I watch a lot of TV and it never ceases to amaze how often, even on basic stuff, TV programs either get it wrong or distort things. What follows is my Top 30 ways TV distorts our view of the world. Feel free to add to the list in the comment section.
- Everyone has sex standing up.
- Married people don’t have sex.
- If married people have sex, it isn’t fun or enjoyable and it last for 5 minutes.
- A man can drink all the alcohol he wants and still get an erection, have sex with three women and be ready to go again in 10 minutes.
- Prostitutes are always drop dead gorgeous with a degree in economics from Harvard.
- Policeman are crack shots who drop their suspect with one shot.
- Revolvers never run out of bullets, neither does any other firearm.
- Spraying a car with machine gun fire never hits the star (s) of the show.
- Drug dealers are black.
- Terrorists are brown.
- Rich people are white.
- The FBI, CIA, NSA, NCIS, and the Secret Service have instantaneous access to every bit of information about your life.
- The FBI, CIA, NSA, NCIS, and the Secret Service do not need a warrant to access every bit of information about your life.
- A 120 pound female police officer can always fight, take down, and restrain any and all men 2-3 times her size.
- News reports on minutia that makes viewers think the minutia is important.
- Reports on what is trending on Twitter, as if Twitter matters.
- Reports on what is trending on Facebook, as if Facebook matters.
- Sideline reporters asking football coaches touchy-feely questions, giving the impression coaches love to answer such questions.
- Sports reports that make the mundane, every day lives of athletes into larger than life stories that is breaking, must-see TV.
- Women should be blonde, thin, have big breasts,have perfectly straight white teeth, no acne, and perfectly manicured nails.
- Women in crime laboratories are either geeks like Abby on NCIS or drop dead gorgeous wearing white, tight clothing like Natalia Boa Vista on CSI Miami. (see picture at top of post)
- Policeman, FBI agents, and NCIS operatives are expert drivers who can weave in and out of traffic in both directions at 100 mph.
- Men don’t have penises but women have breasts and vaginas and viewers only want to see breasts and vaginas.
- Everyone with Down Syndrome can read and graduate from high school.
- Every man in America has erectile dysfunction and needs Viagra.
- Whatever the United States makes or does is awesome and way more awesomer (yes I know it is not a word) than China, Russia, Mexico, and, well any other country that is not the United States.
- Iraq is better off today than it was under Saddam Hussein.
- American soldiers conduct themselves with the highest regard for human life and it is always our enemy that slaughters and commits war crimes.
- The news channels, with a straight face, say they report nothing but the news with no political spin. Fox News is fair and balanced, yes?
- On Fox News, Dick Cheney is an honorable man who has never made a mistake or lied. On MSNBC, George Bush is a dishonorable man who did nothing but make mistakes and lie. On CNN, wait is CNN still on? Al Jazeera? Why everyone knows they are owned by Muslims, right?
I better stop at 30. Do you have a few distortions you would like to add?
