Last night, God’s bloodhound — the Holy Ghost — tracked me down and led me to the Jesus Daily website. Upon arriving at the site, I noticed a red button…
My fingers began to twitch as I pondered clicking the ACCEPT JESUS NOW button. What would all my atheist friends think if got saved? As I wrestled with these weighty matters, the Holy Ghost grabbed my left hand, put it on my Kensington trackball mouse, and moved the cursor to the red button. I then heard a voice that said, Bruce, choose this day whom ye will serve! I replied, Jesus? It is 2016. Why are you still speaking with first century King James language? Jesus responded, Dammit, Bruce. I have other souls to save. Click the button or I will send you straight to hell.
Fearing that I would be soon fitted with a human body specially suited for eternal punishment in hell, I clicked the button.
After clicking the button, I was taken to a written salvation prayer on the Jesus Daily Facebook page. Having made the first step — clicking the salvation button — the Holy Ghost came upon me like too much Taco Bell. Doubled over by conviction, I prayed the prayer. And just like that, according to the Jesus Daily website — the money printing machine owned by Dr. Aaron Tabor, a Baptist preacher’s son — I was gloriously and wonderfully S-A-V-E-D. Woo Hoo!
To show that I had just accepted Jesus as my savior, I typed the word AMEN in the comments. This act of faith sealed the deal. By typing the word AMEN on this Christian Facebook page. I was telling the world that I am now a Christian!
I love the salvation Tabor is selling. No baptism, no church attendance, no Bible reading, and no tithing. I am sure the evangelizing Doc would love for me to click on a few of the numerous ads that litter the Jesus Daily site, but I don’t want to cheapen my salvation by feeding Tabor’s love for filthy lucre. Doesn’t he know that Jesus was socialist?
Tabor has a plan for reaching the world for Jesus through the use of social media: