The Black Collar Crime Series relies on public news stories and publicly available information for its content. If any incorrect information is found, please contact Bruce Gerencser. Nothing in this post should be construed as an accusation of guilt. Those accused of crimes are innocent until proven guilty.
Monte Chitty, pastor of First Baptist Church of Marathon, Florida, was recently charged with sexual battery of a minor, lewd and lascivious conduct and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. First Baptist is affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention.
A newly-released arrest report details explicit text messages that deputies say a Marathon pastor sent a 15-year-old girl after plying her with alcohol and sexually battering her while she was passed out on a couch in his church’s library.
Monte Lavelle Chitty, 62, was arrested Monday on multiple charges, including sexual battery of a minor. Jail records show he was released on a $75,000 bond just before 10 p.m.
Chitty is the pastor of First Baptist Marathon, located at 200 62nd St. The arrest report states he also lives on the church property.
The alleged assault happened on Sunday. Deputies said they were first alerted to it after someone overheard the victim telling her grandmother what happened.
Chitty, deputies said, called the sheriff’s office about an hour later because he believed the girl “was going to make allegations against him.”
He claimed, according to the report, that he “intended to take (the girl) home to her grandmother while delivering meals to the homeless” and, seeing she was drunk, had allowed her to sleep on the couch.
The report states he told deputies the girl left while he was taking a phone call that afternoon and said that “while doing deliveries at the Marathon City Marina, he observed (the victim) with her grandmother and walked towards them, at which point (the girl) began to scream, and (he) left.”
The girl, however, would tell deputies that Chitty had given her what she believed was a “spiked” drink, the report states.
“She stated that after drinking what she thought to be vodka, she felt weak, could not walk and eventually lost consciousness while at the church,” deputies wrote.
Authorities said she woke up to Chitty performing oral sex on her.
“She stated after he was done and left, she got up and ran out and contacted her grandmother to pick her up,” deputies wrote in the report.
The report states she then showed text messages from Chitty. They came from the same number he used to call the Monroe County Sheriff’s office, deputies said.
According to the report, in the text messages, using a cat emoji, Chitty first complimented the girl’s genitals.
“I prefer you pass out after I play not before,” deputies say the pastor then texted her. “You can’t even remember what I did.”
He later probed her on what she recollected and described what he did to her, deputies said.
After telling the girl how he abused her, Chitty told her, “Straighten up (woman’s name) is here,” the report states.
Online publications and social media posts indicate that Chitty is married to a woman with the same name.
The report states Chitty then complimented her genitals again. After she replied “ig,” short for “I guess,” deputies said Chitty replied, “Just say thank you.”
According to the report, he went on to compliment the teen’s breasts and encouraged her to sit on the couch in a way to make it “easier” to perform oral sex on her.
Deputies said Chitty later provided them consent to search his phone. They said his text messages matched those on the victim’s phone and said the messages also showed him admitting to giving her vodka.
“Mr. Chitty admitted to sending the text messages but later invoked his right to an attorney and denied the sexual contact,” deputies wrote in the report.
Deputies would take Chitty into custody early Monday morning.
The report states the victim was given a sexual assault examination, the results of which will be sent to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement for processing.
In addition to the sexual battery charge, Chitty faces counts of lewd and lascivious behavior and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
The Black Collar Crime Series relies on public news stories and publicly available information for its content. If any incorrect information is found, please contact Bruce Gerencser. Nothing in this post should be construed as an accusation of guilt. Those accused of crimes are innocent until proven guilty.
Frank Johnson, pastor of Hands and Feet Fellowship in Gastonia, North Carolina, and a middle school teacher at Community Christian Academy in Dallas, North Carolina, was recently arrested and charged with soliciting prostitution.
A Gaston County teacher and pastor was arrested during a human trafficking investigation and accused of trying to pay for sex, according to the Gaston County Sheriff’s Office.
Frank Mark Johnson, 65, was charged Monday with soliciting prostitution, according to the Gaston County Sheriff’s Office.
“On March 11, 2024, during an ongoing sex offender / human trafficking investigation, deputies from the Gaston County Sheriff’s Office arrested Frank Mark Johnson. He was charged with solicitation of prostitution and received a $1,500 unsecured bond,” the Sheriff’s Office said in a brief statement.
Johnson, who lives in the Crowders Mountain area, until recently was a middle school science teacher at Community Christian Academy in Bessemer City.
“I have tutored kids in various subjects over many years, including math, science, Bible, music and chess,” Johnson said in a statement on the school’s website.
A spokesman for Community Christian Academy said Wednesday that Johnson was no longer employed. He declined to comment further.
Johnson serves as the pastor of Hands and Feet Fellowship in Gastonia.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
The Black Collar Crime Series relies on public news stories and publicly available information for its content. If any incorrect information is found, please contact Bruce Gerencser. Nothing in this post should be construed as an accusation of guilt. Those accused of crimes are innocent until proven guilty.
Nathan Legault, a Canadian Baptist pastor, pleaded guilty to child pornography charges and was sentenced to two years in prison.
A Prince Rupert man who was a pastor has been given a conditional sentence of two years less a day followed by three years of probation for possessing child pornography.
Nathan Legault pleaded guilty to two charges in May 2022 — one for creating child pornography and one for possessing child pornography. He was sentenced by provincial court judge David Patterson in January, with the written decision only recently released.
The court learned that Legault began contacting minors he had met as a pastoral intern at baptist churches in Saskatchewan and Windsor, Ontario. Legault sent nude photos and videos of himself masturbating to two early teens — referred to as A.A.A. and B.B.B. in court documents — and their friends. He used fake social media accounts pretending to be a boy their age.
Legault also sent deepfake photos with A.A.A. and B.B.B.’s faces cropped onto nude images to the victims and their friends. A Windsor police investigation found that Legault had been sending the photos from Prince Rupert, where he was an associate pastor after moving to the area in 2018.
Crown and defence made a joint submission for the conditional sentence, which Patterson “reluctantly” accepted, fearing that the decision could “bring the administration of justice into disrepute and be contrary to the public interest.”
It took three sentencing hearings throughout 2023 during which the defence, then the Crown defended the sentencing recommendation to convince Patterson to accept it.
Patterson read a powerful victim impact statement from B.B.B., who detailed how Legault’s actions led her to consider suicide. B.B.B. also said Legault’s crimes led her to believe he would kidnap her.
“This has destroyed my physical and mental well-being. I am disgusted by the actions. I constantly ask myself, why me? This is something that can’t be erased and it will and has hurt me forever,” the young victim said.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
The Black Collar Crime Series relies on public news stories and publicly available information for its content. If any incorrect information is found, please contact Bruce Gerencser. Nothing in this post should be construed as an accusation of guilt. Those accused of crimes are innocent until proven guilty.
Russell Tusing II, pastor of Sovereign Grace Church of LaGrange, Georgia, stands accused of sexual battery and child molestation. Tusing has been scrubbed from the church’s website.
LaGrange police have arrested the pastor of a local church who is facing allegations of child molestation. Russell Jon Tusing II, 44, was arrested and charged with sexual battery (FVA) and child molestation (FVA). According to Troup County Jail records, Tusing was booked into the jail on Friday. According to LaGrange Police Public Information Officer Lt. Chris Pritchett, the charges stem back to a report made in February with allegations dating back to 2022 in regard to a 13-year-old female victim.
Pritchett confirmed that Tusing was the pastor of Sovereign Grace Church of LaGrange, though his name appears to have been removed from the staff leadership on the church’s website. Multiple calls to the church went directly to voicemail. Tusing was named pastor of the church in August 2011, according to the church’s Facebook page.
Multiple calls to the church went directly to voicemail. Tusing was named pastor of the church in August 2011, according to the church’s Facebook page.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Faith Baptist Church, Primrose Georgia, members street preaching, calling on sodomites to repent
An Evangelical pastor I know posted the following statements on Facebook today:
I’d rather offend you into heaven…than sympathize you into hell…
The problem in Christianity is that we are hiding behind the need to be nice, while shying away from truth and true devotion… #thetruthhurtsjohn8:32
Where, oh, where, do I begin?
This pastor assumes that he has and knows the “truth.” He proof-texted John 8:32: And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. In John 18 we find Jesus standing before Pilate:
Pilate: Art thou the King of the Jews?
Jesus: Sayest thou this thing of thyself, or did others tell it thee of me?
Pilate: Am I a Jew? Thine own nation and the chief priests have delivered thee unto me: what hast thou done?
Jesus: My kingdom is not of this world: if my kingdom were of this world, then would my servants fight, that I should not be delivered to the Jews: but now is my kingdom not from hence.
Pilate: Art thou a king then?
Jesus: Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice.
Pilate: What is truth?
Pilate asks a good question, “What is truth?” Spoken like a good postmodernist, Pilate challenged Jesus’ claim that he was a witness to “truth.” Jesus does not answer Pilate, leaving the “truth” question unanswered. That, of course, hasn’t stopped Evangelical preachers and churches from answering the question themselves. If there is one thing we know about Evangelicals it is this: they are certain that they have the truth market cornered; that their beliefs and practices perfectly align with Jesus’ words when he said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” Evangelicals fail to understand that Jesus was talking about himself being the way, truth, and the life; not their beliefs, not their practices. The only “Bible” Jesus knew anything about was the Old Testament. You will search in vain to find Jesus or Christianity in the Old Testament. Jesus’ Bible was antithetical to the Evangelical gospel of salvation by grace through faith.
How could this pastor possibly know that he has the pure, unadulterated “truth?” Well, his whole understanding of truth is based on his childhood religious upbringing, tribal influences, sectarian education, and personal interpretation of the Bible. The only “truth” he has are his personal opinions and beliefs about God, Jesus, and the Bible. By faith — the ground of all religious beliefs — he believes his “truth” is the “faith once delivered to the saints.”
As an Evangelical, he believes the Protestant Christian Bible is the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God. Every word in the Bible is straight from the mouth of God, without error and fallibility. Believing God — in the person of the Holy Spirit — lives inside of him as his teacher and guide, is it a surprise that he thinks his “truth” is THE TRUTH? I have always found it amazing that what Evangelical preachers believe perfectly aligns with God’s “truth.” Amazing, right?
All this pastor has is his personal opinions and interpretations about an ancient religious text. He can provide little to no historical evidence for his “truth” claims outside of the Bible. That’s enough for him, and I am fine what that. Believe what you will, but when you claim you have “truth,” you are going to do a lot more than quote Bible verses or appeal to personal experiences to win me over to your side.
Evangelicals, along with Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and door-to-door siding salesmen, are known for their in-your-face evangelism tactics. They believe they have a duty and right to confront anyone, anywhere, at any time — including when you are lying on your deathbed or just experienced a traumatic event — and preach the gospel at them. Evangelicals believe death is certain, Hell is real, and Jesus is coming soon. Because they sincerely, honestly believe these things, Evangelicals think that this gives them the right to invade the personal space of others. Several weeks ago, my oldest son had an Evangelical zealot try to preach at him while he was pumping gas! I have been repeatedly God-bothered by zealots over the years, thinking I have tattooed on my forehead, “Please Tell Me About Jesus.” I don’t, and I, along with every other unbeliever I know, want to be left alone. If we want to know about God, Jesus, the Bible, Christianity, or your supercalifragilisticexpialidocious church, we will ask. If not, leave us alone.
Of course, this preacher will ignore what I have written here, believing that I am deceived, apostate, or a tool of Satan; that he has a higher calling from God, and that calling compels him to irritate, harass, and bother unbelievers. While he would likely say that he doesn’t want to offend anyone or hurt their feelings, he would also say, “Sometimes the truth hurts.” In other words, what you feel or think doesn’t matter. And therein is the fundamental problem with Evangelicalism: all that matters is your non-existent soul and eternal destiny. Who cares if an Evangelical zealot is a Bible bully or an asshole as long as you get saved and gain entrance into Heaven?
You see, Evangelicals are taught over and over and over again that this present life is transitory; that it is preparation for the life to come. The only thing that matters is “What have you done with Christ?” (Answer: I took a spade, dug a hole in our backyard, and buried Jesus, right next to our cat who died a few years ago.) 🙂 While Evangelical lifestyles betray how Heavenly-minded they really are, when it comes to evangelizing the unwashed, uncircumcised Philistines of the world, all that matters is saving souls.
Several weeks ago, I had a five-hour gastric motility test performed at the local hospital. I had to eat food laced with nuclear medicine that was tracked every hour with a scan as it traversed my stomach and bowels. As I sat there, I couldn’t help but notice all the suffering around me. A woman dying from cancer, weighing less than seventy-five pounds; a woman having a similar test, except she had bowel cancer; a man having radiation treatments. Into our suffering came a seventy-something-year-old Evangelical man Heaven-bent on evangelizing the dying. (I watched Polly silently mouth a prayer, asking Loki to keep this man from saying anything to me. 🙂 Loki answered her prayer. I have no tolerance for such people. I am not afraid to publicly shame them and put them in their place.) This man had an interesting schtick. He sat down next to the bald elderly woman with bowel cancer — a woman he did not know — and said, “Do you like comics?” The woman, who was very, very, very sick, said, “Huh?” He responded, “Do you like comics?” She replied, “No, not really.” Thinking to himself, “I don’t give a shit about what you think,” the man replied “Anyway — a word that says I am not listening to you; I don’t care how you feel — get your phone out and go to https://chick.com. Again, the woman said, “Huh?” He replied, “Chick. They have lots of interesting comics. You should really check them out!” With head turned away from God-botherer, the woman replied, “I will, but not now.” Fortunately, the radiologist came and rescued the woman from her abuser.
Let me conclude by sharing a few things with the aforementioned pastor and any “soulwinners” who might read this post.
First, if I want to know about your God, religion, church, or the Bible, I will ask you. If not, leave me alone. Most people know that religion and politics rarely make for good conversation among strangers.
Second, if you value your peculiar “truth” above being nice and polite, I have no interest in talking with you. Want to talk about Jesus? Go to church. I have dinner once a month with a group of like-minded men. We talk about all sorts of things, including religion and politics. We have a common foundation for having these discussions. I would never go to a nearby table of Trump supporters and say to them, “Did you know Donald Trump is an asshole?” Not the time or the place. True statement, but as a kind, thoughtful human being, I don’t go out of my way to offend my neighbors. Sadly, Evangelical zealots think they have a God-given right and duty to offend unbelievers.
Third, I am not asking you to stop believing what you believe. I am, however, asking you to be aware of your surroundings; to be aware of how your preaching will affect and negatively influence others. How many strangers have you personally won to saving faith in Christ by invading their personal space and cornering them so you can preach at them? One, two, a few, none? Have you ever wondered why that is? That maybe, just maybe, you are the problem, and not their hard hearts, blind eyes, or deaf ears, or any of the other lame excuses you use to justify your soulwinning failures.
Fourth, Jesus doesn’t need you to save me or any other sinner. If he wants to save us, he knows exactly where we live. Instead of preaching at people, how about putting into practice the teachings of Jesus found in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) and Matthew 25? Show us your faith instead of preaching at us. Maybe, just maybe, if you live as if this life and your fellow humans really matter and you want to do all you can to help others — especially the least of these — maybe unbelievers might be inclined to look at Christianity more favorably. As it stands now, Evangelicalism is one of the most hated sects in America. When the world sees Evangelicals filled with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, maybe they will have a different opinion of Christianity. As it stands now, all I see is an Evangelical preacher who doesn’t think love, forbearance, kindness, goodness, or gentleness are important if they get in the way of preaching the gospel.
After writing this post, I came upon an article by a Roman Catholic extolling being an asshole for Jesus:
We, as a culture, hate insults. We love to accuse people of “verbal abuse” or “hate speech.” Everyone should know better than to insult others. It would be best to completely eradicate insults from all social interactions whatsoever. Why shouldn’t we? Insults are belittling, rude, and may even hurt the feelings of others. All things considered, insults are just plain mean. The very idea of disparaging words serves to send shivers down the spines of even the most resilient souls of our generation.
There are several problems, however, with believing that all insults are bad and should be eradicated.
….
Too many of the souls of this world are running toward the gaping mouth of Hell, and as Christians we are sternly exhorted not to just casually let them go. If we let this God-hating culture tell us when we may speak and when we must be silent, we are rejecting Christ as surely as if we rejected Him in the poor. Our brothers are trying to throw themselves off bridges and in front of buses. If it takes rebukes—or even insults—to stop them, then let us not be afraid of the charity that requires.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Repost from 2015. Edited, rewritten, and corrected.
Millions upon millions of voices all clamoring at the same time, all uttering the same thing . . .
God says . . .
The Bible (God) says . . .
God is leading me to say . . .
God is telling me to tell you . . .
One Lord, One Faith, One Baptism, right?
Get a Baptist and a Catholic in the same room and let them duke it out over One Baptism. Infant baptism, adult convert baptism, or both?
Father, Son, Holy Ghost, and these three are one. Surely everyone agrees? Not me, says the Oneness Pentecostal or the Apostolic.
Baptism saves. It doesn’t save. No, it’s water baptism plus speaking in tongues as evidence of Holy Ghost baptism that saves.
Communion is the Lord’s Supper, Baptists say. Other Christians say it is the Eucharist. Is it really the body of Christ (transubstantiation), is it kind of the real body of Christ (consubstantiation), or is it a memorial? Wine? Welch’s grape juice? Pepsi and Ritz crackers?
Pre-, Mid-, Pre-wrath-, Post-rapture, and tribulation.
Pauline or Peterine. Or maybe James is right when he says faith without works is dead?
The Old Testament law is still for today.
No, it’s not.
Yes, it is, but only the Ten Commandants.
No, only Nine Commandments, and maybe the verses on tithing. Got to pay my bills, you know.
Only the words in red matter.
Only what Paul writes matters.
Did Paul write Hebrews?
Did Moses write the Pentateuch?
God created the universe in six literal twenty-four-hour days. No, a day with the Lord is as a thousand years. No, God created the earth with apparent age. No, God used evolution to create our biological world.
Eternal Security. No, perseverance of the saints. No, preservation of the saints.
Can a Christian lose his salvation (fall from grace)?
Can I get my lost salvation back? Yes! No! It depends!
Hell.
Annihilation.
Purgatory.
Sixty-six books in the Protestant Bible. Catholics, Mormons, and Orthodox count differently, but they aren’t Christians, so who the Heaven cares how many books are in their Bible?
So when you say:
God says . . .
The Bible (God) says . . .
God is leading me to say . . .
God is telling me to tell you . . .
Pray tell, why should we believe you?
How do we know that you have the faith once delivered to the saints?
Can you even answer the most basic of questions?
What is salvation? How is a person saved?
By grace?
By faith?
By works?
By faith, plus works?
By faith, plus works, and staying true to the end?
I can choose?
I can’t choose?
God chooses me?
I choose God?
Baptism saves?
Baptism doesn’t save?
You argue endlessly among yourselves, like toddlers fighting over a toy or Donald Trump and Mike Pence fighting over a Kentucky Fried Chicken drumstick.
The Bible SAYS!
God SAYS!
Our church SAYS!
Our confession SAYS!
Our catechism SAYS!
The Pope SAYS!
The Pastor SAYS!
There is one TRUE church and it is ours, countless denominations and churches say.
With us, and Heaven is your home. Against us, and you fry. Choose right, lest ye die and burn forever!
Your lack of unity is the indictment against you.
Your lack of a singular voice is clear to all who can see beyond the threats of Hell and promises of Heaven.
You should not then be shocked when you try to tell non-Christians God says or the Bible says and they smile and turn a deaf ear.
Oh wait, they are deaf because God made them that way.
And he said, Unto you it is given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God: but to others in parables; that seeing they might not see, and hearing they might not understand. (Luke 8:10)
It’s God’s fault.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Did you see the news today? Southern Baptist and Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) men in Texas are rioting in the streets over censorship. That’s right, these followers of Jesus are upset over being censored. Recently, Texas passed a law requiring users to document their age with a government ID before accessing porn sites.
The HB 1181 law primarily passed by Republicans in the Texas Legislature requires companies that offer “sexual material harmful to minors” to ensure its site’s users are 18 or older with an online system that can verify their government-issued identification or another system that utilizes public and private data.
If porn providers fail to verify a user’s age, and a minor ends up accessing their sites, they could be fined up to $10,000 a day and $250,000. Unable to comply with the law, Pornhub — the world’s largest provider of pornography — decided the best course of action was to block all access to their sites originating from Texas. And this has the Baptists upset. How dare Pornhub block their access to porn! What shall these godly men do between Sunday and Wednesday church services — you know the appointed times when men confess their porn habits and seek forgiveness from God? So, these sexually frustrated men have taken to the streets, demanding full, complete access to their favorite fetishes.
Not really, but let me be clear, Texas Baptists have a big porn problem, so I do not doubt that many preachers and congregants alike are upset that they can’t readily access their secret sin. (Never mind the fact that God allegedly sees everything. Evidently, worshiping a voyeuristic God is not enough to keep believers from surfing Pornhub.)
I hope researchers will take a look at VPN use after the Texas law was passed. I suspect that there was a huge uptick in VPN use among Baptist men — an easy way to avoid Texas’ age verification requirement.
The statistics for Christian men between 18 and 30 years old are particularly striking:
77 percent look at pornography at least monthly.
36 percent view pornography on a daily basis
32 percent admit being addicted to pornography (and another 12 percent think they may be).
The statistics for middle-aged Christian men (ages 31 to 49) are no less disturbing:
77 percent looked at pornography while at work in the past three months.
64 percent view pornography at least monthly.
18 percent admit being addicted to pornography (and another 8 percent think they may be).
Even married Christian men are falling prey to pornography and extramarital sexual affairs at alarming rates:
55 percent look at pornography at least monthly.
35 percent had an extramarital affair.
The Gospel Coalition, the Defenders of True Christianity®, objected to this study’s results, saying:
The first is the Proven Men Porn Survey, a survey conducted in 2014 by Barna Group for Proven Men Ministries, a non-profit Christian organization aimed at helping men with an addiction to pornography.
The survey found that approximately two-thirds (64 percent) of Christian men admit they view pornography at least monthly. Based on that claim, you might be alarmed by the thought that two-thirds of the men who you think are faithfully following Christ are looking at porn at least a dozen times a year. But that’s not really what the survey found.
As with all surveys that rely on self-identification, clearly defining the terms—such as Christians—are essential. Fortunately, Barna does a better job than most other pollsters in this regard.
Barna classifies someone as a Christian if they individual self-identifies as Christian or identify with a Christian denomination (other than Mormons or Jehovah’s Witness). Within that category, Barna identifies individuals as “born again” if they made a personal commitment to Jesus that is still important in their life today and believe that when they die, they will go to heaven because they have confessed their sins and accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. Barna classifies individuals who do not meet the criteria of Born Again as “nominal Christians.”
Within the subset of the “born again,” Barna identifies “legacy evangelicals” and “non-evangelical, born again.” Non-evangelical born-again Christians outnumber evangelicals by almost a four-to-one ratio, according to Barna. They are less conservative and less traditional than evangelicals, and seven-times as many claim to be advocates for LGBT rights (27 percent). Little more than half of this group (55 percent) firmly believe that the Bible is accurate in all of the principles it teaches, and fewer than one-third of this group (31 percent) contend they have a responsibility to share their religious beliefs with those who think differently.
Returning to the survey we find that 64 percent men view porn at least once a month (54 percent for born-again Christian men)
About one-third of all self-identified Christian men do not view porn every month. Of those who do, 10 percent are nominal Christians. Of those who are born again, only about 11 percent would be what we’d consider “evangelicals.” (The survey doesn’t appear to have asked about church attendance or denominational affiliation.)
Were these pervert men “real” Christians? The Gospel Coalition asks. This, of course, is their standard answer anytime a study or article makes Evangelicalism look bad. They aren’t real Christians! Nice try. I suspect that there are Gospel Coalition fellows who frequent Pornhub. Jesus is no antidote for porn use.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Talk about a tale of two countries: This election year, with only fervid culture wars to offer, a fear-mongering GOP is hating on books, flags, migrants, rainbows, birth control, scary clown drag queens; electing zealots and bigots; drawing pants on goblins’ butts and turning teachers who support trans kids into sex offenders. And this week, they definitively rejected Biden’s nation of hope and decency with a lying, sociopathic White Mom On the Brink – “There’s bodegas on the corner!” – in “some deeply weird shit.”
With a shambolic GOP House flopping at everything – no evidence of a “Biden crime family,” Hunter’s laptop info came from a Russian spy, they can barely manage to fund the government – zealous patriots and lawmakers in multiple states have eagerly taken up the ugly task of stripping someone’s rights somewhere in the name of “freedom.” In don’t-say-woke Florida, a handful of enthused cranks, bigots and “Moms For Liberty” have challenged hundreds of books – including almost anything with an LGBTQ character and dictionaries, though DeSantis denies it. A recent, witless target was Maurice Sendak’s classic In The Night Kitchen, which they dubbed “pornographic” because little Mickey is naked as he bakes a cake. The solution: draw shorts on him. Ditto the bare backside of the disgruntled goblin in Unicorns Are The Worst – he got pants – and the grandfather in Sofia Valdez, Future Prez, who’s wearing a pin for LGBTQ rights, or was. This, despite lawsuits and enough bad press on threatening librarians with felony charges that even DeSantis has backed off, suggesting “random people” are objecting “to every single book under the sun,” which, yes, they are.
In Georgia, GOP lawmakers would also jail librarians who let kids check out LGBTQ books. In Missouri, which supports child marriage and school spankings, they’ve passed 43 anti-trans bills; a new proposed bill criminalizes teachers who call students by their preferred pronouns or otherwise “contribute to social transition,” if they do, they’d face four years in prison and have to register as sex offenders banned from schools or parks. Having outlawed abortion with no rape or incest exceptions – pregnancy “by God’s grace may (be) the greatest healing agent” – the A.G sued Planned Parenthood for “trafficking” minors out of state for abortions. In Tennessee, the GOP opposes rainbows but is all in on slaves: They banned Pride flags but in seconds declined to ban Confederate flags as proposed by Rep. Justin Pearson, who they also made it easier to expel next time. In North Carolina Holocaust-denying, anti-women’s suffrage, sort of black Mark Robinson, who calls LGBTQ and trans people “sick, deranged, sexual degenerates” and school shooting survivors who want gun control “media prosti-tots,” just got the GOP’s well-funded nod to run for governor.
In honor of and reflecting this worldview, in which the way to achieve greatness is to demean, marginalize and deprive of their rights anyone who looks/thinks differently from you comes dystopian masterpiece of “Patriotic AI Art” America Lives.The creation of “Veteran, Father, Patriot” Joseph Youngbluth and one Jason Coursey – “USA’s pronouns are USA” – they made their lunatic, histrionic video “to support the greatest president of our lifetime (yeah him) and “capture “the essence of (his) vision.” And wow, does it. “The idea of America lives in every one of us,” thunders the narrator. “But a storm has gathered at our shores, a tempest that seeks to tear apart the fabric of our nation.” Cue clouds, mobs, lightning, hobos, looming flames, shrieky music, jackboots, rubble, sandbags, wheat fields, blue-haired Antifa stalking through ruined cities, mohawked drag queens reading to kids (probably In the Night Kitchen) and a “hurricane of deceit and moral decay (that) Has Come for our Children.” Fortuitously, in this “true battle of good vs. evil,” “We are great men with a great leader (who) seeks the same ideals as we do, and sees the greatness in us.” Whew.
Many Americans, we are told, are going wild over this dumbfounding paean. “This literally moved me to tears,” wrote one. “Not just from what we have endured, but because there is still hope to Save America!” Strangely, though, their America was nowhere in sight last week at Biden’s “scrappy,” hopeful, much-praised State of the Union speech, wherein he summoned “the gravest threat to our democracy since the Civil War” and urged insurrectionist Republicans to “speak the truth and bury the lies.” Repeatedly critiquing “my predecessor,” He Who Shall Not Be Named, Biden touted his economic successes, insisted “political violence has absolutely no place in America,” celebrated the “core values” of “Honesty. Decency. Dignity. Equality” to “give everyone a fair shot” and “give hate no safe harbor” – what one optimist called “saving democracy so we can do cool shit” – and, refreshingly, delineated the Dems’ desire to offer “freedom for,” in contrast to paranoid right-wingers’ “freedom from” (voting rights, drag queens etc). Citing the GOP talk of a national ban on reproductive choice, Biden retorted, “My God, what freedoms will you take away next?”
Most shockingly to the right, Biden didn’t dribble, stagger, babble or die in accordance with their narrative he’s so old and dementia-ridden – irony alert – he’s almost comatose. Faced with the need to pivot, and reminding us how execrable they are, they quickly came up with a new, evidence-free, doused-in-irony-if they-knew-what-it-was narrative: Biden was “pumped full of god-knows-what drugs!” “Plot twist: It was Joe Biden’s cocaine in the White House!” one screeched, and, “What drugs have they shot him up with? This is not how normal people talk.” Hannity got into the act by conjuring up a new tagline, “Jacked-Up Joe.” Even friggin’ Dr. Ronny ‘Feel Good’ Jackson did – “Whatever they gave to Biden is wearing off! He is struggling big time!” – fresh off a Pentagon report that confirmed allegations he handed out drugs like Skittles at the White House, and his subsequent demotion from admiral to captain. Still Joe charged on, dismissing their “American story of resentment, revenge and retribution.” “That’s not me,” he said, rejecting “the oldest of ideas…You can’t lead (with) ideas that only take us back.” (Later, he did take back his “illegal,” so thanks for that.)
His predecessor, meanwhile, took himself back to a bored 14-year-old bully throwing a hissy fit in detention who nattered through four dozen rants online, sank to re-posting some MAGA moron’s spliced Snapchat filters turning Biden into a goofy cartoon, a girl with pigtails, a slobbery dog etc before finally, laughably declaring Biden “an Embarrassment to our Country!” R-i-g-h-t. There were many others, of course: MTG Three-Toes turned up in full, red, gaudy NASCAR/MAGA regalia, looking like “something pumped out of a trailer park septic tank. Pure trash.” But in the oh-lord-how-long-will-it-go-on GOP Ignominy Sweepstakes, nobody can compete with deeply weird, kitchen-bound, fundie-baby-voiced Worst Lifetime Movie Actress Ever Sen. Katie Britt, who in her SOTU “rebuttal” tearfully swept together Twilight Zone, Birth of a Nation, SNL and a KKK revival meeting to paint a florid MAGA portrait of Trump’s American Carnage, a hellscape of rampaging migrants, struggling families and terrified communities in what was savaged as “the worst acting, ever.” One plaintive query: “Can these people not even pretend to be normal for a few minutes on television?” Not.
The junior senator from Alabama, abortion opponent, Christian nationalist – “We need to get God back in our classrooms” – and former corporate lobbyist spoke from the evidently not real “kitchen” – women love kitchen – of the 6,300-square-foot home she shares with her former NFL player/now lobbyist husband Wesley, daughter Bennett and son Ridgeway – “My daughter Chippendale and my son Marblehead” – “living their American dream, but right now the American dream has turned into (yes!) a nightmare.” In the hushed, breathless whisper fundamentalist women use to convey their requisite, childlike submissiveness – but veering wildly to tearfulness and a creepy fake smile – she declared Biden “out of touch” with “what real families are facing around the kitchen table like this one, where we laugh together and hold each other’s hands and pray for guidance” as they see “the nation slipping away,” because brown people. Also, “We are steeped in the blood of patriots, we walk in the footsteps of pioneers who tamed the wild (and) got knocked down and Stood Back Up,” “Destiny’s Hand,” “moms and dads Just Like You”, “INNOCENT AMERICANS ARE DYING STOP THE SUFFERING.”
Her “handlers,” it was widely noted, “tried to give us ‘America’s mom,”‘ but got the crazy aunt at Thanksgiving who only wants to talk about sex dungeons under pizza parlors. The weirdness and fakery was too much. The response was withering, the parodies flew. She was giving Lifetime TV serial killer mom vibes. This lady is GOP AI. Holy cringe. Is this an infomercial? Is she crying Demonic drama. The kitchen whisperer. State of the carmelized onion. She nuts. She big mad. Is she still crying? Where are the normal people? Evil June Cleaver. Make actors great again. Fellow white moms, are you feeling me? That is the kitchen of a psychopath. Boiling rabbit is next. Stepford Wives. Handmaid’s Tale. Gilead. My Name Is Katie Britt and I Am SingingTomorrow From Annie. Goodness, y’all, bless her heart. Are we watching a hostage video? I wanna fight for you, and by you I mean people who look like me. The Young and the Congressional. Wesley come get your wife, my guy, she’s embarrassing you and your kids. Am I crying? If I am, it’s because of brown people at the border. Empty chairs tonight at kitchen tables Just…Like…This…One. Big finish, fadeout.
Most unforgivably, as uncovered by freelance journalist Jonathan M. Katz, her salacious story about Mexican cartels repeatedly raping a sex-trafficked 12-year-old girl was a cynical, exploitative, “beyond misleading” ploy to turn someone’s real-life pain and horror into a GOP talking point to convince other racists that every dark-skinned person who turns up at the border fleeing violence in their own country is a sex-trafficking cartel rapist and/or a fentanyl salesman. Britt charged Biden’s border policy had “invited” such atrocities; in fact, the story belonged to a Mexican woman who was trafficked and raped in Mexico during George Bush’s tenure, escaped, became an anti-trafficking activist, bravely testified to Congress in 2015 about her harrowing experiences, and today insists what she does should not be political: “The work I do is not a game.” Not only did Britt co-opt the story into “an out and out lie” to serve her own sordid political purposes; she did so on behalf of a sexually assaulting candidate whose policies, when in power, made it harder to curb trafficking and protect victims, pushing traumatized survivors “further into the shadows.”
Some good, however, did come of Britt’s grotesque duplicity: In divided and rancorous times, she brought both sides together in agreement that “her performance was the stuff of nightmares.” “Everyone’s fucking losing it,” said a GOP operative. “It’s one of our biggest disasters ever,” from a kitchen yet. Other reviews: “She was clearly over-coached,” “her delivery was parody-level terrible,” “the experience (of watching) was… experiential,” and from legal analyst Andrew Weissmann, “I don’t think Katie Britt is going to get the lead in the school play this year.” Since then, she got spoofed on SNL and asked to apologize for her lies: “God calls on us to do hard things.” But her spokesman defended the trafficking story as “100% correct,” she got fawning, surreal support from Fox and Friends – “Great job – it all seemed so natural” – and Hannity even as she smilingly doubled down on Biden’s “rage-filled, incoherent” speech, prattled, “We care about faith, family, freedom,” and blamed “liberal media” for…something: “It is disgusting of trying to silence the voice of telling the story of what is like to be sex-trafficked.” Behold, and beware: Alternative facts, worlds, universes are alive and well amongst a despicable people.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Most Evangelical preachers and church members believe that the Bible they carry to church on Sundays is the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God. If you ask them if the Bible has any errors, mistakes, or contradictions, they will likely say, absolutely not! While they know that their Bible is a translation of ancient Hebrew and Greek manuscripts, they assume there is a perfect word line from God to the writers of the manuscripts to the translations they use.
Ask college/seminary-trained Evangelical pastors if the Bible has any errors, mistakes, or contradictions, and they will likely not say anything at first, and then will say, well, you need to understand ___________________________ (insert long explanation). They will likely tell you that modern translations are faithful or reliable, or that there are no errors, mistakes, or contradictions on any matter that is important to salvation. If you press them hard enough, they will tell you that no translation is perfect. (Remember, inerrancy demands perfection.) At about this point in the discussion, Evangelical pastors will say, I DO believe the original Greek and Hebrew manuscripts are inerrant (perfect, without error, mistake, or contradiction).
The next obvious question is this: so where are the original manuscripts?Well, uh, l-o-n-g pregnant pause, the original manuscripts don’t exist, the Evangelical pastor says. That’s right, the original manuscripts don’t exist. No one has ever seen or read the “original” manuscripts of the Bible. In fact, most of the extant manuscripts are dated hundreds and thousands of years after the events they record. According to Wikipedia, the oldest Old Testament manuscript (a fragment) dates back to the 2nd century BCE and the rest of the Old Testament manuscripts are dated from the 3rd century CE to the 11th century CE. Most of these manuscripts are NOT written in Hebrew.
But what about the Dead Sea Scrolls? Uneducated Evangelical church members erroneously think the Dead Sea Scrolls “prove” the Bible is the Word of God. Here is what Wikipedia says:
The Dead Sea Scrolls are a collection of 972 texts discovered between 1946 and 1956 at Khirbet Qumran in the West Bank. They were found in caves about a mile inland from the northwest shore of the Dead Sea, from which they derive their name. The texts are of great historical, religious, and linguistic significance because they include the earliest known surviving manuscripts of works later included in the Hebrew Bible canon, along with extra-biblical manuscripts which preserve evidence of the diversity of religious thought in late Second Temple Judaism.
The texts are written in Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek, and Nabataean, mostly on parchment but with some written on papyrus and bronze. The manuscripts have been dated to various ranges between 408 BCE and 318 CE…
Due to the poor condition of some of the Scrolls, not all of them have been identified. Those that have been identified can be divided into three general groups: (1) some 40% of them are copies of texts from the Hebrew Bible, (2) approximately another 30% of them are texts from the Second Temple Period and which ultimately were not canonized in the Hebrew Bible, like the Book of Enoch, Jubilees, the Book of Tobit, the Wisdom of Sirach, Psalms 152–155, etc., and (3) the remaining roughly 30% of them are sectarian manuscripts of previously unknown documents that shed light on the rules and beliefs of a particular group or groups within greater Judaism, like the Community Rule, the War Scroll, the Pesher on Habakkuk and The Rule of the Blessing.
So much for the Dead Sea Scrolls “proving” the Bible is the Word of God.
The oldest New Testament manuscripts date back to the 2nd century CE. Most of the extant manuscripts are dated from 9th century CE forward. Here is what Wikipedia says about the New Testament manuscripts:
Parts of the New Testament have been preserved in more manuscripts than any other ancient work, having over 5,800 complete or fragmented Greek manuscripts, 10,000 Latin manuscripts and 9,300 manuscripts in various other ancient languages including Syriac, Slavic, Gothic, Ethiopic, Coptic and Armenian. The dates of these manuscripts range from 125 CE (the John Rylands manuscript, P52; oldest copy of John fragments) to the introduction of printing in Germany in the 15th century. The vast majority of these manuscripts date after the 10th century. Although there are more manuscripts that preserve the New Testament than there are for any other ancient writing, the exact form of the text preserved in these later, numerous manuscripts may not be identical to the form of the text as it existed in antiquity. Textual scholar Bart Ehrman writes: “It is true, of course, that the New Testament is abundantly attested in the manuscripts produced through the ages, but most of these manuscripts are many centuries removed from the originals, and none of them perfectly accurate. They all contain mistakes – altogether many thousands of mistakes. It is not an easy task to reconstruct the original words of the New Testament….”
As you can see, there are no originals. Any talk of inerrant originals is just a smokescreen that hides the fact the extant manuscripts and EVERY Bible translation is errant. Any Evangelical who says that the Bible is inerrant in the originals is making a statement that cannot be proved. Every college/seminary trained-Evangelical pastor knows this, but few of them are willing to tell their congregations. Why? Why not tell church members the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Preachers fear that their congregations will lose “faith” in the Bible and that the Bible will lose its authority if they tell them the truth. They would rather lie — and they ARE lying if they don’t tell their congregation the facts about the origin, translation, and text of the Bible — than have people doubt the Bible or God.
If there are no inerrant manuscripts, then there can be no inspiration. Most Evangelicals believe that God inspired (breathed out) the Bible. If you ask Evangelical church members exactly WHAT God inspired, they will likely point to their Bible. Ask Evangelical pastors the same question and they will likely start praying for the rapture to happen immediately. Why? Because the Evangelical doctrine of inspiration is based on the notion that the Bible is inerrant in the original manuscripts. Since there are no original manuscripts, and there are thousands of variations in the extant manuscripts and translations, then there is no such thing as an inspired Bible. At best, all that Evangelicals have is a flawed, errant translation of a flawed, errant, ancient manuscripts. Inerrancy and inspiration, as defined by Evangelicals, are myths, lacking any proof whatsoever.
This does not mean that the Bible has no value, but understanding that the Bible is not an inspired, inerrant text keeps a person from giving the Bible supernatural, God-like power. It may be a good book, a useful book, an inspirational book, but it is not a book that is straight from the mouth of God to our ears.
Our culture is awash with men and women who say they speak for the Christian God. What is the one belief that these speakers for God have in common? That the Bible is the inspired, inerrant Word of God. Every Sunday, Evangelical Joel Osteen, pastor of the largest church in America, leads his congregation in this:
The culture wars that continue to rage in the United States are based on the belief that the Bible is the inspired, inerrant Word of God. When Evangelical culture warriors quote proof-texts from the Bible, they believe they are speaking the very words of God — in American English of course. What they are really speaking are the words of an errant, fallible text that may or may not be the words of God/Jesus/Moses/Paul/Peter/James/John — to name a few. Since the original manuscripts no longer exist, it is impossible to know if the words of the Bible are God’s words. And even if the original manuscripts did exist, how could anyone prove that they were the very words of God? Would there be an endorsement statement on the last page that said, This is God and I approve of these words? Of course not.
The Evangelical Christian says, the pastor says, the denomination says, the Bible says, but there is no way of knowing what God said. And this is why the foundation of Christianity is not the Bible but faith.
Let me conclude this post by illustrating how pervasive is the belief that the Bible is inerrant/inspired. The following Gallop Poll charts tell a depressing story about how Americans view the Bible:
The percentage of Americans taking a literal view of the Bible has declined over time, from an average of 38% from 1976-1984 to an average of 31% since. However, highly religious Americans — particularly those of Protestant faiths — still commonly believe in a literal interpretation of the Bible.
In general, the dominant view of Americans is that the Bible is the word of God, be it inspired or actual, as opposed to a collection of stories recorded by man. That is consistent with the findings that the United States is a predominantly Christian nation and that Americans overwhelmingly believe in God.
Perhaps it is time for Christian churches to stop studying the Bible for a year so they can focus on reading and studying a few of Dr. Bart Ehrman’s books. Of course, if pastors did this they might risk being fired because their congregations would know that they’ve been lying to them about the Bible — and it IS a lie to omit facts about the origin, nature, and history of the Biblical text.
Until Evangelicals are disabused of their errant beliefs about the Bible, they will continue to arrogantly think that they have THE truth, that their God is the one, true, living God, and that the words of the Bible are God directly speaking to them. Until they understand that the Bible is not what they claim it is, there is no hope of having rational discussions with them. The Evangelical position can be summed up like this: God said it, end of discussion.
Notes
Some groups take inspiration and inerrancy a step farther and say that the King James Bible is the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God. The followers of Peter Ruckman even believe the italicized words added by translators to improve the reading and understanding of the King James translation, are inerrant and inspired. Ruckmanites believe the italicized words are an advanced revelation given to the translators by God.
Some Evangelicals believe that God has preserved his Words down through history. These Evangelicals admit that the original manuscripts do not exist, but they believe God, down through the centuries, has magically preserved (kept perfect) his Word, and that the King James Bible is the preserved Word of God for English-speaking people.
If you want a complete, detailed understanding of what most Evangelicals believe about the inspiration and inerrancy of the Bible, please read the 1978 Chicago Statement on Biblical Inerrancy. Here is a Who’s Who list of Evangelical scholars who signed the Chicago Statement.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Our Lord, Savior, and King, Harry James Potter, born of the virgin Lily
When I was a child, my parents took me to First Hogwarts Church — a sect committed to following the teachings of Harry Potter. Every Saturday, congregants would gather to hear the head wizard preach from one of the Harry Potter books. Prior to the head wizard’s sermon, everyone would stand, hold their magic wands high, and sing praises to the one true wizard Harry Potter. I remember feeling the presence of Harry in our midst. “Surely, Harry is with us!” the head wizard would say. And all the people would say, “Amen!”
Every Tuesday, my parents would take me to Tuesday School — a school where church youngsters were instructed in the ways of Harry and the Seven Books of Harry Potter. Teachers would use all sorts of visual aids and music to reinforce the grand truth that Harry is THE Way, THE Truth, and THE Life.
As a teenager, I confessed before the church that I believed Harry was calling me to be a head wizard. After graduation from high school, I moved to Scotland and enrolled at Hogwarts School of Potter Theology. I spent the next six years studying the seven books that made up the inspired, inerrant, infallible Words of Harry. My favorite book was Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Such a mighty wizard Lord Harry was. I was honored to worship his name and study his magnificent writings. Of all the books ever written, none was better than Harry’s. After all, only devotion to Harry and his writings leads to life eternal in the Great Hogwarts in the Sky. And I sure was devoted. Who doesn’t want to spend eternity watching Harry cast spells? Who doesn’t want to spend every moment of every day for millions and millions of years telling Harry how wonderful, mighty, and awesome he is? After all, he saved us from the cults of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism. That alone is reason enough for us to prostrate ourselves before Harry and give glory to his name!
After graduating from Hogwarts School of Potter Theology, I returned to the United States, married, and started a Hogwarts Church in Lynchburg, Virginia. Lynchburg was known for its cults — especially Thomas Road Baptist Church — a cult founded by Jerry Falwell and now pastored by his son Jerry, Jr. My goal was to win as many people as possible to the one true faith. I spent hours every day going door to door, telling Lynchburg residents about Harry and his seven books. On Sundays, I stood in front of Thomas Road or other non-Harry churches and handed out tracts containing excerpts from one of Harry’s books. I thought, “If people would only hear and accept the words of Harry, their lives would be transformed.” “Harry Saves!” I told everyone who would listen. Sadly, most people rejected the truth, choosing instead to worship a 2,000-year-old dead man named Jesus. How silly is that, right?
Every week or so, I would visit the local public schools and hand out chapter excerpts from the Seven Books of Harry Potter, hoping that they would ride our bus on Saturdays to First Hogwarts Church. “Come hear the words of Harry,” I told them. One school principal called the police on me, saying, “only the Gideons are allowed to hand out magic books at this school!”
I was appalled by how the residents of Lynchburg lived their lives. Instead of following the moral and ethical teachings of Harry, the one true Wizard, people followed the teachings of a book they called the Bible. I tried to show them that the Bible was false, and that only the Seven Books of Harry Potter were true, but most of them refused to see the light. Many of them even believed that their God created the universe in six twenty-four-hour days, 6,027 years ago. “How silly,” I thought. Having spent thousands of hours reading and studying Harry’s words and that of the high wizards throughout history, I knew that Harry was the one true Creator — that the universe was billions of years old. Why couldn’t these Christians see the truth? All they needed to do was look to the night sky to see evidence of the mighty works of Harry, the Creator.
Over the years, my wife and I had seven children, one for each of the Harry Potter books. Our children were nurtured in the one true faith, and our oldest son followed in my footsteps and became a high wizard. He now pastors a Hogwarts Church in Rome. Our son hopes to bring Catholics to the light. He even dreams of converting the Pope to Potterism. “Dream big,” I told him. “With Harry all things are possible!”
I am now an old man, having spent my entire adult life reading, studying, and preaching the Seven Books of Harry Potter. I have memorized vast portions of Harry’s works, and I have even written several books about the teachings of Harry. Hogwarts School of Potter Theology uses my book, The Hidden Meanings of the Seven Books of Harry Potter, in their advanced classes. I am honored to have wizards-in-training studying my book. I only hope that they can see the deep, hidden meanings found in the Words of Harry. I know that if students will embrace my teachings, they will become first-rate wizards, able to perform many wonderful, mighty works with their wands. All praise be to Harry!
Does this story sound absurd to you? Of course it does. Why would anyone believe such nonsense? Yes, indeed, why WOULD anyone . . .
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
