Dear Christian: Why You Shouldn’t Tell an Atheist God Still Loves Them

god loves you


Many Christians are quite hard-hearted. They seem to think that they have the right to say anything they want to an atheist, even when they are asked NOT to do so. Christians are fond of signing off blog comments and emails to me with “God still loves you.”

Let me put this in a different context.

Imagine if you had been married for 25 years and recently went through a bitter, acrimonious divorce. Imagine you were relieved once your divorce was final. Imagine you had a met a new person who was the love of your life, who made your eyes sparkle, and warmed your heart. Imagine that your life was now better than you ever thought possible. Here you are 57 years of age, divorced, dating a wonderful person, and life is w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l.

Now imagine running into a friend of your ex-husband. They let you know, in no uncertain terms, that your ex-husband loves you and wants to be remarried to you!  Would you be OK with this?

Yet, this is EXACTLY what Christians do when they sign off their comments or emails to me with “God still loves you.” (and often add whether you accept or believe it)

Here’s what I think. I don’t think most Christians who contact me to show their “care” or “concern” are interested me at all. I am just a sinner that needs saving, a reprobate that needs rebuking, or a backslider that needs reclaimed. Rather than accepting that I am h-a-p-p-y and satisfied with my life post-Jesus, they think if they just remind me that God, their God, the Christian God really, really, really loves me that I will somehow go running back to the spouse that I bitterly and acrimoniously divorced years ago. They want me to try to love again the spouse that took from me my youth, intellect, money and health. They want me to love again a spouse who demanded I give them everything and who gave me little or nothing in return. I did the sacrificing, I lived the life of self-denial, and what did my loving spouse do in return? Nothing. Why? Because he promised me a wonderful vacation spot after I died and that was supposed to be proof that he loved me, cared for me, and had a wonderful plan for my life.

No thanks. I have no interest in getting back together with my old spouse. They had the chance (yes they, since it was a foursome, me, the father, the son, and the holy ghost) to show me their love and they blew it. And all their other ex-spouses say the same thing. (yes, they have been married more than once) So, please don’t sign off your comment or email with “God still loves you.” I ain’t buying it.

Comments (8)

  1. Lana

    I make the same complaint with Christians, though. A friend of mine husband and son died in a wreck a few days ago, and people on FB are saying, “God loves you. God is still good.” What is their point? It makes my skin crawl.

  2. Rachel Rogel

    What they say: “God still loves you.”
    What I want them to say: “I will always love you. No matter what you believe.”
    What they say: “I’m praying for you.”
    What I want them to say: “I will do my best to listen to you and help you.”
    I feel like these phrases become a way of saying “I hope God finds a way to be or do for you what I am not willing/able to be or do.” When God did not show up people who could have made a difference were also absent. God working through imperfect people is the explanation I’ve gotten. And on the flip side I can point to some times when people have gone above and beyond to help me.

    1. Bruce Gerencser (Post author)


      Great comment and I think it gets right to the heart of the matter.


  3. Ruth

    Yep. Just got this comment in the last couple of days on my blog:

    Please don’t think, though, that what you have known is the only available understanding of Christianity. Since I don’t know your circumstances, I’m uncertain of what instance in the gospels I should point to as an example of Jesus’ love for women. However, I am sure he has love for you and would like you to experience it.

    I’m not sure what part of that I’m most insulted about. That I haven’t studied the Bible well enough to know what it says about women? That the reason I’m not a Christian is because I don’t like what the Bible says about women? Or that I’m unaware that there are a bazillion Jesus’ out there?

    But God loves me.


    1. Bruce Gerencser (Post author)

      Seems to be a polite way of saying you are ignorant. :) Why do they assume we don’t know? Granted some non-believers don’t know much about Christianity. However, most of the non-believers I have met through this blog are quite conversant in all things Christian. Ignorance is not our problem. We know too much…

  4. boomslang

    As bad and/or as undesirable as our ex’s may be, we can still (begrudgingly?) prove their existence if need be.

    And then of course, even if our former spouses are deceased, we can still produce marriage certificates and wedding photos. Can the same be said of those who claim to be in a “relationship” with an invisible, inaudible, non-corporeal, semi-dead man? Hmmm…

  5. mikespeir

    What irks me about this kind of thing is the insinuation that, deep down, we really do still believe in God. To my ear, it basically accuses us of dishonesty.

    1. Bruce Gerencser (Post author)

      That’s correct. They refuse to allow us to define our own life, yet they would be furious if we did the same to them.


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