What I Want to Know is What is IN the Nightstand?

nightstand

Warning, Snark ahead.

In a post titled FREEBIE Friday! What’s on Your Night Stand?, Erin Davis, a writer for the Lies Young Women Believe website, asked readers “what’s on your nightstand?”  Davis wrote:

What’s on your nightstand?

No, I don’t mean that pile of rubber bands and bobby pins. Not the layer of dust either. (I sort of collect dust bunnies. I don’t judge). I want to know what you’re reading.

Here’s what’s on my nightstand.

The Insanity of God by Nik Ripkin. This is one of the best books I’ve read in years. It’s the only book I ever remember getting to the last page and immediately flipping back to page one and starting over again. The stories of how God is moving in countries where there is persecution (like the kind that costs believers their lives) expanded my view of Him and encouraged me to pray like crazy for Christians around the world.

The ESV Journaling Bible. This was a gift from my handsome husband. It’s beautiful, with a rich leather cover, and it has wide margins with lines for taking notes. Perfect for a Word loving, doodler like me.

Fear and Faith by Trillia Newbell. I haven’t read this one yet, but I can’t wait to. Using stories of real women, it gives a roadmap for how to find security in the Lord when we are afraid. (Which is pretty often for me!)…

Ah yes, what’s on Davis’s nightstand is two religious books and a Bible. What I want to know is what is IN Davis’s nightstand? You see, in the Evangelical world, it  is all about what is on your nightstand rather than what is in your nightstand. It is all about perception, making sure that one appears to be the right kind of Christian who believes the right kind of things.

When someone walks into Davis’s bedroom, and perhaps her whole house, what one sees is the trappings of Evangelical Christianity. My wife sees this where she works. Evangelicals have their offices adorned with the latest, greatest Jesus Junk®. She can quickly tell what Christian book and author is popular by the number and name of the books found on desktops. Years back, The Purpose Driven Life and The Prayer of Jabez were on prominent display, but now offices display the latest, greatest book written by whoever Evangelicals are fawning over this week. In six or so months, signs will go up reminding passerby’s of the real meaning of Christmas or warning fellow believers about the War on Christmas.  These outward demonstrations are meant to say to fellow Evangelicals: hey, over here, I am a Jesus Lover just like you!  The books, wall hangings, stickers, and pictures are the Evangelical equivalent of a gang tattoo.  When someone sees an open Bible on a desktop they know that that person is part of the Jesus gang.

I wonder what we would find if we began opening drawers? What do people like Erin Davis and her fellow Evangelicals keep hidden from the watchful eye of their fellow believers? I wonder if the bedroom nightstand drawer might have handcuffs, dildos, or vibrators, along with strawberry tasting lube? Perhaps it is time for Pew or Lifeway to conduct a study on what is IN the Evangelical’s nightstand. We already know what is ON the nightstand.

I suppose inquiring minds want to know what is ON my nightstand:

And IN the nightstand?:

  • TENS unit
  • Dish remote control
  • Universal remote control
  • Bluetooth headphones and charger
  • Proctozone-HC 2.5%
  • Meijer Muscle Ultra-Cream (Bengay Ultra Strength)

Now, what’s in other drawers? I’ll never tell.

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4 Comments

  1. Karen

    I cleaned out the drawer of the guest bed in my office the other day. It was my father’s bed and nightstand during the last years of his life; he died in the summer of 2006. It was originally my mother’s nightstand; she died at the end of 2002. Mama was a staunch Catholic, but probably hadn’t been well enough to go to church for the last decade of her life.

    In the back of the nightstand drawer I found a strip of a palm leaf. On the Sunday a week before Easter, which Catholics call Palm Sunday, the liturgy recalls Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem. These palm leaf strips are blessed and given out to the congregation as a reminder of the crowd who honored Jesus (Matthew 21:1-11). They’re meant to be destroyed by burning, so Mama would have kept it until the following winter when my parents used their fireplace. But this one migrated to the back of the drawer. Or maybe she kept it to remember the better days when she could attend church.

    Long-winded way of saying I found a religious artifact from the early ’90s, and a little piece of family history. No, I didn’t keep it; neither did I burn it. While Mama’s religion may have helped her in the dark nights, it also caused her great and unnecessary distress. Its artifacts get no respect from me.

    Reply
  2. DavidB

    Pretty spot on…and snarky. I saw that the state of Tennessee almost made the bible their official book. Kind of reminds me of those suck ups who when asked to name thei favorite book would say the Bible. Honestly, we probably have way too much of this stuff in our house. Maybe someday.

    Reply
  3. Geoff

    Haven’t the Tennessee nutters turned their attention to abortion, trying to introduce mandatory ‘consultation’ delays, presumably with the intention of allowing more bullying, or perhaps catching some in time limits.

    The bible decision seemed to be a last minute concession to reality; they were going to lose in the constitutional battle and at considerable cost. Perhaps the same will happen on the abortion side. I just can’t help wondering why they get their knickers so much in a twist over personal issues like these, when there’s an economy to run!

    Reply
  4. Monty

    It’s the same as christians who only listen to Gospel music around other christians but listen to “worldy” music when by themselves in their car…or make sure they have the family bible out (Open of course) while issues of porn magazines are underneath the sink in the bathroom. Oh man the list can be endless!!

    Reply

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