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Tag: wine

Songs of Sacrilege: Jesus Was a Wino by Lydia Loveless

lydia loveless

This is the latest installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Jesus Was a Wino by Lydia Loveless.

Video Link

Lyrics

Well, some days you wake up,
Life feels meaningless.
You don’t even have
the strength to get up and get dressed.
Then when you do,
you see your clothes are all torn to shreds.
And you can’t even afford to buy a needle and thread.
So you might go to church
to bow your head and pray
But that ain’t always enough to get it through the day
Sometimes you’ll feel bitter
You figure this priest is a mooch
And you might just take all of your tithes
to a bottle of hooch.
And if people knew, they would look down on you
Don’t they know that it’s true:
Jesus was a wino, too.

Plus, people may ask, “Why have your lips turned black?”
“Hey, what the hell is so funny, man?
Why have your eyes gone slack?”
They’re gonna feel high and mightier to you
And I can barely stand
I’ll just tell them I couldn’t turn down one more glass of the blood of the lamb

Because if people knew, they would call me a fool
I wish they knew it was true
Jesus was a wino, too

And this here six-dollar bottle is just about all that I can afford
And if I can’t find a corkscrew
I’ll just smash it open right here on the floor
And you might call me crazy
For lapping this off the ground
But a few years ago I would be drinkin’ with Jesus right now
‘Cause they may not have had Carlo Rossi way back in His day
Jesus had only water but he turned it to wine anyway

And nobody asked, “What would Jesus do?”
‘Cause everybody knew
Jesus was a wino too

No, nobody asked, “What would Jesus do?”
‘Cause everybody knew
Jesus was a wino too

Oooh, uh huh
Uh huh.

bruce-gerencser-headshot

Bruce Gerencser, 65, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 44 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.

Connect with me on social media:

You can email Bruce via the Contact Form.

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Short Stories: A Crooked Sign

sign

My wife and I have thirteen grandchildren, aged two to twenty-one. Three of our grandchildren are ages 16, 15, and 14. All three are intelligent kids, straight-A students. I have found it interesting and enjoyable to watch them grow up. They are now at that age where they are not adults, but neither are they children; conversant in the things of the world, yet without much real-world experience. All three of them read my blog. They peruse my bookshelves, trying to size up the man they call Grandpa. My grandchildren don’t know much about Bruce Gerencser, the preacher. I had left the ministry by the time they were born. The Grandpa they know is disabled, unable to drive, a man who is a curmudgeon who loves to talk about politics, religion, sports, and make snarky, sarcastic jokes. My oldest grandson, the fourteen-year-old, and I were in the garage looking for my Hitachi corded power drill the other day. I need it for a project we were working on in the house. The drill was nowhere to be found. In the space of a few seconds, I said, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. πŸ™‚ Evidently, one of my children “borrowed” the drill and hadn’t returned it (I’ve threatened to put RFID tags on my tools so I will know where they are.) That meant I had to use “the beast,” a 1/2 inch drive Black and Decker drill I have owned for twenty-five years. As we came into the house, my grandson said with a smile on his face to his father, “Grandpa said the “F” word five times in two seconds!” We all laughed . . . and then I said fuck again. πŸ™‚

Yesterday, my oldest son was over with his family for dinner. Polly and I made: fried catfish, fried shrimp, hushpuppies, asparagus (from our garden), and coleslaw, complete with beer, pop, or unsweet iced tea. After dinner, I noticed my son was trying to straighten up the sign I recently put up over our liquor cabinet. I said, “what are you doing?” I then told him that I meant for it to be crooked on purpose.

My sixteen-year-old granddaughter and fourteen-year-old grandson were perplexed. The grandfather they knew NEVER hung up ANYTHING crooked. EVER! Their father grew up in a home where a tape measure, shims, plumb-bob, and a level were never far away. He and his siblings have “fond” memories of helping me perfectly align the pulpit in the church’s front and center. I mean, perfectly align. Welcome to Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.

By the way, this is the first time I have ever deliberately hung something crooked. I doubt I will continue down this decadent path. πŸ™‚

Why the crooked sign? I love its take on the Bible verse: as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. πŸ™‚ The crooked sign also reminds me of how Polly walks when she has drunk too much wine. πŸ™‚

bruce-gerencser-headshot

Bruce Gerencser, 65, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 44 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.

Connect with me on social media:

You can email Bruce via the Contact Form.

Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.

Bruce Gerencser