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Tag: Songs of Sacrilege

Songs of Sacrilege: Has Anybody Seen JC? by Jeff Ollerhead

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This is the twenty-third installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Has Anybody Seen JC?, sung  by Jeff Ollerhead, a singer–songwriter from Liverpool, England. Best I can tell the lyrics are of unknown origin. The song has numerous verses as the lyrics below show.

Video Link

Lyrics

Chorus
Has anybody seen J C
J C, J C, J C, J C.
Not since Easter Sunday,
Riding on a Donkey.
Has anybody seen J C
J C, J C, J C, J C

Virgin born, head of thorn
Resurrects the dead at dawn

That J C, he’s divine
Changes water into wine.

Virgin Mary, She’s the most
She’s been fucked by the Holy Ghost

Cleans up temples it is said
Raises spastics from their bed

J C, He’s so cool
Boogies across my swimming pool

Took three loaves and five fish
Feed five thousand piece of piss

Lots of songs, raises cheers,
In the charts two thousand years

Holes in hands, Holes in Feet,
Carries his cross down the street,

Holy Ghost, He’s the most,
Gets them pissed on wine and toast,

Banished fear and gave us hope,
Went one better than the Pope,

Love he gave, faith he took,
Still the Worlds best selling book,

Save our souls, fun we poke,
Sorry God its just a joke.

J C stands five foot nine,
Plays scrum half for Palestine.

Arms out wide, feet are tied,
It’s hard to boogie when your crucified.

Songs of Sacrilege: My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus by Jimmy Buffett

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This is the twenty-first installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus by Jimmy Buffett, an American singer–songwriter.

Video Link

Lyrics

Chorus
My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don’t love Jesus.
It’s that kind of mornin’,
really was that kind of night.
Tryin’ to tell myself that my
condition is improvin’ and if I don’t
die by Thursday I’ll be roarin’ Friday night.

Went down to the snake pit,
to drink a little beer.
Listened to the juke box,
oh, it’s comin’ in clear.
All of a sudden I wasn’t alone
pickin’ country music with old Joe Bones.
Duval Street was rockin’,
my eyes they started poppin’!
Because there she sat at the corner of the bar,
as I broke another string on my old guitar.
Someone call a cab.
Lady won’t you pay my tab?

Chorus

Got to get a little orange juice,
And a Darvon for my head.
I can’t spend all day,
Baby, layin’ in bed.
I’m goin’ down to Fausto’s
to get some chocolate milk.
Can’t spend my life in your sheets of silk
I’ve got to find my way
Crawl out and greet the day.

Chorus

Songs of Sacrilege: Jesus Saves by Slayer

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This is the twenty-first installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Jesus Saves by Slayer, an American thrash metal band from Huntington Park, California.

Video Link

Lyrics

You go to the church, you kiss the cross
You will be saved at any cost
You have your own reality
Christianity

You spend your life just kissing ass
A trait that’s grown as time has passed
You think the world will end today
You praise the Lord, it’s all you say

Jesus saves, listen to you pray
You think you’ll see the pearly gates
When death takes you away

For all respect you cannot lust
In an invisible man you place your trust
Indirect dependency
Eternal attempt at amnesty

He will decide who lives and dies
Depopulate Satan’s rise
You will be an accessory
Irreverence and blasphemy

Jesus saves, no need to pray
The gates of pearl have turned to gold
It seems you’ve lost your way

Jesus saves, no words of praise
No promised land to take you to
There is no other way

Songs of Sacrilege: First Baptist Bar and Grill by Tim Wilson

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This is the nineteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is First Baptist Bar and Grill  by the late Tim Wilson, “an American stand-up comedian and country music artist, whose act combined stand-up comedy and original songs.

Video Link

Lyrics

what Pentecost Baptist was gonna do
the Sunday brimstone got so dadgum hot
it burned up a church bus in the parkin’ lot

In a panic the reverend Dr. White
called up an ex-member that hadn’t lived right
he owned Joe’s beer joint right across the fence
it’s the same Joe’s he’d preached against…

He said, “I don’t really want to be a hypocrite,
but I got a Sunday school class about to have fits.
We’re all excited about revival week,
and moved by the spirit, so to speak.

With all the souls we saved and money we spent,
we thought God told us to sell that tent…
I got a famous evangelist supposed to come
and done run out of chairs, will you loan us some?”

Joe says, “Well you can just use the whole dang place…
A-9 on the jukebox is “Amazing Grace”
I ain’t supposed to open because of them ‘blue laws’
but I’ll open tonight if it’s alright with y’all.”

Preacher said, “Well, I reckon it’d be OK,
the good Lord works in mysterious ways.
I was gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth
and I reckon I could do it from the DJ booth.”

At the First Baptist Bar and Grill
it’s the only church in the bible belt
that smells like a whiskey still…
when the sinners finish one more round,
we’ll have dinner on the ground,
then go inside and pray we don’t get killed.

The evangelist came with a well-dressed choir,
they showed up around happy hour,
looked around the joint and didn’t take it real well…
said, “The White ministry has gone to hell”

Ms. Mills that taught youth Sunday school
and two deacons in the back room shootin’ pool
were sharin’ the Lord with a Jim Beam rep
who was teachin’ Ms. Mills some line dance steps…

Reverend White was readin’ from the book of Luke
to a tall, drunk trucker about to puke
he had John 3:16 memorized
tryin’ to dry him out to get him baptized…

The evangelist yelled about the lights and the beer
said, “White, you can’t save any souls in here…
this place ain’t nothin’ but a den of sin…
ain’t the kind of place Baptists ought to be in!”

Preacher said, “Well we don’t really need y’all here
You didn’t do a very good job last year,
you only saved one sinner, that’s Todd McGuire,
the little SOB that set my church on fire!”

“Joe’s beer joint has done been revived,
only been here an hour, and I done saved five.
Sure, it’s got mirrors and a big dance floor,
but I finally found the flock God called me for.”

They’re at the First Baptist Bar and Grill
it’s the only church in the bible belt that smells like a whisky still not a stained glass window anywhere in site,
just a blood-stained floor and neon lights,
and the communion wine in here is always chilled.

We’re here every Sunday; we’re livin’ large;
We’re the only church with a cover charge.
And if you don’t like our doctrine and think we ain’t devout,
we’ll have our bouncer throw your butt out …
of the First Baptist Bar and Grill

(amen sister!)

Songs of Sacrilege: Church League Softball Fist Fight by Tim Wilson

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This is the eighteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Church League Softball Fist Fight  by the late Tim Wilson, “an American stand-up comedian and country music artist, whose act combined stand-up comedy and original songs.”

Video Link

Lyrics

Chorus 1:
Church League, Softball, Fist Fight
Gettin washed in the blood on a Tuesday night
What would Jesus do, lord he wouldn’t do that
Knock hell outta the preacher with a softball bat

Well the swinging Sheppard’s from the Sheep of the Savoir
were tied with the sourwood church of Christ
An example of some highly unholy behavior
in a game that had already been protested twice
Something unbiblical must have been said
for them to be aimin’ heat at the minister’s head
Clockin the clergy ain’t the thing to do
But neither’s the high hard one on the 0-2

Chorus 2:
Church League, Softball, Fist Fight
A body layin’ on the hands ‘neath the left field lights
Knockin out four teeth, gettin a busted lip
Aint exactly my idea of Christian Fellership

Church League, Softball, Fist Fight
Rollin round the pitchers mound it just don’t look right
where the nice people from the church and the Sunday school class
To trade a cup of brotherhood for a can of whoop-ass

Songs of Sacrilege: Religion Evolves by Baba Brinkman

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This is the seventeenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Religion Evolves by Baba Brinkman, a rap artist from Canada.

Video Link

Video Link

Lyrics

I don’t know what heaven is, I just know what heaven isn’t
It isn’t a position in the VIP section
Where you sit forever, flicking your pleasure switches
It isn’t just an incentive to pick the best religion
Like a raffle ticket – forget the metaphysics
Anyone who threatens you with invisible gimmicks
Is just trying to sell you some gibberish
So what about a heaven that we actually get to live in?
One that’s not just a place in the clouds, please
I’m not stupid, this ain’t Jesus Walks music
And if you really believe Jesus talks to you
Then you should read The God Delusion
Schizophrenia’s obviously got you losin’ it
So relax and move in to a new paradigm
A place where you’re no longer aware of time
It’s called the present, and it’s a true paradise
Plus it’s right there in front of your eyes
What a surprise

Some float away on a dream
They can’t wait to believe in
Some find their heaven right here
In a place they can dream into being

Imagine this isn’t a dress rehearsal, imagine
There’s one life to live, and yes, it’s terminal
And religion isn’t really the source of our personal
Morals, it’s just how we make them feel more personal
And less like a vicious circle, but the purpose
Is more horizontal and less vertical
More about co-existence than a test of virtue
And heaven is just a world less hurtful
Where respect is universal, instead of seasonal
International instead of inter-regional
A real pessimist would say “inconceivable”
But I see it as a symbol of the best in people
A utopian dream, but not just a metaphor
An image of a world where there isn’t war
Not a hidden reward behind a mystery door
But a principle that’s really worth living for
And if you think it’s the afterlife, you’re misinformed
It’s time to wake up and shake off the melatonin
Go ahead and live in the moment and smell the roses
And experience the infinite present unfolding
Just direct some of your efforts and mental focus
Into the collective magnum opus of helping the hopeless
And then just watch as the entrance to heaven opens
So slowly that we hardly even notice it

Some float away on a dream
They can’t wait to believe in
Some find their heaven right here
In a place they can dream into being

If this is all we get
It’s not a test for what comes next
And in this moment
We can get our heaven on and
Make a joyful sound
With everyone around
And leave this place just a little better
Than we found it
As soon as we stop waiting for the
End to just descend and take us
Where we’ve always been we’ll find our
Heaven in this present tense
If you’re waiting to be born
Again my friend
Why pretend it’s not within
We’ll find our heaven in this present tense

 

Songs of Sacrilege: Ballad of the Non-Believer by Tombstone Da Deadman

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This is the sixteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Ballad of the Non-Believer by Tombstone Da Deadman, an atheist rapper from Baltimore, Maryland

Video Link

Lyrics

1st verse
Like most of you I was indoctrinated with religion
At a time when I was much too young to make decisions

Dragged by the hand without permission
Lacked the cognitive ability to see the contradictions and the superstitions

I know my mother really thought that she was doing right
Cause after all this wasn’t a war that she was taught to fight

Buried under layers of prayers emotional attachments
And every other programming attached with

A sense of common unity involvement
No actual incentive to questions all of the sermons from the pulpit

This is how they introduce the idea, firmly rooted in the fear
Don’t question validity just adhere

It’s not innocent is sets a bad precedent
Internalized credulity for things that lack evidence

Some people keep this way of thinking for their whole lives
The need for critical thinking is never realized

Chorus
I don’t want to hear about the books that you have read
Explain to me the way you see the thoughts inside your head

Not filtered with the garbage you regurgitate instead
Your thoughts are just a program with which you are embed

All I really want to do is show you there is freedom
Eliminate those primitive myths you don’t need them

The clergy’s only trolling for power

So don’t feed them
And since they can’t prove it remove it and don’t believe them

2nd verse
Ponder the logic of learning science from shamans
Excuse the laughter if you please I’m trying to keep it all in

But this is how you look when you go and consult your preachers
To gain an understanding of evolutionary features

In fact I finding it despicable how you characterize scientific principles
Dismiss the indispensable

So don’t believe these guys that say it’s science they despise
When they standing in the line for the iphone 5

You’re benefiting from the method then you go and step on it
Defaming the very thing that your life has been effected with

Our lifespan enhancement comes directly from advancements
By people in lab coats not biblical enchantments

Take a look at these comedians cause something smells funky
“if we came from monkeys than why there’re still monkeys”

See that’s the type of dumb shit that needs to be responded to
Your obvious accomplishment was dropping out of high school

Chorus
I don’t want to hear about the books that you have read
Explain to me the way you see the thoughts inside your head

Not filtered with the garbage you regurgitate instead
Your thoughts are just a program with which you are embed

All I really want to do is show you there is freedom
Eliminate those primitive myths you don’t need them

The clergy’s only trolling for power so don’t feed them
And since they can’t prove it remove it and don’t believe them

3rd verse
You’re not mentally fit to be talking shit to me
When you believe those primitive books are reflecting history

In it’s purest form like it really has no discrepancy
You want to go to war and you’re choosing this as your weaponry

Now how’s that even sound at all and is this even logic when
You’re claiming that a book of faith can prove your stupid argument

Way to much to bargain with not much fact to stake it on
It’s just like thinking if you dance you can really make it storm

Oh yeah but I forgot your book is the truthful one
And all those other ancient myths are something that is really dumb

It couldn’t possibly be that you all have been deceived
It couldn’t possibly be that you got a false belief

That’s why I question your sermon should be sequestered
Now leave from off my porch you’re starting to really pester

You’re one of many thousands that’s claiming a revelation
Too wrapped up in all of your ego to see your indoctrination

Chorus
I don’t want to hear about the books that you have read
Explain to me the way you see the thoughts inside your head

Not filtered with the garbage you regurgitate instead
Your thoughts are just a program with which you are embed

All I really want to do is show you there is freedom
Eliminate those primitive myths you don’t need them

The clergy’s only trolling for power so don’t feed them
And since they can’t prove it remove it and don’t believe them

Songs of Sacrilege: Sin City by Genitorturers

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This is the fifteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Sin City by the Genitorturers, an industrial metal band from the United States.

Video Link

Lyrics

When the tracks are leading home to the limits of hell
We’ll yell, life sure is swell! In Sin City
In the streets where the servants of silence dwell
The visions of the wicked are sure to sell! In Sin City
On the quickest strip goin’, cum holy high rollin’ with me
Get you cash cup flowin’, cum holy high rollin” with me
Let your holy mother blow your fears away
Get on your knees and play!
In the heat where the Savior of Sodom dwells
Join hands with the women who squirm in hell, In Sin City
Because the lord has mercy on the women who sell
Their pussies to the preachers who burn in hell, In Sin City
The Devil’s home for the depraved
Where the souls are never saved
That’s why the holy rollers say
Get on you knees and pray
To breathe in Sin City
To lie in Sin City
Get high in Sin City
Let your holy water wash away your shame
Cause the judgment day is just another game
On your knees and pray!

Songs of Sacrilege: We’re All Going to Hell by The Bastard Fairies

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This is the fourteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is We’re All Going to Hell  by The Bastard Fairies, an American music group from Los Angeles.

Video Link

Lyrics

All you Mormons who like cussing, you are going to hell
All you preachers who like fucking, you are going to hell
Little boys that choke the chicken, you are going to hell
It’s the nature of evolution, the dinosaurs went to hell

-CHORUS-
Hell hell hell it’s a wonderful place
It’s a place of fire and brimstone

All you Christian politicians, you are going to hell
Magic Jesus apparitions send you to hell
Buddhist monks without god you are going to hell
Those of you dissecting frogs, you are going to hell

CHORUS

(talking)
I need a beer
-Can opening-
Ha-ha that was pretty good
Ahh. Okay

All you Catholics wearing condoms, you are going to hell
All us fatties eating bonbons, we are going to hell
Unbaptized babies learn to limbo, purgatory is hell
And your religion is a gamble and you are going to hell

CHORUS

Check this shit out x 2
It’s gunna change your life x2

There once was a man who thought that if he ate all the pages in the bible he could kill most anything
In 1913 he died of a stroke when he tried to eat the book of kings

Eat the book of kings x2

Songs of Sacrilege: Sympathy for the Devil by The Rolling Stones

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This is the thirteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is  Sympathy for the Devil by The Rolling Stones.

Video Link

Lyrics

Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul to waste

And I was ’round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Tsar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain

I rode a tank
Held a general’s rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
(Woo woo, woo woo)

I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
(Woo woo, woo woo)

I shouted out,
Who killed the Kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
(Who who, who who)

Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached Bombay
(Woo woo, who who)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
(Who who)
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
(Who who, who who)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
(Woo woo, who who)

Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
‘Cause I’m in need of some restraint
(Who who, who who)

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
(Woo woo)
Use all your well-learned politnesse
Or I’ll lay your soul to waste, mm yeah
(Woo woo, woo woo)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, mm yeah
(Who who)
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, mm mean it, get down
(Woo woo, woo woo)

Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
(Woo woo)

Tell me baby, what’s my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, what’s my name
I tell you one time, you’re to blame

Oh, who
Woo, woo
Woo, who
Woo, woo
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Oh, yeah

What’s my name
Tell me, baby, what’s my name
Tell me, sweetie, what’s my name my name is rick I say

Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who rick
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Oh, yeah
Woo woo
Woo woo