This is the fourth installment in The Sounds of Fundamentalism series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section. Let’s have some fun!
Today’s Sound of Fundamentalism is a clip taken from a sermon preached by Independent Fundamentalist Baptist Evangelist Phil Kidd.
This is the third installment in The Sounds of Fundamentalism series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section. Let’s have some fun!
Today’s Sound of Fundamentalism is a clip taken from a sermon preached by Independent Fundamentalist Baptist Evangelist Phil Kidd.
God’s bloodhound — the Holy Ghost — tracked me down and led me to the Jesus Daily website. Upon arriving at the site, I noticed a red button…
My fingers began to twitch as I pondered clicking the ACCEPT JESUS NOW button. What would all my atheist friends think if got saved? As I wrestled with these weighty matters, the Holy Ghost grabbed my left hand, put it on my Kensington trackball mouse, and moved the cursor to the red button. I then heard a voice that said, Bruce, choose this day whom ye will serve! I replied, Jesus? It is 2016. Why are you still speaking with first century King James language? Jesus responded, Dammit, Bruce. I have other souls to save. Click the button or I will send you straight to hell.
Fearing that I would be soon fitted with a human body specially suited for eternal punishment in hell, I clicked the button.
After clicking the button, I was taken to a written salvation prayer on the Jesus Daily Facebook page. Having made the first step — clicking the salvation button — the Holy Ghost came upon me like too much Taco Bell. Doubled over by conviction, I prayed the prayer. And just like that, according to the Jesus Daily website — the money printing machine owned by Dr. Aaron Tabor, a Baptist preacher’s son — I was gloriously and wonderfully S-A-V-E-D. Woo Hoo!
To show that I had just accepted Jesus as my savior, I typed the word AMEN in the comments. This act of faith sealed the deal. By typing the word AMEN on this Christian Facebook page. I was telling the world that I am now a Christian!
I love the salvation Tabor is selling. No baptism, no church attendance, no Bible reading, and no tithing. I am sure the evangelizing Doc would love for me to click on a few of the numerous ads that litter the Jesus Daily site, but I don’t want to cheapen my salvation by feeding Tabor’s love for filthy lucre. Doesn’t he know that Jesus was socialist?
Notes
You can find out more about Dr. Aaron Tabor here and here.
Tabor has a plan for reaching the world for Jesus through the use of social media:
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
This is the twenty-seventh installment in the Sacrilegious Humor series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a comedy bit that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please email me the name of the bit or a link to it.
Today’s bit is Evolution, Creationism, Christians, and Jews by Lewis Black.
Warning, many of the comedy bits in this series will contain profanity. You have been warned.
This is the second installment in The Sounds of Fundamentalism series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section. Let’s have some fun!
Today’s Sound of Fundamentalism is a clip taken from a sermon preached by Charles Worley, pastor of Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, North Carolina. Providence Road Baptist is a “Fundamental, Independent Missionary Baptist church that believes in the power of the Gospel to save and secure the sinner.”
Today, I am starting a new series, The Sounds of Fundamentalism. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section. Let’s have some fun!
Today’s Sound of Fundamentalism is a clip taken from the Flight F-I-N-A-L record, a popular evangelistic tool from the 1970s. Produced by Church of the Nazarene evangelist Forrest McCullough.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
This is the ninety-ninth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is What Would Scooby Do? by Eddie Scott.
These are pretty swell times
Or it seems so to me
For science in books on the web and TV
Yes the lover of reason just has to say “WOW”!
There’s a whole lot of really good stuff out there now
You’ve got Hawking and Dawkins
Bill Nye’s a big deal
We’ve had Cosmos with Carl
And Cosmos with Neil
But there’s one voice of reason
Who always comes through
I am speaking of course
Of the great Scooby Doo
When life presents a mystery
And you can’t make sense of the clues
Before you proclaim that something spooky’s to blame
Just try asking “What would Scooby do?”
Remember that cool caper when a wicked evil ape
Or maybe some demented crazed orangutan
Was haunting all the actors on a movie set
The fact was he scared everyone away
That seemed to be his evil plan
Scooby and his friends
Did they give in to the hysteria?
Of course not
They just calmly started searching the whole area
They carried out their task
They ripped away the monkey’s mask
There was no ape at all
Just stunt man Carl was their man
When everyone seems baffled
By a strange occurrence or two
You’ll soon understand
An explanation’s at hand
If you try asking “What would Scooby do?”
Another time this ghoul was making everyone feel foolish
With his blood red cape and piercing yellow eyes
Scaring workers on a scaffold, the authorities were baffled
Why was a monster hanging out up there on their high-rise?
Everyone was scared and seemed to want to disappear
Scooby and his friends said “Something fishy’s happening here”
They set out undercover
Sure enough, they soon discovered
What others called a ghoul
Was just a robber in disguise
When people seem bewildered
By a ghost, a wraith or a ghoul
It could be a fluke
It doesn’t have to be spooks
Just try asking “What would Scooby do?”
When life presents a mystery
And you can’t make sense of the clues
Before you proclaim that something spooky’s to blame
Just try asking “What would Scooby?”
“What would good old Scooby?”
“Tell me what would Scooby do?”
So when things seem bizarre
And you’re at your wits’ ends
Be like old Scooby Doo
And his Skeptical friends
For they know it is clear
What Occam ’s razor commands
Don’t accept goofy claims
If something simpler’s at hand
When life presents a mystery
And you can’t make sense of the clues
Before you proclaim that something spooky’s to blame
Just try asking “What would Scooby?”
“Tell me what would Scooby?”
“What would good old Scooby do?”
This is the ninety-eighth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Why I Don’t Believe in God by Everclear.
I heard the truth about you
And it really doesn’t read at all
Like the whipping stick you raised me with
A scared woman in a private hell
Hushed voice like electric bell
Strange talk about Edgar Cayce and the long lame walk of the dark 70’s
I heard the truth about you
Yeah you
Mama they woke me up
I was deep in an idiot sleep
I was just eight years old
Heard big words with a horrible sound
Why’d they have to call my school
Tell me my mother had a nervous breakdown
I wish I believed like you do
Yeah you
In the myth of a merciful god
In the myth of a heaven and hell
I hear the voices you hear sometimes
Sometimes it gets so much I feel like letting go
Sometimes it gets so goddamn hard I feel like letting it all go
Letting it all go
I ran away, went looking for you
Back to Culver City and the old neighborhood
Need to know if you were really gone
Need to know if you were gone for good
I ran through the projects at night
Hide in the dark from my friends in the light
Hide from my brother-in-law
Hide from the things he’d say
Said you weren’t losing your mind
He said you just needed a rest
He said you’d be coming home soon
He said the doctors there would know what’s best
Said that maybe I could go live with them for a while
I know the truth about you
I know the truth
Mama they woke me up
I was just eight years old
Sometimes it gets so hard I feel like letting it go
Letting it all go
This is the ninety-seventh installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is What if No One’s Watching by Ani DiFranco.
If my life were a movie
there would be a sunset
and the camera would pan away
but the sky is just a little sister
tagging along behind the buildings
trying to imitate their grey
the little boys are breaking bottles
along the sidewalk
the big boys, too
the girls are hanging out at the candy store
pumping quarters into the phone
’cause they don’t want to go home
and I think,
what if no one’s watching
what it when we’re dead, we’re just dead
what if it’s just us down here
what if god ain’t looking down
what if he’s looking up instead
if my life were a movie
I would light a cigarette
and the smoke would curl around my face
everything I do would be interesting
I’d play the good guy
in every scene
but I always feel I have to
take a stand
and there’s always someone on hand
to hate me for standing there
I always feel I have to open my mouth
and every time I do
I offend someone
somewhere
but what
what if no one’s watching
what if when we’re dead, we’re just dead
what if there’s no time to lose
what if there’s things we gotta do
things that need to be said
you know I can’t apologize
for everything I know
I mean you don’t have to agree with me
but once you get me going
you better just let me go
we have to be able to criticize
what we love
say what we have to say
’cause if you’re not trying to make something better
as far as I can tell
you’re just in the way
I mean what
what if no one’s watching
what if when we’re dead
we’re just dead
what if it’s just us down here
what if god is just an idea
someone put in your head
I mean what
what if no one’s watching
what if no one’s watching…
This is the twenty-sixth installment in the Sacrilegious Humor series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a comedy bit that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please email me the name of the bit or a link to it.
