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Thirteen Things I’ve Learned in Old Age


Hair grows everywhere except where I want it to.

Metamucil is my friend.

Gravity is a bitch.

I didn’t screw my kids up after all.

Grandchildren are the best reason for getting up in the morning.

I don’t know as much as I thought I did.

I have few true friends.

The obituaries make for good reading.

Marriage is nothing like what I thought it would be, but far more than I could ever have hoped for.

Shit happens.

No one escapes death.

Every day above ground is a gift.

I hate arbitrary lists.


Bruce Gerencser, 65, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 44 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.

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  1. Avatar

    Husband says he knew he was getting old when he had to stop trying to put his socks on in the mornings whilst standing up.

  2. Avatar

    “The obituaries make for good reading.”
    A good day is one in which you don’t see your photo in the obits.

    “I don’t know as much as I thought I did.”
    I never was the man I used to be.

    “No one escapes death.”
    My fairly fundy coworker/friend (with the inspirational bible verses taped above her desk) hates it when I remind her that “None of us get out of this alive.”

    “Metamucil is my friend.”
    And hemorrhoids are a pain in the ass.

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Bruce Gerencser