This entry is part 5 of 6 in the seriesLetters

Dear Bruce,

I see you found my blog. I am sure the current state of my “soul” troubles you. My “spiritual” condition troubles many as they try to wrap their theological minds around my twenty-five years in the ministry and my present atheistic views.

I plan to address the comment you left at the end of the letter, but before I do so I want to talk about about the relationship you and I had and about the influence you had on my life.

You came to Trinity Baptist Church in Findlay, Ohio, fresh out of Baptist Bible College. Trinity was looking to hire a full-time youth pastor and you were the one they hired.You joined the staff of a busy, growing Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church.

You were there when I put my faith and trust in Jesus. You were there when I was called to preach. You helped me prepare my first sermon.(2 Corinthians 5:20) You and I worked a bus route together and went out on visitation.

My parents had recently divorced and you became a surrogate father to me. When my Dad remarried and moved us to Arizona I was devastated. In a few months, I returned to Ohio, and in late summer of 1973, I moved from Bryan to Findlay.

You helped me find a place to live, first with the Bolanders, and then with Gladys Canterbury. For almost a year I went to school, worked a job at Bill Knapp’s, and immersed myself in the ministry of Trinity Baptist Church.  You were there to guide me every step of the way.

When I first moved to Findlay a divorcee and her young daughter wanted to take me in. You wisely made sure that didn’t happen, knowing such a home would not be healthy for me.

When I became enamored with Bob Harrington ( I loved his It’s Fun Being Saved record) you warned about worshipping big name preachers and you told me to pay attention not only to what they preached but what they didn’t.

You even catered to my personal desires. In the summer of 1973, I had a whirlwind romance with Charlotte Brandenburg. Charlotte was the daughter of the couple who came to hold a Super Summer Bible Rally (VBS) at Trinity. For one solid week, we spent every day with each other. I was smitten with Charlotte.

Later that same year you planned a youth outing to the Troy Baptist Temple, the church Charlotte attended. We went to see the movie, A Thief in the Night, but my real reason for going was to see Charlotte.

When it came time to leave I lingered as long as possible, I didn’t want to leave Charlotte. Finally, I heard a voice the said, Gerencser, get on the bus. (for some reason you liked to call me by my last name) As I came hand-in-hand with Charlotte to the bus you turned a way for a moment and told me to get it over with. I quickly kissed Charlotte goodbye and that was the last time I would see her. We wrote back and forth for a few months but, like all such relationships, our relationship died due to a lack of proximity.

You were my basketball coach. Trinity sponsored a team in the ultra-competitive High School age Church Basketball League. One game I had a terrible night shooting the ball. I was frustrated and I told you I wanted out of the game. You refused, and made me play the whole game. My shooting didn’t get any better but I learned a life lesson that I passed on to all my children years later.

I remember when this or that person in the youth group got in trouble. You and Reva were there to help them pick up the pieces of their life. You were a kind, compassionate man.

I remember you helping us get a singing group started. I still remember singing the song, Yesterday during a church service (YouTube video of Cathedral Quartet singing this song) I also remember you singing Fill My Cup Lord. Polly and I sang this same song for many years in most every church I pastored.

Who can ever forget your Youth Group survey? You surveyed our attitudes about alcohol, drugs, music and sex and then you dared to use your findings in a sermon.I remember what a stir your sermon caused. You peeled back the façade and revealed that many of the church’s youth were not unlike their non-Christian peers. (it was the 70’s)

I saw your bad side too. I remember the youth canoe outing where Reva lost her teeth. Boy were you angry. I felt bad for Reva, but in a strange way I loved you even more. I saw that you were h-u-m-a-n. I already knew Gene Milioni and Ron Johnson, the other pastors, were human, having seen their angry outbursts, and now you were mortal too. (remember I am writing this from the perspective of a fifteen year old boy)

In May of 1974, I abruptly left Findlay, one week away from the end of school. (a move that resulted in Findlay High School denying me credit for my entire 11th grade year. Subsequently, I dropped out of High School) My Mom was in a world of hurt mentally and she needed me. (and I needed her) In the fall of 1974 she would be admitted to the State Mental Hospital and my Dad would come and move my siblings and I back to Arizona.

In 1976 I enrolled at Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan. I met my wife at Midwestern, and after leaving there in the Spring of 1979, we embarked on a twenty-five year journey in the pastorate, a journey that took us to seven churches.

In 1983, I started the Somerset Baptist Church in Somerset, Ohio. I put to use the things I learned from you, Dr. Tom Malone, and my professors at Midwestern. I put soulwinning first. I committed myself to being a faithful preacher of the truths found in the King James Bible. And “God” blessed the work I did. Somerset Baptist Church grew from a handful people to over two-hundred. We were the largest non-Catholic church in Perry County.

You and I reconnected and I had you come and preach for us. I believe it was a special service and the church was packed with people. The people loved you and I was thrilled to show off my mentor to them. I suppose, deep down, I needed your approbation.

You invited me to come and preach at your church, Braintree Baptist Temple in Braintree Massachusetts. I now know that the real reason you had me come and preach was because you saw some things that concerned you. My work-a-holic, Type-A personality was good for growing a church but not so good for me or my family. Sadly, it took me many more years before I realized this.

Polly and our two oldest sons, Atlantic Ocean on Cape Cod.

We stayed in your home in Massachusetts and spent a few days traveling around the area. This was the first “vacation” our family had ever taken and it would be the last one for many years. (I was too busy and thought I was too important to take any time off) Even when I took vacations later, I never took them just to be taking one. I always had a church or conference to preach at while we were on “vacation.”

You and your dear wife treated us well. You gave us some “run-around” money and we went out to the Cape. My oldest children still remember dipping their feet in the cold waters of the Atlantic.

We parted, promising to keep in touch, but like Charlotte and I years ago, our relationship died due to a lack of proximity. I suspect my later adoption of Calvinism ended any chance of a continued relationship.

I did write you several times in the 1990’s. I read somewhere that you had Fibromyalgia, and when I was diagnosed with the same I wrote you. You never responded. I was disappointed that you never wrote back but I chalked up to you being busy.

Bruce, I wrote all of this to say that you had a profound effect on my life. I will always appreciate what you did for me.

Now to your comment.

You wrote:

Sorry to see your blog and obvious bitterness toward Baptists. Not all of us preached an easy believing Gospel and certainly not all of us lived a perverted life. These King makers you blog about have never had my respect.

Reva and I have been happily married for 44 years. I am sorry your health is so bad and though you apparently have rejected what you once professed, I am praying for you
to the God (not preachers) that I trust.

I sincerely hope your health improves and remember some good times in the old days. Stay healthy friend.

Bruce Turner

I am often accused of being bitter, angry, or some other negative emotion. On one hand, I have every reason to be bitter and angry, but my rejection of Christianity is not ultimately defined by anger or bitterness.

I rejected Christianity because I no longer believed the claims made about the Bible and its teachings. I came to see that the Bible was not inspired, inerrant, or infallible. I came to see that a belief in the God of the Bible could not be sustained rationally, (this is why faith is necessary) and even if it could be, I wanted nothing to do with such a capricious, vengeful, homicidal God. I later came to see that the Bible claims for Jesus could not be sustained. While I certainly think a man named Jesus roamed the Judean hillside during the time recorded in the Bible, the Jesus of the Bible is a myth. At best he was a revolutionary, a prophet who was executed for his political and religious beliefs. (and I still, to this day, have a real appreciation for the sermon on the Mount and a few other sayings attributed to Jesus)

My journey away from Christianity and the ministry took many anguished filled years. (you can read about this here)  I didn’t arrive where I am today overnight. I looked at progressive Christianity, the Emergent church, liberal Christianity, and even universalism. None of these met my intellectual need. None of them rang true to me. I made many stops along the slippery slope until I came to the place where I had to admit that I was an atheist. (and I still think saying, I am a Christian, means something)

I am not a hater of Christianity. I have no desire to stop people from worshiping the Christian God. I am well aware of the need many people have for certainty. They want to know their life matters and they want to know that there is life beyond the grave. Christianity meets their need.  Who am I to stand in the way of what helps people get through life. It matters not if it is true. They think it is true and that is fine by me.

The Christianity I oppose is the Evangelical form of Christianity that demand everyone worship their God, believe what they believe, and damns to hell all those who disagree with them. I oppose their attempts to turn America into a theocracy. I oppose their hijacking of the Republican Party. I oppose their incessant whining about persecution and their demands for special status. I oppose their attempts to deny some Americans of the civil and legal rights others have. (what happened to Baptists believing in a strict separation of church and state?) I oppose their attempt to infiltrate our public schools and teach Creationism or its kissing cousin Intelligent Design as science.(this is what Christian schools are for) I oppose their attempt to make the Ten Commandments the law of the Land. (I support groups like The Freedom From Religion Foundation and Americans United for Separation of Church and State as they put a legal stop to this kind of nonsense)

The kind of Christianity I mentioned above hurts people and hurts our Country politically and socially. The Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church movement has harmed countless people, sometimes scarring their lives so severely that recovery is almost impossible. (and telling people to get over it is not the answer) I weep most every day as I read emails from people whose lives have been destroyed by the extremes found in the IFB church movement. My blog exists because I want to help people like this. I want them to have a safe place to work through the wreckage of their lives, lives ruined by their involvement in Evangelical and IFB churches.

In many ways, I am still a pastor.  I want to help other people. The difference now, or course, is that I don’t have an agenda. I don’t have a list beliefs that must be believed. If I can help someone walk the journey they are on with openness, honesty, and integrity, I am happy. I am concerned with their journey not their destination. (since I think we are all headed for the same final destination, death)

I too, Bruce, have prayed thousands of times to the Christian God and yet, like the universe itself, he yawns and remains silent. Instead of hoping for a God to fix what ails me, I have chosen to embrace my life as it is. I have chosen to try to change what I can and accept what I can’t.  Above all, I have learned that it is what it is.

Through this blog I try to flesh out my understanding of the past and examine the path I am now on. I try to be open and honest. I don’t have all the answers and, for that matter, I don’t even know all the questions. All I know to do is continue to walk forward, however halting my gait may be.

I shall always remember our days in Findlay and I will always appreciate what you did for me. When I write my autobiography some day there will be a chapter titled Bruce Turner.

Thank you!

Bruce Gerencser

Bruce Turner’s website

Choosing Who I Hang With

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I am increasingly disheartened with the roiling controversy within and around the periphery of the atheist movement. It seems that some atheists have become like Joshua in the Old Testament when he said to the Israelites, Choose you this day whom you will serve.

Joshua goes on to say, as for me and my house we will serve the Lord. While certainly no one within the atheist community is suggesting we serve THE Lord, it is quite clear they expect true atheists to serve (commit to, follow after) groups like atheism+.

I suspect that the largest percentage of new atheists come from Evangelical and Fundamentalist churches. Learning that the Bible is not what the church claims it is, and becoming disillusioned with the shrill, acerbic hate speech of their preachers, has turned more people into atheists than Madalyn Murray O’Hair could every of hoped for.

When people deconvert they don’t immediately become atheists in the truest sense of the word. They may say they are atheists, but often this is just a reaction to their former religious beliefs. Some people get over their anger and return to Christianity. They were never atheists in the first place. They were angry, and hurling the words, I am an atheist, was a way of poking their finger in the eye of the bear.

A true atheist is born out of heartache, contemplation, and study. The true atheist (my focus is on those who come from Evangelicalism to atheism) must deconstruct their lives and rebuild them one belief at a time. The true atheist likely reads and reads and reads and…well you get the picture.

It is not enough to say, I don’t believe in God anymore. Just the Christian God? Some Gods? All Gods?  The true atheist is one who says, I reject any belief in the existence of deities. Once a person has reached this point they are an atheist. Nothing more is required to claim the label atheist.

The atheism+ movement demand fidelity to a certain set of beliefs. I have no problem with this. A group is free to define their beliefs any way they want to. They are free to establish membership qualifications and only those who meet those qualifications may join. They are also free to try and convince me that what they are starting is not just an atheist version of church or a denomination.

Central to any group is its leaders. A Baptist preacher of yesteryear was famous for saying, Everything rises and falls on Leadership. This maxim is very true. The success or failure of any group rests on those who are leading the group. It matters who is leading and who is speaking for the group.

In the case of atheism+, there are many good people involved in the group. However, there are some not-so-good people involved too. Richard Carrier is case in point. As I noted in my previous post on this issue, Carrier is harming the atheism+ group and they know it. He has received a lot of  condemnation over his treatment of those he disagrees with, yet he, for the most part, remains defiantly pigheaded and the other leaders within atheism+ remain strangely silent.

Atheism+ was born out of a reaction to the racist, misogynistic, sexist actions of a few.  There were calls for the offenders to be publically identified, to be outed. Those making these claims refused to name the people (I suspect all the offenders are men) involved so we have no way of knowing “exactly” what happened. It would be helpful to know who the parties are and exactly what happened. If we are going to fracture the atheist movement over these things then full-disclosure is required.

I am in no way suggesting that what people are saying happened didn’t happen. I don’t have enough evidence to make any judgment and I am certainly not willing to join any group, let alone atheism+ without knowing the facts of why the group was started.

Atheism in America is finally gaining some momentum, but we are not so strong that we can afford to be subdivided according to rigid social and political beliefs. Every division makes us weaker.

I am of the opinion that the atheist cause is best served when atheists are free to connect themselves to whatever group or cause they wish.  I prefer a loose coalition of atheists as opposed to a structured atheism with rigid political and social beliefs. With a loose coalition individual atheists are free to pick and choose what and who to support. Atheism+? Either you are with them or you are against them, to quote Prophet Carrier.

This Us vs.Them approach of atheism+ will ultimately harm and weaken the atheist movement. Any time there is exclusivism rather than inclusivism, the group’s power is diminished. The fundamentalist approach of atheism+ will only continue to marginalize other atheists who can’t or refuse to toe the atheism+ ideological line. Atheism+ should be working to include as many people as possible rather than exclude as many people as possible. (especially since atheism+ is a reaction to a tiny fragment of people within the atheism community)

Many of the sharpest critics of atheism+ are people who were Evangelicals before they deconverted. What we see in atheism+ is very similar to our experience in the Evangelical church. We left leaders who demanded we toe the line doctrinally. We left churches that were built on an Us vs.Them thinking. We left churches and leaders who believed they held the only Christian franchise. Exclusivism controlled everything our former churches and leaders did. Why would we want to join a group that is just an atheist version of what we left behind?

People are making all kinds of predictions about atheism+’s future. I am not going to get in on the betting pool. While I gladly embrace the tenets of atheism+, I cannot join up with them. As long as people like Richard Carrier are allowed to run wild with their words I have no interest in being a part of the group. His unwillingness to admit that his behavior towards those who disagree with atheism+ is reason enough for me to say atheism+ is not for me. How, behavior wise, is Richard Carrier any different than the racist, misogynistic, sexist people atheism+ is against?

The other leaders in the atheism+ group could have publicly called out Richard Carrier but they didn’t. It is also evident, based on his last post, that he wasn’t called out privately either. It is evident that the atheism+ group values Carrier being a part of their group more than it does attracting new members. As I told someone recently, Carrier killed the baby in the cradle.

I am sure I will be criticized for my singling out of Carrier. However, remember what I wrote earlier? Everything rises or falls on Leadership. When determining whether or not to join a group, I look at its beliefs and its leaders. The leaders of atheism+ should ask themselves, what message is Richard Carrier sending about atheism+?

Carrier remains unrepentant and defiant. He refuses to accept any criticism of his behavior. Carrier said of me “you are indeed a very unlikable person. Stay away from me in future.”  Yep, unlikeable, that’s me.

In his latest post, Richard Carrier wrote:

In short, if you reject this value statement, you are simply my ideological enemy, and I will give you no quarter. I’ll respect your legal and human rights, because I believe in that. But don’t be shocked if I am not friendly.

And the beat goes on.

I intend to stay a part of the atheist Gentiles standing outside the Temple as the Jewish atheists worship the one, true atheist God.  I intend to be an atheist free-agent, refusing any and all loyalty oaths. I know what I am, what I believe, and what it is I want to accomplish through my work on The Way Forward.  I know I am a small fry in a bog atheist pond and words carry little weight. At best, I can be a small voice for atheists who are tired of attempts to corral them into ideological pens. We freed ourselves from the chains of Christian fundamentalism and we’ll be damned if we will be chained again by fundamentalist atheism.

I find myself in an interesting place. A liberal, socialist leaning, atheist standing with libertarian, conservative and Republican atheists.  While we may disagree on a host of things, we all agree that intellectual freedom and the right to dissent should be valued above all else.

Does this mean that I will no longer associate with people who are a part of atheism+? Of course not. I am not petty like some within the atheism+ group. I can associate with people who have different beliefs than I do. I am free to choose to hang with whoever I want. This is the freedom that TRUE atheism brings.

I wish the atheism+ group well. I hope they, like may facets of the atheist movement, will grow up and mature. I hope they will make a meaningful difference in the world. Right now all I see is a bunch of children fighting over which super hero is better; Batman, Superman, Spiderman, or the Hulk. They are ALL great super heroes. Why must I choose just one?

IFB Preacher Ralph Wingate Jr Uses Me as a Cautionary Tale

44 Replies

What follows is a sermon clip by Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) pastor, Ralph Wingate Jr. Wingate is the pastor of Calvary Baptist Church in Normal, Illinois. Wingate attended the same IFB college I did, Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan, a decade before me. He attended college with my wife’s uncle, James Dennis, pastor of Newark Baptist Temple, Heath, Ohio.

I heard Ralph Wingate Jr. preach a few times over the years. For a time, he was one of the darlings of the Midwestern Baptist College big-name preacher pool. Prior to accepting the pastorate at Calvary Baptist Church in Normal, Wingate pastored Emmanuel Baptist Church in Newington, Connecticut.

In this sermon clip, Wingate is preaching a sermon on legalism. Wingate gives two illustrations of the danger of legalism, Jack Schaap and Bruce Gerencser. Yes sir, I have spies all over America listening to sermons looking for incidents of me being used as an illustration or a warning. I have known for some time that I am being used as a cautionary tale, a warning to the faithful. One church, several years ago, even held a special prayer meeting for me, hoping that God would get ahold of me and bring me back to the fold. (their prayers failed)

Enjoy!

(requires HTML 5 or Flash)

Download audio clip (right click and save)

Link to full sermon.

Several things:

Note how the pastor connects me to Jack Schaap. The same rotten fruit produced the same rotten result. The key difference between Schaap and I? I have never had sexual relations with a sixteen year old girl in a church I pastoring. (or any other time) And, if Wingate has been reading my blog for any amount of time at all, he should know that I left the IFB church movement long before I left the ministry. Wingate makes the mistake of judging me and my theology at a particular point in time and does not account for the fact that my theology dramatically changed over the last twelve years in the ministry. (but, hey, why ruin a good sermon illustration with context)

Note how the pastor stumbles over his theology at the end of the clip. The big dilemma for pastors like Wingate is what to do with me. Wingate, the good Baptist he is, believes a person cannot fall from grace. So here is telling his congregation I was a preacher for 25 years, won people to Christ, and, oh wait, I can’t let them know he was a “real” Christian, so, if he was really saved, well, that’s between him and God. I remain a real problem for IFB preachers. They can’t deny my fruit over 25 years in the ministry, so they must find some way to invalidate my conversion and devotion to Jesus.

The easiest way is to say that I was never a Christian. Of course this presents a whole other set of problems, problems like how in the world did I deceive thousands of parishioners, dozens of pastors, and even one of his fellow classmates, James Dennis? How did I deceive Dr. Tom Malone, the president of the Midwestern Baptist College? How did I deceive my father-in-law, a graduate of Midwestern, a IFB pastor himself? How did I deceive numerous preachers, evangelists, and missionaries who preached for me?

Not one person, not ONE person, ever said of Pastor Bruce Gerencser, I have questions about whether or not he is a Christian. Either this is a conspiracy of grand proportions and I am a master deceiver, or the truth is, doctrine be damned, I once was a Christian and now I am not. (and my wife can verify how lousy I am at lying and deception)

Keep in mind,Wingate’s use of the word legalism is subterfuge. I have seen this method used time and time again. Legalism is defined as works added to salvation or a system by which works gain a person salvation. No IFB Baptist church is legalistic by this standard. Oh, they all have rules and standards BUT they ALL believe their rules and standards are derived from the Bible and that Christian people, people saved by the grace of God, should willingly WANT to live by these rules and standards, not to be saved but because they ARE saved. (I am of the opinion almost ALL Christian sects, except the most antinomian of them, preach a works salvation gospel, not unlike the Catholics they despise)

I bear Ralph Wingate Jr. no ill will. I know his theology frontwards and backwards. I know why he must preach what he does. But, here I am, defying all attempts to be “explained.”

I know some of you are dying to know how I got this clip. Can’t tell. When people send me things confidentially, I treat their correspondence with me like a Priest does the confessional. I appreciate being made aware of this sermon and I am so glad to see Christians like Ralph Wingate Jr. care.

If you would like to see the actual sermon video, you can see it on Vimeo. The above audio clip starts at around the 11 minute mark.

(video clip)

Richard Carrier and the Atheist+ Religion

17 Replies

It seems that the atheist movement has reached a place where just calling ourselves atheists is not enough. No longer can we just be people who unite under one common, succinct belief, the rejection of belief in the existence of deities.

Richard Carrier, and a few likeminded atheists, have decided that it is time for a new kind of atheism, an atheism called atheism+.  In a three thousand plus word blog post, Carrier states clearly the tenets of atheism+. Like the religionists Carrier despises, he makes it clear that if a person wants to be a part of the atheist+ religion they must believe certain things. Carrier’s goal is exclusivism not in inclusivism.

Carrier certainly has the right to start any new group that he wants to. In fact, I agree with virtually everything he writes in his post. His values, for the most part are my values.  However, I see no need to have a-n-o-t-h-e-r atheist group. Evidently, all the other the tents atheist congregate under are deficient and atheism+ aims to be the exclusive tent for select, ideologically correct atheists.

Carrier makes it very clear in his post and comments that he intends to cause division among atheists.  In classic George Bush fashion, Carrier states, either you are with us or you are against us. And like the fundamentalist Baptist preacher, Fred Phelps, Carrier eviscerates anyone who disagrees with him. It is this behavior that I find offensive. Simply put, while I agree with the values put forth by Richard Carrier, I find his behaviour offensive,indecent, and harmful to the atheist cause.

Carrier’s vitriolic response to those who disagree with him is there for all to see. Carrier’s favorite word, douchebag, is used time and time again to disparage those who dare dissent from the stated position on atheism+. Other comments are laced with profanity and name calling. (and I am no language prude) Evidently, Carrier lacks the social graces necessary to be a front man for a new movement but no one is telling him this or he is not listening.

I left the following comment on Carrier’s blog. It has not yet been approved. (Carrier never posted my comment)

I embrace the values you speak of in this post. However, your approach to those who differ with you is offensive and does little to advance the cause you are championing. Calling people names and demeaning any and all who differ with you reminds me of what I saw and experienced in fundamentalist Christianity.

Truth is, I don’t need you and your movement in order to demonstrate the values you mention in your article. Your conduct is what has turned me away not your values.

Unlike you, I don’t need purity from others in order to cooperate with them. The humanist tent suits me well, even with religious humanists under the tent. The pressing needs of our world are too great for me to be drawn away into a sectarian, creedal form of atheism.

Feel free to add whatever invectives you think appropriate, Richard. In doing so, you are showing who the real douchebag is. (to use your favorite word, not a word I would use)

Note in your replies, Richard, that you refuse to knowledge even one challenge to what you have written. In a verbal style akin to Fred Phelps, you refuse any and all who dare challenge your orthodoxy or orthopraxy.

You have provided no compelling reason why I should join your cause. Your values are not enough. If I wouldn’t eat a meal with you because of your ill treatment of others who differ with you, I certainly wouldn’t join a group you are a central part of. Simply put, you are not my kind of atheist, not the kind of person I would want to be around.

The bottom line? Richard Carrier shot the atheism+ horse dead in the starting gate. When atheism+ shrinks quickly to the back page Carrier will have no one to blame but himself.

Update: Richard Carrier addresses his language use.

I recommend  Daniel Finke’s post,No Hate.

My Journey From Evangelicalism to Atheism

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In my last post I wrote:

Once I found out the Bible was not an inspired, inerrant text, my Evangelical house of cards came tumbling to the ground.

Several Christian bloggers have taken this statement to mean that once I no longer believed in the inspiration and inerrancy of the Christian Bible, I then became an atheist.

While it is true that once I came to see  the Bible was not inspired, not inerrant, and not infallible I abandoned the Evangelical faith, I did not immediately turn to atheism.

My journey from Evangelicalism to Atheism was a long, arduous, and painful one.

My journey actually began when I was still a Christian pastor. Long before I questioned the authority of the Bible, I began to have doubts about Christianity itself. Being a pastor for twenty-five years will do that to you. For the last few years in the ministry, I became increasingly discouraged with the state of Christianity in America. The Christian church was rife with internecine warfare, in direct contradiction to Jesus’s command that the world would know we were his followers by the love we had for one another.

During this time, I abandoned my conservative, Republican political views and began to embrace a liberal political view. As my politics move leftward so did my theological views. I was sympathetic towards the emerging, emergent church movement and I appreciated the work of men like Brian McLaren, Jim Wallis, and Tony Campolo. (and Catholic writers Thomas Merton and Dorothy Day, along with Gandhi)

Towards the end of my ministry, I was a closet liberal pastoring conservative, Evangelical churches. I became quite catholic in my view of other Christians. I was willing to embrace Catholics as  fellow Christians and my view on abortion and homosexuality changed from anti to pro.

During this time, I still held on to the belief that the Bible was the inspired, inerrant Word of God.

2003 marked the end for me as far as the ministry was concerned. For a  couple of years, I candidated at churches here and there, but I found no church I was willing to go to or was willing to have me. (one church wanted me to be their pastor but I had to commit to only using the KJV of the Bible. I could not do this.) (read The Disaffected Years, 2004-2008)

As time went on, Polly and I decided to look for a church we could call home, a church that we could use our talents to help the church and advance the kingdom of God. Over the course of three years we visited over one hundred churches. What we found confirmed our worst fears about the Christian church, and in November of 2008 we attended church for the last time. (read Wilderness Wanderings, 2002-2012)

Once I stopped attending church, I turned my attention to my theological beliefs. What did I really believe? The first belief to go was my belief that the Bible was inspired and inerrant. (Bart Ehrman was extremely helpful at this juncture) Once free of the notion that the Bible was a supernatural text inspired by a supernatural God, I turned my attention to the core teachings of Christianity.

As I took a fresh, new look the the teachings of Christianity, I came to the conclusion that I could no longer believe what the Bible said about God, the divinity of Jesus, his virgin birth and resurrection from the dead. Simply put, I could no longer embrace the fundamentals of Christianity as truth. While I still think a man by the name of Jesus lived in Palestine, I no longer think this man was God. He lived and he died, end of story.

I took Bart Ehrman’s suggestion and I changed how I read the Bible. Instead of trying to read the Bible though a particular theological lens, I allowed each book and author to stand on its own.  All of a sudden, the Biblical text looked completely different.  The Bible says, Let US make man in our image. Instead of straining this text through Trinitarian theology, I let it stand on its own. I came to the conclusion that the Bible reveals to readers many Gods, rather than the Three in One God of Christianity. ( I saw a progression from polytheism to monotheism)

As I took a careful look at the New Testament, again without making any attempt to harmonize the competing passages of Scripture, I came to the conclusion that there are several different Christianities in the Bible. I found that the Christianity of Jesus is quite different from the Christianity of Paul. A case could also be made for Peter and James having their own distinct versions of Christianity.

When I look at the natural world with all its wonders, I can fully understand how a person might conclude that a deity of some sort created everything. However, affirming that A God created the universe is far different from affirming that the Christian God, the God revealed in the Bible, created the Bible. I came to the conclusion that there was not a rational way for me to get from A GOD to THE GOD of Christianity. Such a belief required faith, a faith I did not have.(read, You Must Believe in A GOD before you can choose THE GOD.)

From this intense, painful study of the Bible and the literature of other religions, I came to the conclusion that the Christian God does not exist. While I am agnostic concerning  whether or not a deity of some sort exists, I decided that, based on how I live my day to day life, I am an atheist.

Most every day, I get an email from a well meaning Christian who wants to know what “hurt” I suffered to cause me to leave Christian faith. Other email writers suggest I must be angry, bitter, or burnt-out. None of these people can imagine someone looking at the Bible and the claims of the Christianity and coming to the conclusion that the Christian Bible is just a book and that the Christian God does not exist.

While I will readily admit to being burnt-out  and having spells of anger and bitterness, at the end of the day, my defection from Christianity is rooted in an intellectual pursuit that led me from Evangelicalism to atheism.

For me, it has always been about the Bible.

The Emotional and Psychological Consequences of Authoritarian Religion

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Over the past few years I have met countless people who have escaped authoritarian religions like the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church movement or your every day garden variety Evangelical church. Authoritarian ecclesiastical structures and authoritarian pastors dominate the lives of those who come under their spell.

Most authoritarian churches believe God ordained a chain of command, not only in the church but in the home. These churches almost always practice complementarianism.

Wikipedia defines complementarianism as:

A theological view held by some in Christianity and other world religions, such as Islam, that men and women have different but complementary roles and responsibilities in marriage, family life, religious leadership, and elsewhere.

Some authoritarian churches are more complementarian than others, but all of them believe God ordained a strict order in the church and home. An extreme form of complementarianism is Biblical Patriarchy.

The central tenets of Biblical Patriarchy are:

God reveals Himself as masculine, not feminine.

God ordained distinct gender roles for man and woman as part of the created order.

A husband and father is the head of his household, a family leader, provider, and protector.

Male leadership in the home carries over into the church: only men are permitted to hold the ruling office in the church. A God-honoring society will likewise prefer male leadership in civil and other spheres.

Since the woman was created as a helper to her husband, as the bearer of children, and as a “keeper at home,” the God-ordained and proper sphere of dominion for a wife is the household and that which is connected with the home.

God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply” still applies to married couples.

Christian parents must provide their children with a thoroughly Christian education, one that teaches the Bible and a biblical view of God and the world.

Both sons and daughters are under the command of their fathers as long as they are under his roof or otherwise the recipients of his provision and protection.

Some advocates of Biblical Patriarchy teach that women are “part of a chain of command. God is at the top, then Jesus, after that the husband, then the wife, and finally the children.” (above is taken from Vision Forum , The Tenets of Biblical Patriarchy)

Authoritarian churches spend significant time reminding church members that they are to submit to those God has placed in authority. Those who refuse or are unable to obey are often publicly exposed as being worldly, disobedient, carnal, or backslidden. Often pastors preach sermons about these people, not naming names, but leaving no doubt who the pastor is talking about.

If the disobedient church members doesn’t repent, they are likely to find themselves ostracized, under church discipline, or asked to leave the church. Authoritarian churches demand conformity to the church’s teachings. Free spirits with a difference of opinion rarely last long in an authoritarian church. They are viewed as a challenge to God ordained authority and such challenges are never allowed lest church members begin to think they are free to believe whatever they want to believe.

Authoritarian pastors often preach sermons on pastoral authority (obey me, I am God’s chosen man), male authority in the home (obey me, I am God’s chosen man), obedience to the Word of God (obey what God’s chosen man says God says in the Bible), and self-denial (self, who you really are is sinful and wicked and must be put to death).

Authoritarian pastors preach a demanding God who demands continual spiritual improvement, and in some cases, perfection. Church members regularly hear sermons on the importance of spiritual disciplines like studying the Bible, praying, and family devotions, and are regularly reminded that God expect them to be in church every time the church doors are open. They are also reminded that God owns them, they are his slave. God owns their life, including their money. Church members are expected to tithe, give offerings, and participate in any special offerings the church decides to collect.

Authoritarian churches control almost every aspect of the church member’s life. They are told what they must believe and how their homes should be structured. They are told what they should do with their money and how they are to dress. They are told who to vote for, what to read, what to watch on TV, and what kind of music to listen to. Even in sexual matters, the church prescribes what is proper, God honoring sex.

I am sure what I written above sounds surreal to some of you. Who, in their right mind, would ever submit to such a demanding, controlling, and demeaning religion? Surely, few people attend such churches? Sadly, tens of millions of Americans attend authoritarian churches. Surely, these people are poor, ignorant, uneducated people; no educated person would ever submit themselves to such things?

The next time you watch one of the many Christian TV stations, pay attention to the congregation. What do you see? Well dressed, prosperous people can be seen everywhere. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, and college professors. People with degrees from public universities. Yes, many of the people are poor or middle class working people, but most every authoritarian church has upper class, educated members.

Secularists believe that education is the anecdote for religious superstition, yet authoritarian churches have numerous educated members. (and countless educated people who believe the earth is 6,000 years old) How do we explain this?

Authoritarian churches know what they believe and they staunchly hold on to and defend those beliefs. They are certain that their beliefs line up exactly with what God wrote in the Bible. It is this certainty that attracts people to authoritarian churches. People want answers for the big questions of life. They want to know that their life has meaning and purpose and that there is life beyond the grave. In an uncertain world that seems to be changing every day, they want stability and permanence.

Several years ago, I corresponded with a young man who was a member of a church I pastored. He was also a student in our Christian School. I told him I had a lot of guilt over what I preached and how controlling I was. (guilt I still struggle with to this day) He told me it wasn’t all my fault and that many of the people who came to the church wanted someone to tell them what to believe and how to live.

People are looking for answers, and authoritarian churches have lots of answers to give. Certainty, coupled with a close-knit, warm, and friendly church community, draws people in. They think they have f-i-n-a-l-l-y found the answer to their heart’s longing. Little do they know the heavy price that will be extracted from them for the privilege of being a member of The Only True Church in Town Baptist Church.

Authoritarian churches rob people of their identity. God, Jesus, and the church are the only things that matter, Church members are expected to crucify the flesh, to die to self. Normal human urges and expressions are deemed sin. God’s demands are constantly preached from the pulpit. Be ye perfect, even as your father in heaven is perfect. While no member is perfect, they are expected to strive for perfection. Since Jesus gave his all for them, surely they should want to give their all for Jesus the church.

While authoritarian churches preach up grace, they believe that “true” Christians believe and live according to teachings of the Bible. (actually they believe and live according to the Bible interpretations of the pastor) Most authoritarian churches teach the security of the believer (once saved, always saved, perseverance of the saints). However, if you listen closely to what they teach, you will find they believe “true” Christians believe the right doctrines and live a certain way. While they preach salvation by grace, they are actually preaching a salvation that is a mixture of grace, right beliefs, and right living. (even though they vehemently deny this)

I need to make one thing clear, Authoritarian churches base their beliefs and practices on the Bible. Every belief and practice has a proof-text to prove that a particular belief or practice is ordained by God. Authoritarian churches are Bible literalists and pride themselves in being people of the book. They are God said and I believe it, kind of people.

It should come as no surprise that this kind of religion messes people up emotionally and psychologically. Many people who leave authoritarian religions require years of psychotherapy to gain back what was taken from them. Sadly, in many cases, the damage is so severe that the person remains an emotional and psychological cripple the rest of their lives.

Authoritarian religion robs people of their identity. They gave up self to gain Jesus. People who leave authoritarian churches are often lost, in the sense that they have no idea who they are. They have spent decades living for Jesus and have no idea who they are and what it means to be human.

Often, people who leave authoritarian churches bring a lot of baggage with them. They battle with perfectionist tendencies and black and white thinking. Immersion in authoritarian religion robs a person of the ability to see nuance. They are taught that every question has an answer and that doubt and ambiguity are the tools of Satan.

In their post-authoritarian religion life they see a world filled with nuance and ambiguity. They have lots of questions that seem to have no answers. This is quite unsettling for many people. Their former world was controlled and safe. Their present world is wild and dangerous.

People who leave authoritarian churches often have trouble integrating back into society. They have left the bondage of authoritarianism but authoritarian beliefs and philosophies still live on deep in their psyche. It might take years for them to truly be free from it.

In many cases, the person may never be completely free from their past. The scars are deep and sometimes the damage done is permanently crippling. People who leave authoritarian churches want to get their life back but, in many cases, this is impossible. For many, the best they can hope for is an uneasy peace with their past. I know people want to be FREE, FREE AT LAST but sometimes true, complete freedom is difficult to obtain.

In my own life, I have to live with with the fact that I am both an abuser and a victim. I grew up and was trained in authoritarian churches. I attended an authoritarian college. As I entered the ministry and began pastoring churches, I promoted and practiced authoritarianism. How could I do anything else? It was all that I knew. It was all that was ever modeled to me. When you are in the Evangelical bubble it all makes sense. Only when you are out of the bubble do you look back and say, Wow! I believed and practiced some bat-shit crazy stuff.

Every day, I live with guilt over the harm I did to other people. Yes, they attended the churches I pastored on their own accord. No one forced them to be a church member but I still must own what I taught and the how those teachings played out in the lives of the people who called me preacher or pastor.

In some ways, this blog is an act of penance. I can’t go back and undo the damage done to other people. All I can do is be honest about the past and try to bring to light the pernicious things that go on in Evangelical churches.

I am of the opinion that much of Evangelicalism and movements like the IFB have beliefs and practices that emotionally and psychologically harm people. I know many Evangelical will object to being painted with such a broad brush, but authoritarianism is so widespread within Evangelicalism, that I see “good” Evangelicals as an apple in the midst of a trash can full of garbage. Instead of defending Evangelicalism, they need to wash the rotten filth off and leave. (as those in the emerging, emergent church have done)

When I write posts like this, there is sure to be someone who suggests their church is NOT like this. They are certain that their Evangelical church is different. Perhaps, but not likely.

Recently, one commenter was appalled by what I had written about the the IFB church movement. She pointed me to a website that she thought promoted a kinder, gentler version of Christianity. A Christianity of love and acceptance. A Christianity without “man’s” rules. In her opinion, this was the answer for those caught up in authoritarian fundamentalism.

I checked out the website and I took a look at their doctrinal statement. The Bible is the inerrant, inspired Word of God. Hell awaits those who reject Jesus as the Lord and Savior. Standard Evangelical beliefs. So, they may be kinder and gentler, but the authority of the Word of God still looms large and people who refuse to repent and believe the gospel go to hell.

As much as Evangelicals might scream and deny it, Evangelicalism is a fundamentalist religion. Some Evangelicals eschew social fundamentalism but ALL Evangelicals embrace theological fundamentalism. IFB churches are social and theological fundamentalists. Evangelicals are Bible literalists, so it should come as no surprise that authoritarianism is so widespread. It is,after all, in the B-i-b-l-e.

People who want to leave authoritarian religions have one of three options:

  • They can try to find a liberal Christian church that allows them to be who they are and makes no demands of them.
  • They can investigate non-Christian religions that allow freedom and self-awareness. (eastern religions, earth religions,spirituality)
  • They can reject religion altogether and embrace a non-theistic, humanist way of life.

For me personally, I had to leave it all to find true deliverance and freedom. In order for me to find out who I really was, I had to disavow and abandon my past. In atheism and humanism, I have found myself and I have found a way of life that best reflects the world I live in. I also found out that my beliefs about God, Jesus, and the Bible are built upon a foundation of contradictions, lies, and distortions. Once I found out the Bible was not an inspired, inerrant text, my Evangelical house of cards came tumbling to the ground.

This is my Promised Land. Like the Israelites of the Bible, there is no turning back. Yes, I still feel the past beckoning to me but, day by day, its pull becomes less and less and I hope, in time, my authoritarian past will no longer be in rearview mirror as I pass over the next mountain. I am not there yet but I am getting closer.

A Few Thoughts About Chronic Pain and Chronic Illness

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We all know about pain. Pain is our body saying to us that something is not right or we better stop doing what we are doing. Few people get through life without having times of severe pain. Like it or not, pain comes with the “being human” package. No matter how hard we try to avoid pain, pain hunts us down like a beagle after a rabbit, and try as we might to avoid it, we still have pain.

As we age, pain becomes more prominent. We wake up in the morning and our muscles and joints are stiff. When we “overdo” our body lets us know. Gone are the days of doing what we want, when we want, with few physical consequences.

As a fifty-five year old man, I have the normal pains of an aging man, and then some. It is the “then some” that dominates my life day after day. I have what doctors call chronic pain. There is not a day or a moment when I am not in pain. (except when I sleep)

Some of the chronic pain I have is related to the “sins” of my youth. I played basketball, baseball, and softball until l was in my early thirties. I have had more sprained ankles and twisted knees than I can count. I have had fluid drained from my knee twice, and since I981 I have had a chronic problem with my knees. One surgeon told me to stop playing basketball unless I wanted to spend the rest of my life crawling up the stairs to the bedroom. I have successfully held off the surgeons for thirty years, choosing to live with the off-on pain in my knees.

I have sprained or twisted most every joint on my body. I no longer play competitive sports. I am reduced to cussing at the TV as I watch my favorite sports teams. However, I am often reminded of my sports playing days as I move around the house. Arthritis has taken up residence in my knees, feet, ankles, and hands. Such is the price I must pay for playing sports decades ago.

The reason (s)  for my chronic pain remains a mystery to my doctors. My medical chart says Fibromyalgia and unknown neurological condition. (MS-like symptoms) The chart also says I have high blood pressure and Type II diabetes.

From head to toes, my muscles and joints hurt. A dull, aching pain, not unlike the pain felt after a long day of working in the garden or cutting firewood. Throughout the day I will get sharp stabbing pain in various places on my body. It just happens, with no connection to anything I am doing at the moment.

From time to time my skin nerve endings will become hyper-sensitive. When this happens I can’t stand being touched. I recently had to move the recliner I sit in. The grandchildren love to go racing through the living room and inadvertently they bump into my chair. These “bumps” are excruciating for me when my nerve endings are hyper-sensitive. Kids are kids, so I moved the chair out of runway.

Along with chronic pain, I have numbness in my thighs, hands, and face. Again, unexplained. If I go to town and walk in the store, the numbness in my thighs and face, after 10 minutes of walking, becomes a burning numbness. Quite painful. (I have had this numbness for years, long before I was diagnosed with diabetes)

Twenty or so years ago, I was hospitalized for mononucleosis, the kissing disease for teenagers, a sickness most teens quickly recover from. I was thirty-four when I came down with mono and it proved to be deadly. My doctor, a good man, treated me for several months for what he thought was some sort of infection. (I had a lot of problems with throat infections) It never dawned on him to test for mono. By the time the test for mono was done I was very sick, and two days later my wife rushed me to the emergency room.

My immune system was on the verge of collapsing. My liver and spleen were swollen and my tonsils and adenoids were pure white from the infection. My body was trying to fight off the infection but it was losing. The internist in charge of my case told Polly and I that unless my immune system turned around there was little he could for me.

Fortunately, my immune system recovered and I survived the mono. I didn’t preach for two months and I lost over fifty pounds. The mono altered my normal body temperature, dropping it to 97.0 degrees. (a source of constant irritation when the doctor’s nurse ignores me when I say a 99.0 degree reading is a fever for me)

I am of the opinion that the mono altered my immune system and the problems I face today can be traced back to the mono. I have no empirical proof for this, no  slam-dunk test result, but my overall health problems are consistent with autoimmune disease.

All I know is this, after tens of thousands of dollars spent on tests and countless visits to specialists and my primary care physician, I have a life dominated by chronic pain. I am on a daily regimen of muscle relaxers, anti-spasmodics, NSAIDS, and narcotic pain medicines. Without these medicines, it would be impossible to physically and mentally function in any meaningful way.

People who are in good health or who do not have chronic pain often have misconceptions about people who have chronic pain.

Many people think that if you take narcotic pain medications you are “pain free,” but all that pain medications do is break the pain cycle and reduce the pain. Usually this breaking of the pain cycle brings great relief, even if it is only for a short while. Most chronic pain sufferers have a roller coaster relationship with pain.

I have been asked more than a few times if I am afraid of becoming  an addict. The short answer is no. Am I physically dependent on the medicines I take? Yes, but an addict? No. (the difference between addiction and dependency)

Chronic pain has profoundly changed how I look at other people. When I was young and healthy, I had little sympathy for those suffering from chronic illnesses. I  thought they just needed to put mind over matter or just pray so God would give them the strength necessary to do all the things God I wanted them to do.

My Mom spent the last ten years of her life as an invalid. Her life was a mixture of legitimate, serious medical problems and problems resulting from being a prescription pill addict. She suffered greatly and I fully understand why she decided to end her life at age fifty-four.

As her son, a healthy, strapping, physically active man, I had little sympathy for my Mom’s suffering. All I saw was her addiction and her disobedience to God. My heart remains broken to this day over my ill-treatment of my Mom. She deserved better from her oldest son.

Funny thing about karma, payback being a bitch, whatever you want to call it. Now that I have to deal with the chronic pain and debility that comes from the Fibromyalgia and neurological problems I have, I am much more sympathetic towards the suffering of others. Now that I am part of the club, I u-n-d-e-r-s-t-a-n-d.

Years ago, I preached a “hard” sermon about raising teenagers and how “good” Christian parents should raise their teenagers. After the sermon, a man came up to me and said, you might want to wait to preach sermons like this until you have raised teenagers of your own. At the time, I blew the man off, but, as an old man now, I know how right this man was. Best to defer our judgments about others until we have walked in their shoes.

So it is for those who have chronic illnesses. Over the years, well-intentioned family, friends and acquaintances have said to me:

  • You can do anything you want to do. (no, really I can’t)
  • Just put mind over matter (one of the dumber things people say)
  • Come on Bruce, if you just go here or do this you will feel better. (and they know this how?)
  • Oh look, you are out and about today. You must be feeling better now. (no, I am just putting mind over matter)
  • My fifties were the best years of my life. (good for you. they are not for me)
  • If you just eat __________  or take ____________ your pain/illness will be cured.
  • Have you read Dr. So and So’s book? If you read Dr. So and So’s book and do exactly what he says you will be cured.

Inherent to these kind of well-intentioned offers of advice is the notion that whatever a person has wrong with them can be fixed. It is assumed that the doctors are wrong and the patient is ill-informed. (and that they KNOW better than everyone else) This is especially true with people who are proponents of alternative medicine. They are convinced that if I will just eschew the medical profession and go see a homeopath, iridologist,herbalist, acupuncturist,  or chiropractor,put magnets in my shoes, or take this supplement I will be cured. (and I am not necessarily against all non-traditional treatment)

I am glad to hear of new treatments. However, I give little credence to anecdotal stories about people being healed. When considering a new treatment, I want to look at empirical evidence for the efficacy of the new treatment. I want to see double-blind studies and the like. And even then, I am not going to let Dr. Internet be my doctor.

When I find promising new treatments (and they are far and few between) I gather up the relevant information and my doctor and I talk about it. Over the years, I have tried numerous different drugs based on the above process. Most of them did not work and others, as in the case of Lyrica, worked but had side effects severe enough to outweigh the benefit gained by using the drug.

Chronic illness is often a complex mixture of problems. I recently saw an orthopedic doctor about my hands. He told me I have multiple fires burning and we would need to put the fires out one by one in order to get down to the root problem with my hands. This is a pretty good explanation for the problems people with chronic illness face…multiple fires.

Sometimes, putting out one fire causes an unexpected fire to break out somewhere else. Drug side effects are a huge problem for people with chronic illnesses. A drug fixes one problem but causes another. (i.e. taking blood pressure medication reduces my potassium levels, so I have to take a potassium supplement)

I wrote this post in hopes of educating the healthy and encouraging the sick. I know that some of the readers of this blog suffer with chronic pain and chronic illness. I want them to know I understand. I offer no advice, no magic cure. All I can do is say I understand. And that’s all most people with chronic illness want from others. They want to know that their family and friends understand.

Feel free to share your own experience with chronic pain and illness in the comments.

How to Start an Independent Baptist Church

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John “Jesus Lover” Baptiste recently graduated from a Independent Fundamentalist Baptist college. After three or four years of superficially studying the Bible, John received his unaccredited degree in Jesus Loving, Devil Chasing, Sin Hating Pastoral Ministry. Now what?

Graduates are encouraged to go into all the world, well mainly the United States, and win souls for Jesus. The best way to do this is to start a new church.

Here is what John “Jesus Lover” Baptiste needs to do to start a brand spanking new Independent Fundamentalist Baptist Church.

First, find a town where there are churches on every corner and convince yourself that ALL of those churches are liberal, apostate, use the wrong Bible translation, or use worldly music.

Second, confuse your own desire and ambition with the Holy Spirit leading you and God calling you to start a new church.

Third, rent a meeting place or building. Make sure get the building as cheap as possible. If the building owner is a Christian lay a spiritual guilt trip on him to get him to lower the rent and then invite he and his family to the first service.

Fourth, put a puff piece in the newspaper telling the community why you are starting a new church in their community. DON’T tell them that you think ALL the other churches in town  are liberal, apostate, use the wrong Bible translation, or use worldly music. You want to be able to poach members from other churches later, so it is important no one knows what you really think of every church in town.

Fifth, every day pray that God will bless your endeavor. Convince yourself that God put you in the community to win everyone to Jesus and that without you they will all go to hell.

Sixth, tell your wife and children that you love them but they are going to have to understand that Jesus comes first and that you will have to neglect them in order for a GREAT church to be built. Also tell them that they will have to mow the church yard, clean the church, play the piano, work in the nursery, teach Sunday School, and anything else you demand ask them to do. Try to explain to them that, Yes God called YOU but he expects you to bring luggage.

Seventh, like the Jehovah’s Witnesses before you, knock on every door in town and witness to them. Lie to them, I am not here to take you from your church home. All that is important is that you know Jesus as your Savior. Don’t let them know, that IF they get saved you will expect them to come to the church that cared enough to lead them to Jesus.

Eighth, run some ads in the local newspaper and put up flyers on every public bulletin board. Church hopping members from nearby Independent Fundamentalist Baptist churches will notice the ads and see this as “God leading them” to leave their church. This is the quickest way to start a new church. And just remember, when they leave your new church a few years later for another newer church, that you were willing to sacrifice your integrity for numerical gain.

You are now ready for your first service. Remember one thing, most new church plants fail, especially new Independent Fundamentalist Baptist churches. Perhaps, it would be better if you join up with one of the other churches in town and help them.

Silly me, you will never do that. You are a God called, Holy Spirit powered Independent Fundamentalist Baptist pastor and such a calling deserves its own church, and a BIG sign that says, in BIG type, JOHN BAPTISTE, PASTOR.

The Unthinkable

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It’s 4:00 A.M.

She has been asleep for two hours.

I envy her ability to fall asleep in a matter of a few minutes.

Even when I was in good health, it took hours for me to wind down and fall asleep.

The doctor says, I have a mind that never seems to shut off.

Tonight sleeps eludes me, not because of my ever-running mind, but because my body is wracked with pain.

From head to toe, my body screams in protest.

I want to scream too.

I am already crying.

I am waiting for my friend to show up. It has been an hour and a half now.

Soon, I hope, very soon.

When my friend, the narcotic, finally arrives, I might be able to finally sleep.

It usually takes two hours before I can feel the pain start to subside.

Soon.

I think of my mother who put a gun to her chest and pulled the trigger, ripping a hole in her heart.

Twenty years ago, I couldn’t understand why she did what she did.

I do now.

I now understand how a life of pain and debility can bring a person to despair for life itself.

And to consider the unthinkable.

I think of my kids.

I love them.

I think of my grandkids.

I love them. What joy they have brought into my life.

Is my love for them enough to pull back the thoughts of the unthinkable?

Tomorrow will be another day like today.

The weather might be different, the delicious food she cooks for me will change, but one thing is certain…

Pain will be waiting for me when I climb into bed.

Pain will mockingly say to me, I  will win this battle some day.

And if I can’t win, I will reduce you to a junkie living from pain fix to pain fix.

Maybe.

When thoughts of kids and grandkids can’t stem the thoughts of the unthinkable…

I turn to gaze at the woman who for thirty-four years has shared a bed with me.

I quietly touch her, she is alive, a reminder of all we have shared together in this life.

No matter what the storms of life have brought our way, she remains my friend and lover.

My rock and shelter in time of storm.

We promised never leave or forsake one another.

I promised…

I can’t promise that I will never come to the place that I can no longer bear the pain.

Boast not thyself of tomorrow, for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth, the Bible says.

How true.

Every day must be taken on its own terms.

My friend has finally done his work.

Thoughts of the unthinkable begin to fade.

I feel sleep coming on.

Until tomorrow…

* this is not a cry for help, a solicitation for medical advice, or a request for understanding.