Tag Archive: Teen Sexuality

Black Collar Crime: Former Evangelical Youth Pastor Roshad Thomas Charged with Sexually Molesting Children

roshad thomas

Roshad Thomas, former youth pastor at Calvary Chapel in Tallahassee, Florida and founder of Crosswild Ministries, (link no longer active) has been arrested for sexually molesting children.

WTXL-27 reports:

A former youth pastor has been arrested for sex acts with children.

The Leon County Sheriff’s Office arrested 41-year-old Roshad Thomas on six counts of sex offense against a child.

On July 11, special victims unit detectives spoke to a victim who said Thomas had fondled the victim about 10 years ago when the victim was 13 years old.

As detectives investigated, they found four more victims.

Deputies say each one described sexual encounters with Thomas from 2007-2014. Thomas voluntarily spoke to detectives Monday.

After the interview, he was taken to jail.

According to his LinkedIn page, Thomas was the director of student programs at Live the Life and co-author of Champions, a curriculum for teenage boys.

He is also the founder of realife Inc. and CRosSwild Ministries.(link no longer active)

Prior to that, Thomas served as a high school guidance counselor, community activist, and youth pastor at Calvary Chapel Tallahassee.

The Tallahassee Democrat adds:

A Tallahassee youth counselor who worked at Maclay School as a life management teacher has been arrested in connection with molesting children.

Roshad Thomas, a 41-year-old former director of student programs at Live the Life and Maclay life management, was arrested by the Leon County Sheriff’s Office Monday on six counts of child fondling.

Court documents detailing the incidents have not yet been filed, but Thomas’ name appeared in Tuesday’s Leon County Jail booking report. He is being held at the jail without bond and appeared before a judge Tuesday morning.

LCSO detectives say a victim came forward to say Thomas had fondled him or her about 10 years ago at age 13. Four others came forward during the investigation, according to an LCSO news release. The victims described sexual encounters with Thomas between 2007 and 2014.

After Thomas voluntarily spoke with investigators Monday, he was arrested.

A statement from Maclay’s Director of Communications Kim McWilliams confirmed Thomas was contracted to teach three life management classes in the upper school but that none of the allegations surrounding his arrest involve Maclay students.

“Earlier today, it was brought to our attention that Roshad Thomas, a former member of the Maclay School faculty, who taught Life Management in the Upper School during the 2016-2017 school year, was arrested for alleged sexual misconduct committed prior to 2015,” McWilliams wrote. “Mr. Thomas also worked with several of our sports teams and Middle School Life Management classes. After speaking with the authorities, the allegations do not involve any students from Maclay.”

Emails obtained by the Tallahassee Democrat between parents and Maclay’s Headmaster James Milford that indicate Thomas was hired in 2016 as the lead of a program for character education.

Parents express concern with the contracted “Get Real” program’s connection to Live the Life’s faith-based messaging and teachings. The optional “risky sexual behavior” reduction program was directed at seventh and eighth-grade students and described as secular without mention of faith or religion.

“Get Real training is a highly successful skills course approved by the federal government which teaches students how, why and when to exercise self-control and how to develop healthy relationships,” an email detailing the program to parents said.

McWilliams said Thomas used the “Get Real” curricula along with others in his teaching.

….

Thomas hasn’t worked at the Tallahassee offices of Live the Life since January 2016, said Zac Funari, an executive assistant to the organization’s Founding President Richard Albertson. Funari said the organization was in the middle of reemploying Thomas for a South Florida position but those talks have stopped.

Albertson in a statement said Thomas worked fr Live the Life, along with other organizations, around the time of the incidents but the organization has not been contacted by law enforcement leading him to believe the allegations did not involve children in the program.

“Live the Life was one of a number of agencies that Roshad was associated with during part of the time frame that the incidents allegedly took place,” Alberrtson wrote. “We have not been contacted by the sheriff’s department, any of the victims, or any of the families of the victims, which leads us to believe that all of the incidents occurred outside of Roshad’s involvement with our organization. And if we are contacted by the authorities, we will cooperate in any way possible. If these allegations are true, our primary concern is for the students whose lives have been turned upside down because of the faith and trust they gave innocently to an adult in a position of power and great influence.”

A bio for Thomas appeared on the website of John Rosemond, a parenting and family raising psychologist, public speaker, author and syndicated columnist. It was taken down Tuesday (link no longer active) but included the number for the Tallahassee office of Live the Life and a link to the organization’s website.

….

According to Thomas’ bio page:

Roshad Thomas is an accomplished and world-renowned public speaker, counselor, consultant, and mentor for teens and parents of all races and cultures. He has spoken at numerous organizations, seminars, retreats, churches, and events and has an unparalleled ability to quickly connect with his audience whether it is one person or hundreds. His laid back humorous style coupled with his vast experience allows him to address any issue in a way that is comfortable yet informative.

Having been on the front lines as a high school guidance counselor and community activist for almost 10 years, Roshad is extremely knowledgeable about issues that teens and parents deal with on a daily basis and is able to consistently provide practical guidance and solutions on many levels. This has earned him the title of expert in the eyes of many. When he speaks or presents, his passion, love, and excitement are revealed in a way where you not only leave feeling full of wisdom and inspired, but you’ll immediately want to bring him back.

Roshad is the founder of realife inc. and CRosSWILD Ministries. He received his B.S. in Psychology with honors distinction from Florida State University. He continued his graduate education at Florida State University and received his Master’s and Specialist degrees in Counseling and Human Systems, specializing in children and adolescents. He was certified in Guidance counseling for 12 years by Florida Department of Education. Trained personally under worldwide parent guru John Rosemond in parent coaching. He is also one of the few nationally certified Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist in the state of Florida as certified by the NAEA and has been invited to be featured on the national website parentguru.com.

– Masters and Specialist degree in Counseling from Florida State University

– Certified High School Guidance Counselor from 2000-2012

– Trained personally under parenting expert John Rosemond

– Certified Parent Coach

– Co-Author of Champions Curriculum for Teenage Boys

– 15 years experience working with teens in Tallahassee

– Certified Specialist in Sexual Risk Avoidance

– Certified Get REAL (Relationship Education and Leadership) Training

– Features on National parenting website parentguru.com

Thomas’ LinkedIn profile states: (link no longer active)

Roshad Thomas is an accomplished and world-renowned public speaker, counselor, consultant, and mentor for teens and parents of all races and cultures. He has spoken at numerous organizations, seminars, retreats, churches, and events and has an unparalleled ability to quickly connect with his audience whether it is one person or hundreds. His laid back humorous style coupled with his vast experience allows him to address any issue in a way that is comfortable yet informative.

Having been on the front lines as a high school guidance counselor and community activist for almost 10 years, Roshad is extremely knowledgeable about issues that teens and parents deal with on a daily basis and is able to consistently provide practical guidance and solutions on many levels. This has earned him the title of expert in the eyes of many. When he speaks or presents, his passion, love and excitement are revealed in a way where you not only leave feeling full of wisdom and inspired, you’ll immediately want to bring him back.

Roshad is the Director of Student Programs at Live the Life and founder of CRosSWILD Ministries. He received his B.S. in Psychology with honors distinction from Florida State University. He continued his graduate education at Florida State University and received his Master’s and Specialist degrees in Counseling and Human Systems, specializing in children and adolescents. He was certified in Guidance counseling for 12 years by Florida Department of Education. Trained personally under worldwide parent guru John Rosemond in parent coaching. He is also one of the few nationally certified Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist in the state of Florida as certified by the NAEA.

To set up an appointment or book him as speaker, call Live the Life at 850-668-3700 or visit www.livethelife.org.

According to his LinkedIn profile, Thomas was a youth pastor at Calvary Chapel in Tallahassee, Florida for almost fourteen years. For seven years, Thomas was the student life director for Live the Life. Live the Life’s website states that their mission is:

Communities will become “divorce-free zones”, where divorces are rarely, if ever, wanted or needed, and where strong marriages are encouraged, nurtured, developed, and maintained. As our dream comes true, more children will grow up in safe, happy, and healthy married families characterized by nurturing parents, permanence and better life outcomes.

Update

The Tallahassee Democrat reports:

As many as 10 men have come forward telling Leon County Sheriff’s Office investigators they, as teens, were fondled by Tallahassee youth counselor and pastor Roshad Thomas.

Thomas, who already is facing six counts of child fondling, was charged with an additional five counts of lewd and lascivious acts or exhibitionism with children on Tuesday.

After the 41-year-old was first arrested on July 17, LCSO investigators learned more about how he used his position to gain access to young boys. Five others came forward to say they too were victims.

One man, who was 12 at the time of the incident, said his parents asked Thomas to counsel him during their divorce. The first time he was “groped,” the now adult victim told investigators, was when his parents dropped him off at a Walmart parking lot and he left with Thomas.

From that encounter in 2009, according to court records, he was fondled by Thomas as many as 10 times.

The victim said after he turned 15, Thomas called to say, “I hope you understand I love you and anything I might have done to you was purely out of godly love,” according to court records.

The other four victims leveling accusations against Thomas, who at one point worked as a counselor at various churches in Tallahassee and as a life management teacher at Maclay School, said they were groped while spending time at his home.

The victims ranged in age from 11 to 15, according to court records. The reported incidents date back to 2007.

Each told LCSO investigators Thomas would grab their genitals in a joking manner and would create a feeling of trust between them. One said Thomas told him he had been approached about being too playful when he touched the boys and indicated he would stop if asked.

….

 

Hey Girlfriend: You Only Need One Man to be Truly Satisfied!

jesus is my superman

Did you know that you only need one man in your life to be truly satisfied? That’s right, ladies. According to the Girl Defined website, young women have a hole in their hearts that can only be filled by the most awesome man e-v-e-r: Jesus.  In an undated post, guest writer Addi wrote:

I have a God-sized hole in my heart but I’ve been trying to fill that hole with a marriage-sized cork or a man-sized puzzle piece.

Neither of these were meant to fill the hole so they aren’t going to fill the emptiness.

I have learned that only one man is able to truly fulfill me.

Only one man has the ability to fully satisfy me.

We all were born with a hole in our hearts—an emptiness and void inside of us. There’s is only one man who can fill that hole and His name is Jesus Christ.

We, as girls, can try to stuff it with the things that surround us. We can choose to fill it with our desire for a relationship, our longing for a specific career, our group of friends, our greed for more possessions or more money . . . but none of these things will satisfy us—nothing of this world ever can.

….

My first thought was quite base: I know a hole that Jesus can’t fill. Only a real flesh and blood man can fill this hole. Someday, Purity ring-wearing young women will fall in love and get married. If they have not “sinned” before their wedding day, they will learn, for the first time, that there are certain things that only a man (or a vibrator or dildo) can do for them. While Jesus might be able to fill the mythical hole in their hearts, Jesus is no match for a real man with a penis.

I’m convinced that teachings like those espoused on the Girl Defined website are quite harmful. First, there is the denial of normal human sexuality. I dealt with this yesterday in a post titled, Hey Girlfriend: Eight Steps to Sex-Proof Your Life. Second, one day these young women will marry and they will carry unrealistic expectations into their marriage. Their husbands will always be second to Jesus. When their husbands don’t meet their physical or emotional needs, they will turn to Jesus, the only man who can truly satisfy their every longing. Jesus will always be a better friend, confidant, and lover.

Marriages like this are actually polygamous: husband, wife, and Jesus. Years ago, I mentioned to a close pastor friend of mine that Polly and I listened to the Carpenters during our lovemaking (it was the only secular CD we owned). My friend told me that he and his wife only listened to hymns when they made love. Even then, when I was still very much a card-carrying member of the Evangelical church, I thought, hymns? Really? What, did they play Victory in Jesus when they had orgasms?  My friend and his wife believed, and still do, that Jesus should be a part of everything. Jesus becomes a voyeur, always lurking nearby.

Someday, Addi will find that having a real man to snuggle up to on a cold winter night beats a mythical Jesus every time. When she finds herself in a dark place, when it seems that Jesus is nowhere to be found, her husband will be there for her to talk to. When pain and loss bring tears to Addi’s eyes, it won’t be Jesus who holds and caresses her and wipes away her tears. Jesus makes for a great cliché, but Addi will one day learn that the people who really matter aren’t found in the pages of a religious text.

Hey Girlfriend: Eight Steps to Sex-Proof Your Life

purity shirt

Bethany Baird is a writer for the Lies Young Women Believe website. In a post titled 8 Ways to Fight For Purity, Baird gives sexually aware young women eight ways to sex-proof their lives. If young women follow Baird’s advice, they can be certain that they will never get laid until their wedding day. Isn’t that good news?  Here’s Baird’s prescription for a sex-proof life:

  • Get in the Word.
  • Pray for strength.
  • Take up your shield of faith.
  • Confess when you fail.
  • Get rid of the bad.
  • Fill your mind with good.
  • Find a solid group of girls.
  • Get accountability.

Girlfriend, are you dating a young man who wants to get in your pants? Read the Bible, pray, and take up the shield of faith. How does this work? Evangelical Suzie is out with Billy Bob and Billy starts getting frisky. Should Suzie call a time out for Bible reading and prayer? In what universe would this EVER happen? As study after study tells us, Evangelical teenagers and young adults engage in sexual intercourse at roughly the same levels as their unsaved counterparts in the “world.” Instead of teaching sexually aware young women to be responsible for their sexuality and to plan for sexual intercourse, Baird presents a voodoo-list of spells she hopes will extinguish raging hormones. Spells, by the way, that do not work.

Baird should be honest with her readers. The only sure way to make certain young Christian women never, never do the dirty is to avoid any contact with the opposite sex, the same sex, or their index finger. If young men are the problem, shouldn’t young women just stay away from these horn dogs? Why not cut the temptation off at the source? Of course Baird won’t suggest this because she knows that young women want what young women want: boyfriends.

Baird, thanks to her fundamentalist indoctrination, lives in denial of basic human biology. Instead, she suggests that young women spiritually cross their legs, blocking access to their vagina.  The minds of young women, honed by evolution, naturally desire to mate. If this wasn’t so, our species would have perished long ago. Instead of preaching the failed gospel of purity, people like Baird would better serve their readers if they talked honestly about human sexuality. Of course they can’t do this because the Bible says that any and all sexual activity (fornication) before marriage is a sin against God.

I’m all for teenagers understanding everything there is to know about sex. From biology to contraception, teenagers need to know the facts. Far more effective than Baird’s eight steps is sexual knowledge. Equipped with this knowledge, young adults can then determine when or if they want to have sex. Telling them to Just Say No (and No including masturbation) is setting up young adults for failure. Baird knows this, but she has to justify the continuation of her ministry, so she continues to guilt young women unto ignoring their sexual desires.

Let me finish this post with several of the comments that  appeared on Baird’s 8 Ways to Fight for Purity. I think most readers will find these comments heartbreaking illustrations of what happens when young women buy into Baird’s guilt-inducing purity gospel:

(All grammar errors in the original. Each paragraph is a new comment)

I had sex outside of marriage. I feel so ashamed even if I prayed. Please pray for me. I know our God is a good and forgives but the guilt inside me is killin’ me and making me feel unworthy of God’s love.

I don’t know what to do… i masturbute. I know its wrong but I don’t feel sorry when I’m done. I don’t feel anything. I feel like I can’t stop. Pray for me!!!!’

Do you think that God still might call some young women/girls to be like Jephthah’s daughter and be dedicated to God to never marry and remain abstinate?

Love it! Sadly for me I have no Goddly girls in the area! I do have some that I have met, who are close with the Duggar family! A year ago I decided to come out of public school, and do an online school, and I am so thankful God put opportunity in my life. After a while, with all the time I had, I found the show 19 kids and Counting! They helped me to change my life (before I started to date because everyone was doing it!) So glad!!!! They helped me to realize that you don’t HAVE to do everything that the world does. God loves you, and you need to think about the future. Then I started a CHRISTIAN online school, and boy did that help! Anyway, excuse me for the long backstory. I, one day decided, to get one of my special rings that my Grammie gave me, and have it be my “purity ring!” Every time I look at it, I remind myself that God DOES care what I do and think about!!! The kind of purity I keep for myself is more on the moral side, and less on the physical purity side (because I don’t plan to date for a while, I’m 15!) So maybe you could just have your own purity ring, and wear it as a reminder! Mine isn’t fancy or anything! Hope it helps someone!

Note

Bethany Baird and her sister Kristen Clark blog at Girl Defined: Getting Back to God’s Design

Why Do Fundamentalist Men and Women Dress Differently?

how should a woman dress

Within Evangelicalism, especially on the far right of the Evangelical spectrum, women are considered subservient, second class, whoring Jezebels out to rob men and teenage boys of their virtue. Listen to enough sermons at the local Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church and you will likely conclude that seductive women are lurking in the shadows ready to expose a bit of leg and cleavage, bringing weak, helpless men to their knees and hopefully to her bed. After all, the Bible does have a story that warns of this very behavior:

…For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house, In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night: And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.(She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.) So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him,I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows. Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee. I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey: He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed. With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life. Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth. Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths. For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her. Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death. (Proverbs 7)

Evangelicals have concluded that the only way to save teenage boys and men from whoring Christian women is to demand that women cover up their flesh and wear clothing that mutes their feminine shape. They are implored to dress in a way that will not draw any attention from the male species. Often, women are told not to wear excessive make up or jewelry. Again, it’s harlots that paint themselves up and wear bawdy gaudy jewelry, so Christian women should avoid wearing anything that gives the appearance of being an easy sexual mark. Again, justification for this demand can be found in the Bible:

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. (1 Timothy 2)

While most Evangelical churches no longer make an issue of how women wear their hair, some on the far right of the Evangelical spectrum do, requiring women to wear their hair long and/or put it up in a beehive or bun. As always, the BIBLE says:

Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering. (1 Corinthians 11)

Some Evangelical sects believe, based on the above text, that a woman wearing her hair long shows that she is in submission to her father if she is unmarried and to her husband if she is married.  Some sects even go so far as to require women to wear a head covering, a doily-like piece of fabric which says to all who dare gaze on her that she is in submission to God, the church, her father, and her husband.

All of these things are used to keep women in their place. What is that place, you ask? Married, submissive, keeper of the home, bearer of children, and on-demand sex machine. Post high school education is often discouraged, and if a woman is determined to get a college education she is often shipped off to an Evangelical Christian college to train for her MRS degree. The end game is always marriage and bearing children.

On any given day I can go to Meijer or Walmart and I will see Evangelical families shopping. How do I know they are Evangelical Christians? One look at the mothers or the daughters is all I need. Their head-to-toe Evangelical burka or Little-House-on-the-Prairie garb make them stand out from the unwashed Philistines around them. I can even determine of which particular sect they are a part based on the way the women wear certain items of clothing or how they wear their hair. Apostolic or holiness women, forbidden to cut their hair, often put their hair up in a bun or bee hive.

But, here’s the thing, if the unmarried boys or the fathers are in the store without the fairer sex by their side, they blend in quite well. Some Mennonite sects wear a certain style of pants, belts, or suspenders, but outside of the that the men look like any other man in the store. Why is it that the men are free to dress as men typically do, but women are forced to dress in a manner that says to the world that they are part of a religion that treats them like seductresses and appendages, the man’s  servant?

I’m sure pious Evangelicals will suggest that women dress and behave this way because they choose to do so. Anyone who thinks like this is ignorant of the conditioning and mind control that goes on in many Evangelical sects. From the cradle to the grave, women are told what their place is in God’s divine order. They are constantly reminded of the importance of covering up their body so they don’t cause men to lust. Many of the people who read this blog were raised in this kind of religious environment, and they will tell you that the puritanical moralizing becomes very much a part of a woman’s life. It’s all they’ve ever known, so how can it ever be said that they freely choose to live this way?

Here’s all the proof you need. Look at women who leave/flee Evangelical sects such as those mentioned above. What are some of the first things they do after they leave? get a new hairstyle, paint their nails, stop wearing dresses/culottes, start wearing makeup and jewelry, start wearing shoes with heels, show a little leg or cleavage. Perhaps in the quiet confines of the bathroom or the bedroom they look at themselves in the mirror wearing their new style of clothes and they smile and say “nice!” And once the proverbial horse is out of the barn, there’s no hope of corralling it. I know of no woman who ever returned to these type of restrictions once they were free of them.

Were you once part of an Evangelical church/sect that restricted how a women dressed, wore her hair, etc? How did things change for you after you left? Please share your story in the comment section.

122015

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Things Are Not as They Seem: A Legacy of Immorality

guest-post

Guest post by Ian.

Since my wife and kids are still actively involved with this group, I am going to use pseudonyms instead of actual names. Other than name changes, this a true story, learned through observation and stories from the pulpit. I use terms like sin and immorality because I am holding this church up to the standards they claim to follow.

Once, there was a man named Charlie. From what I heard about him, Charlie was a good man, kind and hardworking. Charlie met a young girl named Beth sometime in the early 30’s. Charlie’s desire was to become a pastor and Beth seemed to be inclined to go along with this dream. Friendship blossomed, and at the ripe old age of 15, Beth became pregnant. Oops, Charlie and Beth weren’t married. This was easily fixable; so, off to the wedding altar they went. Charlie became a preacher who, from all accounts, was a well-loved and all around good guy. His grandkids, who I know well, loved going to see him. They never remember him being angry or saying a bad word against anyone. Charlie had several children, the oldest one named George.

George lived in Missouri most of his life. He grew up in church, learning all the things a pastor’s child should. As George grew older, he met a girl named Sue. As far as I know, George didn’t have any desire to become a pastor in his younger years. I do know that George attended a local college for some time. I also know that George and Sue fell in love, got married and had a son. Wait, actually, George and Sue had sex, Sue got pregnant and then George and Sue got married, because that will immediately fix the problem. George ended up joining the US Army and served a little over 20 years. He was awarded the Silver Star among other medals and retired a Sergeant Major.

George doesn’t talk much about his Army days. From the pulpit, he would tell us, as a cautionary tale,  that he did smoke and drink, though he doesn’t do these things now. He told how friends would try to get him to “commit sins”, but he was able to keep himself separate. Interestingly, George’s stories of personal commitment come from the time period when he had achieved rank, in the rowdy days of the 50’s and 60’s, I often question how an outspoken Christian was able to gain promotion. Back then, life in the military was much different from now.

While in the Army, George “surrendered” to the call to preach. Upon retirement, George returned to Alaska to pastor a church he had once attended. At this church, George raised his 4 children. By all accounts, the middle two did OK. The oldest got involved with drinking and partying and the youngest followed the same path. These children, along with other children that attended the church, became known throughout the community as partiers. At this time, although we weren’t attending the church, I was in a Christian school that had several of the church’s kids enrolled. My aunt hung out with one, in particular, who I personally knew as a party hound. This legacy of immorality seemed to flow through this church. Child abuse of all kinds happened there, many drunks were dealt with, as well as other stories best left for another day.

George’s oldest son eventually moved away. Stories of his problems floated around the community, continuing the legacy of immorality. George’s youngest daughter, Mary, continued the legacy close to home. Mary married a man who continually accused her of adultery. My feeling is that this is because Mary was quite promiscuous before marriage. Mary ended up getting a divorce from him. Mary spent time in at least one out-of- state alcohol rehab clinic and I think she went to a second one, but it was quietly dealt with; she was the pastor’s daughter after all.

Mary was caught red-handed, more than once, sleeping with a man she wasn’t married to. She was put out of the church several times for it, but was quickly restored to fellowship; mommy wasn’t about to be deprived of her daughter. These occurrences were quickly put to rest by sweeping them under the rug.

Finally, Mary got pregnant by Doug,who was another pastor’s son. Doug and Mary were married, which is a story unto itself. Doug and Mary finally divorced because Mary finally couldn’t keep up with Doug’s “worldly” lifestyle. Which is funny, because Mary did the same kinds of things Doug did, only now she couldn’t keep up with Doug’s worldly pace.

Mary finally married for a third time. After a time, Mary’s oldest daughter Paula married a guy and continued to go to church. During the church going, Paula and her husband started down their road into debauchery. I won’t name everything; suffice it to say drunkenness and sexual sins were part of their life. Paula and her husband split up, with the husband being the one who stayed in the good graces of their church.

The husband was welcomed into Paula’s mom’s house. He would stay the night so the kids could play with Grandpa and Grandma and the other kids. One night, Mary had a funny feeling something was wrong. Upon investigation, she discovered her second daughter, Julie was sleeping with Mary’s estranged husband and had been doing so for a while. ALL of the blame was put on the husband since Julie was just 18 and had obviously been seduced. Julie was quickly forgiven by the church and all was buried under the rug, once again. I don’t believe for one minute that the husband was innocent, but the pastor’s granddaughter was given a pass just like his children were.

So, this is the legacy of Charlie, a man of God. I have some suspicions that another of George’s daughters got caught up in the sex trap, but that story is never mentioned and questions are discouraged. At least two of George’s other grandchildren were sexually active before marriage and have had multiple marriages. In the interest of full disclosure, I am married to one of George’s granddaughters. Before we were married, there was a lot of kissing and petting, but no intercourse. I will even admit to being the one who instigated things. I only say this to let everyone know that I am not perfect.

I write this because people speak of a spiritual legacy. This story tells of another kind of legacy. This is the legacy of problems being swept under the rug and never dealt with. This is 70+ years of the same kinds of problems in one family. And the reason nothing was done is because this was the pastor’s family. Both of the deacons in this church had similar things go on with their families.  Again, these “incidents” were quickly and discreetly dealt with. Criminal actions were quickly and quietly dealt with. One of these deacons was on the verge of going to jail for fraud and theft, but the charges disappeared and no mention was ever made of this again.

My father, along with several others, were marginalized and driven from this church because they dared to call these people to account for their actions. If people had been forced to confront their actions, maybe these problems would have been stopped in the first generation. Instead, multiple generations have been affected and the problems persist.

This is just one IFB/Sovereign Grace church. I’m not saying this is the only church that has had these problems. I know there are many others like this. This is just my experience with family and one church.

Dear Kristen Welch, How to Make Sure Your Teen Age Son Can’t Handle His Sexuality

avert your eyes

Kristen Welch, author of Rhinestone Jesus: Saying Yes to Jesus When Sparkly, Safe Faith is No Longer Enough and Don’t Make Me Come Up There: Quiet Moments For Busy Moms, recently wrote a blog post titled, To the Middle School Girls at the Pool Who Told My Son He was Hot. (link no longer active) Welch and her family went to the community pool and lo and behold there were girls there with bikinis on! I know, hard to believe. According to Welch, some middle school girls with bikinis on told her middle school son that he was hot. I wonder if these middle school girls really had bikinis on or if they just had bathing suits that were too skimpy for Welch’s Christian taste. I also wonder what age the girls were. Twelve or fourteen going on fifteen?  Middle school is usually defined as grades sixth through eighth. In my day, back when Ken Ham got off the Ark, middle school was called Junior High. The school I attended housed grades seven through nine. So, were these girls barely out of diapers or were they menstruating females who are sexually aware? The same questions could be asked of Welch’s son. How old is he? Is he spit ball and bra snapping middle school age or is he sexually aware, desiring the attention of the fairer sex age?

kristen welch

Kristen Welch, We are That Family blogger

According to Welch:

…Maybe you didn’t see that my son was with his family at the community pool the other day, playing catch with his dad. Maybe you didn’t understand that he didn’t want to hang out with you when you kept bumping into him and following him around. Maybe you didn’t notice he was averting his eyes every time you walked by in your bikini.

Maybe that’s why you walked up to him and said loud enough for his splashing sister to hear, “You are hot. My friend thinks so, too.”

Maybe you didn’t see my son’s cheeks flame and watch him look to his father for help or hear him mumble “like I care” or see him get out of the pool to move away from you. Maybe not…

Here’s my first question. If you are a Christian family, what are you doing at the community pool? Surely, Welch and her husband had to know that various forms of nakedness would be on prominent display at the pool? I find it interesting that it seems to be no big deal for Welch’s pubescent son and middle age husband to be in an environment that is sure to stir sexual passion. Instead, Welch focuses her ire on a group of bathing suit clad middle school girls for telling her son he is hot.

The middle school girls who dared to make Welch’s son feel like any normal heterosexual teenage boy would want to feel, will never read Welch’s post. Until yesterday, I hadn’t ever heard of Kristen Welch and the We are That Family blog. Several of my fundamentalist relatives posted this article to Facebook, saying how wonderful it was. Evidently, there must be a lot of Christian families with middle school sons who are hot and have girls hitting on them all the time.

The real purpose of Welch’s post is to whine and complain about the bad, bad world we live in, a world Welch describes as:

…a culture where anything goes. And sometimes it’s confusing to know how to handle all the messages media throws at you when the world you live in supports your right to do whatever you want.

Truth changes more often than the weather and it’s getting harder and harder to stand on anything absolute.

Welch assumes the middle school girls are confused, lacking truth, and are products of a culture where anything goes and you can do whatever you want.  She sees their behavior as the product of a decadent culture, but I see it as sexually aware girls who think a boy at the public swimming pool is attractive. It’s much to do about nothing. Instead of writing a whiny post, perhaps Welch should take the time to teach her son how to gracefully handle his holy hotness. When one of the girls said “You are hot. My friend thinks so, too”, all Welch’s son had to do is smile, say thanks, and walk away. Those girls would have put Master Welch on their A List.

You see, according to Welch, these girls are making it hard for her son to “live a godly life.” Once again, it’s the girls’ fault. This is a common refrain in Evangelicalism. Our sons and fathers are weak, pathetic horn dogs and girls and women need to cover up lest they have impure thoughts and mentally fornicate. Welch writes:

…We are working really hard to teach our son to live a pure life. We are encouraging him to bounce his eyes away from bikini-clad bodies.  We are raising him to be noble. We are praying for him to have integrity. We are advising him to look into a girls eyes and not cleavage. We are warning him about sexting…

So, did Welch take her son to a public swimming pool so he could work on his eye averting skills? Why not go all the way and take him to the strip club? Perhaps it could be a father/son outing. The Bible says to abstain from (avoid) the very appearance of evil and the Psalmist said, I will put no wicked thing before my eyes.  I suspect Welch believes that wearing a bikini is sinful and wicked, so why put your son (and husband) in a position where they could sin and commit mental fornication?

I know I have written about this many times, but it bears repeating here. Instead of blaming women for the sexual failures of male Evangelicals, how about teaching them to responsibly handle their sexuality? Grow up, be a man. Attractive women are everywhere. Biologically, sexually aware males want to have sex with sexually aware females. It’s human nature. Instead of demanding women cover up, how about teaching male Evangelicals how to be around attractive females without getting a boner and sinning against God. (and perhaps going blind)

In two years, I will be sixty years old. I am officially an old man. When I went to school, there were no Christian schools and home schoolers were few and far between. As a somewhat attractive Christian boy who was certainly attracted to nice looking girls, I had to learn to how to handle my sexuality and maintain my technical virginity until my wedding day. I dated a handful of church girls and a few outside of the church. I knew what it was to hold hands with a girl, put my arm around her, kiss her, and feel my sexuality rising, all without ravaging her.  I was then, and I am still today, responsible for my sexuality. While I now know that if I had rounded third and headed for home it would not have been a “sin”, it was my choice and my wife’s choice to wait until our wedding night to cross the plate and scoring a winning run for Team Gerencser. Had we waited much longer to be married, we likely would not have been virgins on our wedding day. If we had succumbed to our desires, thanks to our Evangelical religious beliefs, we would have felt guilty, sure that God was going to strike us dead. What should have been a normal sexual experience for an adult couple in love was turned into something to be feared until we said I do.

Welch needs to teach her son and all her children to handle their blossoming sexuality. Saying thus saith the Lord, avert your eyes lest ye turn into an Evangelical horn dog is not the answer. Welch is right, the rules of sexual engagement have changed. Now there’s sexting that provides instant visual gratification. Again, it’s up to the smartphone user to control their use. If a teenager can’t act responsibly…here’s the shocker…take their damn phone away. Personally, I think adults, who have forgotten what it was like to young, have blown the sexting issue way out of proportion. Recently, a sexting scandal made the front page of our local newspaper. You’d have thought local police had broken up a child pornography ring. Instead, it was sexually aware teens sending inappropriate texts and pictures, no different from lifted shirts and dropped pants in the 1970’s. We survived, even if we are blamed for all the decadent sexual behavior now on display in America.

1,500 words to say to Kristen Welch, quit your whining and teach your son to grow up and embrace his sexuality. If he has impure thoughts or gets frisky with a middle school bikini babe at the public swimming pool, teach him to accept responsibility for his behavior. Do your best Mom to not turn out another weak, pathetic Evangelical man who can’t bear to see cleavage without having thoughts of banging the woman on the spot. We have enough of these kind of men. They are likely sitting near you at whatever church you attend.

Thus saith, Bruce Almighty.

Notes

If you want a good example of supposed Evangelical moral superiority, please read the comments on Welch’s post. Welch closed the comments “due to a few personal attacks that I’m contributing to the “rape culture” and accusing me of being shameful and disgusting (you get the point).” She forgot slut shaming.