The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser

Tag: TV Preachers

  • Songs of Sacrilege: TV Crimes by Black Sabbath

    black sabbath

    This is the one hundred ninety-seventh installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is TV Crimes by Black Sabbath.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    One day in the life of the lonely
    Another day on the round about
    What do they need
    Somebody to love

    One night in the life of the lonely
    There’s a miracle on the screen
    What did they see
    Somebody to love

    He guarantees you instant glory
    Get your money on the line

    Gotta send me a plastic Jesus
    There’s a check in the mail today
    That’s what I need
    Somebody to love

    We just won’t meet on Sunday
    Gotta buy him a limousine
    Somewhere to live
    Somewhere to pray

    Every penny from the people
    Keeps the wolf outside the door
    Shop around and find forgiveness for yourself
    But he’ll give you more, yeah

    Holy father, holy ghost
    Who’s the one who pays the most
    Rock the cradle don’t you cry
    Buy another lullaby

    Jack is nimble, Jack is quick
    Pick your pocket, turn a trick
    Slow and steady, he’s got time
    To commit another TV crime
    TV crime

    One day in the life of the lonely
    Back again on the round about
    What do they need
    Somebody to love

    Yeah

    One night in the life of the lonely
    Another miracle on the screen
    What did they see
    Somebody to love again

    A supermarket of salvation
    Take a look inside the store
    Shop around and find forgiveness for yourself
    But he gives more

    Holy father, holy ghost
    Who’s the one who hurts you most
    Rock the cradle when you cry
    Scream another lullaby

    Jack be nimble, Jack be slick
    Take the money, get out quick
    Slow and steady, so much time
    To commit another
    TV Crime, TV Crime

  • Songs of Sacrilege: No Rest For the Wicked by Cage the Elephant

    cage the elephantThis is the one hundred seventy-ninth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Songs of Sacrilege: No Rest For the Wicked by Cage the Elephant.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    I was walking down the street when out the corner of my eye
    I saw a pretty little thing approaching me
    She said, “I never seen a man, who looks so all alone
    Oh, could you use a little company?
    If you pay the right price, your evening will be nice
    And you can go and send me on my way.”
    I said, “You’re such a sweet young thing, why you do this to yourself?”
    She looked at me and this is what she said:

    [Chorus]
    “Oh there ain’t no rest for the wicked
    Money don’t grow on trees
    I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed
    There ain’t nothing in this world for free
    Oh no, I can’t slow down, I can’t hold back
    Though you know, I wish I could
    Oh no there ain’t no rest for the wicked
    Until we close our eyes for good”

    Not even 15 minutes later I’m still walking down the street
    When I saw the shadow of a man creep out out of sight
    And then he swept up from behind, he put a gun up to my head
    He made it clear he wasn’t looking for a fight
    He said, “Give me all you’ve got, I want your money, not your life
    But if you try to make a move I won’t think twice.”
    I told him, “You can have my cash, but first you know I gotta ask:
    What made you want to live this kind of life?”
    He said:

    “There ain’t no rest for the wicked
    Money don’t grow on trees
    I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed
    There ain’t nothing in this world for free
    Oh no, I can’t slow down, I can’t hold back
    Though you know, I wish I could
    Oh no there ain’t no rest for the wicked
    Until we close our eyes for good”

    Well now a couple hours past and I was sitting in my house
    The day was winding down and coming to an end
    And so I turned on the TV and flipped it over to the news
    And what I saw I almost couldn’t comprehend
    I saw a preacher man in cuffs, he’d taken money from the church
    He’d stuffed his bank account with righteous dollar bills
    But even still I can’t say much because I know we’re all the same
    Oh yes, we all seek out to satisfy those thrills

    You know there ain’t no rest for the wicked
    Money don’t grow on trees
    We got bills to pay, we got mouths to feed
    There ain’t nothing in this world for free
    Oh no we can’t slow down, we can’t hold back
    Though you know we wish we could
    Oh no there ain’t no rest for the wicked
    Until we close our eyes for good

  • Songs of Sacrilege: Praise the Lord and Send Me the Money by Bobby Bare

    This is the one hundred and ninth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Praise the Lord and Send Me the Money by Bobby Bare.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    Praise the Lord and send me the money
    I’m happy you can be happy too
    If you praise the Lord and send me the money
    That’s what Jesus wants you to do

    Late one night while watchin’ Columbo
    I fell asleep till quarter past three
    When just like a vision I thought I was dreamin’
    I heard the voice of a man on TV

    He said praise the Lord and send me the money
    I’m happy you can be happy too
    If you praise the Lord and send me the money
    That’s what Jesus wants you to do

    I sat straight up and reached for my checkbook
    Trembling with guilt took my bic pen in hand
    I wrote out the figures a one and four zeros
    Went out and mailed it with a note to that man

    I said praise the Lord I’m sendin’ the money
    I surely wanna be happy like you
    Praise the Lord I’m sendin’ the money
    If that’s what Jesus wants me to do

    I woke up late for work the next morning
    I could not believe what I’d done
    Wrote a hot check to Jesus for ten thousand dollars
    And my bank account only held thirty-one

    I got a second job at a gasoline station
    I’m savin’ me money to pay what I owe
    I don’t get much sleep cause I stay up late watchin’
    All of the folks on the Lord’s TV show

    Sayin’ praise the Lord and send me the money…
    Praise the Lord I’m sendin’ the money

  • Songs of Sacrilege: Would Jesus Wear a Rolex? by Ray Stevens

    This is the one hundred and seventh installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Would Jesus Wear a Rolex? by Ray Stevens.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    Woke up this mornin’, turned on the T.V. set
    There in livin’ color, was somethin’ I can’t forget
    This man was preachin’ at me, yeah, layin’ on the charm
    Askin’ me for twenty with ten-thousand on his arm

    He wore designer clothes and a big smile on his face
    Sellin’ me salvation while they sang amazin’ grace
    Askin’ me for money when he had all the signs of wealth
    I almost wrote a check out, yeah, then I asked myself

    Would He wear a Pinky ring?
    Would He drive a fancy car?
    Would His wife wear furs and diamonds?
    Would His dressin’ room have a star?

    If He come back tomorrow
    Well there’s somethin’ I’d like to know
    (Can you tell me?)
    Would Jesus wear a Rolex
    On His television show?

    Would Jesus be political
    If He come back to earth?
    Have His second home in Palm Springs?
    Yeah, try to hide His worth?

    Take money, from those poor folks
    When He comes back again
    And admit He’s talked to all them preachers
    Who say they’ve been talkin’ to Him?

    Just ask ya’ self, would He wear a Pinky ring?
    Would He drive a fancy car?
    Would His wife wear furs and diamonds?
    Would His dressing room have a star?

    If He come back tomorrow
    Well there’s somethin’ I’d like to know
    Could ya tell me?
    Would Jesus wear a Rolex?
    Would Jesus wear a Rolex?
    Would Jesus wear a Rolex
    On His television show? Oh oh
    (Would Jesus wear a Rolex)
    (On His television show?)