Tag Archives: Adultery

Serial Adulterer David Hyles Has Been Restored

8 Replies
This entry is part 8 of 17 in the seriesJack Hyles and Jack Schaap

David Hyles, son of adulterer Jack Hyles, once an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) pastor and a serial adulterer, has come out of the hole he crawled into (link no longer active) over twenty years ago, and he telling all who will listen that he has been restored.

Restoration in the IFB movement is like a slum lord who remodels a house. The slum lord is only concerned about the rent money so he rehabs the house just enough to make it look acceptable and then he puts the FOR RENT sign in the window. Behind the paint and underneath the stained carpet is the same cockroach infested house that existed before the slum lord rehabbed the house. So it is with restoration in the IFB church movement and in much of Evangelicalism.

David Hyles has found two preachers to help him rehab his life,Mike Johnston and David Baker. Johnston runs a ministry called Promise Ministries International Center for Biblical Studies (PMI) in Battle Creek, Michigan. PMI is distance bible and pastoral training ministry that focuses its efforts on people in prison.

The following  graphic from the PMI website will succinctly describe for readers the focus of PMI.

David Baker, a graduate of Hyles Anderson College,  is the pastor of Lighthouse Baptist Church in Columbia, Tennessee.

What kind of church is Lighthouse Baptist Church? Again, one brief quotation from their doctrinal statement will tell readers all they need to know about the Church:

“We believe  that, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God…” (2 Tim. 3:16)  and that “every word of God is pure” (Prov. 30:5). We believe that the 66 books (Old Testament and New Testament) of our English scriptures, which is  the King James Bible (1611), were given under the direct supervision and supernatural guidance of the Holy Spirit and therefore constitute the perfect, preserved and inspired words of God without any admixture of error (Ps. 12:6,7; Ps. 19:7). We do not subscribe to the heresy that only the “original manuscripts”  are inspired and preserved. This Holy Bible is our sole authority for truth for all Christian belief and practice.”

David Hyles has found two pastors who hold to his dead father’s philosophies and beliefs to help him restore his life. Asking IFB pastors, especially those who hold to perverted, truncated cheap view of grace, to help you restore your life is like asking the town drunk to help you stop drinking.

I am all for people trying to turn their lives around. (though I tend to think change is hard) I am all for people trying to change their ways. However, I think to do so a person must own their past behavior, be honest about their actions, and not expect people to just forgive and forget.

David Hyles, by all accounts, was a serial adulterer. He had sex with numerous women in multiple churches. His sexual conquests are well documented. His father covered up his perverse behavior and helped him get a fresh start at a new church. In the new church David Hyles repeated the same conduct that got him into trouble in the first place.

In 2007, the following appeared on The Conservative Babylon website:

Claims to fame: Son of Jack Hyles; former Youth Minister, First Baptist Church of Hammond; ex-pastor, Miller Road Baptist Church (Garland, Texas); accused serial adulterer; divorcé; cohabitator; alleged child abuser; suspected child killer

Moral apex: As the story goes (we don’t know; we weren’t there), somebody at Hyles’s church discovered porn magazines containing ads for group sex which, they reportedly claimed, featured photos of Hyles having sex with church member Brenda Stevens (by some accounts, the daughter of a deacon). A story soon surfaced that Hyles had had extramarital sex with some 19 female members of the church.

Every one of these women was apparently stupid enough to think she was Brother Dave’s “one-and-only,” according to a voice on a taped phone conversation attributed to Dave’s wife Paula. And, as you can guess, it appears more than a few marriages where destroyed when the truth came out.

What happened next: It appears to outsiders that Miller Road Baptist threw him out, and his wife divorced him and took off with their two kids, and he started living with Stevens (out of — gasp! — wedlock) in Illinois.

Where it gets really tragic: Stevens had a small son, Brent. Dave Hyles was suspected of abusing the boy — who had suffered some eight or nine broken bones in his short life, which had never been treated. Brent was taken out of Hyles and Steven’s Illinois home and given to his biological father in Texas. Within a few months, for reasons beyond comprehension, Brent was returned to Stevens.

And then, in late 1985, 15-month-old Brent was found dead in his crib. Hyles, who had been alone with the child, claimed he found him not breathing, and called police. It has been suggested in a few online articles that Dave’s father Jack arrived before the cops did.

A coroner’s inquest into Brent’s death (at which Hyles took exercised his Fifth Amendment rights — and which the baby’s mother doesn’t appear to have attended) was apparently thwarted because the little boy had been embalmed and buried (reportedly the very next day after his death), before a proper autopsy could be performed. (An empty bottle of Actifed — for which a prescription had been filled only the day before Brent’s death — was found at the scene.)

Without any physical evidence of wrongdoing, Hyles was not indicted. The case remains open.

If those who follow the Hyles story are correct (waving at the Fighting Fundamentalists!), n the mid-1990s Hyles went to work teaching Sunday school at a Pinellas Park Baptist Church in Florida — which reportedly expelled him on charges of adultery. It’s also been reported that he was thrown out of the next church he attended (Berean Baptist Church in Orange Park, Florida), for “sexual misconduct” with three different women.

(One of those women is assumed to be church secretary Joyce Phaneuf, who appears to have been arrested for prostitution in 2003. Assuming this is the same Joyce Phaneuf, her mug shot and arrest report — which notes the tattoo on her right-upper thigh, reading “David’s Girl” — are available at everybody’s favorite finger-wagging site, The Smoking Gun.)

Just when you think it can’t get any more tragic: Hyles, it’s said, finally married Stevens and they had their own child together, a boy named Jack David. In March, 1999, when the child was five years old, Stevens was reported to have run over him with her car, killing him. According to news reports, she claimed he must have fallen out of the vehicle, and she didn’t know it….

What does David Hyles say to reports like the one on The Conservative Babylon? He ignores it and refuses to directly confirm or reject the behaviors he is accused of. Instead, in a blog page titled, David Hyles: My Story, (page no longer available) Hyles writes:

Others may be reading this book merely out of curiosity. You heard of me and read many of the horrible stories about me. Now you want to know what I am going to say in defense or in explanation. I trust you will not be too disappointed, but this is not a tell all book. I have no intention of defending myself nor do I plan on trying to separate the truth from the legion of lies. I do not believe it would bring honor to God for me to try and explain what is and is not true. Explanation often leads to excuse or blame and I desperately fear that. You do not need to read about my sins. You just need to know that whatever I did do when I was away from the Father, God in His rich mercy and grace has restored me to HIMSELF. This is a book about grace. I trust that God’s grace and not my sins will be glorified.

In other words, whatever Hyles did or didn’t do he ain’t tellin’. God has forgiven him, it’s under the blood, time to move on. Time to move on meaning, I have written a book I want you to buy.

Hyles has some sharp words for his critics:

First you are hurting the lost. Several years ago I worked with a young man who knew I was a Christian. This young man was searching. He had dabbled into several religions in his search. He respected me and began to question me about Christ. God was working in his life and I felt he was very close to accepting Christ as his Savior. Someone, in an attempt to hurt my business began circulating an email through my workplace and he received it, anonymously, of course. He never again listened to me and eventually our paths parted. I pray every day for God to save him. It was not MY sins that turned him away. No, actually it was the evil spirit of those my accusers who claimed to be Christians. He wanted no part of that.

Secondly, you are hurting the fallen. Countless Christians have seen what you have done to me and to others who have fallen and decided to just disappear rather than being restored. I believe that there have been suicides and other tragedies that could have been prevented if a fallen brother or sister had felt there was hope. You diatribes on your filthy forums serve Satan’s purpose well.

Thirdly you are hurting those who I have hurt. Please hear me on this. Every fallen pastor or Christian leaves hurting people in their sinful wake. I did. I know that. It breaks my heart. David did too and his heart was broken. There is little we can do to repair the damage. Their deliverance must come from God and it will not come from revenge or retribution. It will come only from forgiveness. Please allow God to be God and to deal with his children as He will. Stay out of it and encourage those who have been hurt to find their peace from God not from your vigilante system of internet justice.

Allow me to elaborate on this just a bit more. People who are hurt by a sinner are destroyed by bitterness. No one’s sin can destroy your life. Our loving Father would not allow that. He stands ready as a loving Father to pick you up and mend your broken heart. Sinners (and that includes us all) do bad things that affect other’s lives. For all have sinned… However, if we get them to take their eyes off of the offender and place it on the Savior they can be healed. Closure does not come from our flawed idea of justice. It comes from letting God heal us even as He deals with the one who offended or hurt us.

Fourthly you are hurting you! The manure you are hurling fails to hit me but your hands sure do smell of the filth you have no business picking up. I am sorry for the pain that makes you feel that somehow you will gain some kind of satisfaction from trying to hurt me. I wish this book could give you the peace you are lacking but I sincerely doubt it will.

Finally and most importantly, you are hurting the Father. I have news for you that is not going to please you, but here goes. GOD LOVES ME and I AM SAVED AND FORGIVEN! I fell but, you see, when a Christian falls we do not fall away from grace, we fall into it, hence the name of this book. I am in His grace and one day I will stand before Him clothed in the righteousness of His Son and not the sin of my own.  Why would you dare try and hurt the heart of God? Is it because there is unconfessed sin in your life? Are you so far from Him that you have lost the sweetness of His mercy and grace in your own life? That is sad.

David Hyles, like countless abusers before him who refuse to own their past behavior, points the finger at those who attempt to hold him accountable for what he did. Hyles thinks he has a get out of jail free card. He thinks the blood of Jesus has cleansed him from all of his past actions and if God has forgiven him so should everyone else.

David Hyles perpetrated acts against real flesh and blood people and if he is serious about turning his life around he MUST deal with the men, women, and children he personally hurt. Putting his past actions under the blood, cast into the sea of God’s forgetfulness, might play well in IFB churches, but here in the real world where real hurt most be atoned for, David Hyles is expected to own his past behavior, make a complete confession, and, as much as is humanly possible, make restitution to those he hurt.

David Hyles is writing a book. Donating all the proceeds of this book to non IFB social groups that help abused women would be a sign that Hyles is serious about getting his life in order. Anyone want to start a betting pool on the likelihood that that will happen? Put me down for 10.00 on “there is no chance in hell or heaven that will happen.”

It is clear from David Hyles’ blog, Fallen In Grace, (link no longer active) that he is still a believer in IFB doctrines. No matter what “sins” he committed, no matter how perverse his life was, because of the IFB doctrine of “once saved, always saved,” Hyles was always a Christian. No matter how many people he hurt and abused he we was always God’s child. (and, according to this pernicious doctrine, I am still a Christian. Once you become a Christian you can never leave, just like Hotel California) This turns the Christian gospel of grace on its head and no matter what a person might have done, if they, at one time or the other, mouthed the right prayer, they are a Christian.

This is why David Hyles can reinvent himself and start fresh. Like countless preachers before him, his God has hosed off the shit from his life, and he is a clean, fresh-smelling Christian.However, I suspect the people who David Hyles hurt and abused still can smell the shit. Their lives were forever marred by the perverse actions of David Hyles.

I have no doubt David Hyles will convince a lot of people that he is truly a new man and that God has a wonderful, new, exciting ministry for him. Christians love a comeback story and Hyles is counting on their gullibility to make a new life for himself.

For those of us who lived through the David Hyles scandals and the Jack Hyles scandal, we are not easily fooled. When David Hyles demonstrates true acts of repentance and penitence then people like me might, in time, be willing to give him a twelfth chance. Based on what Hyles has written so far, he sees no need for repentance and penitence. He sees no need to make things right with those he victimized. God has forgiven him and THAT is all that matters.  Because of this, I am inclined to think that David Hyles is just another disgraced IFB preacher trying to make a comeback because he needs some money.

Why I Find Perverse Pleasure in the Sexual Peccadilloes of Evangelical Leaders

8 Replies

I am quite indifferent to the sexual peccadilloes of others. What consenting adults do sexually is none of my business. I think so-called sexual “sins” like adultery and fornication find their foundation in the Bible and I reject the Bible as a moral or ethical standard.

We are sexual creatures. Desiring to have sex is as much a part of who we are as eating and drinking. Sexual activity, regardless of orientation, is normal and it not surprising when sexual activity overflows the banks of the Christian moral river.

It doesn’t surprise me that Dinesh D’Souza had sex with a woman other than his wife. Recent reports say that not only was D’Souza committing what his Christian faith calls adultery, but he was doing the deed with a married woman. (see Crooks and Liars report)

Again, no surprise. I am never shocked when I hear of a man or woman getting themselves into trouble over sexual matters. It is, after all, what humans do. Just think of all the people in the world who are, as you are reading this post, having sex. And I bet a lot of the sex is happening outside the narrow confines of the Puritanical Christian view of sexuality.

The reason I find perverse pleasure in the sexual peccadillos of Evangelical leaders has to do with their pontificating on moral values. Take Dinesh D’Souza. Right Wing Watch reports:

Last week, conservative pseudo-intellectual Dinesh D’Souza was featured on a conference call for Rick Scarborough’s 40 Days to Save America. D’Souza said Obama is “attacking the traditional values agenda” by supporting marriage equality and abortion rights, arguing that “Obama doesn’t like traditional Christianity because he identifies it with colonialism.” However, D’Souza’s rhetoric about “traditional morality” may be undermined by the fact that at a recent conference he reportedly shared a hotel room with a woman other than his wife, whom he introduced as his fiancée. D’Souza later admitted to getting engaged to his girlfriend even though he is still married, but denies sharing a hotel room with her at the conference.

“Why is Obama on the social issues — and I’m thinking here of abortion, I’m thinking here of gay marriage — why is Obama so aggressive in attacking the traditional values agenda? I think the reason for it is because when Obama thinks about colonialism, about the British and the French who went abroad to conquer other countries, or earlier the Spanish and the Portuguese, I come from a part of India that was a Portuguese colony at one time, I think for Obama colonialism is identified not just with the soldiers but also with the missionaries. Remember it’s the missionaries that went alongside the conquerors, the conquistadors, came to the Americas and worked on converting the Indians and later missionaries went to China, India and Japan. So I think this is the problem, Obama doesn’t like traditional Christianity because he identifies it with colonialism. Obama’s own Christianity is more of a Third World liberation theology, a very different kind of Jeremiah Wright type philosophy, summarized in the idea that America is the rogue nation in the world.”

Later, D’Souza said that politics are driven by a moral and spiritual divide that only God can change, grateful that we don’t have “an absentee God like Obama’s dad.”

“Ultimately there’s a political divide in this country but underneath that is a moral divide, and underneath that is a spiritual divide. I think that the deepest problems facing America and the West in the end are not political, they are spiritual. This is why it makes sense even as we debate policy issues, even as we debate moral issues, to turn to the maker of the universe, this maker of the universe that isn’t just an absentee God like Obama’s dad, a kind of absentee father who got things going and then took off but a God who cares about each one of us and certainly about our country.”

What a hypocrite. If Evangelical church leaders want to be treated like normal, frail, human beings then they need to shut the hell up when it comes to matters of sexuality. As long as they continue to present their religion as the moral arbiter in the world and as long as they publicly state that they speak for God on sexual matters, I will continue to find perverse pleasure when reading a report about the local Baptist pastor getting a blow job by a prostitute in back of the adult bookstore.

But Bruce, you admitted to going to a strip club when you were a pastor. What does that make you? A hypocrite. I have no problem owning my behavior and if I had been “caught” I would deserved every bit of the scorn and ridicule I received from the “world.”

Here is what I know about Christian men. According to the Bible, every Christian man is an adulterer. The Bible says in Matthew 5:28:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Show me a man, let alone of Christian man, who has never looked at a woman and not lusted (desired) after her. I know some self-righteous preacher will surely say….NOT ME! And I say to that…liar.

If Evangelical preachers would ever be honest about their own sexuality, the shrill rhetoric over the sexuality of other people would end overnight.

Yeah, right.

Imagine Baptist Preacher Jim Bob admitting to the congregation that he saw a hot looking woman at  Finger-Licking Good Buffet. Imagine if he dared to admit that he wondered if she was on the buffet menu. Well we know what would happen. All those self-righteous hypocrites that Baptist Preacher Jim Bob trained so well would kick him out of the church for being immoral.

Evangelicals need to get the memo that reminds them that humans do what humans do and having sex is an essential part of what it means to be a human.

Ok, that’s it for today. Time to watch me some NFL football.

Dinesh D’Souza, Evangelical Zealot, Divorcing Wife and Marrying His Mistress

20 Replies

Another Evangelical leader’s hypocritical infidelity was exposed today. Dinesh D’Souza is divorcing his wife and marrying his mistress. Guys like D’Souza are like the gift that keeps on giving.

Warren Cole Smith, in a short article titled, King’s Crisis, reported today:

About 2,000 people gathered on Sept. 28 at First Baptist North in Spartanburg, S.C., to hear high-profile Christians speak on defending the faith and applying a Christian worldview to their lives. Among the speakers: Eric Metaxas, Josh McDowell, and—keynote speaker for the evening—best-selling author, filmmaker, and Christian college president Dinesh D’Souza.

D’Souza’s speech earned him a standing ovation and a long line at the book-signing table immediately afterward. Although D’Souza has been married for 20 years to his wife, Dixie, in South Carolina he was with a young woman, Denise Odie Joseph II, and introduced her to at least three people as his fiancée.

Finally, near 11 p.m., event organizer Tony Beam escorted D’Souza and Joseph to the nearby Comfort Suites. Beam noted that they checked in together and were apparently sharing a room for the night in the sold-out hotel. The next morning, around 6 a.m., Beam arrived back at the hotel and called up to D’Souza’s room. “We’ll be down in 10 minutes,” D’Souza told Beam. D’Souza and Joseph came down together, and Beam took them to the airport.

The next day another conference organizer, Alex McFarland, distressed by D’Souza’s behavior, confronted him in a telephone conversation. D’Souza admitted he shared a room with his fiancée but said “nothing happened.” When I called D’Souza, he confirmed that he was indeed engaged to Joseph, but did not explain how he could be engaged to one woman while still married to another. When asked when he had filed for divorce from his wife, Dixie, D’Souza answered, “Recently.”

According to San Diego County (Calif.) Superior Court records, D’Souza filed for divorce only on Oct. 4, the day I spoke with him. Under California law, that starts the clock on a six-month waiting period for divorce. D’Souza on Oct. 4 told me his marriage was “over,” said he “is sure Denise is the one for me,” and said he had “done nothing wrong.”

The episode is a strange twist in D’Souza’s otherwise meteoric rise in the evangelical world. He developed a reputation among evangelicals with a string of best-sellers, including The Roots of Obama’s Rage, which spawned a movie,Obama: 2016, which has now grossed more than $30 million. He broke into the Christian conference and megachurch market in 2007 with the release of a book that year, What’s So Great About Christianity.

D’Souza now receives speaking fees sometimes in excess of $10,000 from Christian groups, putting him in the top tier of Christian speakers. In 2010 he became president of The King’s College, New York City, which is supported by Campus Crusade for Christ, now called Cru. At that time he moved from California to New York, with his wife staying in California.

D’Souza said King’s board chairman Andy Mills has known about his marital trouble for at least two years. Mills confirmed that through a spokesman, Mark DeMoss, who added that Mills was “hopeful about restoration and both he [D’Souza] and Andy were praying to that end.” DeMoss said The King’s College board met by conference call to begin “looking into the situation.” D’Souza participated in a portion of that call, DeMoss said. Following that meeting, on Oct. 15, D’Souza wrote in a text message to me: “I have decided to suspend the engagement.”

The King’s board plans further discussion at a regularly scheduled meeting on Oct. 17 and 18, DeMoss said.

This is a picture of D’Souza’s mistress,

It appears that the young woman, Denise Odie Joseph, is 25-30 years younger than D’Souza.

The Evangelical Closet

30 Replies
This entry is part 5 of 17 in the seriesJack Hyles and Jack Schaap

Most homes and apartments have closets. We use closets to store things, keep things out of sight, and to maintain order.  Metaphorically, a closet is a state or condition of secrecy, privacy, or obscurity.

A few years back my family and I lived in Yuma, Arizona. We lived in a beautiful home, the largest home we have ever lived in. The master bedroom had a ginormous closet, bigger than several offices I had over the years. This closet was perfect for a person like me. I have an Obsessive Compulsive Personality and I love order. I love everything having its own place.

So it is with Evangelical Christianity. Evangelicals have a ginormous closet they use to store the people and behaviors they don’t want other Evangelicals and the outside world to see. This closet is a metaphorical closet, a state or condition of secrecy, privacy, or obscurity.

Evangelicals believe the Bible is the inspired, authoritative Word of God. They believe the Bible is  God’s guidebook for life, the roadmap for life, the divine standard for living. The Bible itself says:

According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: 2 Peter 1:3

According to 2 Peter 1:3, God has given the Evangelical Christian EVERYTHING they need pertaining to life and godliness. Filled with the Holy Spirit and armed with an infallible, supernatural Bible, the Evangelical has everything he need to live a Godly, holy, righteous life.

According to the Bible, Evangelicals should be the cream of the moral and ethical crop. They should be pillars of virtue in their communities. Surely a person filled with God Spirit and having  God’s written blueprint for life should be head and shoulders above the rest of us mere fallible cretins.

Should be, yes,  but are they? No. Every week there is another Evangelical pastor, evangelist, professor, principal, teacher, or para-church leader in the news because of a moral failing or some sort of criminal behavior. Every week we hear of another Holy Spirit filled  Evangelical church member committing a crime, getting divorced, entering rehab, having an affair, having a baby out of wedlock, getting busted for drug possession or getting a DUI.

Study after study tells us that Evangelicals are no more or less moral and ethical than their non-Evangelical counterparts. The Evangelical’s life is indistinguishable from the life of non-Evangelicals. In every way the Evangelical is just like everyone else. Take away from the picture the trappings of the Evangelical ghetto and all that is left is a life that looks pretty much just like everyone else’s life.

Foundational to Evangelical life is the notion that some actions are sin. The Bible defines sin as transgression of the law, law meaning the law of God. When an Evangelical does something that is on the official Evangelical sin list (and the list varies from Evangelical to Evangelical, pastor to pastor, church to church) they are believe they are sinning against a thrice holy God. Every sin is an affront to God. Every sin is a repudiation of what Jesus did on the cross for the Evangelical.

Evangelicals hear their pastor and para-church leaders routinely delineate exactly what actions (and thoughts) are sins. Evangelicals are expected to NOT sin. They are expected to show in their lives that they are a child of King Jesus.

While Evangelicals will likely deny it, a lot of emphasis is placed on looking like and outwardly acting like an Evangelical Christian. At an early age Evangelicals learn to play the game. They learn the lingo and they learn what outward actions will make others think they are an Evangelical in good standing. Perception is what matters.

Evangelicals are taught that God wants them to be winners, to be victorious.  The Bible says, speaking of the Christian, if God be for us who can be against us? Paul encouraged Christians to run the race that was set before them. They were to always keep their eye of the goal of crossing the finish line as the winner of the race.

Evangelical church services can best be described as a pep rally or a motivational seminar. How-to sermons are common and the goal is to help church members live up to the Bible standard of conduct. Look around the average Evangelical church…a monoculture, people looking, thinking, and living the same way. Evangelicalism is the king of the religious manufacturing world, producing from one die Evangelical Christian after Evangelical Christian.

They all look and act the same way. To the outsider, the Evangelical way of life seems to be worthy of emulation. Their demeanor and way of life, complete with perfect marriages and families, cause many an outsider to desire what the Evangelical has.

The Evangelical façade gives the appearance that all is well in Evangelicalism, but if we look in the Evangelical closet we quickly find out that looks can be deceiving.

As I mentioned above, Evangelicals are not any different than their counterparts in the “world.” For the most part they live just like everyone else does. They have similar attitudes, desires, wants, and needs and therein lies the problem for Evangelicals. Many of their attitudes, desires, wants, and needs are considered “sin.” If they indulge these attitudes, desires, wants, and needs they are breaking God’s law and breaking God’s law results in them being out of fellowship with God and out of fellowship with their fellow Evangelicals.

Not only are they out of fellowship with God, according to the Bible, they will likely be chastised by God for being disobedient. Evangelicals fear God punishing them for giving in to “sinful” attitudes, desires, wants, and needs. Sunday after Sunday they are implored by their pastor to live right, get right with God, repent, be on fire for Jesus, and to so order their lives that Jesus would be proud to call them his own. They are told Jesus is coming soon and that they should want to be found faithfully serving Jesus when he comes again. After all, no Evangelical wants to be caught at an adult bookstore or at a bar when Jesus comes again.

Every Sunday Evangelicals leave their place of worship with a heart set on living a life that is pleasing to God. And then…an hour, a day, or a week later their “sinful” attitudes, desires, wants, and needs draw them back into the “world.” The Evangelical is caught in a constant struggle  between his humanness, who he really is, and this struggle leads to fear and guilt.

The Evangelical knows his life must be a certain way to be pleasing to God, and more importantly, for him to be accepted by his pastor and fellow Evangelicals. Since he can not successfully keep from giving in to his “sinful” attitudes, desires, wants, and needs, he learns to give the outward appearance of having it all together.

He takes all his “sinful” attitudes, desires, wants, and needs and shoves them to the back of the Evangelical closet. Once in the closet, no one will ever know what really goes on in his life. As long as he outwardly looks and acts like an Evangelical all will be well.

If there is one thing I know about the Evangelical closet, it is this…what is put in the closet rarely stays in the closet. Human nature, human wants, desires, and needs will most always win over commands and demands from a religious text like the Bible. When a struggle between God and human nature breaks out, human nature usually wins the battle.

Evangelicals are taught that basic human emotions and desires like angry, envy, jealousy, and lust are “sins.”  Eating too much,cursing, indulging in a smoke or a beer, having sex with the wrong person, watching the wrong programs on TV, voting for the wrong person, supporting the wrong causes, having the wrong kind of friends, wearing the wrong kind of clothes, not reading the Bible or praying every day, or reading the wrong kind of books, among countless other things, are “sins” according to the Evangelical interpretation of the Bible.

When in the company of fellow Evangelicals, the Evangelical thinks, acts, looks, and talks in the approved manner. Once away from the company of his fellow Evangelicals he often reverts to his base nature  and as much as he tries to keep his base needs, wants and desires in the closet, out they come.

Sometimes his “sinful” attitudes, desires, wants, and needs spill out for all to see, and once this happens everyone knows that the Evangelical is just like everyone else. He has the propensity to be a good or bad person just like everyone else. He is, outside of what he does with his time on Sunday, no different than the atheist, humanist,new-ager, or those he thinks worship false Gods.

The difference, of course, is that the Evangelical has presented himself to the world as a righteous, holy, moral, and ethical human being. He led others to believe that he is above the fray, different and better than the “sinners” in the world. His outward demonstration of Evangelical faith gives the appearance that he is a devoted follower of Jesus, a man committed to living a life of devotion, a life of godliness.

And then the truth comes out. Jack Schaap, David Hyles, Jack Hyles, Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart, Bob Gray, Jim Bakker, and countless Evangelical men and women you have never heard of, are exposed as fornicators, adulterers, child molesters,  or thieves. Out of the closet comes Evangelical men and women who secretly have homosexual relationships. Out of the closet comes Evangelicals with computers filled with pornographic images. Every behavior found among the unwashed, uncircumcised Philistines of the world is found among Evangelicals.

Evangelicals are shocked to find out that the people they trusted to lead them, to teach them the Bible, are hypocrites, living one way while telling them to live another way. Often they are shocked to find out the people they went to church with every Sunday are perverts, alcoholics, drug addicts, and tax cheats. 

They are shocked to find out that Bro. So and So abused his wife and that Sister So and So is having an affair with one of the deacons.  They are shocked to find out that the adult Sunday school  swears like a sailor, subscribes to Playboy, and watches pay-per-view porn. They are astounded to find out that the pastor’s daughter got pregnant at age fourteen and had an abortion.

Those of us outside of Evangelicalism often have a perverse sense of delight when Evangelicals are exposed as being just like the rest of us. When a Jack Schaap, James Henderson, or a Ted Haggard is exposed for all the world to see we cheer and say, serves them right.

Those of us who were once Evangelicals often forget what we once were. We forget how we used to live our lives. We forget that we had our own secret “sins” that we stored ever-so-carefully in the Evangelical closet.

If we remember where we came from, perhaps we can then have a bit of sympathy and understanding for Evangelicals who find their humanness exposed for all to see. By being exposed they are now forced to come to terms with their humanness. They are forced to admit that, no they are not any different than the people they called heathens, sinners, degenerates, reprobates, or godless. It is hard for Evangelicals to admit, I am  human, to admit that, for all their sanctimony and Bible-thumping they are no different than atheists like me.

The first step in the twelve step embracing your humanness program is to admit you are not better better than anyone else. This first step is hard for Evangelicals because they have spent their entire lives thinking they were special, that they were unique, chosen by God.

I am not suggesting that all bad behaviors by Evangelicals are just the Evangelicals being human and should be excused. We all know that certain behaviors are wrong regardless of who is doing it. Harmful acts against children are always wrong. Physically or sexually assaulting others is always wrong. We understand that there is a small set of human behaviors  that must not be tolerated and should be punished.(like my counselor told me, we can all agree that killing, roasting, and eating a baby is wrong)

Many of the Evangelical “sins” are not what non-Evangelicals would consider wrong. It is the Evangelical moral and ethical code that says certain behaviors are wrong and often Evangelicals find themselves doing things that are contrary to the official Evangelical code of living. Their behavior is only wrong when viewed in the context of their Evangelical beliefs.

A central tenet of the Evangelical religion is self-denial. (I have written about this here) Evangelicals are taught and expected to deny who and what they really are. If the Bible says something is a “sin” then the Evangelical MUST refrain from doing it regardless of what his desire, want, or need is.

An Evangelical man knows he is a homosexual or bisexual. No matter how much he tries to deny his desires, no matter how often he tries to pray away the gay, he still has homosexual or bisexual desires. He may even marry a godly Christian woman, but buried deep in his Evangelical closet is the fact that he is a homosexual, that he desires to love men and have sex with men. All the self-denial in the world won’t change who he really is and what he really desires.

Evangelical Christianity considers every normal sexual desire a sin except heterosexual, monogamous, married sex. Homosexuality, bisexuality, sex before marriage, non-monogamous sex, and masturbation are all routinely labeled as “sins” against God. Looking at pornographic magazines, watching pay-per-pew porn movies, or perusing videos at youporn.com are all considered “sinful” acts that no godly Evangelical would ever commit. (Evangelicals commit these “sins” as often as non Evangelicals do)

The Evangelical is taught to fight against his humanness. He must deny the lusts of the flesh. He must die to self.  He must crucify the flesh. But he can’t. No matter how much he tries, his humanness still forces its way to the forefront and he ends up doing things that his church, pastor, and fellow Evangelicals consider “sinful.”

It should come as no surprise that living like this often results in mental breakdown. Ex-Evangelicals like me often spend countless hours in therapy trying to reconnect with who and what we really are. Riddled with fear and guilt, our lives are in need of complete demolition and reconstruction. Everything must be stripped away before the true, authentic person can be found again. Who we really are was swallowed up by our devotion to God, the church, and the Bible and only by casting those things aside can we find once again who and what we really are. 

It often takes years and years to get back what was taken from us. As we regain our humanness, we are often confronted with angry thoughts and feelings. We feel betrayed and we wonder how could we have been sucked into the Evangelical way of life. We wonder…at what point did we surrender our humanness? For people like me, we surrendered our humanness as children. We lived with fear and guilt for decades, and even now we battle with an Evangelical hangover. We wonder if we will ever truly be free from our past, free from those things that robbed us of who we really are.

I am an avid fan of the Showtime hit, Dexter. The main character of Dexter is forensic blood splatter expert by day, serial killer by night, Dexter Morgan. Dexter’s sister Debra is a detective and she recently found out that Dexter is a serial killer. She has decided that she is going to keep Dexter from killing. In the latest episode of Dexter, Debra’s attempts to keep Dexter from killing cause a rift between her and Dexter. Why? Debra is driving Dexter crazy by trying to keep him from being who he really is. She wants him to stop killing and he want to follow what he calls his “dark passenger” and kill people he believes deserve to be killed. (Dexter follows a code given to him by his father Harry, a code that Dexter uses to determine who should be killed)

Debra finally realizes that Dexter must be free to be who he is. Little does she know that he never did stop killing. Dexter is a serial killer, and killing is what serial killers do.

Evangelicals are humans, and like Dexter, their humanness calls to them and demands attention. No matter how long or how often they force their humanness into the Evangelical closet, it continues to call out to them. They can no more deny who they are than Dexter Morgan can deny that he is a serial killer.

The only hope for the Evangelical is to leave Evangelicalism. Its beliefs and practices are not healthy. Any belief system that requires a person to deny their humanness and calls normative human behavior “sin” is not healthy and should be rejected.

I am not suggesting that atheism,agnosticism or humanism is the answer.  For some of us it is, but for many people, atheism,agnosticism or humanism will not give them what they need emotionally or spiritually. (and atheists are naïve to think otherwise)  All of us need need beliefs, connections, and interactions that celebrate and respect our humanness while giving meaning, purpose, and significance to our lives.

There are countless religious groups and beliefs a person can find meaningful without losing who they really are. The Evangelical must be willing to break free from the certainty that Evangelicalism purports to give, and embark on a journey of self-discovery.

This journey is called the human life, a life of embracing who and what we are. A life of depth and meaning that allows us to find a life that matters. This is a journey we must walk alone. There is no right or wrong  path as long as we walk with openness, honesty, and integrity.

Above all…we must embrace who and what we are.

Adulterous Pastor Jack Schaap Charged Today

10 Replies
This entry is part 7 of 17 in the seriesJack Hyles and Jack Schaap

The Chicago Tribune reports:

A former northwest Indiana pastor was charged in federal court today with taking a minor across state lines in and has signed a plea agreement, prosecutors announced.

Jack A. Schaap, of Crete, and Dyer, Ind., was charged in a criminal information in U.S. District Court in Hammond, Ind., according a news release from the district’s U.S. attorney’s office.

The FBI had confirmed last month that it was investigating whether Schaap, the former pastor of an Indiana megachurch, broke any laws during a relationship with a girl who was 17 last month that led to his ouster from First Baptist Church in Hammond.

Schaap, 54, admitted to adultery and “improper behavior” with the teenager, leading a board of deacons to fire him last month, a church spokesman said at the time.

Schaap had a relationship between June 1 and July 30 with a girl who had not yet turned 18, and took her from Indiana to Illinois and to Michigan, according to the criminal information. Schaap took the girl “with the intent that she engage in sexual activity for which (Schaap could) be charged with a criminal offense,” according to the information.

Prosecutors are seeking the forfeiture of several items Schaap is alleged to have used in committing the crime, including an iPad, an iPhone, a digital camera, a voice recorder and two computer flash drives, according to the information.

In his plea agreement, which also was filed in federal court today, Schaap admits that he had sex with the girl, the girl was under his care or supervision, and he used a computer to persuade the girl to have sex with him illegally.

Schaap was scheduled to have his initial court appearance Wednesday at 3 p.m. before U.S. Magistrate Judge Paul Cherry in Hammond. As part of the plea deal, he waived his right to have the charges against him considered by a grand jury for indictment.

An FBI spokesman said last month that the agency was investigating whether Schaap was involved in “an improper sexual relationship with an underage.”

Gender,Sex, Sexuality, and the Baggage We Carry

19 Replies

Warning! Adult language. Do not read if you are easily offended. (stop scrolling so fast it is not that racy)

Female, Male, Hermaphrodite

Homosexual,Heterosexual, Bisexual, Asexual

Pornography, Prostitution

Adultery, Fornication

Masturbation, Anal sex, Oral Sex

Marriage,Same Sex Marriage, Divorce, Living Together, Hooking Up, Friends with Benefits

Age of Consent, Marriageable Age, Birth Control, Abortion

These are but a few terms  and issues associated with discussions about gender, sex, and sexuality.

When these things are discussed, debated, and argued about each of us bring our own baggage to the discussion. Our religious, political, cultural beliefs and experiences often color our ability to have a rational discussion about these things.  The things we have experienced in the past and the things people close to us have experienced  often affects how we view issues like gender, sex, and sexuality.

These issues are hot-button issues and, far too often, discussions about them quickly devolve into posturing, drawing lines, and name calling.

Words like misogynist, sexist, homophobic, womanizer, abuser, user, and pervert are bandied about carelessly with little or no regard to the harm these words can cause. Granted, there are times that these labels are warranted, but sometimes we are too quick to attach derogatory labels to people without trying to understand where they are coming from.

Take Prostitution. I support the legalization of prostitution. What two (or more) consenting adults do sexually to or with each other is of no concern to me. I support health and licensing requirements but beyond that I consider prostitution to be a victimless crime.

When I write about my view on prostitution, I am often told that I am supporting the objectification of women and that I am supporting actions that demean and debase women.

No, what I am supporting is the right for adults to sexually do what they want without the religious beliefs or social conventions of others getting in the way. Often objectification is in the eye of the beholder.  For example, many employers objectify their employees, treating them as a means to an end.

Take the issue of marriage. Again, I am indifferent to many of the objections people have when it comes to marriage. I am of the opinion that people should be treated equally under the law and matters beyond that are not anyone’s business.

Marriage is a contract and every party is free to determine the terms of the contract. Is it wrong for a married man to have sex outside of marriage? It depends on the terms of the contract he has with his wife. I know of several marriages where the woman is quite happy if the man has a mistress or frequents prostitutes.They have no interest in sex and their reasons for marrying were financial stability and companionship.

We need to remember that gender, sex, and sexuality are complex issues, complicated by the baggage we bring to the discussion. If we remember this, hopefully we will not be so quick to lambast those who have a different view than we do. We must also make sure we do not confuse a differing view on sex and sexuality with a person’s morality. My support of prostitution does not mean I use the services of a prostitute. It does mean, I make no moral judgment about people who do, and I most certainly do not make any moral judgment about a man or woman who decides to earn a living providing sexual services.

We all need to carefully think about these issues. Sadly, too many people let the TV do their thinking for them. Again, take  prostitution. Most people have never sought out the services of a prostitute and most people don’t know anyone who is a prostitute. Unless they carefully think about and research this issue they will likely have a distorted view.

How does TV portray prostitution? Either they show the prostitute as a drop-dead gorgeous woman making 5,000 a night or a teeth falling out meth head who will screw anyone for 20 bucks. While both of these portrayals are true, they are the exception to the rule. Contrary to how the TV portrays them, most prostitutes do not have a black pimp with a gold tooth that beats them for not turning enough tricks. Does this happen? Yes, and it is regrettable, but we must not assume this is how it is for all prostitutes. (especially in countries and localities where prostitution is legalized)

The truth is most people become prostitutes for the money. In many ways we all are prostitutes. We go to work every day…why? For the money. Like with most things in life, it is all about the money.

I look forward to your comments.

Let’s Talk About Sin

Leave a reply

Orthodox Christianity teaches:

  • Sin is transgression of the law of God (1 John 3:4)
  • Every human being, by nature, is a sinner (Romans 3:10, Romans 5:12)
  • The punishment for sin is death (Romans 3:23)

Simply put, God has a moral standard called his law. Every person has transgressed God’s moral standard and death is the punishment for transgressing God’s moral standard.

Of course, like with anything else, Christians endlessly fight over the finer points of the sin issue. They fight over what God’s law actually is. They fight over whether humans are born sinners or become sinners.

Conservative/Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christians develop codes of conduct based on what  they believe the Bible teaches, These codes of conduct take on the force of law. In fact, in many churches codes of conduct are considered more important than explicit Biblical law. ( due to the fact that dispensationalism is so pervasive among evangelical and fundamentalist Christians)

Most Christians believe that salvation is all about deliverance from sin. All humans are sinners. All humans have transgressed the law of God. All humans, without being delivered from their sins by the merit and work of Jesus Christ, will die and go to hell. Despite all the controversy over Rob Bell’s latest book, universalism, universal salvation, etc the VAST majority of Christian sects teach that hell awaits  those who die outside of Gods’ saving grace.

When a person leaves the Christian faith and embraces atheism or agnosticism one of the biggest problems they face is what they believe about sin. Since they reject the Christian bible as truth and reject the Christian gospel of salvation they are left with uncertainty about sin. Christianity gave them a moral and ethical standard to live by. (or at least aspire to live by) Now they must develop their own standard of morality and ethics. This can be a frightening experience but it also can be quite liberating.

Let me get one elephant out the way before I continue. I do not think that humans need a God and a divine law book to have an ordered society. I readily admit that the moral and ethical standards so common in the United States are deeply influenced by Christianity and the bible. What does not follow is that this influence is necessary. It can be argued that we might be, to some degree, worse off because of the influence of Christianity and the bible. Christianity has a negative view of humanity and its constant harping on sin causes many people to go through life feeling guilty and loathing their “sinfulness.”  When a person spends their life being told they are a sinner and that only God is righteous/holy/good it is not not hard to concludes that many Christians have a difficult time enjoying the “works of the flesh.”

The Bible says:in Ephesians 5:19-21:

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Pretty tough to think well of yourself when basic  human emotions are called sin and considered an affront to a thrice Holy God.

When I left the Christian faith I left a system of morals and ethics that had governed my life for 50 years. In fact, that system still influences me. A person can not be immersed in a particular moral and ethical system for 50 years and then, all of a sudden, reject all of it and walk away. There is a residual effect that lingers, sometimes for many years.

I no longer believe in sin. I try, though I still lapse into Christianese from time to time. Calling a action, a thought, an idea sin is a Christian construct and has no place in a consistent humanistic worldview. I have also learned that basic human emotions like lust, greed, envy, hate are not necessarily bad and are very much a part of the total human experience.

Societies operate under social contracts. (both explicit and implicit) We the people  (I assume in this statement a democratic society) decide what is legal or illegal. In a secular state there is no need to consult God or a divine law before making law.  These laws are going to vary from country to country. Each country decides what their laws are. Those laws apply only to citizens of that country. (though the United States often asserts that their laws apply everywhere)

In an ideal world laws should promote safety and freedom. Laws should punish those who attempt to hurt others or restrict the freedom of others. Government is not evil. Government can play a vital role in an ordered society by laying a foundation for its citizens to live safely and freely. (and as we know here in the U.S. government can be abusive, controlling and dysfunctional)

At the personal level I live by several basic rules:

  • As much as possible do no harm to others, including animals and the environment
  • As much as possible promote freedom, love, and peace
  • As much as possible treats others like I would want to be treated

As an atheist I must determine what moral and ethical standard I want to live by. I recognize that I live in a nation of laws and it is in my best interest and the interest of my family to obey the law. I longer no longer consider breaking the law a sin. (Romans 13:1-7)

It is generally in my best interest to obey the speed limit. Some times I break the law. If I get caught breaking the law I suffer the consequences . Is speeding a sin? Is breaking man’s law a sin? Many Christians say yes. The atheist says no. If an atheist gets caught speeding he pays the fine. He may think of himself as stupid for getting caught but the sin question never enters his mind.

A free society values freedom and personal property rights.  It is mine, I own it, and I should be able to do what I want with it. However this thinking collides with copyright laws. If I buy a cd am I free to do what I want with it? Copyright law says no but a standard of freedom and personal property rights says yes. (let the P2P debate begin) 

Becoming a non-theist requires a person to rethink  their moral and ethical standard of living. It is not an easy task.

Many former Christians struggle  with determining what they really believe about sexual matters. Christianity, following the teachings of the Bible, has a very narrow, often a negative view, of sexuality.  The Bible calls all kinds of sexual acts sin. In fact many sexual sins are so heinous that they deserve capital punishment.

Using the maxims I shared above I came to the conclusion that what consenting adults do in the privacy of their home in none of my business and should not be regulated in any way. This does not mean I am comfortable and agree with any and all sexual practices but my comfort is not the standard to judge things by.

I am indifferent to people living together. I am indifferent to homosexuality, adultery and fornication. I see marriage as a contract between two people. If the contracting parties agree that extra marital sex is Ok who am I to say it is wrong.

What about pornography? What about prostitution? What about abortion? What about nudity? What about certain sexual practices? What about certain types of clothing that accentuates a person’s sexuality?

As a former Christian I must now wrestle with each of these moral issues. What do I believe about these things? How do I want to live my life?  For 50 years the Bible answered all these questions for me but now I have to come up with the answers for myself.

How about you? How do you handle the sin problem? How do you determine what it moral and ethical? Does the Bible play any part in your moral and ethical decisions?

I Had An Affair

12 Replies

It’s time for me to come clean.

I can no longer hide from my past.

The ugly, ugly truth must come out…

I had an affair.

I had a mistress.

I was intimate with my mistress for many, many years.

My wife and my children know about the affair. I am so sorry for all the hurt and damage my affair caused. That my wife and children stood by me all these years is a wonderful testimony to their love for me. I don’t deserve it.

My mistress and I carried on for a long, long time. In fact she would follow me wherever I moved. Ohio. Texas. Michigan. She was always right there for me.

My mistress is a lot older than me. She is what is commonly called a cougar.

I got to tell you the sex was great. The only problem was I could never satisfy her. The more sex we had the more she wanted. I had a suspicion she was having sex with other people (she was bisexual) but it didn’t matter. What WE had was special. She treated me as if I was the ONLY one. We had a personal, one on one relationship.

Over the years we made a lot of promises to each other. Well-intentioned promises. But as I look back now, the promises were empty and they never seemed to be fulfilled.

I gave my mistress a lot of money over the years.  She deserved it, or so I thought.  Yet, no matter how much money I gave her she wanted more. She would often tell me “prove that you love me Bruce.” So I would give her more money. I began to wonder if she was a prostitute and I was a john. Of course my wife and children suffered. I justified their suffering by telling myself that my affair was what gave me purpose and meaning in life. Without it I might as well be dead.

I deceived myself for a long time. I convinced myself that what my mistress and I had was real. After all she made me feel good. She gave me self-worth. When we were together it seemed like time stopped and we were transported into the heavens.

One day, a few years back I began to have doubts about my affair. The sex was great but let’s fact it there is more to life than sex. I certainly enjoyed the company of my mistress, and boy she sure could cook, but I still felt quite empty when I was away from her.

I began to think about all the sacrifices I made for my mistress. All  the money I gave her. The loss of a close, intimate relationship with my wife and children. Was it worth it?

My wife and children suffered the most. Since my mistress got the best of me all they had was the leftovers. By the time I got to them I was too tired, too busy, too broke to give them the time they needed and deserved. Their husband and father was AWOL.

I wouldn’t blame my wife if she divorced me. She deserves better.

Not too long ago I ended the affair. I sold all of the mementos of our torrid relationship. I told my mistress that I could no longer be in a relationship with her.  She didn’t even get angry, or for that matter, even care. She told me “There are plenty of other people who would love to have me in their lives. Your loss, Bruce.”

So we parted ways,

I went to the doctor awhile back. I was having some discomfort. He ran some tests. The results are not good. I have an incurable, sexually transmitted disease. With medicine and therapy the symptoms can be managed but I will never be cured.

Every week I trudge to the doctor to get a shot, The shot helps to manage the symptoms but I still  have a lot of problems that simply won’t go away. That’s the price you pay when you have an affair.

My wife and I, along with our children are trying to rebuild our home. The damage done by this affair is incalculable. I can only hope that, with time, the wounds will be healed.

I should warn all of you about my mistress. She is always on the prowl looking for someone new to entice,

Her name?

The Church.