“Dr.” Arv Edgeworth, an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) evangelist, sent me another email. Here’s what he had to say
I have a question for you. I saw the list of IFB pastors and their sexual sins. I didn’t read any of the information, it would be too depressing. I know of a number of incidents like that in churches I have been associated with, sad to say. However, in your opinion, which should be considered worse: an IFB preacher who was guilty of sexual misconduct; or an IFB preacher who did a complete turn around and denied Christ, and tried to get others to do the same thing? Sexual misconduct, or spiritual misconduct? In your opinion, which would do the most damage?
I assume that Edgeworth is talking about the Black Collar Crime series. Edgeworth wants to know which is worse: an IFB preacher who raped church children or an IFB preacher (me) who deconverted and now tries to get others to do the same? What’s worse, Edgeworth asks, sexual misconduct or spiritual misconduct? I assume he thinks “spiritual” misconduct is worse because it leads to eternal consequences.
Let me be clear, sexual misconduct in all its forms is morally wrong and often leads to lifelong consequences. IFB churches are notorious for ignoring or covering up sex crimes. Worse, offenders often leave the churches where the offenses occurred and move on to other churches. More than a few IFB churches are pastored by preachers who have committed sex crimes. God has forgiven them of their sin. How dare anyone keep them from their calling! God forgives and forgets, and so should we. Or so the thinking goes, anyway.
Edgeworth’s claim that I committing spiritual misconduct is absurd. Am I taking advantage of people? Am I fulfilling the lusts of my flesh by spiritually assaulting and raping people? Of course not. I am just one man with a story to tell. I am not an evangelist for atheism. All I do is share my story and carefully examine the central claims of Evangelical Christianity. I write, people read. I have never forced myself or my beliefs on another person.
How is it spiritual abuse to encourage people to rationally think for themselves? Shouldn’t that be the goal for Christians and unbelievers alike? Edgeworth will search in vain for one post that remotely suggests that I tried to get Christians to deny the Messiah. Have some people said that my writing played an instrumental part in their deconversion? Sure, but all I did was answer their questions. Or maybe my personal testimony resonated with them. Regardless, I have never forced anyone to deny Jesus and become an atheist.
Should I not tell my story, Arv? You came to my blog and told yours. Why is it okay for Evangelicals to go from IP address to IP address, preaching the gospel, even to people who have no interest in what they are peddling? I have been told several times that I should shut up and keep my story to myself. One preacher told me he feared that if people read my story that they would deconvert. Really? Am I so powerful that my words carry such power — more powerful than God — that they can cause people to lose their salvation? Trust me, I am not that powerful. More often, my writing is just one step in the process of deconversion.
Instead of worrying about Evangelical-preachers-turned-atheists leading IFB church members astray, I would worry more about sexual predators who have infiltrated churches, using the love, kindness, and forgiveness of congregants to hide their evil actions. Sadly, church members can be naive, thinking a man of God would never, ever commit a sex crime. This is a delusion, one that leads to harm, both to church members who are abused and to vulnerable adults who are taken advantage of.
I should add that if anyone is committing spiritual abuse, it is IFB preachers. I could spend months talking about preachers who spiritually abused the churches — myself included. That’s what cults do.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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One of the most common statements made by Evangelicals is this: The Bible Says . . . Evangelicals believe the Bible is the inerrant, infallible Word of God, meant to be read and interpreted literally. It means what it says and says what it means. If these claims are true, why do Evangelicals have such varied beliefs, even on the basics such as salvation, baptism, membership, and communion? How do we determine which sect is right? If the destiny of our eternal soul rests on us believing the right things, shouldn’t Christians speak with one mind on the core doctrines of Christianity?
The confusion of beliefs is a sign that Christianity is a human construct. The Bible doesn’t say anything. It is a book of words that must be read, interpreted, and explained. When I say, “The Bible Says . . .” it should be understood that I’m speaking from my past theological training, experiences, and interpretations. In other words, the Bible says what Bruce says it does. This is true for EVERY Christian. If there’s one thing I have learned about the Bible, it is this: It can be used to prove almost anything. Put a Calvinist, Arminian, Campbellite, Independent Baptist, Apostolic, Charismatic, Pentecostal, and Episcopalian in a room and ask them fifty theological questions. What will you get? Countless interpretations and explanations, each believing they are right. They all can’t be right, so how do we determine which sect/church preaches the True Christianity?
Sadly, many Evangelicals believe that their understanding of the Bible = God says. How can they possibly know this? They will authoritatively claim that the words of the Bible are God’s words, and when they speak the words of the Good Book, they are speaking God’s words. That’s why I have had countless Christians tell me when I object to something they said, “God said it, I didn’t.” Oh, the arrogance behind such a claim. I know of no way that someone can infallibly know that what they are reading or saying is the words of God. Humans wrote the Bible, and for 2,000 years now, Christians have been interpreting and reinterpreting the Bible. Every generation of believers shapes, molds, and interprets the Bible based on their personal opinions, beliefs, and worldviews. Even with intractable sects such as the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church movement, beliefs and practices change over time. How they define “old-fashioned” is very different today from what it was sixty years ago. As an IFB teen in the 1960s and 1970s, my pastors declared that “Godly” men didn’t have facial hair or long hair. Today, it is common to see IFB men with beards and long hair. The same goes for dress standards. Women wearing pants was verboten years ago. Today, it is not uncommon to see Baptist women wearing slacks.
Change is inevitable, even among groups who think that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. A few years back, my partner’s IFB uncle, Jim Dennis, died after pastoring the Newark Baptist Temple for fifty years. Polly’s parents attended the church for decades. Polly’s mom told me that she was proud of the fact that Jim believed the same things he did when he died as he did when he was a young preacher. In her mind, Jim was a pillar of sound doctrine and practice; a man who was steadfast in his beliefs and behavior. This, of course. was patently untrue. I can point to numerous beliefs and practices that Jim changed his mind about over the years.
I would argue that changing our beliefs is essential to personal growth. If my life story is anything, it is a testimony to the power and importance of change. As a Christian, my beliefs changed a lot. When I came to a new or different understanding of the Bible, I was unafraid to share it. This, of course, led to me being called a liberal or an apostate. All I knew to do was to honestly align my life with my changed beliefs. And I don’t live differently today. How about you? Have your beliefs and practices changed over the years? Do you have Christian friends who pride themselves on not changing their beliefs? Please share your experiences in the comment section.
Let me conclude this post with a short video by Dr. Dan McClellan on the subject, “No, the Bible Doesn’t Say So.”
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. (1 Corinthians 14:33)
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! (Psalm 133:1)
Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; (Ephesians 4:3-4)
These verses clearly teach that God expects his body (the church) to dwell together in peace and unity. If there is confusion (disorder, instability), God is not its author. In other words, if you see disorder in a church, its members are to blame, not God.
According to the Bible, the Holy Spirit lives inside every believer. He is their teacher and guide. Further, the Bible says that followers of Jesus have the mind of Christ. If these verses are true, what are we to make of all the confusion, disorder, conflict, and instability we see in churches? Sure, I know more than a few Christians who are good examples of what it means to be a follower of Christ. But, I also know more than a few Christians who are nasty, mean, hateful sons of bitches. I’ve watched church business meetings turn into shouting matches, and countless people leave churches in a huff, all because they couldn’t get their way or their preacher believed something they felt was wrong.
As an Evangelical pastor, did I experience peace and contentment? Did the churches I pastored have long periods when peace, harmony, and joy were experienced by most congregants? Sure. On balance, I thoroughly enjoyed being a pastor. Church services were enriching and fulfilling. That said, there were times when the ministry was burdensome due to church turmoil and conflict. Most of the disharmony was needless, the result of selfish people wanting their way. On occasion, meaningful disagreements cropped up, but typically the church conflict I experienced was, to put it bluntly, stupid; little more than childish disagreements over minor points of doctrine or decisions I made.
The last church I pastored was a small Southern Baptist congregation in Clare, Michigan. When I candidated, I warned the church that I had no stomach for church conflict. I had reached a point in my ministry where I just wanted to preach and teach the Bible and help people in need. Six months in, conflict arose. Ugly stuff, to say the least, yet the church was shocked when I resigned. Did I not warn them that I had no interest in dealing with the petty bullshit that plagues most churches.
I don’t expect churches to be perfect. However, I do expect them to practice what they preach. According to one source, there are over 40,000 Christian denominations — each with their own beliefs. How does this square with the Bible claim that there is “One Lord, One Faith, and One Baptism?” Simple, Bruce, my church/denomination is right. We represent True Christianity!All those other churches/denominations are false. This, of course, is just another version of No True Scotsman. Besides, if you pay attention to True Christian churches, you will see lots of internecine conflict.
If confusion, disunity, and disagreement are common among followers of Jesus, what should unbelievers think about Christianity? Is Christianity some sort of grand ideal, or is it transformational? It seems, at least to me, that the former is true. And if faith in Christ doesn’t transform lives, what good is it? Is the goal passing a test on doctrinal beliefs and praying the right prayer, or is the objective to love God and love your fellow man? James himself said, Faith without works is dead. Jesus said in Matthew 25 that true belief will be judged by how they treat the least of these in our society.
I am convinced that the central claims of Christianity are false. Since it is unlikely that anything will be forthcoming that will change my mind, I doubt I will ever become a Christian again. That ship has sailed. Currently, I have a low opinion of Christianity — especially Evangelicals. If Christians truly practiced what they preached, I might, at the very least, admire the religion. But as long as tens of millions of American Evangelicals continue to support Donald Trump and his draconian policies that harm undocumented workers, working-class people, and the poor, I see nothing to admire. As long as I hear Christians demean and degrade the “least of these” and support genocide, racism, xenophobia, and bigotry, I want nothing to do with their religion.
All of us should practice what we preach. I admit that all of us fall short and should do better. What bothers me about many Evangelicals is that they see their hatred, genocide, racism, xenophobia, and bigotry as a badge of honor. Consider that people such as Dr. David Tee, Revival Fires, John, and a cast of hundreds think they are good Christians, even though they behave in ways contrary to the teachings of the Bible.
Are you an unbeliever? Does Christian behavior affect how you view Christianity? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
In 2007, as a Christian — barely — who was struggling with his faith, I started blogging. For a time, I found the Emergent (or Emerging) Church a welcome respite from Evangelical Christianity, but I eventually found its core beliefs lacking too. A year later, I publicly announced that I was an agnostic, and a few months later, an atheist. I dropped the “agnostic” moniker because I got tired of having to explain repeatedly what the word meant. Currently, I self-identify as an agnostic atheist.
As a Christian blogger, I was repeatedly attacked and harassed by Evangelicals for my “liberal” beliefs — both theologically and politically. Then, as now, Evangelicals took one of two positions about my “faith.”
I never was a Christian.
I am still a Christian, but under the chastisement of God.
In November 2008, I attended church for the last time. Throughout my journey from Evangelicalism to atheism, I have blogged about my experiences and beliefs. Countless Evangelicals have come to this site, determined to set me straight about my beliefs. Thousands of emails, blog comments, and social media messages later, I have noticed certain tactics Evangelicals use to repudiate or evangelize me. Evangelicals are, if anything, predictable. And, to be fair, all of us can be predictable. I know I am, though I generally try to engage people where they are. That said, I’ve become quite adept at sniffing out motivations. I’ve had commenters go out of their way to “hide” their Evangelical beliefs. Often, they will try to suck me in with science or philosophy arguments — which is all the rage on YouTube. Usually, I don’t engage in discussions or debates about the existence of God or the beginning of the universe. I know some readers revel in such subjects, but, for me, I’m not that interested. Not that I lack knowledge sufficient to engage in such discussions. I am confident that I can hold my own. I just don’t find these discussions interesting. Rarely do they lead to satisfying conclusions. So I try to stay focused on Evangelicalism (and the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church movement) and the teachings of the Bible.
When commenters try to hide their Evangelical beliefs, I’ve become pretty good at cutting through their philosophical bullshit, forcing them to admit that they are not arguing for a generic deity, but the God of the Bible. Once they admit they are Evangelicals who base their beliefs on the teachings of the inspired, inerrant, and infallible Bible, I am ready to have a discussion with them. Sometimes, I will even grant their philosophical beliefs and then ask them how they connect this cosmic deity of theirs to the God of the Bible. Once trapped inside the pages of the Bible, it’s easier to discuss their beliefs.
This brings me to “Dr.” Arv Edgeworth. Edgeworth is an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) evangelist from Ohio. Over the past several days, I have received numerous emails from Edgeworth, as has Carolyn, my editor. Edgeworth’s emails had an accusatory, judgmental tone, which is typical coming from IFB preachers. I have directly and pointedly answered Edgeworth’s emails (which you can read in the previous posts in this series). Not because I thought I could make a dent in Edgeworth’s thinking — you don’t argue Fundamentalist Baptists out of their beliefs. I’m content to engage such people, hoping that responses will be beneficial to others — especially lurkers. I have had Evangelical zealots who have engaged me in word-to-word combat return months later, admitting they were wrong or that they treated me poorly. I am always grateful when someone apologizes for their boorish behavior. Sadly, this doesn’t happen very often.
Unfortunately, some Evangelicals use their apologies as a ploy. This has happened often enough that I have a hard time accepting Evangelical apologies as genuine. The first question that comes to my mind is this: Is this a genuine apology? The second question is this: What are their motivations? Take Revival Fires (RF). RF is a terrible example of what it means to be a Christian. He has sent me numerous emails and left scores of comments on this site. He is a nasty, vile son of a bitch; someone who loves posting comments detailing prison rape and scat. Several years ago, I called out his behavior, using Bible verses to show that his behavior was not consistent with the teachings of the Bible. Afterward, I received a nice, respectful email from RF. He wanted to be “friends” with me. My response? Are you fucking kidding me? You shit on my doorstep, piss in my corn flakes, attack and harass my wife and children, and you want me to befriend you? Go fuck yourself. And get some therapy. Soon, RF went back to his putrid ways.
Other Evangelicals have taken this approach with me — mainly Independent Fundamentalist Baptists. I’ve received numerous apologies, only to have the person apologizing return to their hateful ways days or weeks later. As a result of past experiences, I am hesitant to believe people when they suddenly apologize after being so hostile towards me. Is their apology genuine? Time will tell, and I have found that most of them return to their hateful ways. Why? I can’t be certain, but I suspect hatred is part of their religious DNA. The IFB church movement, for example, is built upon a foundation of hate; not just ideas or beliefs, but people and institutions. When a Christian is exposed to this kind of thinking week after week, it is almost impossible for them to change their thinking. Possible, but hard. Typically, lasting change requires leaving the IFB church movement.
I’m sure you are thinking, Bruce, what the hell does this have to do with Arv Edgeworth? I know, I know, I’m a long-winded preacher. 🙂 Yesterday, I received the following email from Edgeworth:
I want to apologize, I have been pretty judgmental in my attitude, and I assumed some things I shouldn’t have. Sorry about that. In spite of our differences, maybe we can reach some common ground.
After this statement, Edgeworth took a conciliatory, friendly approach, attempting to connect with me. He sent me several more emails taking a similar tact. Is Edgeworth being genuine? I have no way of knowing. Time will tell. I certainly accept his apology, but the value of any apology is determined by how a person acts going forward. I don’t expect Edgeworth to agree with me or change his beliefs. What I do expect is that he treats me with respect and lets me tell my story on my own terms. I have had many delightful conversations with Christians over the years; people I had little in common with. It is possible for Evangelicals and atheists to get along. Possible, but not easy. Probable? Not likely, but I feel I should at least try to find common ground with people who hold different beliefs than mine. I’m not a debater. I prefer friendly back-and-forth discussions, say over dinner or a beer at the local pub. Sadly, many Evangelicals (and some atheists) take this approach instead:
This scene from Mars Attacks! — one of my favorite movies — shows how many people approach discussions about religion (and politics). I have no interest in eviscerating Evangelicals, including Edgeworth. I accept his apology, but time will tell whether it is genuine. If he reverts to the IFB norm, it is only a matter of time before I say or write something that will offend his Holy Ghost sensibilities. How will he react? I know how IFB preachers before him have acted, but maybe, just maybe, he will be an exception to the rule.
The ball is in Arv’s court. Will he see the ball? I don’t know, since he has repeatedly told me that he doesn’t plan to read this blog. That’s on him. I am more than willing to engage him in thoughtful discussion. One thing is for sure, Arv will get a lot more exposure as a result of our interaction. 🙂 I just did a Google Search on “Arv Edgeworth.” Three days in, and this site is already the third search result. 🙂 All praise be to Loki.
Saved by Reason,
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
What follows is my response to another email from Independent Fundamentalist Evangelist Arv Edgeworth
Mr. Gerencser,
So nice to hear from you. I don’t read your blog so I won’t be reading your replies to my emails to Carolyn. I read your “Why” section, and all I saw was poor logic on your account, so I have no desire to read any further.
That’s up to you. Remember, you came to this site and then emailed me.
You claim I use poor logic, yet you provide no evidence for your claim. What laws of logic have I violated?
Bruce, you blame God and the “Church” for you neglecting your family. I have known several pastors who built strong ministries, and they had strong family ties, and I saw no evidence they neglected their families in any way. I’m sorry you neglected yours. But that is on YOU, not God.
I don’t blame “God.” He is a myth, so it would be foolish to blame a mythical being for something that happened in my life. I accept full responsibility for the choices I have made throughout my life. Part of accepting responsibility is determining why a certain decision was made. From this perspective, my pastors, professors, and the churches I pastored all played a part in how I neglected my family. I was indoctrinated and conditioned to view the world a certain way. The same goes for how I viewed my calling and the work of the ministry. I can’t be at fault for practicing what I was taught or what was modeled to me by my pastors and peers. I did what I thought was right in the eyes of God. Over time, my thinking changed. How I viewed the ministry in 1976 was very different from the way I viewed it in 1997. Unfortunately, Edgeworth does what many of my critics do: he takes a snapshot of a certain point in my life and applies it to the sum of my life, not allowing for change as I got older and matured.
I was a Creation evangelist for over 20 years, giving over 450 seminars in 27 different states. Sometimes my wife couldn’t go with me because she was our church secretary for 27 years, but she is my best friend, and we are both close to our kids. We will celebrate 60 wonderful years of marriage this week.
Okay? I’m not sure what the point is. We all have a storyline. In my case, I was saved at the age of fifteen and called to preach several weeks later. In the fall of 1976, I enrolled in classes at Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan — an IFB college started in 1954 by Dr. Tom Malone. (Malone, by the way, had an earned doctorate from an accredited state school.) While at Midwestern, I met a beautiful IFB preacher’s daughter. Two years later, we married, and this July we will celebrate forty-seven years of wedded bliss. We are blessed to have six adult children, sixteen grandchildren, and four cats.
My ministerial career of twenty-five years took my partner and me to Evangelical churches (IFB, Southern Baptist, Sovereign Grace Baptist, Christian Union, and Nondenominational) in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. I left the ministry in 2005 and converted from Christianity in 2008. I am now an atheist and a humanist.
You claim you had an intimate relationship with Christ for many years, but now claim He never existed. It can’t be both.
People change their minds. When I was a Christian, I had an intimate relationship with Jesus. I was a sincere follower of Christ. And now I am an atheist. I learned over the years that religious faith is complex; that people, myself included, can hold beliefs that are not true.
I have never said Jesus wasn’t a real person. I am not a mythicist. I think Jesus was a Jewish apocalyptic preacher who was executed for his opposition to the Roman government. He was buried in an unknown grave, never to be seen or heard from again. What I reject are the supernatural claims made for Jesus.
You blame God for all bad things in the world, then claim God doesn’t exist. More bad logic?
If God is the sovereign creator of the universe, then, yes, he is responsible for the good and bad that happens in the world. I can make a solid theological argument for this claim; a belief, by the way, I held when I was a pastor.
I can easily defend my past beliefs if challenged. After all, the Bible can be used to prove almost anything.
Like I told Carolyn, you blaming God for everything bad, would be like me seeing a smashed Chevy and no longer believing in General Motors as a great company because they build automobiles that can be smashed by humans. Poor logic.
If God is in control of all things, then, yes, God is responsible for everything, including automobiles.
If Edgeworth wants to discuss or debate this issue, I am game.
You might want to reconsider being an atheist though, if God doesn’t exist then you can’t blame Him for all your failures and the failures of other people. Then the responsibility for you neglecting your family falls only on you. If God doesn’t exist, then you can’t blame Him for creating a world where bad things can happen.
As I have repeatedly stated, I accept responsibility for every decision I have ever made. I have been honest and open about the churches I pastored, detailing both my successes and failures. That said, I refuse to accept blame for things that were not my fault or over which I had no control.
As an atheist and a humanist, I accept and understand that bad things can and do happen, not only to me but to other people. I have had a rough road in life. Life is what it is. All I know to do is to learn from past experiences. I wouldn’t wish my childhood on anyone. Sure, I survived, but not without a hell of a lot of deep wounds and scars. As a 68-year-old man, most of my struggles these days are health-related. I have gastroparesis and exocrine pancreatic insufficiency — both incurable — osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, and degenerative spine disease (that has left me with widespread disc damage in my neck and spine). In August, I had major surgery on my spine. Virtually every moment of my waking hours is dominated by debilitating pain and illness. I should note, before a Christian reader suggests that my health problems are God’s judgment for my unbelief, I started having health problems years before I deconverted. Countless prayers were uttered asking for deliverance or relief, without success.
I won’t be reading your blog that I am sure will be filled with more bad logic, but if you wish to communicate via emails that would be fine. I hope you get things straightened out in your mind so you can put things in proper perspective.
As far as getting straightened out, I am as “straight” as I can be. One hundred percent heterosexual. 🙂
When Edgeworth says “proper perspective” he means seeing things as he does, believing as he does. Remember, certainty breeds arrogance, and there’s nothing more arrogant than expecting and demanding that others believe as you do. That said, I am more than happy to embrace Edgeworth’s beliefs, provided he can give me empirical evidence for his claims. It’s really that simple. I operate on evidence. My goal is to believe as many true things as possible. That’s why I deconverted. The central claims of Christianity no longer made any sense to me. I expand my thinking on this subject in the post titled The Michael Mock Rule: It Just Doesn’t Make Sense.
We humans mess up sometimes. Blaming a God Who you say doesn’t exist isn’t the answer. Just curious, will you be worshiping the Easter Bunny next Sunday?
I have sufficiently addressed your false claim above. Again, let me be clear, I give blame and credit to whom blame and credit are due. I do, however, worship my wife. Now, there’s a God worthy of worship. 🙂
Unlike Edgeworth, I do not worship inanimate or mythical beings.
Bruce, what you BELIEVE isn’t the REALITY of the way things ACTUALLY are. I know it makes things easier for you in the make-believe world you have built for yourself, which removes a lot of the responsibility for yourself.
Says who? What evidence do you have for this claim other than that you have convinced yourself that your worship and fealty to a mythical being is “reality.” It’s not. I am a materialist. Since God is an immaterial being and you cannot provide empirical evidence for his existence, “God” is not a part of reality (outside of having to live and interact with people who believe God exists and is personally involved in their lives).
Life is actually much harder for humanists. As a Christian, every belief and action was parsed through the teachings of the Bible. What the Bible said was all that mattered. THUS SAITH THE LORD! As a humanist, I have to develop carefully the moral and ethical framework by which I live my life. There are no humanist Ten Commandments, no humanist standard.
If God does exist, you messed up. But guess what, if God doesn’t exist, you still messed up and are still messing up. But now you are also responsible for all the people you are misleading. If you cared about others, instead of just yourself, you would want them to know the REAL TRUTH. Your whole blog or website is based on bad logic and delusion, and is leading people away from God instead of toward Him.
In what way am I “misleading” people? All I know to do is share my story. I don’t try to convert people to atheism. That said, scores of people have told me that I played a part in their deconversion. I don’t preach at people. I don’t comment on Christian websites. Seventeen years ago, I started blogging. My goal then is the same today: to honestly and openly share my story, answer questions people might have about Evangelical Christianity, and to help and encourage people who have deconverted.
If this blog is based on bad logic and delusion, I suggest Edgeworth either deconstruct my story and posts on his website or start a blog to do the same. He makes all sorts of claims about me, yet provides no evidence to support his contentions.
I wish you well. If you were ever IN the body of Christ, you can never be OUT of the body of Christ, that much is sure. You will be in HEAVEN someday, but think of all those who may not be because of your DELUSION, and anger, which should be directed mostly at yourself, not God.
Answered, answered, answered.
If there is a God, according to the IFB gospel, I will go to Heaven when I die. Awesome, right? Thousands of people who read this blog will someday be in Heaven, too. What a party we will have; millions of Atheist Christians praising logic, reason, skepticism, and common sense for their glorious deliverance from the bondage of Evangelical Christianity, complete with rock music, Holy Ghost marijuana, and a free grace bar. And what will Jesus do? He will probably join us. 🙂
Saved by Reason,
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
I was intimate with my lover for many, many years.
My wife and children know about the affair. I am so sorry for all the hurt and damage my illicit relationship caused. That my wife and children stood by me all these years is a wonderful testimony to their love for me. I don’t deserve it.
My mistress and I carried on for a long, long time. She would follow me wherever I moved: Ohio, Texas, Michigan. She was always right there for me.
My mistress is a lot older than I am. She is what is commonly called a cougar.
The sex was great. The only problem was I could never satisfy her. The more sex we had, the more she wanted. She was quite the nymphomaniac. I had a suspicion she was having sex with other people (she was bisexual) but it didn’t matter. What WE had was special. She treated me as if I was the ONLY one.
Over the years, we made a lot of promises to each other. We are going to do this or that, go here or go there. But neither I nor my mistress delivered on our promises.
I gave my mistress a lot of money. She deserved it, or so I thought. Yet, no matter how much money I gave her, she always wanted more. She would often tell me “Prove that you love me, Bruce.” So I would give her more money. I began to wonder if she was a prostitute and I was a john. My wife and children suffered because I gave so much money to her. I justified their destitution by telling myself that my affair was what gave me purpose and meaning in life. Without it, I might as well be dead.
I deceived myself for a long time, convinced that what my mistress and I had was real. After all, she made me feel alive. She gave me self-worth. When we were together it seemed as if time stopped and we were transported into the heavens.
One day, I began to have doubts about my affair. The sex was great, but there is more to life than sex. I certainly enjoyed the company of my mistress, and boy, she sure could cook, but I still felt quite empty when I was away from her.
I began to think about all the sacrifices I made for my mistress: all the money I gave her; the loss of a close, intimate relationship with my wife and children. Was it worth it? Since my mistress got the best of me, all my family got was leftovers. By the time I came home to them, I was too tired, too busy, and too broke to give them what they needed and deserved.
A decade or so ago, after much self-judgment and reflection, I ended the affair. I sold all of the mementos of our torrid relationship. I told my mistress that I could no longer be in a relationship with her. She didn’t even get angry, or for that matter, even care. She told me “There are plenty of other people who would love to have me in their lives. Your loss, Bruce.”
So we parted ways,
My wife and I, along with our children, are trying to rebuild our family. The damage done by this affair is incalculable. I can only hope that, with time, the wounds will be healed.
I should warn all of you about my mistress. She is always on the prowl looking for someone new to entice and bed.
Her name?
The Church.
By the way, I thought the above quoted post was some of my finest writing. Others certainly think so.
What follows is my response to his latest email.
Edgeworth replied:
I read it all the way through before, but somehow “her name” and “the Church” with spaces in between didn’t sink in. He had sex with the Church? The sex was great with the Church? Really? A bit misleading don’t you think?
He gave his mistress a lot of money, but complains he never got paid much money from the small churches he pastored, if he got paid at all?
The Church isn’t a building. If Bruce was saved he is part of that church, the body of Christ, that He bled and died for. He can never become not a part of that church. He may choose to not serve Christ but can never not be a part of the church. That relationship is everlasting.
How exactly in his mind did he have sex with “the Church”?
If Bruce neglected his family, that is on him. I have lovingly served my Lord and Savior for over 50 years, but always tried to give my family the attention they needed. But I guess it is easier for Bruce to just blame God for him neglecting his family. Maybe it eases his conscience somehow.
Neglect of his relationship with Christ is far worse.
Evidently, Edgeworth has a hard time recognizing satire — sadly, a common problem with Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) Christians. Their wooden, literalistic way of thinking keeps them from understanding satire (or jokes). Life is too short to go without satire and humor.
I gave a lot of money to the churches I pastored, even when they couldn’t or wouldn’t pay me a living wage, with benefits. (I often worked a full-time secular job while also working at the church full-time.) I pastored churches that ranged in attendance from the 50s to more than 200. Some congregations were dirt poor and couldn’t pay me a living wage. The church I pastored in southeast Ohio grew to over 200 hundred people, yet only exceeded $40,000 income one time. Most years, the church took in less than $30,000. They paid me what they could, and because I put ministry and calling before my pocketbook, I never concerned myself with what I made. In retrospect, I should have. My family suffered because I put Jesus/Church/Christian school/preaching/soulwinning first.
I take full responsibility for the choices I made in the ministry. If I had it to do it all over again, I would do it differently. That said, several of the churches I pastored could have paid me more, but they were content to give me two chickens and a $20 bill. The most I made was $26,000 a year, with the church of 200 members providing a mobile home for my family and me to live in. No insurance, no retirement plan, no benefits. The church could have easily paid me three times what they did but chose not to. Do I blame God? Of course not. The blame rests squarely with the church.
It’s good to know, according to Edgeworth’s profane theology, that I am still a Christian. Once saved, always saved, right? I’m so glad Edgeworth told me the “church is not a building.” OMG! If only I had known that. Sigh. (Why I Use the Word “Sigh.”) According to Edgeworth, I am in a marriage that I can’t get out of, even though my spouse abused and ignored me. No divorce, even if I no longer believe in the existence of the God of the Bible. No divorce, even if I mock, make fun of, and blaspheme God. No divorce, even if I deny that Jesus is the son of God, or that he was born of a virgin, worked countless miracles, died on a Roman cross, resurrected from the dead 48-72 hours later, and later ascended to Heaven, never to be seen again. Any reasonable, logical person would conclude that I am not a Christian. But, Edgeworth’s peculiar theology gets in the way of him exercising rational thinking and common sense.
I don’t blame God for anything. How could I, since he doesn’t exist? The same goes for blaming Satan — another mythical being. I am a big proponent of personal responsibility. Just ask my children and grandchildren. “Grandpa, I can’t find my shoes (wanting me to find them).” They know I will say, “Who had them last?” Personal responsibility training starts young. To the degree that I am culpable, I accept full responsibility. However, I refuse to let churches and individual Christians off the hook for their shitty, unchristian behavior. When people complain about how I have portrayed them in my writing, I tell them, “You should have treated me better.” 🙂 Want to be well thought of? Act accordingly.
I never had “literal” sex with God. Get it in your head, Arv, it’s satire. Now, if you want to know if I ever made love to my partner anywhere on church property — wink, wink, I ain’t telling 🙂 Oh, those were the days!
Edgeworth ended his email with yet another threat of Hell. I wonder if he really thinks this puts the “fear of God” in me. I assure him that I do not fear a nonexistent deity. I am generally not fearful of anything. Well, outside of my wife. She wields a pretty mean Lodge cast-iron skillet. If Polly starts watching The Burning Bed on repeat, then I might fear her. 🙂 If anyone could cause me to fear, it is Evangelical Christians; so-called worshippers of the Prince of Peace who have threatened me with violence — including murder. These so-called Christ followers have also threatened my partner, our six adult children, and our sixteen grandchildren. They have tracked them down on the Internet and sent them hateful, nasty emails.
To Arv I say, if you plan to respond, stop psychoanalyzing me. You aren’t qualified to do so, and I regularly see a therapist who is more than capable of helping me with my mental health.
Do better, Arv, do better. If you want to have a thoughtful conversation with me, I’m game. If your plan is more of the same, don’t bother.
Saved by Reason,
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
“Dr.” Arv Edgeworth recently sent me the following comment:
Hi Bruce,
I am interested. Would you be willing to share with me why you left Christianity, and now consider yourself an atheist? I promise not to be judgmental. I honestly would like to see things from your perspective. My wife and I live in Southwest Ohio, and next week will be celebrating our 60th anniversary. I wish you well.
I am an evangelist. In the last 14 years I have spoken in over 300 independent, fundamental Baptist churches in 25 different states. I have spent a great deal of time discussing doctrinal issues with those pastors. I have also discussed standards of dress and conduct with them. I send out a newsletter to about 2100 independent, fundamental, Baptist churches nation-wide.
Edgeworth operates the Truth and Science website — a site devoted to young earth creationism and debunking evolution.
Many years ago, Dr. Arv Edgeworth was asked to head up a Six-Step Problem Solving team for the General Motors Corporation. As part of his training he was taught in the proper use of the Scientific Method. His team had a 100% success rate. His love of science grew. He then began collecting science textbooks, collecting over 150 of them. He also collected, about 80 other books about science. He began to be very burdened over the Creation vs Evolution issue. In January of 1997, God called him into Creation Evangelism.
Dr. Edgeworth has given over 450 seminars on the Creation vs Evolution issue in churches and schools in 27 different states. He now sends newsletters to thousands of scientists, science teachers, pastors, churches, and many others.
In his first email to me, Edgeworth asks me why I left Christianity and why I consider myself an atheist. I find such questions annoying. Even a superficial perusal of this site would direct a person to the page WHY? On this page are numerous articles answering Edgeworth’s questions. Alas, many Evangelicals lack curiosity, as I make clear in a post titled Curiosity, A Missing Evangelical Trait.
Edgeworth promised not to be judgmental if I responded to his email, but as you will see below, he failed to keep his word.
I did not respond to Edgeworth; my editor, Carolyn, did. Carolyn has been my editor for years. When I am not feeling well — and currently in a tough spot physically — Carolyn will answer some of my emails, especially those that can be answered without theological or philosophical responses. Edgeworth asked a question, to which Carolyn, my Internet wife, replied:
Mr. Edgeworth,
I am Bruce’s editor and sometimes-answerer of his emails. Please read all the links on the Why page on Bruce’s blog, The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser, and you will have an understanding of why and how he left Christianity. The short answer is that after he retired, he began to examine all of the tenets of Christianity and how they didn’t fit together and how they contradicted one another, and he reached the point where he no longer believes in the basics of Christianity — the virgin birth, the miracles Jesus supposedly performed, his alleged resurrection, heaven, hell, angels, satan, etc. The more he examined, the more he realized he didn’t believe. He cannot worship a god who would have a hell and a lake of fire where a god tortures certain people for eternity after our relatively short stay on earth.
Carolyn Patrick, editor for Bruce Gerencser
Excellent response. Short and to the point, directing Edgeworth to where he could find fuller explanations for why I converted.
Of course, Edgeworth couldn’t be bothered to do his homework — yet he wants everyone on this site to read his website. He shows no awareness of my background or that I was a college-trained IFB/Evangelical pastor for twenty-five years. There’s nothing in my story that remotely suggests I was a liberal Christian; that I had head knowledge, but had never been born again. Both of these claims are patently false.
The “non-judgmental” Edgeworth is, in fact, judgmental, consigning me to Hell because I don’t believe as he does. He predicts (and knows for sure) that I am headed for Hell and assumes the same about Carolyn.
Here’s what he said:
Hi Carolyn,
Thank you for your reply concerning why Bruce left “Christianity” and became an atheist. The things you told me about Bruce seem to indicate clearly that Bruce may have had a head knowledge about God, and considered himself to be a “Christian,” but has never experienced the new birth. That often happens if someone is in a liberal denomination that does not preach and teach the true gospel. They are “Christians” in name only.
I can predict one thing for sure. Bruce will believe in God, and heaven and hell in the future: one moment after he dies. It is a terrible thing for Bruce that he never experienced true Christianity. How about you Carolyn? Would you like to be 100% sure about your eternity? You can be. You owe it to yourself and to Bruce to at least check it out. I hope you and Bruce have a great eternity. Eternity is a long time to be wrong! Please check this out for yourself. You will be eternally grateful that you did!
Are you telling me that you relied only on my writing to make the decision that Bruce had “head knowledge” but didn’t experience a “new birth”? Are you telling me that you didn’t read the links on the Why page of Bruce’s blog? If so, SHAME ON YOU! Don’t take my word for it, read Bruce’s own words, his own writing. I am fully convinced that Bruce was born again when he was 15 and had a personal relationship with Jesus for more than 25 years. Bruce was not in a liberal denomination but was the pastor of several Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) churches. He preached and taught the true gospel. He would have been a Trump supporter in his Christian days.
I am an agnostic atheist. I have no belief in any god or gods – not yours, not the Catholic god, not the Pentecostal god, not the Episcopalian god, not the Baptist god, not the Methodist god, not the Mormon god . . . . Need I go on? I have no belief in any god. If scientifically valid evidence were presented to me by a god, I might (or might not) believe in her, but as things stand now, I have seen no evidence for the existence of any god, and I therefore have no belief in any god. I am 100% sure about my eternity, and yours too. Yours will be the same as mine and Bruce’s.
Carolyn Patrick, editor for Bruce Gerencser
Edgeworth replied (relevant parts quoted):
Hi Carolyn,
I have finished reading most of the “Why” section on Bruce’s blog. I did skim through a few things, just focusing on the most important. I then compared them with the things you said about yourself. I hope you won’t mind if I try to put a few things into perspective.
…
Your Beliefs and Bruce’s
Bruce refers to himself as an atheist. You refer to yourself as an agnostic atheist. All of this is based on what you choose to believe. The same can be said for the evolutionist. What I don’t see in any of this is a sincere desire to know the TRUTH. Where does REALITY fit into any of this? What about the REALITY of what actually happened in the past, is happening now, or will happen in the future? Does that matter to you?
I have a PASSION for TRUTH! Judging from what you have said: It doesn’t appear that either you or Bruce have any desire to actually KNOW what the TRUTH is. The word “science” means “to know.” It doesn’t mean “to believe.” You and Bruce have every right to choose to believe what you want to. But what about the TRUTH about what actually IS?
The existence of God is based in the REALITY of what actually is. What anyone chooses to believe or not believe has no bearing on the REALITY of what actually is. That is why the Supreme Court ruled that Atheism is a religion. At least they got that one right. Just my personal belief.
For example: You say that my eternity will be the same as both yours and Bruce’s. That isn’t something that you know or can be known is it? You may choose to BELIEVE that, but it will have no effect on the REALITY of what actually IS.
Evolution Can Be Easily Disproven!
I could give you the scientific evidence to prove that. The real facts though seldom result in people changing their mind about what they have chosen to believe. God exists, but He will only prove that to you if you are honestly seeking the TRUTH.
We all fit into one of two categories:
(1) An honest seeker of TRUTH.
(2) A protector of a BELIEF SYSTEM.
What you choose to believe, has no effect on the REALITY of what actually IS. I wish nothing but the best for both of you. The TRUTH really will set you free.
In Search of the TRUTH,
Dr. Arv Edgeworth
Several hours later, Edgeworth wrote:
Hi Carolyn,
I was curious how you could feel so confident Bruce at one time was a born-again Christian unless you had perhaps experienced the same thing yourself. Do you have a story to tell?
Using Bruce’s logic though, if I were to observe a smashed Chevrolet, I would contact General Motors and tell them I could no longer believe in them as a great company because they build automobiles that people can smash. In fact, I am beginning to believe that they no longer exist, or perhaps never did. Same logic?
Also, for a fundamental Baptist preacher to pastor several churches while at the same time, having a mistress on the side, and the probable guilt and shame that he carried with him, but claim that had nothing to do with where he is at today, might lead someone to think he is delusional, at least to himself. But I do not judge him for that, we all fail at times.
By the way, do you know why God gave us the 10 Commandments? To prove to us that we couldn’t keep them, and needed a Savior to die in our place.
But having said all I have, I can guarantee, based on the infallible Word of God, that God still loves both of you, and desires nothing but the very best for your lives. That will never change, because God never changes. He may choose to operate differently at times, but He is unchangeable. He is a God you can trust, no matter how certain experiences may lead you to believe otherwise.
God could have built a bunch of robots that would always do right, but in accordance with His love, justice, mercy, and wisdom, He choose to form the Earth to be inhabited by fallible humans such as you and I.
As the loving father welcomed the prodigal son with open arms, God will do the same for you.
In Christian Love,
Certainty — a foundational belief for IFB Christians — breeds arrogance, and Edgeworth is certainly that. Without getting into a long debate, let me answer several of Edgeworth’s claims.
About my “chosen” beliefs. It is debated whether any of us chooses to believe. For the sake of argument, I will accept Edgeworth’s claim that I chose to be an atheist. I chose to be an atheist based on my careful, painful re-examination of the central claims of Christianity. This was me seeking TRUTH. Edgeworth seems unaware that I am a college-trained pastor, spent twenty-five years in the ministry, preached over 4,000 sermons, and spent over 20,000 hours reading and studying the Bible. It is disingenuous for Edgeworth to claim that I was not a sincere seeker of truth. You are fucking kidding me, right? I have spent more time and effort in understanding the teachings of the Bible than most Christians, including preachers. What, exactly, does Edgeworth think I “missed?” He has no evidence for his claims about my life. He asked for no clarifications and made little to no effort to understand my story. To Edgeworth, I say, the triune God of the Bible said: Answering before listening is both stupid and rude. (Proverbs 18:13) Do better, Edgeworth, do better. I am not your typical atheist. I am not ignorant about Christian theology or church history. I am conversant in all things Christian.
I am baffled as to why Edgeworth brings up evolution. What I believe about the beginning of the universe and how best to explain the natural world has nothing to do with atheism. Atheism is a singular claim about the lack of existence of deities. That’s it. I know several Christians who accept evolution as a scientific fact. Thus, one can believe the core doctrines of Christianity and evolution at the same time. To suggest otherwise means that salvation is by “right belief” and not faith.
I am a sincere seeker of truth. Edgeworth can’t accept this fact, of course, because it doesn’t comport with his peculiar claims. That my proverbial peg doesn’t fit in his hole is his problem, not mine. If Edgeworth wants to challenge my beliefs, I’m game. I am, however, not interested in discussions with people who do not respect me enough to accept my story at face value. Edgeworth says he’s a Christian. As a man who respects others, I accept his story at face value. It would be nice if Edgeworth would do the same. I know, I know, Edgeworth is an IFB preacher. Scores of Edgeworths have emailed me and commented on this site. I have generally found IFB preachers to be “Assholes for Jesus.”
In his last email, Edgeworth questioned whether I was a real Christian since I admitted to having an affair! This ludicrous and false statement suggests that Edgeworth did not carefully read the posts on the WHY? page. Had he done so, he would have learned that the post It’s Time to Tell the Truth: I Had an Affair is satirical.
Edgeworth mentions the Ten Commandments and the infallibility of the Bible, as well as arrogantly saying, based on evidence he does not have, nor can he possibly have, “I can guarantee, based on the infallible Word of God, that God still loves both of you, and desires nothing but the very best for your lives.”
How could Edgeworth possibly know that God still loves me and desires nothing but the best for my life? Does he know the mind of God? How does he know I’m not a reprobate or an apostate? I can definitively prove that I am both — gladly so. And as far as the Protestant Bible being (inerrant) and infallible, give me a break. That claim carries no weight and can easily be disproven. Edgeworth is King James Only. I assume he believes the KJV is infallible too, and not just the original manuscripts — which are not extant.
To Edgeworth, I say, if you want to talk about the law of God or the inerrancy/infallibility of the Bible, I’m game. As far as evolution is concerned, I am not a scientist. I have no relevant expertise regarding evolution. Others on this site do, some of whom are trained scientists, so if they want to engage you on matters of science, I am sure they will respond.
Wade in if you dare, Arv, but please know that this site is not a den of “ignorant” atheists or people who, as your friend said, “reject the authority of God in their lives.” For me personally, I think you will find that I can adequately and competently discuss Christian theology with you — especially in its Evangelical and IFB varieties.
Saved by Reason,
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
I’m almost sixty-eight years old, and there has never been a moment when you were not in my life.
Mom and Dad talked about you before I was born, deciding to have me baptized by an Episcopal priest. They wanted me to grow up with good morals and love you, so they decided putting water on my forehead and having a priest recite religious words over me was the way to ensure my moral Christian future.
A few weeks after my birth, Mom and Dad gathered with family members to have me baptized at the Episcopal Church in Bryan, Ohio. I was later told it was quite an affair, but I don’t remember anything about the day. Years later, I found my baptismal certificate. Signed by the priest, it declared I was a Christian.
Jesus, how could I have been a Christian at age four weeks? How did putting water on my head make me a follower of you? I don’t understand, but according to the certificate, I was now part of my tribe’s religion: Protestant Christianity.
I turned five in 1962. Mom and Dad decided to move 2,300 miles to San Diego, California, believing that success and prosperity awaited them.
After getting settled, Mom and Dad said we need to find a new church to attend. Their shopping took them to a growing Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) congregation, Scott Memorial Baptist Church, pastored by Tim LaHaye. It was here that I learned that my tribe had a new religion: Fundamentalist Baptist Christianity.
I quickly learned that our previous religion worshiped a false God, and my baptism didn’t make me a Christian at all. If I wanted to be a True Christian®, I had to come forward to the front of the church, kneel at the altar, and pray a certain prayer. If I did these things, I would then be a Christian — forever. And so I did. This sure pleased Mom and Dad.
Later, I was baptized again, but the preacher didn’t sprinkle water on my forehead. That would not do, I was told. True Baptism® required me to be submerged in a tank of water. And so, one Sunday, I joined a line of people waiting to be baptized. I was excited, yet scared. Soon, it came time for me to be dunked. The preacher put his left hand behind my head and raised his right hand towards Heaven. He asked, “Bruce, do you confess before God and man that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior?” With a halting child’s voice, I replied, “Yes.” And with that, the preacher, with a hanky in his right hand, put his hand over my nose, dunked me in the water, and quickly lifted me up. I heard both the preacher and the congregation say, “Amen!”
Jesus, the Bible says that the angels in Heaven rejoice when a sinner gets saved. Do you remember the day I got saved? Do you remember hearing the angels in Heaven say, “Praise be to the Lamb that was slain! Bruce Gerencser is now a child of God. Glory be, another soul snatched from the hands of Satan?”
After a few years in California, Mom and Dad discovered that there was no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and our family was just as poor in the Golden State as they were in the dreary flat lands of rural northwest Ohio. And so we moved, a process that happened over and over to me throughout the next decade — eight different schools.
As I became more aware and observant of my environment, I noticed that Mom and Dad had changed. Mom, in particular, was quite animated and agitated over American social unrest caused by hippies, niggers (a word routinely used by my parents), and the war in Vietnam against the evil forces of communism. Mom and Dad took us to a new church, First Baptist Church in Bryan, Ohio — an IFB church pastored by Jack Bennett. We attended church twice on Sunday and Wednesday evening.
I attended Bryan schools for two years. Not long after I started fourth grade, Mom and Dad decided it was time to move yet again. This time, we moved to a brand-new tri-level home on Route 30 outside of Lima, Ohio. It was there that I started playing basketball and baseball — sports I would continue to play competitively for the next twenty or so years. It was also there that I began to see that something was very wrong with Mom. At the time, I didn’t understand what was going on with her. All I knew is that she could be “Mom” one day and a raging lunatic the next.
I was told by my pastors, Jesus, that you know and see everything. Just in case you were busy one day and missed what went on or were on vacation, let me share a few stories about what happened while we lived in Lima.
One night, Mom was upstairs, and I heard her screaming. I mean SCREAMING! She was having one of her “fits.” I decided to see if there was anything I could do to help her — that’s what the oldest child does. As I walked towards Mom’s bedroom, I saw her grabbing shoes and other things and violently throwing them down the hallway. This was the first time I remember being afraid . . .
One day, I got off the school bus and quickly ran down the gravel drive to our home. I always had to be the first one in the door. As I walked into the kitchen, I noticed that Mom was lying on the floor unconscious in a pool of blood. She had slit her wrists. I quickly ran to the next-door neighbor’s house and asked her to help. She summoned an ambulance, and Mom’s life was saved.
Mom would try again, and again to kill herself: slitting her wrists, overdosing on prescription medication, driving in front of a truck. At the age of fifty-four, she succeeded. One Sunday morning, Mom went into the bathroom, pointed a Ruger .357 at her heart, and pulled the trigger. She quickly slumped to the floor and was dead in minutes. Yet, she never stopped believing in you, Jesus. No matter what happened, Mom held on to her tribe’s God.
Halfway through my fifth-grade year, Mom and Dad moved to Farmer, Ohio. I attended Farmer Elementary School for the fifth and sixth grades. One day, I was home from school sick, and Mom’s brother-in-law stopped by. He didn’t know I was in my bedroom. After he left, Mom came to my room crying, saying, “I have been raped. I need you to call the police.” I was twelve. We didn’t have a phone, so I ran to the neighbor’s house to call the police, but my Christian neighbor wouldn’t let me use her phone.. There would be no call to the police on this day. Do you remember this day, Jesus? Where were you? I thought you were all-powerful? Why didn’t you do anything?
From Farmer, we moved to Deshler, Ohio for my seventh-grade year of school. Then Mom and Dad moved us to Findlay, Ohio. By then, my parent’s fifteen year marriage was in shambles. Dad never seemed to be home, and Mom continued to have wild, manic mood swings. Shortly before the end of ninth grade, Dad matter-of-factly informed me that they were getting a divorce. “We don’t love each other anymore,” Dad said. And with that, he turned and walked away, leaving me to wallow in my pain. That’s how Dad always treated me. I can’t remember a time when he embraced me or said, “I love you.” I would learn years later that “Dad” was not my biological father; that my real father was a truck driver Mom met at age seventeen while working at The Hub — a local truck stop. I wonder, Jesus, was this why he kept me at arm’s length emotionally?
After moving to Findlay, Mom and Dad joined Trinity Baptist Church — a fast-growing IFB congregation pastored by Gene Millioni. After Mom and Dad divorced, they stopped attending church. Both of them quickly remarried. Dad married a nineteen-year-old girl with a baby, and Mom married her first cousin — a recent Texas prison parolee. So much upheaval and turmoil, Jesus. Where were you when all of this was going on? I know, I know, you were there in spirit, but you had more important things to do than loving and caring for a vulnerable, hurting teenager.
Mom and Dad may have stopped going to church, but I didn’t. By then, I had a lot of friends and started dating, so there was no way I would miss church. Besides, attending church got me away from home, a place where Dad’s new and improved wife made it clear I wasn’t welcome.
One fall weeknight, I sat in church with my friends listening to Evangelist Al Lacy. I was fifteen. As is the custom in IFB churches, Lacy prayed at the end of his sermon, asking, “with every head bowed, and every eye closed, is there anyone here who is not saved and would like me to pray for them?” I had been feeling under “conviction” during the sermon. I thought, “maybe I’m not saved?” So, I raised my hand. Lacy prayed for those of us who had raised our hands and then had everyone stand. As the congregation sang Just as I am, Lacy said, “if you raised your hand, I want you to step out of your seat and come to the altar. Someone will meet you there and show you how you can know Jesus as your Lord and Savior.” Much to the surprise of my friends, I haltingly stepped out from my seat and walked to the front. I was met by Ray Salisbury — a church deacon. Ray had me kneel as he took me through a set of Bible verses called the Roman’s Road. After quizzing me on what I had read, Ray asked me if I wanted to be saved. I said, “yes,” and then Ray said, “pray this prayer after me: Dear Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner, and I know you died on the cross for my sins. Right now, I ask you to forgive me of my sins and come into my heart and save me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” After I prayed the prayer, Ray said, “AMEN!” “Did you really believe what you prayed?” I replied, “yes.” “Then you are now a child of God, a born-again Christian.”
The next Sunday, I was baptized, and the Sunday after that, I went forward again, letting the church know that you, Jesus, were calling me to preach. I was all in after that. For the next thirty-five years, Jesus, I lived and breathed you. You were my life, the sum of my existence.
At the age of nineteen, I enrolled in classes at Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan. It was here I received training to become a proper IFB pastor, and it was here I met the love of my life, a beautiful dark-haired preacher’s daughter named Polly. We married during the summer between our sophomore and junior years. We were so excited about our new life, thrilled to be preparing to work in God’s vineyard. We planned to graduate, go to a small community to start a new IFB church, buy a white two-story house with a white picket fence, and have two children: Jason and Bethany, and live happily ever after. However, Jesus, you had different plans for us. Do you remember what happened to us? Surely you do, right? Friends and teachers told us that you were testing us! Polly was six months pregnant by early spring, and I was laid off from my machine shop job. We were destitute, yet, the college dean told us, “Jesus wants you to trust him and stay in college.” No offer of financial help was forthcoming, and we finally had to move out of our apartment. With my tail between my legs, I packed up our meager belongings and returned to Bryan, Ohio. I had failed your test, Jesus. I still remember what one of my friends told me, “If you leave now, God will NEVER use you!”
What did he know? After moving, I quickly secured secular employment at ARO and began working at a local IFB church. For the next twenty-five years, I pastored Evangelical churches in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Jesus, you were my constant companion, my lover, friend, and confidante. I sure loved you, and I believed you loved me too. We were BFFs, right? Sometimes, I wondered if you really loved me as much as I loved you. Our love affair was virtual in nature. We never met face-to-face, but I believed in my heart of hearts you were the very reason for my existence. When I doubted this, I attributed my doubts to Satan or me not praying hard enough or reading the Bible enough. I never thought for one moment, Jesus, that you might be a figment of my imagination, a lie taught to me by my parents and pastors. I was a true believer. That is, until I wasn’t.
At age fifty, I finally realized, Jesus, that you were a myth, the main character of a 2,000-year-old fictional story. I concluded that all those times when I wondered where you were, were in fact, true. I couldn’t find you because you were dead. You had died almost 2,000 years before. The Bible told me about your death, but I believed that you were resurrected from the dead. I feel so silly now. Dead people don’t come back to life. Your resurrection from the dead was just a campfire story, and I had foolishly believed it. I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. Everyone I knew believed the same story. All of us believed that the miracles attributed to you, Jesus, really happened; that you were a virgin-born God-man; that you ascended to Heaven to prepare a mansion for us to live in after we die.
It all seems so silly now, Jesus, but I really did believe in you. Fifty years, Jesus. The prime of my life, I gave to you, only to find out that you were a lie. Yet, here I am today, and you are still “with” me. My parents, pastors, and professors did a good job of indoctrinating me. You are very much “real” to me, even though you lie buried somewhere on a Judean hillside. Try as I might, I can’t get you out of my mind. I have come to accept that you will never leave me.
You should know, Jesus — well, you can’t know, you are dead — that I spend my days helping people get away from you. What did you say, Jesus? I can’t hear you. I can hear the voices of Christians condemning me as a heretic, blasphemer, tool of Satan, and hater of God. I can hear them praying for my death or threatening me with eternal damnation in the Lake of Fire. Their voices are loud and clear, but your voice, Jesus? Silence.
Always silent, Jesus. Why is that?
If you ever want to talk to me, you know where I live. Show up at my door, Jesus, and that will be a miracle I can believe in. Better yet, if you can help the Cincinnati Bengals win the Super Bowl, that would be awesome!
If you can’t help my football team win a few games, Jesus, what good are you? It’s not like I am asking you to feed the hungry, heal the sick, or put an end to violence and war. That would require you to give a shit, Jesus, and if there’s one thing I have learned over the past sixty-eight years, it is this: you don’t give a shit about what happens on earth. We, humans, are on our own, and that’s fine with me.
A Sinner Saved by Reason,
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Think of all the people currently living on Earth—approximately eight billion people. Most of them subscribe to some sort of religion, worshipping any one or more of the deities humans have worshipped throughout history. I, too, was born into a devoutly religious family. From the time I was a preschooler to age fifty, I devoted my life to and worshipped the Evangelical God—especially from the age of fifteen forward. At fifteen, I had an experience that is common among Evangelicals. Most of the churches I attended/pastored were Baptist congregations. Making a personal decision to get “saved” was essential to becoming a Christian and church member. While Baptists raised in the church typically make salvation decisions as children, most have subsequent experiences during their teen years. I trace my Christian faith back to an Al Lacy revival meeting in 1972. My parents had divorced earlier that year, and while my parents/siblings stopped attending church, I immersed myself in the machinations of Trinity Baptist Church, attending services every time the doors were open. Trinity provided me with a loving home and a family, and amid my troubled life, the Holy Spirit came to the pew I was sitting on that fall night, convicted me of my sin, and brought me to saving faith in Jesus. From that moment forward, I was a born-again Christian — sins forgiven, Heaven bound, praise Jesus!
Two weeks later, I stood before the church and confessed that God was calling me to be a preacher. In the fall of 1976, four years after getting saved, I enrolled for classes at Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan — a school known for training Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) pastors. While at Midwestern, I met the love of my life. Marriage and an unplanned pregnancy interrupted my college plans. After three years at Midwestern, my partner, Polly, and I packed our meager belongings into a small U-haul trailer and the backseat of a white 1969 Chevrolet Impala, and moved to Bryan, Ohio — the place of my birth, five miles from where we live today.
Several weeks after we moved to Bryan, I was asked by Jay Stuckey, pastor of Montpelier Baptist Church, to be his assistant — an unpaid position focused on improving/expanding the church’s bus ministry and evangelization efforts. We left Montpelier Baptist after seven months, moving to Newark, Ohio — the home of Polly’s parents. After spending two and a half years working with Polly’s father at Emmanuel Baptist Church in Buckeye Lake, I struck out on my own, starting a new Baptist church in Somerset. I would later pastor churches in San Antonio, Texas, Alvordton, Ohio, West Unity, Ohio, and Clare, Michigan. All told, I spent 20,000 hours reading and studying the Bible, preaching over 4,000 sermons, and winning hundreds of people to Christ.
While I would never say that I know everything there is to know about the Bible, I am conversant in all things Bible — especially from a Protestant/Evangelical perspective. I find it amusing when Evangelicals assume that my “problem” is that I don’t understand the Bible; that if I just read certain Bible verses and books or listened to the sermons of this or that preacher, I would see the light and return to the one true faith. And when I say I have already done those things, I am oft accused of lying or being disingenuous. In other words “If you don’t agree with me, you are a liar.”
Evangelicals generally believe that understanding the Bible requires God, the Holy Spirit, living inside of you as your teacher and guide. Without the indwelling of the Spirit, you cannot understand the Bible. Thus, whatever knowledge I may have had as a college-trained Baptist preacher, I am now ignorant of what the Bible teaches; I’m every bit as ignorant as someone who has never, ever read or studied the Bible/Christianity. In no other setting except Evangelicalism does such thinking carry any weight. I know what I know. Just because I am no longer a Christian doesn’t mean I am ignorant about the Bible.
I frequently receive books, tracts, and other printed/recorded Evangelical material from people who are certain that if I just listened to or read what they sent me I would immediately fall on my knees, repent of my sins, and come to or return to (depending on their soteriological beliefs) saving faith. Yesterday, I received a tract in the mail from a local Southern Baptist. No church/individual name was printed on the tract, but the sender wrote “you are loved” with a smiley face on the back of the tract.
The tract was typical of such evangelistic tools. Published by the North American Mission Board (NAMB), the tract presented a shallow, superficial, truncated gospel that, according to the author of the tract, would save me from my sins and guarantee me a home in Heaven after I die. At the back of the tract was a form for me to sign if I prayed the sinner’s prayer, letting the person/church who sent me the tract know that they could put another notch on their gospel six shooters — another sinner “killed” by the Southern Baptist perversion of the Christian gospel.
Several months ago, I received a short book published by an Evangelical preacher named Peter C. English. English wanted to educate me about where I could find the inerrant, infallible Word of God; that there was one English language Bible that was direct from the mouth of God. I am sure some of you are thinking, “King James-only, right?” Yep, but not just KJVO alone. English believes a particular King James translation is THE Word of God — “the Pure Cambridge Version of the King James Bible.” According to the Pure Cambridge website, this Bible is:
By the term Pure Cambridge Text, I refer to a perfect King James Bible as it was printed between the end of WWI and until 1985, but is now being printed by Church Bible Publishers. If you were to look at the English Bible on a pulpit in heaven, it would match exactly. Every word, every letter, every punctuation mark, every verse marking, every italicization, and every subscript and title would be exactly what God the Father thinks of when he considers the English Bible.
I also had a member of First Baptist Church in Bryan, Ohio recently drop a tract on my doorstep. Titled “The Romans Road,” the tract presents yet another shallow, superficial, truncated gospel, one sure to save me if I would just “believe.” Here’s the thing, I used to attend First Baptist in the 1970s. I am well known to the church, so it is unlikely that the person leaving the tract didn’t know who I was. I watched the woman on our RING doorbell camera as she knocked on the door, and not getting an answer, tried to stick the tract in the space between the door and frame. Unable to do so, she huffed and sighed, dropping the track on the stoop in front of the door. Off she went, thinking her littering did its job — saving the notorious atheist Bruce Gerencser.
What do these evangelizers hope to accomplish with their books and tracts? Surely they can’t think that I will be won over to their side by reading second-grade religious material? Not going to happen. I know all I need to know about God/Bible/Christianity. I can’t imagine a theological or philosophical argument I would find persuasive. Maybe, but it’s been many years since I have heard an original, compelling argument for Christianity. All I seem to get from Evangelicals are the same worn-out arguments I have heard my entire life.
To Evangelicals, I say, please don’t waste your time sending me books, pamphlets and tracts. They are not helpful, and I see them as nothing more than reminders of how shallow Evangelical theology really is. You might think that the Holy Spirit will use the words on the printed page to prick my conscience, but, so far, the score is Bruce — 1,000,000 Holy Spirit– 0. You might want to think of more effective ways to evangelize Evangelical-preachers-turned-atheists.
How about you? When was the last time you heard a compelling argument for God from an Evangelical apologist? Please share your experiences in the comment section.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
The Black Collar Crime Series relies on public news stories and publicly available information for its content. If any incorrect information is found, please contact Bruce Gerencser. Nothing in this post should be construed as an accusation of guilt. Those accused of crimes are innocent until proven guilty.
In 2020, Tony Shaw, pastor of Ruby Valley Baptist Church in Sheridan, Montana, was accused of sexually assaulting a teen church girl. Ruby Valley is an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) congregation.
Authorities say a pastor at Ruby Valley Baptist Church in Sheridan had inappropriate contact with a 14-year-old girl in the basement of the church.
They arrested Tony Aaron Shaw, 55, on a felony complaint of sexual assault on Tuesday and he was taken to the Gallatin County jail, where he later posted $75,000 bond and was released.
Shaw, contacted by telephone, told The Montana Standard on Thursday that the allegation “had to do with how someone perceived something” and was false.
“It was nothing,” he said.
….
According to the complaint, someone performing work at the church witnessed Shaw having inappropriate contact with the girl in the basement of the church. Sheriff’s officials say they had received a prior sexual assault complaint involving Shaw.
On January 16, 2025, a jury found Shaw guilty of sexual assault.
A small-town Montana church pastor was convicted last week of sexually assaulting a child and has been accused of another. He used the self-defense “karate lessons” he taught to get close enough to abuse his victims, court documents say.
In small Rocky Mountain towns like Sheridan, Montana, neighbors notice things. They share stories. They share concerns.
That’s what happened at around 8:50 p.m. on a night in May 2020 when Madison County Sheriff’s Deputy Leah Cox was on patrol in the town.
According to court documents, she was approached by someone with a disturbing story. It involved a local pastor at Ruby Valley Baptist Church, and it was upsetting enough that this person insisted on remaining anonymous.
The anonymous source said a close family friend had witnessed what appeared to be a sexual assault at the church. The incident, according to this witness, allegedly took place in the church basement April 28, 2020.
The tip triggered an investigation and led to charges against Pastor Tony Aaron Shaw. Nearly four years later on Jan. 16 in Montana’s Fifth Judicial District Court in Virginia City, a jury found Shaw guilty of sexual assault against a female underage child.
Following his conviction, Shaw was ordered to have no unsupervised contact with minors.
He now awaits a second trial because in the course of the investigation, another alleged sexual assault case involving a minor came to light.
In both cases, Shaw allegedly used similar tactics so he could have physical contact with his victims.
According to court documents, Shaw would offer his victims lessons in self-defense as he proceeded to assault them.
After Cox received the tip from a concerned resident in Sheridan, she contacted the man who reportedly witnessed the assault in the Ruby Valley Baptist Church basement.
On April 28, 2020, Edward Bradshaw was working on a siding project for the church. He needed to use the restroom in the basement, and on his way there he witnessed something disturbing.
In court documents, Bradshaw recalled being startled and exclaiming, “Ah ha” at the sight of Pastor Shaw laying on top of a minor child on the basement floor.
Shaw was wearing sweatpants, and when he stood up as Bradshaw passed him on the way to the bathroom, it became clear to Bradshaw that Shaw was sexually aroused.
“The Defendant stood up and had a visible erection,” according to Bradshaw’s testimony to the Madison County Sheriff’s Office.
Asked if he was certain Shaw had an erection, Bradshaw stated, “There is no doubt about it. It sickened me to see what happened.”
Cox asked Bradshaw how the young victim reacted to the situation.
Cox later reported, “Bradshaw paused and said, ‘Helpless, helpless, I guess would be the word.’”
Bradshaw continued, stating Shaw and this person, “Are together all the time.”Bradshaw also recalled witnessing another incident when he saw the victim running down the middle of the southbound lane of U.S. Highway 287 with “a terrified look on her face” and “looking over her shoulder.”
The investigative report noted Bradshaw’s comment that victim “never smiles.”
Bradshaw further explained that Shaw makes the girl “walk behind him like a dog,” and that she wears the same clothes every day.
When asked if this could be an innocent misunderstanding, Bradshaw stated, “You don’t wrestle with (a child), men don’t do that shit. That ain’t right.’”
Bradshaw went on to describe Shaw as “a very manipulative person. Bradshaw explained how all of the defendant’s kids and the defendant’s wife are scared to death of him.
“Bradshaw stated that Shaw never lets the girls go anywhere by themselves except to Walter’s, a local grocery store located on Main Street in Sheridan, directly east of the Defendant’s residence, and then back home.”
Bradshaw added that, “I know what I saw. I know what I saw.”
Based on Bradshaw’s testimony, on May 12, 2020, Deputy Cox applied for and was granted an arrest warrant for Shaw. Soon thereafter, Deputy Cox notified Child Protective Services (CPS) about the case.
The next day around 11:30 a.m., several officers from the Madison County Sheriff’s Office arrested Shaw at his home.
When officers explained the situation, Shaw reportedly told the officers that this all must be because Shaw had disciplined the victim.
Shaw was transported to the Gallatin County Detention Center in Bozeman.
Initial charges filed in Montana’s Fifth Judicial District Court, Madison County, included sexual abuse of children and endangering the welfare of children.
Three days after Shaw’s arrest, investigators interviewed the victim seen in the church basement with Shaw. She initially denied any sexual abuse, but did recall being forced by Shaw to watch videos featuring naked women. This allegedly happened in the pastor’s study at the church.
As court records later indicated, the victim revised her testimony with entries into her journal.
Journal entries included in court documents show the girl stating, “I’m sorry I haven’t been telling the truth about (what happened)! Tony has been touching me! I just didn’t want to be moved AGAIN, but now the more I think about it, I feel sick. I feel like a stupid dork. I haven’t told you. I’m so sorry.”
From there, many more details came to light through the girl’s testimony. She said the alleged abuse started when she was 12.
….
During the course of the investigation and trial, it came out that Shaw feigned teaching the victim self-defense as an excuse for him to have sexual contact with her. Shaw allegedly instructed her to hit him in the genitals.
“It’s weird,” the victim said in a pre-trial interview.
When the victim told Shaw to stop touching and kissing her, he reportedly told her, “I’m sorry, I can’t control it.”
Now, while he awaits sentencing, Shaw faces another charge. This one stems from alleged sexual assaults on a minor in 2015 and 2016, when Shaw said he wanted to teach a 13-year-old alleged victim karate, according to court documents.
While purportedly instructing her in self-defense, the alleged victim said Shaw, “Would touch her to demonstrate moves, but would grab her inappropriately when he did so.”
In one instance, when Shaw allegedly touched her vagina over her clothes while “showing her how to do a roundhouse kick,” this caused her to freeze, according to court documents.
Later, the alleged victim told a school counselor about Shaw’s inappropriate touching, and now Shaw faces a new trial in May.
As for where things stand with Shaw’s Jan. 16 sexual assault conviction, Madison County Attorney David Buchler said, “We are waiting for a presentence investigation report. Sentencing will be set once that has been completed.”
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
