It is all About Me, I Mean You, Jesus: Trolling for Jesus

christian troll

Warning! Full bore Bruce Almighty snark ahead!

Here is a Facebook message I received today:

Brother can i ask you why you are so angry…brother you are in my prayers and know that the Lord our God loves you with an everlasting love..

Here is my response:

First, you don’t know me.

Second, I am not your brother.

Third, you can’t possibly know if I am angry. You don’t have some sort of special gift to sense emotions through a computer screen.

Fourth, I am not angry. I am sitting here contemplating the fact that my youngest daughter will be married tomorrow. I am performing the ceremony. I am happy, even though I am in excruciating physical pain and I have to respond to someone like you.

Fifth, I have no interest in your God. I have no need of your God and his mythical love. I am a satisfied, happy atheist.

Sixth, by all means pray. Since I think your God is a mythical being, your prayers cannot help or hurt. If it makes you feel better to pray, go ahead.

Seventh, Is it your normal behavior to troll Facebook pages offering psychological assessments and un-requested prayer? If so, you might want to try a different approach. Over the past eight years, hundreds of people have tried the same approach and failed miserably. What makes you think that YOUR words will have any effect?

In the the name of reason, Bruce

Troll’s response, with my snarky responses in parentheses :

Well first of all congratulation on your daughter marriage, Second I just spence (sense) you were (angry)  and I am sorry (No you are not.) I was wrong. I do not troll face book (Yes you do.) I am not why your even come up (It must have been God.)..as for praying I alway will because that is what God has called me to do (Did God tell you to pray for Bruce Gerencser at 345 E Main St in Ney, Ohio on April 1, 2016 at 10:25 PM EST? ) as for failing you I haven’t failed you you have fail my God (How could I fail someone who doesn’t exist?) …my words will have no effect but God word do effect people lives. (I know all of God’s words. Let’s play Bible trivia.) God bless you (How can he? I am a God-hating atheist who, with full knowledge of what he is doing, spits in the face of your God. According to the Bible I am God’s enemy, a reprobate.)  and have a wonderful day tomorrow with your daughter and family…I have five daughters and three son and only one is married,it hard to see our children grow up and leave the nest..blessing friend.. (Thanks for the, let me play nice ending to what was a really bad idea. Lesson learned? Don’t email atheists, They bite.)

I have zero tolerance for Evangelicals who do these kind of things. I am polite, but direct. Point made. End of discussion. What’s for dinner? Maybe a roll in the hay later with my hot, angry godless wife.

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10 Comments

  1. Geoff

    May the wrath of Zeus fall upon you, Bruce! Or is it Wotan he’s talking about?

    Seriously I hope your daughter has a wonderful day, supported by her family, and that you are able to take the very full part that you intend.

    Reply
  2. Becky Wiren

    Congratulations for your daughter’s sake! That is wonderful. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Melody

    Enjoy today 🙂 Congratulations to your daughter!

    Reply
  4. Zoe

    Have a great day Bruce. Best wishes to your daughter and the family. (((hugs)))

    I probably would have wrote back: And you wonder why we get angry. 😉

    Reply
  5. Middle-ager Deconverter

    Best wishes to your daughter! Congratulations! Have a wonderful time today! As far as the head-in-the-sand writer of the above — he has chosen to , like 90% of even the college-educated people I know, be intelligent in ways other than believing in a mythical father figure entity – a year round Santa of sorts. (I need more friends that are realists.) – if any of them read some Bart Ehrman, they might stop drinking the Koolaid. But then, the wake-up call / reality check is that “It’s part of God’s plan” cannot be the go-to excuse when life sucks. Belief in a Big All Knowing-All Seeing In Control Patriach is a giant coping mechanism. How can I be angry with people that use that coping skill? They were taught it for decades in a culture that promotes it. One major part in my deconversion process was realizing I was yet again tearfully yelling at “God” in prayer while on my 35 minute ride home from work. For the upteenth time over the course of several months after a very close family member decided to abandon our family. And two great God-fearing and church- loving families had recently lost good men suddenly to that great equalizer Death. And even though many people prayed- “God” did not give a rat’s patoot!! Thus, it dawned on me that I was angry with and yelling at a non-existent mythical figure. That was the last time I “prayed”!

    Reply
  6. anotherami

    Congratulations to your daughter and son-tin-law-to-be, and congratulations to you on being able to perform the ceremony; I’m sure it means a lot to you all. May the joy and love you celebrate today be as long, deep and faithful as the love you share Polly– I don’t think life holds a greater gift. Life’s richest blessings to you all.

    Reply
  7. maura

    ummm….respectfully, totally agree that this asskown is 10000000% wrong and idiotic, but if you do not believe in god, me neither! but then how can you be angry at an entity that does not exist? would i be more correct in understand that the narcississistic ,bigoted , hateful, deluded praying, grammatically undereducated assklown is whom you are mad at? did i use whom correctly? anyhooo… i love your blog, i am elated i found it , i find that there is a dearth of snark in the land. and i promise not to pray for you, me or any assklowns especially. ever.

    Reply
    1. J.D. Matthews

      Believers often mistake our exasperation with their constant mouthing off and attempts to legislate our behavior into conformity with their religious beliefs as “being angry with God.”

      No, believers, we are not angry with your non-existent God. We’ve just simply had an ass full of your buffoonery and wish we could do without it for maybe just five minutes of our lives.

      Reply
  8. Ami

    From the way the title appeared in my sidebar, I was expecting a different slant.

    I have known so many people who bring their god or his son into everything. EVERY. THING. Put in a good word and make sure to make a gesture heavenward or claim it loudly so that HE knows you’re giving credit where credit is due!!

    Find a good parking spot on a hot day when your feet are tired? PRAISE GAWD!!!
    Dinner is especially delicious? Hallelujah!

    Little Boopsie fell and had to get stitches in her head to keep her brains from falling out? THANK YOU LAWD that it wasn’t WORSE!!!!

    I won’t start on the public theater of professional sporting events where the winners give all the glory to the guy upstairs. But that one pisses me off, too.

    And it’s all for effect. LOOK at me, Gawd!!! I am putting in a good word for you everywhere I go! Because of ME people are thinking of YOU!! Lookie!! I’m being an example!!!

    Do I sound cynical?

    Reply
    1. Matilda

      ‘…I am putting in a good word for you God’. I’ve recently thought how it was part of the whole faith package that I bought into for so long, that you took every opportunity to witness because God always used your words. The person you spoke to, may recall them, years later and the Holy Spirit use them for his/her conversion. I used to bake desserts for a Lunch Club in our village to which 30 lonely and elderly came. The church said my pies were ‘such a wonderful witness’. I thought, so how exactly does that work? One day these 30 heathens are apparently going to stand at the Judgement Seat and be told ‘I sent that Matilda to make apple tarts for you, clearly showing you your need for conversion, yet still you rejected me..off to hell you go…!’
      That troll is doubtless 10,000% convinced his words will be used for the glorious re-conversion of you and your whole family Mr Gerencser! I know he’s praying for you and expects lots of brownie points that he will be credited with such a catch! I hope he isn’t holding his breath….

      Reply

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