Regular readers know that my writing production has dropped off over the past year. If you see that I haven’t posted lately, it is because I can’t. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. Outside of attending concerts, school events, and occasionally eating out, I am pretty much homebound. I have noticed of late that my recovery after an outing is taking a lot longer — often days longer.
For new readers, I have a lot of serious health problems: gastroparesis (uncurable), exocrine pancreatic insufficiency (uncurable), osteoarthritis, peripheral neuropathy in my legs and feet, fibromyalgia, and degenerative spine disease. An MRI in 2021 revealed widespread damage to my spine and neck:
- Disc herniation (T7,T8)
- Disc herniation (T6,T7)
- Central spinal canal stenosis (T9/T10, T10/T11)
- Foraminal stenosis (T5,T6)
- Disc degeneration/spondylosis (T1/T2 through T10/T11)
- Facet Arthropathy throughout the spine, particularly at T2/T3, T3/T4, T5/T6, and T7/T8 through the T12/L1 levels.
- Hypertrophic arthropathy at T9/T10
I had surgery on my spine a year ago, and now it looks like I will have to have surgery again. I have an MRI scheduled for Friday. This should reveal what is causing insufferable pain in my lower back and whehter it can be surgically fixed. Regardless, chronic, unrelenting pain is ever with me, and, thanks to the government’s incessant war on narcotic pain medications, my pain is no longer well-managed. I need twice the medication I currently take, but no doctor (including local pain management doctors) is willing to prescribe it. I am using an increasing amoung of cannabis that helps, but the only thing that reduces my pain to a whisper is sufficient narcotic pain medications (I am taking half the amount I took ten years ago). And please, if you want to keep your head on your shoulders, no unsolicted medical advice. I know my body quite well — what works and doesn’t work. I know many of you care, but all I ask from you is your kindness and support. I have come to terms with the fact that this is my new lot in life, and unless Jesus shows up and divinely heals me, one or more of the diseases that afflict me will eventually kill me; that is if I don’t die from falling (an increasing problem, for me).
Every day of my life is dominated by unrelenting pain, along with stomach and bowel problems. Life is a challenge, to say the least. Nights are the worst, often taking hours, upon hours for me to finally fall asleep, only to wake up again two or three hours later. I sleep when and how I can, but I am NEVER rested. When you see me publish an article, leave a comment, or respond to an email at 5:00 am, you will know I am unable to sleep.
I appreciate your love, care, and understanding. I will continue to write until I can no longer do so. So far, I have been able to keep writing, but there will be days when I cannot sit up let alone type a new post.
Saved by Reason,
Bruce Gerencser, 68, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 47 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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