My partner and I will celebrate forty-seven years of wedded bliss in July. We dated for two years before we married. This gave us a lot of time to talk about our “future.” Polly was nineteen and I was twenty-one when we married. Immature, naive, and inexperienced, we had grand plans for our lives. We planned to have two children, a boy named Jason and a girl named Bethany. We had no plans to have more than two children.
After having three boys in quick succession, we decided three children was enough. For almost five years, we were content to be a family of five. In the late 1980s, I discarded the theology of my Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) upbringing and embraced Evangelical Calvinism. As a Calvinist, I believed God was sovereign over all things and controlled who was born and who died. The Bible says:
Do I open the womb and not deliver the baby? Do I, the One who delivers babies, shut the womb? (Isaiah 66:9)
As a Calvinist, I believed God opened and closed the womb. No woman became pregnant unless God permitted it. We might call some pregnancies “unplanned,” but every pregnancy — even those that ended in a miscarriage or an abortion — was according to God’s purpose and plan. No woman became pregnant and had a baby apart from the sovereign will of God. In 1 Samuel 1, we find the story of Hannah. The Bible says Hannah was barren. God had closed her womb. Hannah spent years begging God to open her womb. Finally, God opened her womb, and Samuel was born. Hannah would later have more children. (1 Samuel 1,2) So it was for every woman.
As Polly and I immersed ourselves in Calvinistic theology, we stumbled upon the Quiverfull movement. Psalm 127:3-5:
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them [children]: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
Wikipedia has this to say about the Quiverfull movement:
Quiverfull is a Christian theological position that sees large families as a blessing from God. It encourages procreation, abstaining from all forms of birth control, natural family planning, and sterilization reversal. The movement derives its name from Psalm 127:3–5, where many children are metaphorically referred to as the arrows in a full quiver. Some sources have referred to the Quiverfull position as providentialism,while other sources have simply referred to it as a manifestation of natalism.
As Calvinists, we believed God opened and closed Polly’s womb; that we would have exactly as many children as planned by God. Using birth control was a sin; an attempt to circumvent the will of God. Five years after Polly gave birth to our third son, Jaime, she became pregnant again, two months after we stopped using birth control. We put Polly’s fertility in the hands of God. We quickly learned that Polly was a “fertile myrtle.” Over the next four years, Polly had three more children, two redheaded girls (one with Down syndrome) and one boy.
Polly’s sixth pregnancy was difficult, so much so that the obstetrician told her that she shouldn’t have any more children. This, of course, was problematic for us. The risk to Polly’s health and life was real, but God opened and closed her womb. Shouldn’t we follow God’s will, we told ourselves, trusting God to protect Polly if she got pregnant again? Wouldn’t using birth control be a betrayal of God’s sovereignty? If everything was in God’s hands, how dare we circumvent his will for our lives, we fearfully said to ourselves.
Eventually, we decided to follow the doctor’s advice. No more unprotected intercourse. No more trusting God to open and close Polly’s womb. Reason and common sense told us that six children was enough, and with that, Polly had a tubal ligation, permanently killing the proverbial rabbit.
Afterward, we struggled with this decision, thinking that we had failed God by not implicitly trusting him to order the size of our family. If only we had more faith, we thought. Would God punish us for not obeying him? For the longest time, we wondered if we were doing the right thing. Finally, we decided — God’s will or not — that we didn’t want any more children. And with that, we collected all our quiverfull books and donated them to Goodwill.
I’m sure some of our Calvinistic friends saw us as failures. How dare we put our will above God’s? Some of our friends had eight to twelve children. I have no doubt that had we continued having unprotected sex, we would have had ten or more children; that is if Polly didn’t die in childbirth. The responsible thing for us to do was not have any more children, regardless of what we thought that voice in our heads was telling us.
Do we regret having six children? Absolutely not. That said, if we had it to do all over again, would we have six children? No. Life was hard, and trying to raise a large family on poverty wages was difficult, to say the least. We survived, but having a smaller family would have made things easier for us. Such is life. You can’t redo and relive the past. All any of us can do is learn from the past and try to do better.
Were you part of the Quiverfull Movement? Please share your experiences in the comment section.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
You can email Bruce via the Contact Form.
I was never part of that movement, nor did I know anyone in it. I remember watching 18 Kids and Counting, before all the Duggar scandals. Jill Duggar seemed so sleep deprived, and acted like a zombie, or like she was dead inside. This was in more distant footage, not the staged interviews. For all the acting, she didn’t seem happy, and neither did the older kids. I could never understand how anyone would choose such a life, even if money wasn’t a problem. But then again, I was never that devoted a Christian, even when I believed in god.
Yes, was it Cynthia Jeub who, after escaping her quiverful home, said she had long-term health problems in adulthood because of the chores, the drudgery and constant baby-minding she had to do, 24/7, as an older child in the family? I think the poor girls born into such families are called ‘sister-moms’ who do a lot of babycare – preparation for when they marry at 18yo and start the process all over again to populate the world with born-again x-tians. They need to outbreed those heathens, specially those Muslim heathens who, one day will start a holy war against x-tians everywhere. . I recall seeing a pic of a10yo daughter of Steve Anderson’s. She had a small baby strapped to her chest, in a sling meant for adults. It’s head lolled dangerously, it could have fallen out. And mommie-dearest, the fragrant Zsu Anderson praised her for her childcare – like the poor kid had any choice!
There is a “quiver full” equivalent in Catholicism, the “Trad(itional) Cat 🐈⬛ (holics)”. I see them at my church, although many only go to churches that celebrate the Traditional Latin Mass (TLM) only. The one thing that stands out is that they have lots of children of varying ages. Catholics tend to have larger than average families anyway, but these are more so. The Catholic Church also has it’s own method of approved birth “control” called “Natural Family Planning” that relies on the wife’s cycle to determine when to have (or not have) sexual relations. Of course the quiet joke is, “What do you call young couples who practice Natural Family Planning? Parents”.
While I most definitely align with my chosen faith in my personal life, I also can see where positions of the Catholic Church crash into real-life many times. My wife and I had two children and that was it. They’re both grown now, and i will soon be a grandfather. I don’t judge a couple on these decisions one way or another. But I think the decision on how many (if any) children to have has to be made weighing more factors than just the couple’s religious beliefs. This is not just an evangelical or Catholic issue. Amish churches struggle with this, and their communities often have families that are living in quiet poverty for this reason. An ex-Amish Eli Yoder describes this from his own life growing up in an extremely conservative Amish community in Kenton, Ohio on his YouTube channel (he is is interesting to listen to on this topic, but fair warning he is also a born again Trumpista too).
There was a memorable article (“Twelve”) I read years ago in The Atlantic Magazine written by a man who grew up in a pious American Catholic family of twelve children in the 1960s. It was a miserable existence for the kids. I think most of them had few or no children of their own as adults. A close friend of mine grew up in a Catholic family of nine kids. Alcoholic dad, abusive mom. Her siblings also had few to no kids later in life. The “Twelve” article is behind a paywall but it is worth reading if you’re interested in this subject.
washttps://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1984/01/twelve/667540/
This one is a little scary. I’m surprised now that Bruce doesn’t believe a man can get pregnant. Somewhere out there there is some lost atheist baby killer supporter scientist that is trying to figure out to make it biologically possible for a man to carry a baby. God willing not. Those lost and trapped in the transqueerity snare would jump for joy knowing that a woman’s purpose in child bearing is now defeated.
🙄🙄
Thanks, Bruce, my first introduction to the “rabbit test” for pregnancy. That’s a new one for me.
Beefs I have with the quiverfull movement and the Duggar family in particular is that older siblings are recruited as parents. The other is that if you have too many kids, it is difficult to have a relationship with any of them. The Duggars actually had it easier in that they had their “show” bringing in money. The “show” has mild Brady Bunch conflicts to create family friendly drama, when you actually have Josh Duggar fondling his sisters.
Older kids bear a lot of responsibility in large families. How could it be otherwise? Assuming the father is employed outside the home, it’s impossible for a mother to properly care for a bunch of kids at one time. I’ve yet to see a quiverfull family whose older children didn’t take on parental roles.
Our church was not part of the quiverfall movement, but having children was implied to be a blessing and encouraged. My wife’s first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Having the womb opened and then having it closed again was beyond devastating. We were taught that life begins at conception. We went through a long guilt trip of trying to see what we did wrong to disappoint god enough for him to take an innocent life away. Although the church appeared supportive, I felt that I was brandishing the scarlet letter. When we finally tried again, I had faith to move mountains and knew god was going to bless us with twins to make up for the first loss. However, the unthinkable happened again and we experienced the nightmare of a second miscarriage. The good thing from all this is that it made me take the first baby (pun intended) steps of looking beyond the confines of the religious box I had put myself into. Several years later, I was finally able to break off my religious shackles. It is somewhat ironic that our two sons came after god was no longer a part of our mindset.
If we look to evolution then the purpose of life is nothing more than the need to live long enough to reproduce, to produce as many offspring as possible, but then to die. So I suppose we could say that having loads of kids is what evolution wants!
Absolutely, but evolution evolved the system to compensate for the fact that maybe 90% wouldn’t survive to breed.
Right on Steve. My father came from a family where, as I recall, 13 were born and 9 grew up. My Mother came from a family where 9 were born and 2 grew up. Both of these large families born in the Netherlands from about 1870 to 1900. Keeping some of your kids alive to grow up was a challenge. That being the case, familes deliberately had many kids hoping a few would survive to grow up to care for the parents in old age. No such need exists in western society. What was once a matter of pragmatism now appears irrational or at least reckless.
Of course due to evolution we as a species are especially disadvantaged in child birth due to a narrowing of women’s birth canals that enabled us to walk upright. On top of that there’s the fact that no other mammal is born so physically undeveloped and it’s amazing that any of us survive! It’s either all the praying that goes on or, just possibly, advances in medical science 😂
@GEOFFT That’s a good point… though actually incorrect. There are two basic reproduction “strategies” r (rate/quantity) selection and K (carrying capacity/quality) selection. Humans are fully in the latter category, with long childhoods, large brains and heavy parental involvement.
Yes, evolution itself spits upon quiverfull theology.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R/K_selection_theory
I grew up Catholic, in a mostly Catholic community. With four kids, our family was one of the smallest. The Quiverfulls sound like old-school Catholics on steroids.
“Natural family planning?” Is that a euphemism for “no sex without the intent to procreate.?”
I’ve joked that when I was growing up, we thought “birth control “ meant crossing your fingers.
“ I’ve joked that when I was growing up, we thought “birth control “ meant crossing your fingers.”. 😆😆. That’s funny!! I can say that was how most of my peers when I was a teenager in the 1980’s practiced birth control too.
I found the info below when I looked up Natural Family Planning on Google. Apparently there is also an App for your smart phone.
“Natural Family Planning (NFP), also known as Fertility Awareness Methods (FAMs), helps people understand their fertility and plan sexual activity, potentially for pregnancy or avoidance, by observing and tracking fertility signs like cervical mucus and temperature changes.“
I didn’t grow up in a time or place where Quiverfull was a thing. I never heard of it until the Duggars had that TV show. I thought that traditional Catholics, Mormons, Orthodox Jews, and Amish were the ones into big families. At the Southern Baptist church where I grew up, there was a family with 4 boys. I heard women at church in the restroom gossiping that this family practiced the “rhythm method” and they were making fun of that.
My mom was the 1st generation of women able to access birth control. She definitely didn’t want a lot of kids, and frankly, I don’t think she was really suited to being a parent and knew it. It was ok with me because I was largely raised by my grandparents, but when she git pregnant (on birth control) with my brother after she remarried, things all fell apart in her life (again). She was nearly 39, they didn’t have a lot of money, and she was in bad health, both my mom and stepdad had to work full time, and my mom was tired and angry all the time. Unlike me who learned to be extremely self sufficient, act like an adult, and handle my own shit, my brother needed more attention and direction which he didn’t get.
It’s interesting talking with my father-in-law’s siblings. He was oldest of 11 (Irish-Catholic family in NY state) and thought a big family was great. He was the eldest son, golden child, and didn’t live there when the family was at its largest. You talk to his sisters, the older ones who had to help raise the little ones, and the younger ones who didn’t get a lot of attention, and you get an entirely different story. Multiple kids sharing a bedroom and clothes, lack of parental attention, lots of hubbub. The mother died of cancer when the youngest kids were teens, and the dad abused the youngest son during her sickness and after her death (he didn’t do that to the girls). They also had a ton of cousins on both sides. It’s interesting that of my FIL’s generation, most of the siblings had 1-3 kids and that’s it.
I am glad I didn’t grow up with a bunch of siblings. I only knew about my half brother from my mom, and he’s 12 years younger. I had to babysit him some, but I mostly got out of that because I didn’t want to, and I lived with my grandparents. My biological father had 6 kids after me, and they had an awful life of poverty and abuse with a substance abusing father. Most of them moved far away from each other and don’t talk to each other.
Interesting dynamic how kids of large families have fewer kids or none at all. My 2 Grandparent families had 22 kids total, 11 total survivors. The next generation had 1 or 2 or none and the 3rd generations tended to be unmarried and childless. I didn’t want to re-play the chaos I experienced as a kid. By the time I Ifelt ready to be a parent, time had run out. I wish I’d had kids but at least I didn’t inflict myself on kids who didn’t ask to be born.
Yep. Two of my sons and daughter have three children each, and one son has seven kids from several marriages. I know from talking to my high school/college age grandchildren, they want few, if any, children.
My mother was the youngest child in a rather large family (six older brothers and sisters) She mentioned that if she asked her mother if she could go out to play and hurried out, she’d be gone before Grandmother figured out which child had asked to tell “no” to. All I ever heard about it was Grandmother once said her daughters were wiser about children than she was. (two or three children each) That family was poor, in New York City, more than 100 years ago.