Guest Post by ObstacleChick
As I grew up in a Southern Baptist church and attended an Evangelical Christian school (which was more or less IFB in doctrine), I have a lot of connections on social media who are still hardcore, committed fundamentalist evangelical Christians. Every time I check my news feed, I am sure to see at least one Christian-themed post or meme. Here are a few I have seen in the past three days, complete with my interpretation of what the poster is saying.
**(Insert “Seriously” meme here)**
Interpretation:
“I’m being an annoying jerk and am going to make a snarky comment showing why I am right to continue to be an annoying jerk. Because I’m right. And you’re not. And it’s totally what Jesus would do.”
**(Insert “Invisible” meme here)**
Interpretation:
“I can’t see, touch, or prove God exists, but I’m going to give you reasons why he totally does that can’t be disputed because there’s no evidence since none of these things actually occurred — God saved you from these awful things. Yay team God!”
**(Insert “Judgment” meme here)**
Interpretation:
“In case your intention was not to accept my version of Jesus Christ and to continue to live in what my church, pastor, and almighty God and I consider to be sin, here is a subtle threat. Because fear and threats are so totally effective in winning over converts who are scrolling through social media.”
**(Insert “Can’t” meme here)**
Interpretation:
“Evangelical Christianity tells me that I’m too weak and worthless to do things on my own but that Jesus is omnipotent, so I have to pray really hard so that Jesus can help me accomplish difficult tasks.”
**(Insert “Battle” meme here)**
Interpretation:
“Because Evangelical Christianity never allowed me to grow up and become an adult or to gain confidence in my abilities, I have to repeat an arsenal of mantras to get me through the tough times. Because Jesus/God can beat up mean old Satan!”
**(Insert “Hospital” meme here)**
Interpretation:
“Apostates, atheists, and other people who aren’t True Christians® call us Warriors for Jesus hypocrites so here is my snarky response. Take that, you meanie apostates, atheists, and non-True Christians®. Na-na-na-na boo-boo.”
Now it’s your turn! Let’s have a little fun and make some creative interpretations!
People I know in real life, who are one brand or another of Christian are, while deluded, mostly okay humans. (I’m only talking about the ones I know personally, of course)
But I find the social media Jesusheads particularly annoying. I see it as virtue signalling to their GOD… “Look! I am standing publicly and proclaiming my love for you! See me over here, God?? Huh? Here I am!!!”
But the ones that really get me are the ones who type little prayers. “Dear Lord I pray that you will ________________. ”
Do they really think their god is reading their FB page?
And JUST now, right after I commented, I was scrolling through my FB feed (because it’s time to get ready for work and I don’t wanna) and I saw an acquaintance who posted, “I need a break.”
One of her friends immediately answered with this: Sweet Mighty Jesus I pray Lord in Your Name to give *** Your wisdom to rock her life from sadness to great joy, only You know her needs, Amen
Lol gotta love that!
Yes, most Christians are fine people. Then there are those who believe it is their mandate from the almighty trinity to bombard their newsfeed with as much Jesusing as possible. I wonder how many converts they have gotten?