Let’s Play The Evangelical Never, Ever Game

game show

The Foundations of Morality blog posted an article by David Brown that gives seven reasons why Christians should NEVER, EVER drink alcoholic beverages:

  • Drinking leads to drunkenness
  • The Bible condemns strong drink
  • In Bible times what Christians drank was sub-alcoholic, basically purified water
  • It will call others to stumble
  • It harms ours bodies which are the Lord’s
  • Alcohol is addictive
  • Believers are kings and priests separated unto God

Are you ready, contestants? It’s time to play The Evangelical Never, Ever Game.

Using David Brown’s “logic”, I can come to the following conclusion:

  • Eating food leads to gluttony
  • The Bible condemns gluttony
  • Gluttony will cause others to stumble
  • Gluttony harms our bodies
  • Eating food is addictive

Conclusion? Don’t eat food.

Wasn’t that fun? Let’s play another round.

  • Sex leads to fornication and adultery
  • The Bible condemns fornication and adultery
  • Fornication and adultery will cause others to stumble
  • Fornication and adultery harms our bodies (not really, but Christians think they do)
  • Sex is addictive

Conclusion? Don’t have sex.

Isn’t this game fun?  Feel free to continue playing the game in the comment section.


David Brown is the pastor of First Baptist Church of Oak Creek, Wisconsin. You can check out his blog here. If you peruse the church’s website, be prepared to step back in time to Windows 95. The church is King James only. Brown calls himself Doctor, but I was unable to find anything that said where he earned his doctorate. Since fundamentalist Baptists are notorious for having bogus or worthless doctorates, I decided to not call Brown, Dr. Brown.


  1. Steve

    Sorry man, can’t go along with this no sex crap! Not for me!

  2. TLC

    Um, OK, there’s this: if “in Bible times what Christians drank was sub-alcoholic, basically purified water,” then how did the Bible writers know that drinking alcohol was bad and caused drunkenness? I’ve never gotten drunk off water. And where does this claim about “sub-alcoholic” beverages appear in the Bible?

    As for the game, I submit this: “Never, ever read this findagelical crap without being skeptical and asking lots of questions. Most of it won’t stand up under scrutiny.”

    1. That Other Jean

      Pfffft. Wine in Biblical times was diluted with water by most drinkers. Those who drank it straight–as the Emperor Tiberius was reported to have done–were regarded as drunkards. Nothing “sub-alcoholic” about it.

  3. Melody

    Oh… now I know why I deconverted…. Those glasses of wine must be the culprit! Never mind that Jesus drank and even created wine himself. Out of purified water no doubt.

  4. John Arthur

    Hi Bruce,

    Love that cartoon at the beginning of this post! Bruce Almighty wins hands down.


    John Arthur

  5. Brian

    Bruce wrote: Sex leads to fornication and adultery…
    Among Baptists, we avoid sex not because of fornication and adultery but because it will and clearly does lead to dancing, a far more despicable sin. (We got him there, Susan-Anne. He’s down for the count!)

  6. Brian

    Now before you try to stand up again after the K.O. shot, take this:
    Sex is wrong because it can lead to sports on Sunday!

  7. August Rode

    I visited the link you provided, Bruce, as I found the statement, “In Bible times what Christians drank was sub-alcoholic, basically purified water,” frankly incredible. I found this statement: “”…What the Bible frequently meant by wine was basically purified water,” purified by adding some alcoholic wine.” If I’m following this, the wine added to the water isn’t wine and wine diluted with water probably also isn’t wine but water ‘purified’ with wine *is* wine. Thank you for linking me to the stupidest thing I’ve read all month.


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