Tag Archive: TV Preachers

Songs of Sacrilege: TV Crimes by Black Sabbath

black sabbath

This is the one hundred ninety-seventh installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is TV Crimes by Black Sabbath.

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Lyrics

One day in the life of the lonely
Another day on the round about
What do they need
Somebody to love

One night in the life of the lonely
There’s a miracle on the screen
What did they see
Somebody to love

He guarantees you instant glory
Get your money on the line

Gotta send me a plastic Jesus
There’s a check in the mail today
That’s what I need
Somebody to love

We just won’t meet on Sunday
Gotta buy him a limousine
Somewhere to live
Somewhere to pray

Every penny from the people
Keeps the wolf outside the door
Shop around and find forgiveness for yourself
But he’ll give you more, yeah

Holy father, holy ghost
Who’s the one who pays the most
Rock the cradle don’t you cry
Buy another lullaby

Jack is nimble, Jack is quick
Pick your pocket, turn a trick
Slow and steady, he’s got time
To commit another TV crime
TV crime

One day in the life of the lonely
Back again on the round about
What do they need
Somebody to love

Yeah

One night in the life of the lonely
Another miracle on the screen
What did they see
Somebody to love again

A supermarket of salvation
Take a look inside the store
Shop around and find forgiveness for yourself
But he gives more

Holy father, holy ghost
Who’s the one who hurts you most
Rock the cradle when you cry
Scream another lullaby

Jack be nimble, Jack be slick
Take the money, get out quick
Slow and steady, so much time
To commit another
TV Crime, TV Crime

Songs of Sacrilege: No Rest For the Wicked by Cage the Elephant

cage the elephantThis is the one hundred seventy-ninth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Songs of Sacrilege: No Rest For the Wicked by Cage the Elephant.

Video Link

Lyrics

I was walking down the street when out the corner of my eye
I saw a pretty little thing approaching me
She said, “I never seen a man, who looks so all alone
Oh, could you use a little company?
If you pay the right price, your evening will be nice
And you can go and send me on my way.”
I said, “You’re such a sweet young thing, why you do this to yourself?”
She looked at me and this is what she said:

[Chorus]
“Oh there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Money don’t grow on trees
I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed
There ain’t nothing in this world for free
Oh no, I can’t slow down, I can’t hold back
Though you know, I wish I could
Oh no there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good”

Not even 15 minutes later I’m still walking down the street
When I saw the shadow of a man creep out out of sight
And then he swept up from behind, he put a gun up to my head
He made it clear he wasn’t looking for a fight
He said, “Give me all you’ve got, I want your money, not your life
But if you try to make a move I won’t think twice.”
I told him, “You can have my cash, but first you know I gotta ask:
What made you want to live this kind of life?”
He said:

“There ain’t no rest for the wicked
Money don’t grow on trees
I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed
There ain’t nothing in this world for free
Oh no, I can’t slow down, I can’t hold back
Though you know, I wish I could
Oh no there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good”

Well now a couple hours past and I was sitting in my house
The day was winding down and coming to an end
And so I turned on the TV and flipped it over to the news
And what I saw I almost couldn’t comprehend
I saw a preacher man in cuffs, he’d taken money from the church
He’d stuffed his bank account with righteous dollar bills
But even still I can’t say much because I know we’re all the same
Oh yes, we all seek out to satisfy those thrills

You know there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Money don’t grow on trees
We got bills to pay, we got mouths to feed
There ain’t nothing in this world for free
Oh no we can’t slow down, we can’t hold back
Though you know we wish we could
Oh no there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good

Songs of Sacrilege: Praise the Lord and Send Me the Money by Bobby Bare

This is the one hundred and ninth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Praise the Lord and Send Me the Money by Bobby Bare.

Video Link

Lyrics

Praise the Lord and send me the money
I’m happy you can be happy too
If you praise the Lord and send me the money
That’s what Jesus wants you to do

Late one night while watchin’ Columbo
I fell asleep till quarter past three
When just like a vision I thought I was dreamin’
I heard the voice of a man on TV

He said praise the Lord and send me the money
I’m happy you can be happy too
If you praise the Lord and send me the money
That’s what Jesus wants you to do

I sat straight up and reached for my checkbook
Trembling with guilt took my bic pen in hand
I wrote out the figures a one and four zeros
Went out and mailed it with a note to that man

I said praise the Lord I’m sendin’ the money
I surely wanna be happy like you
Praise the Lord I’m sendin’ the money
If that’s what Jesus wants me to do

I woke up late for work the next morning
I could not believe what I’d done
Wrote a hot check to Jesus for ten thousand dollars
And my bank account only held thirty-one

I got a second job at a gasoline station
I’m savin’ me money to pay what I owe
I don’t get much sleep cause I stay up late watchin’
All of the folks on the Lord’s TV show

Sayin’ praise the Lord and send me the money…
Praise the Lord I’m sendin’ the money

Songs of Sacrilege: Would Jesus Wear a Rolex? by Ray Stevens

This is the one hundred and seventh installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Would Jesus Wear a Rolex? by Ray Stevens.

Video Link

Lyrics

Woke up this mornin’, turned on the T.V. set
There in livin’ color, was somethin’ I can’t forget
This man was preachin’ at me, yeah, layin’ on the charm
Askin’ me for twenty with ten-thousand on his arm

He wore designer clothes and a big smile on his face
Sellin’ me salvation while they sang amazin’ grace
Askin’ me for money when he had all the signs of wealth
I almost wrote a check out, yeah, then I asked myself

Would He wear a Pinky ring?
Would He drive a fancy car?
Would His wife wear furs and diamonds?
Would His dressin’ room have a star?

If He come back tomorrow
Well there’s somethin’ I’d like to know
(Can you tell me?)
Would Jesus wear a Rolex
On His television show?

Would Jesus be political
If He come back to earth?
Have His second home in Palm Springs?
Yeah, try to hide His worth?

Take money, from those poor folks
When He comes back again
And admit He’s talked to all them preachers
Who say they’ve been talkin’ to Him?

Just ask ya’ self, would He wear a Pinky ring?
Would He drive a fancy car?
Would His wife wear furs and diamonds?
Would His dressing room have a star?

If He come back tomorrow
Well there’s somethin’ I’d like to know
Could ya tell me?
Would Jesus wear a Rolex?
Would Jesus wear a Rolex?
Would Jesus wear a Rolex
On His television show? Oh oh
(Would Jesus wear a Rolex)
(On His television show?)