This is the latest installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege isby Autotheist by Baby Bugs. Baby Bugs is a nonbinary artist who was raised in the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church movement.
Dear god up in heaven Are you glad I learned my lesson? I’m not making any promises That it’ll end any time soon
And dear god up in heaven How do I fucking get in? You tried to make me scared of hell But I’m living there, I’m living there
And if I was god, I’d kill the people who believe in me And if I was god, I’d make everybody bow to me And who says that I’m not a god? I am god to me And if I was god, I’d make you all believe in me
Dear god up in heaven You saved my soul, held me for ransom You said my life was yours, and I tried so fucking hard
And dear god up in heaven Who do you really let in? I pray that it’s not me I’d rather die than be with you
And if I was god, I’d kill the people who believe in me And if I was god, I’d make everybody bow to me And who says that I’m not a god? I am god to me And if I was god, I’d make you all believe in me
You are not my god You sent all of these people after me You are not my god You kept me from feeling anything And who says you’re a god at all? God is only me And when I become god, I promise you’ll believe in me
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
1989, Somerset Baptist Academy. A bit of levity. I’m wearing one of the teachers’ coats, earmuffs, armed with a squirt gun and stuffed animal. That fat face sure needs a beard. No wonder I lost my faith!
This is a post I started years ago and never finished until now.
Several years ago, friends of mine, Dave and Newauna, drove to Fort Wayne, Indiana to attend a concert at Sweetwater Sound, a combination music store/recording studio/private lesson venue/instrument repair shop/performance venue. The brother of a man whom I was close to as a young man is an executive with Sweetwater. His name is Troy. My friends and Troy talked for a bit, shooting the breeze as rural folks do. Eventually, the discussion turned towards Bruce Gerencser, the Evangelical-pastor-turned-atheist. My friends did not relay the entire conversation to me. They did let me know, however, that Troy was perplexed over my loss of faith, saying, “I can’t believe Bruce doesn’t believe in God.” I am sure my friends replied, “we can’t believe it, either!”
I can’t believe it.
Did you know?
How long has he been like this?
Shouldn’t we confront him?
Shouldn’t we pray for him?
I just don’t believe he is not a Christian anymore.
Such are the consternations of my former Christian friends and acquaintances. They are genuinely shocked and bothered by my defection from Christianity.
Surely, Bruce must have had a mental breakdown.
Maybe his medical problems have caused him to lose his mind.
Bruce read too many books. He needs to get back to just reading the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God. The Bible is the cure for what ails him!
Some think this is a temporary state for me. I’ll be back! (Said as only Arnold Schwarzenegger could say it.) It is hard for them to comprehend that Elvis really has left the building. Come November, it will be eleven years since I walked out of the back door of the Ney United Methodist Church, never to return. (Please see Dear Family, Friends, and Former Parishioners.)
I don’t like the fact that I cause others mental anguish. I genuinely want to be liked and respected by others. There is little, however, I can do, to alleviate their distress. People can and do walk away from Jesus — even pastors.
Sometimes, people are troubled over my defection because they must then consider the fact that “if Bruce can leave the faith anyone can.” I am well-grounded in the Bible and the teachings of the Christian church. If I can reject Jesus after knowing what I know, what is to be said for those not as well schooled as I in Christianity?
When it comes to Christianity, the less you know the better. Just believe. Don’t question anything. Just have faith. Don’t doubt.
Here’s what I want to say to the people who know me well. “Please don’t lose any sleep over my deconversion. I am at peace with where I am in life. I have no desire to wreck your faith in God, but, at the same time, I am not going to hide where I am in life. If you can live with my infidelity to God, we can be friends. If my faithlessness causes you pain and heartache, it is probably better for you to stay away from me.” (2019? All of my former friends have left me, save Dave and Newauna. Dave and I have been friends since third grade. He was right by my side when Polly was in the hospital. A true friend, indeed.)
When Christians friend me on Facebook, follow my Twitter feed, or read this blog, they need to understand that they are getting the unvarnished Bruce Gerencser. I am not pretending to be anyone other than who I am. Christian Bruce, Pastor Bruce, Preacher Bruce,Rev. Bruce, Conservative Bruce — all have died a slow, agonizing death.
In a sense, I have been reborn. Liberal Bruce. Agnostic Bruce. Atheist Bruce. Old, tired, worn-out Bruce. In my previous life, I thought I had reached the end of the journey. Jesus was the end-all, and I was waiting for the big payday in the sky. Now life is an unscripted journey. It remains to be seen where I’ll end up. And I am fine with that. I no longer have to have all the answers. Some days, I am just happy if I can find where I left the TV remote the night before.
Bruce, aren’t you afraid of Hell? No, I’m not. The only Hell that exists is on this earth — caused by the machinations of wicked men and women, and not devils, demons, or gods.
I see no evidence for a hands-on, personally involved, “He has a wonderful plan for your life” God. I refuse to embrace a deity who thinks a “wonderful” plan includes pain, suffering, loss, and death. I much prefer the “shit happens” approach to life; life that happens whether I am ready for it or not; life that is as much luck as it is planned.
I know I am a great disappointment to many people. I am indeed sorry for disappointing them. That said, I’m sure none of my former Christian friends or acquaintances wants me to embrace a lie. To say “I believe” just to soothe the consciences of those bothered by my loss of faith is something I can’t do.
About Bruce Gerencser
Bruce Gerencser, 62, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 41 years. He and his wife have six grown children and twelve grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. For more information about Bruce, please read the About page.
Are you on Social Media? Follow Bruce on Facebook and Twitter.
Thank you for reading this post. Please share your thoughts in the comment section. If you are a first-time commenter, please read the commenting policy before wowing readers with your words. All first-time comments are moderated. If you would like to contact Bruce directly, please use the contact form to do so.
Donations are always appreciated. Donations on a monthly basis can be made through Patreon. One-time donations can be made through PayPal.
This is the two hundredth and twelfth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Christ Jesus by Deer Tick.
[Verse 1]
I woke up next to the king
He got up, gonna fix me something
And it made me sick
How I can’t trust him, no I can’t trust him
[Pre-Chorus]
Said the bottom of his belly
That’s where he would keep me
[Chorus 1]
Christ Jesus
As I’m floating
And you get a brick
And you drop it down on me
Christ Jesus
Have you seen us
We’re down on our hands and our knees
And tell us what’s the reason
[Verse 2]
Like a heart that’s hung in the sky
A hard-on when I die
And you passed away
And that horizon never came, no it never came
[Pre-Chorus]
It’s the time of the week
No one sees but me
[Chorus 2]
Christ Jesus
As I’m drowning
And I struggle to breathe
It’s your face I don’t see
Christ Jesus
Please don’t leave us
If in peace you’ll keep us
Well then you should have believed us
[Bridge]
Please let me inside
And hear out my desire
‘Cause soon I may die
Yes one day I will die
I’ll get eaten by the rust
You cremate and breathe the dust
And I’ll weaken your lungs
And I’ll bite off your tongue
[Chorus 3]
Christ Jesus
Please don’t leave us
Down on our hands and our knees
Or I’ll never believe, no
Christ Jesus
As I’m drowning
And I struggle to breathe
It’s your face I don’t see
