Seven months after my partner and I married, we left Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan, and returned to my birthplace, Bryan, Ohio. By then, Polly was six months pregnant.
We immediately found a church to attend: Montpelier Baptist Church. Not long after we joined the church, Pastor Jay Stuckey asked me to be his unpaid assistant; to primarily work with and expand the church’s languishing bus ministry. On Easter that year, we brought eighty-eight riders to church, and soon added a second bus.
Montpelier Baptist was a typical Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church. A growing congregation that reached five hundred in attendance on our last Sunday there, the church was, by all accounts vibrant and exciting. It was, after all, the late 1970s; a time when IFB churches were rapidly growing and were some of the largest churches in the United States.
Montpelier Baptist had a big advertising sign on Route 15 that stated the “essence” of the church: The Blood, The Book, and The Blessed Hope. The book was, of course, the King James Bible, which was considered inspired, inerrant, and infallible. You would think in such a setting that both the pastors and the congregants really believed the Bible and practiced its teachings. You would think Pastor Stuckey’s preaching was focused on teaching the whole counsel of God, from table of contents to concordance. You know, preaching THE BOOK.
Both Pastor Stuckey and I were products of the time. Our sermons were topical or textual. In Pastor Stuckey’s case, most of his sermons focused on two subjects: salvation and prophecy. Again, this was typical of the time in IFB and Evangelical congregations. I heard countless sermons on the rapture, the tribulation, the millennium, and even out-there subjects such as the illuminati, the Rothschilds, and the mark of the beast. Exciting times, to be sure, especially for a congregation primarily aged forty years and under. From an overflowing nursery to packed pews, people came to hear Pastor Stuckey’s sermons. It’s too bad that congregants only heard sermons on topics or texts Pastor Stuckey deemed important. I’m not faulting the man as much as explaining the times. In 1979, I had never heard an expository sermon — not one. As a result, church members, no matter how long they attended a particular church, never heard sermons on all sixty-six books of the Bible. Unfortunately, this bred ignorance, producing members who loved THE BOOK, but didn’t know much of what it taught.
Decades later, not much has changed. If anything, Bible ignorance is worse, an epidemic. Sermons focus on salvation and felt-needs, instead of competently and exhaustively teaching the Bible. Congregants are still “encouraged” to read and study the Bible, but I suspect most pastors have given up making this a reality. Today, the only Bible teaching many Evangelicals get is a thirty-minute sermon on Sunday, and maybe thirty minutes more at a group or weeknight Bible study. These studies are typically shallow too, often using pre-published materials written by the latest, greatest Evangelical “star.”
This is not to say that this is the case for every Evangelical church and pastor. I may disagree with what Evangelicals believe, but I do know of churches and pastors who consistently and faithfully teach the Bible. I can’t fault their devotion and commitment, even if I have big issues with their interpretations.
In the mid-1980s, thanks to John MacArthur and the Puritan authors I was enamored with, I embraced Calvinism, abandoned preaching topical and textual sermons, and started preaching expositionally — verse by verse, chapter by chapter, book by book. No more pulling sermon titles and texts out of a hat or preaching what God “laid upon my heart”. I let the text guide my preaching week by week. For example, over the course of a year or so I preached 120 sermons on the book of John. I turned my focus from hyper-evangelism to being the best preacher and expositor I could be. I felt I owed congregants a well-crafted sermon that taught them the Word of God and inspired them to do good works — without which faith is dead,
Were my congregants Biblically smarter than the average Evangelical? Some were, to be sure, but many members treated me as their sole source of Bible knowledge. That’s one of the reasons I thought it important to teach church members all of the Bible. Instead of haranguing people for not reading and studying the Bible, I decided to meet them where they were. Way too many preachers are more concerned about where they want people to be than where they are. When I finally learned this, it transformed the way I looked at people who called me “Preacher.”
Evangelicals claim to love the Bible, but for most of them, it’s a shallow, superficial love. (Why that is beyond the scope of this post.) When quizzed about their beliefs, you quickly learn their knowledge is a mile long and an inch deep. And sadly, many preachers aren’t much better. Worse, you have those who think they know the Bible, but, in fact, all they know is what they’ve heard or read in books by Evangelical authors. The goal is maintaining fidelity to certain doctrines and practices — the faith once delivered to the saints, as interpreted by the pastor. Dare to challenge their assumptions and you’ll be labeled a liberal and an apostate.
Just because Evangelicals “say” they know the Bible doesn’t mean they do. Remember that when you engage in discussions with Evangelicals. Take the long road and be patient with them. Resist the temptation to insult them; that is, unless your goal is to be an ass. I try to treat conversations like I would chatting with a friend on a Friday night at the pub. Always live to drink another day.
A wax box is a moisture-resistant corrugated cardboard container coated with wax.
Almost seventy years ago, I was born into a closed wax box; one bounded by biology, geography, race, education, religion, and economics.
The box kept me safe from the outside elements; safe from what preachers called “the world.”
Over time, constant exposure to the sun and the elements degraded the wax coating on the box.
One day, as the storms of “the world” raged outside, the top of the box began to leak; an imperceptible drip.
In came “the world . . . .”
Over time, the drip became water running down the inside of the box.
Imperceptibly, the water degraded the structure and strength of the box, making it increasingly unstable.
Other box inhabitants: parents, grandparents, preachers, and youth leaders — assured me everything was fine. I knew it wasn’t. I could see the water running down the sagging cardboard wall.
One day, curiosity got the best of me. Making sure no one was looking, I walked over to the wet cardboard wall covered with signs warning the wall was structurally unsafe. Ignoring the warnings, I walked up to the wall to give it a close-up inspection.
Interesting.
Hmm . . .
I wonder.
Should I?
In a snap of the synapse, I decided . . . well, I chose . . . dammit . . . okay, the sum of my human experience led me to see if I could put my finger through the wet, decaying box.
Quickly and easily my finger went through the box wall, letting in bright light and faint, never-experienced smells.
Thanks to the light coming through the finger hole, I was able to see, for the first time, that the wall was so degraded, I could easily push through the wall if I but dared to do so.
I spent days contemplating what I had within in box and what I could lose if I left. Years later, I realized I underestimated both.
Eventually, curiosity drew me back to the wet, sagging wall.
In front of the wall now stood the preachers and authority figures quoting Bible verses, warning that leaving the box would bring discipline, judgment, physical harm, and death. Several preachers told me that if I dared to rebel and leave the box, I could never return.
These warnings no longer seemed true to me. They sounded more like the words of desperate men afraid that their box cult would be exposed; that I would speak out of school about my fifty years in the box.
I pushed the powerless men aside, and through the box wall I went, exposing myself to bright light and strange, wonderful, diverse smells.
What is this new world that lies before me? Why was I never told about the life I could have outside of the box?
Did the preachers lie? Did my parents lie? Did my Bible college professors lie? Intentionally or not, they lied. They hid the truth from me. They were far more interested in telling me what to believe than teaching me how to think. That which they told me was the “truth” was anything but.
Today, I am twenty years removed from the day I pushed through the wet, sagging corrugated cardboard. I never returned. I couldn’t. There was nothing to go back to. I was banned from the now-collapsed box, and labeled as an apostate, false prophet, and a hater of the one, true box.
I really was someone who no longer needed the box. I was free . . . Box inhabitants confidently told me that real freedom was only found in the box. I smiled and said, “I’ve come too far to look back now.”
Most Evangelicals believe in a literal Heaven and Hell. The Bible says that it is “appointed unto men once to die.” All of us will die someday, Evangelicals say, and the moment we draw our last breath, we will be transported by God to Heaven or Hell. Where we end up depends on whether we were born again/saved. Those who were saved when they died go to Heaven, and those who weren’t — atheists, agnostics, pagans, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and Catholics (to name a few) — go to Hell.
Hell (actually the Lake of Fire) is a place where unbelievers will be punished and tortured for their sins for eternity. Some Evangelicals suggest that the only sin people will be punished for in Hell is the sin of unbelief; as if this is somehow better than being punished for adultery, fornication, or being LGBTQ. The life expectancy for humans is 70-80 years in most of the developed world. If Evangelicals are right about Hell, this means that a momentary decision made by unbelievers to not believe the Evangelical gospel will be punished for millions, billions, and trillions of years. Think about that for a moment. Just saying no to Jesus means you will be tortured by God of “love” forever. How you lived your life matters not. What good works you did matters not. You may have been an awesome mother, father, grandparent, or friend. It matters not. You may have devoted your life to serving the sick, poor, and marginalized. It matters not. If you didn’t believe the right things (and Evangelicalism preaches a gospel of right beliefs) you will spend eternity suffering in the flames of Hell. (And yes, I am aware that a small percentage of Evangelicals are annihilationists. But even with annihilation, unbelievers are still tortured by God for a time before they are obliterated.)
Worse yet, the natural body can’t withstand the extreme fire and heat of Hell. Those consigned to Hell would immediately melt and be turned to ashes without God doing something to keep that from happening. The Bible teaches that Heaven and Hell are actually temporary holding places. After Jesus returns to earth and defeats Satan, every human will be resurrected from the dead, judged, and then given a new body. Christians will spend eternity in the Eternal Kingdom of God. Unbelievers will spend eternity in the Lake of Fire. (I speak generally. I am well aware of the various Evangelical beliefs on these subjects.) By fitting unbelievers with bodies that can withstand the terrors of Hell, they won’t be turned to ashes. Isn’t God awesome?
There’s no evidence for the existence of Hell (or Heaven). Ask an Evangelical to point you to where Hell is and they will point down. What? Hell is Australia? I guess Hell could be Antarctica, though its climate seems very un-hell like. All joking aside, most Evangelicals believe Hell is somewhere in the center of the earth. According to Wikipedia, the core of the earth is approximately 1,500 miles in diameter, one-fortieth of the volume of the whole earth. Today, almost eight billion people live on earth. Scientists estimate almost 110 billion people have lived and died on our planet. Evangelicals believe that the vast majority of people past and present will end up in Hell after they die. Evangelicalism is an exclusive club. Few people are actually members. Thus, we can safely say that Hell has a population in excess of 100 billion people. Imagine 100 billion people living in a space the size of the United States. Donald Trump might want to go to Hell and build high rises to accommodate all the non-Evangelicals.
The very idea of Hell is absurd. Yet, a majority of Americans believe in its existence. According to a 2014 Pew Research study, sixty percent of American adults believe in the existence of Hell. Eighty-two percent of Evangelicals believe Hell is a real place. The literalness of Hell is deeply engrained in our thinking. Even among Evangelicals-turned-atheists, Hell often lurks in the depths of our minds. How could it be otherwise? Years of indoctrination, of being told Hell is a real place and unbelievers will spend eternity being tortured by God, will do that to you. I have received numerous emails over the years from ex-Evangelicals who are still struggling with thoughts about Hell. It is hard to shake the sermons and Sunday school lessons about Hell. When people are told a lie repeatedly, it should come as no surprise that they believe it. Undoing the psychological conditioning often takes years.
Hell is a cudgel used by Evangelical preachers to keeps asses in the pews and money in offering plates. If threats of Hell are removed, would Evangelicals still attend church, give money, or evangelize unbelievers? Heaven is the carrot, but Hell is the stick. If there is no fear of Hell (or God), would people still devote themselves to the one true faith? Maybe, for social reasons, but if there are no worries about going to Hell, I suspect people would likely treat their chosen religion more cavalierly than they do now (more like they do in some European countries).
Several years ago, my friend ObstacleChick had an interaction on my Facebook page with an Evangelical man named John. I doubt that’s his real name. John sent OC a private message, one that can only be described as a Hell-inspired death threat.
Here’s a screenshot of John’s message:
OC is a former Evangelical, a Southern Baptist. She attended a Christian school. OC was deeply immersed in Evangelicalism before she deconverted. I suspect what upset OC the most was this asshole calling her Missy. 🙂 OC tried to respond to John’s threat, but, of course, he blocked her so she couldn’t do so (and I blocked him on my page). I hate it when my friends face retribution from Evangelical Christians because they comment on my Facebook page or this blog.
John believes in the existence of Hell. His words reveal that he has been deeply indoctrinated, and that he thinks it normal and acceptable to threaten unbelievers with death and Hell. Perhaps John even thinks he is doing this out of “love.” Isn’t this exactly what the Evangelical preachers do? They preach up the love of God and the awesomeness of Jesus. Yet, they also warn unbelievers that if they refuse God’s offer of salvation through the merit and work of Jesus, judgment and Hell await.
The good news is that there is no Hell. I have seen no evidence for its existence. While thoughts of Hell may infrequently plague my mind, I know they are vestiges of five decades of psychological indoctrination. The longer I am removed from Evangelicalism, the fewer thoughts I have about Hell. Lifelong indoctrination doesn’t disappear just because you stop believing. It takes time to free one’s mind of years and decades of harmful beliefs. If you are struggling with thoughts about Hell, all I can tell you is that it gets better with time. Remember, life is a journey, not a destination. There’s no life after death, so all we have is the life before us.
Update
After I posted this article, I received the following email from an Evangelical man who calls himself Rev. James Makerfield:
I hope this email reaches you well.I hope it reaches MANY in fact! From the “Zealots”. Or Evangelical “assholes”. As you put it.
Number ONE we love you all very much. Mr Bruce you are Loved very much! The GREATEST HATE is to NOT bring the gospel to the lost! and we all need the gospel! Believers and unbelievers.
Hell is REAL place!
It is NOT A THREAT!It’s not a fairytale!It’s not a scare tactic!
It is REAL! I’d suggest googling “atheists who went to hell”. If you want proof outside of the Bible.
What I am going describe now is the portrait of the eternal future of EVERYONE who dies without Jesus Christ. 😭
This includes all people who trusted in “RELIGION” (man’s attempt to make himself right with God)
All who tries to earn salvation through good works and morality.
And all who fell into the trap that not even the demons fell into! ATHEISM and ANTI-THEISM/ANTI-CHRISTIANITY ( which is what a high percentage of atheists really are they’re really Anti-Christians.
As the Unbeliever takes his or her last breath in this life they will take their first breath in eternity pulled from their body and taken and placed in a deep hot dark pit!
Deafening screams will be on all sides all around them! The place will stink God awful! 🤢🤮
Take rotten eggs, sulphur, human crap/sewage and a landfill and it won’t hold a candle to the stink of hell and burning souls! 😢
Their body will ignite in flames! You will scream “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”
😭😭😭😭😭😭
You will feel pain that cannot be described in any human language! You will feel the reality of Revelation 20:15!“And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire” Revelation 20:15
You will scream “OH GOD!!!!! YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE LOVE!!!!” Then you will remember John 3:16“For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life” John 3:16
You will remember Romans 5:8“But God commendeth his love towards us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us “ Romans 5:8
You will cry “AHHHHH!!!!! THIS CANT BE HAPPENING!!!! WHY WASN’T I WARNED!?!?!?”
Then you will remember every person who tried to witness to you. You will remember every sermon you ever heard and/or preached but NEVER TRULY believed!
You will remember finding a tract in a bathroom and throwing in the trash or on the ground.
You will remember every person on Facebook and the internet blog,every email, every call every Avenue that Christ used to desperately get you to accept his grace and mercy.
Now it will be too late!
Furthermore as the rich man pleaded in Luke 16:19-31.
You will have an indescribable thirst like you have never had before! UNO ONE DROP OF WATER would be precious but you and everyone else who died in sin will NEVER get it! 😭
You will have a desire for unsaved family and other people trapped in unbelief to come to salvation through Jesus Christ.
Just as the first rich man did for his 5 unsaved brothers.
You will pray for God to send someone to tell them the gospel!
You will curse the day you were born!You will curse the moment you were conceived!You will wish you would’ve been squirted on the mattress!
This pain and agony will last for all ETERNITY!
What’s 20 years in eternity!? Less time it takes to blow a breath of air!
If a person lives to be 110 that’s less than a 1/2 in eternity!
900 million years will be less than 1/2 second in eternity!
Think about the prisons on earth even in a earthly human prison there is hope that you can can get out! No one will ever get released from hell!
And imagine being in a prison with every murderer, child rapist,vile of the vile! In hell you will scream right beside Satan and the Anti-Christ and the false Prophet and thousands of demons for all eternity!
There will be no contact with anyone! Hell will be full of millions that rejected Jesus Christ and each soul will be in complete isolation!
There will be NO REST! Not even a quiet moment!
And yet the LOST world says that we (TRUE GENUINE FOLLOWERS OF JESUS CHRIST!) “HATE” people when we warn them of this COMING REALITY! Pfft!
Jesus Christ loves YOU and he does NOT want you or anyone else to perish in hell.
What if this email is your last warning?What if you don’t wake up tomorrow? I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you and anyone else reading to listen to the Holy Spirits call.
It sure sounds like John and James are the same person or identical twins. And now after years of comments from a certain degenerate Christian, I now believe Revival Fires is behind the John and James personas.
During the 1970s, I attended Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan. It was there that I met my partner, Polly. Started in the 1950s by Dr. Tom Malone, Midwestern was a school known for turning out preachers. Most women attending Midwestern were there to snag themselves a man. My partner was no exception. She believed she was called to be a pastor’s wife. I was studying to be a pastor, so I suppose you could say our divine callings matched and our marriage was made in Heaven — or something like that, anyway. (We celebrated forty-eight of marriage last July.) All we knew for sure was that God called us to build churches and evangelize the lost. Everything we were taught at Midwestern had these two things as their goal. We left Midwestern in 1979 and embarked on a twenty-five-year journey that took us to Evangelical churches in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Virtually everything we did was in fulfillment of God’s call upon our lives, yet, today, we are no longer Christians and it has been more than nineteen years since we darkened the doors of a church. What happened to us?
I cannot and will not speak for Polly, but I can say, for myself, that the Christian narrative no longer makes sense to me. I wrote about this in a post titled, The Michael Mock Rule: It Just Doesn’t Make Sense. Most readers know my story, so I won’t retell it here. New readers are encouraged to read the posts found on the WHY? page for more information about my life as a pastor and my subsequent deconversion. My story has been deconstructed by countless Evangelical zealots determined to invalidate my past. Try as they might, the fact remains that I once was a committed, devoted, sold-out follower of Jesus Christ; a man who hungered and thirsted after righteousness for his name’s sake; a man who believed every word of the Bible was true; a man who preached the Christian gospel to countless people. Them there are the facts, regardless of what my critics might say. I know what I know because I was there when it happened. Who better to know and tell my story than me? That said, I do ponder the question, Why am I Different From the My College Classmates? Some of them have moved beyond the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) training they received at Midwestern, yet they still believe. Sadly, for most of my college classmates, their beliefs have changed very little, if at all, over the years. Many of them still attend or pastor IFB churches. Oh, they might agree with me about the crazy rules at Midwestern, (please see Thou Shalt Not Touch: The Six-Inch Rule) but their core theological beliefs are decidedly Fundamentalist. (Please see Are Evangelicals Fundamentalists?) Why do they still hang on to these beliefs and I don’t?
The easy answer would be to call all of them stupid hillbillies, but that would be a cop-out. Many of my former classmates have wonderful families and ministerial careers. According to the theological and social standards of IFB Christianity, they are, in every way, successful. I have no doubt that many or even most of them are true-blue believers, completely and totally committed to IFB doctrine, thinking, and way of life. Yes, some of them now consider themselves garden-variety Evangelicals, but most of my classmates still believe the fundamentals taught to them by their pastors and their professors at Midwestern.
If I had to pick one reason for why my former classmates still believe, it is because they were taught to never, ever doubt the Bible and its teachings. All of them believe in some form of Biblical inerrancy, so the foundation of their lives is THUS SAITH THE LORD. Insulated from contrary or challenging thoughts, they see no reason to question their beliefs. Souls are lost, Hell is hot, and Jesus is coming soon. They have no time for doubting or questioning their beliefs. When Jesus comes again, they want to be found faithfully serving him, not reading Bart Ehrman’s latest book. For me, however, I reached a place in the late 1980s where I seriously questioned the doctrines I had been taught at Midwestern. I ultimately abandoned them and embraced Evangelical Calvinism. Calvinism allowed me to study theology and read books outside of the IFB rut. While the Calvinists I associated with were still quite Fundamentalist theologically and socially, they valued education and intellectual pursuit. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective), the more I studied and read, the more questions and doubts I had. This is why people who knew me well told me that BOOKS were my problem, and what I needed to do is stop reading books and only read the Bible; the King James Bible. Of course, saying this to a book lover is akin to telling a cocaine addict to stop using drugs. I was addicted to intellectual pursuit, and I doggedly followed the path until it led me out of Evangelicalism, out of the Emergent church, out of progressive Christianity, and right on down the slippery slope to agnosticism/atheism and humanism. I ended up where I am today because I couldn’t stop my questions and doubts. I ended up where I am today because Christianity had no satisfactory answers for my questions. Oh, they had “answers” but I found them to be hollow, circular, and, at times, farcical; answers that might placate those within the Evangelical bubble, but unsatisfactory to anyone on the outside looking in.
There are days when I wish I could be like my former college classmates. I see much in their lives I admire. However, I am unwilling to forsake the meat and potatoes of intellectual and scientific inquiry for the pottage of Evangelical Christianity. I have read and studied too much to go back to the garlic and leeks of Egypt. I would rather be known as a Midwestern Baptist College-trained atheist than a coward who couldn’t face doubts and questions head-on. “One” may truly be the loneliest number, but I would rather stand alone for truth than embrace theological dogma. If Midwestern and Dr. Tom Malone taught me anything, it was the importance of standing for truth and principle and being willing to hold to your beliefs and convictions no matter what. So, in that regard, Midwestern played a crucial part in my deconversion from Christianity.
Bruce Gerencser, 69, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 48 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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Polly Shope and Bruce Gerencser, February 1977, Midwestern Baptist College Sweetheart Banquet
Several years ago, a man named Steven Tassell left the following comment:
I attended Midwestern from 1973-1979
I had my problems however I’m not trying to destroy anyone. If you had a problem with sex at school that was on you. I was a chaplin [sic] for USAF, taught school at Fort Knox and I’m a pastor with my Doctorate in counseling. So instead of telling the bad because any school has that tell the good.
Polly and I attended Midwestern Baptist College from 1976-1979. Polly’s father attended the college from 1972-1976, and her uncle James Dennis, attended Midwestern in the 1960s. None of us knows a Steven Tassell. Now, that doesn’t mean he didn’t attend Midwestern. There were a number of married students who attended the college that neither Polly or I personally knew. We were dorm students for two years, marrying during the summer between our sophomore and junior years.
I attempted a cursory search on Tassell’s name. That returned very little information other than Tassell is the pastor of New Hope Baptist Church in South Pekin, Illinois. I am uncertain as to why Tassell felt the need to recite his “important” work history, especially since it bears no relevance to the post he commented on. Tassell says he had a “Doctorate” in counseling — a D.Min, not a typical PhD. As readers know, most Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) preachers sporting doctorates either “earned” them at unaccredited schools or through online classes, or were given an honorary degree. (Please see IFB Doctorates: Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Everyone’s a Doctor) Polly’s uncle had an honorary doctorate from Midwestern, a reward for supporting the college and Tom Malone. I have no idea if Tassell’s doctorate was earned at an accredited institution. My gut tells me no.
Now, to Tassell’s comment. In classic passive-aggressive fashion, Tassell stated, “I had my problems, however I’m not trying to destroy anyone.” He, too, had “problems” while attending Midwestern, but unlike Bruce, the atheist, he’s not trying to destroy anyone. I find it interesting that, according to Tassell, by telling my story and sharing my experiences as a student at Midwestern, I am trying to destroy people. Tassell suggests that I not speak of the bad things that happened at Midwestern and only speak of the good that I saw and experienced. That I refuse to only tell half the story makes me, in Tassell’s eyes, a bad person. How dare I speak poorly of the college, Dr. Tom Malone, my professors, or my fellow students. Just tell GOOD stories, Bruce! Sorry, but I can’t do that. I decided twenty years ago to be an honest, open, transparent storyteller. If that meant casting a bad light of myself and others, so be it. How can readers ever understand my experiences at Midwestern if I only tell them the good stuff? Honesty demands telling the truth, as best I remember it.
I have many fond memories of the three years I spent at Midwestern. Dorm life, even at an IFB college, was a blast! I will never forget the fun, crazy times I shared with my fellow dorm students. Three weeks after moving into the dorm, I asked a preacher’s daughter named Polly if she wanted to go out on a date with me. She said yes, and fifty years later, we are still going on dates, loving one another’s company, and roundly irritating the Hell out of each other. Ah, marital bliss.
I could spend hours sharing stories about the good times I experienced at Midwestern. Doing so, of course, would make Tassell happy. Just focus on the positive. Unfortunately, the bad experiences left an indelible impression on my life and that of my partner. For the first time, we saw the ugly, nasty, judgmental underbelly of the IFB church movement. Should I ignore the gay teacher who groomed younger male dorm students? Should I ignore the affair between the wife of the dean of men and a teacher? Should I ignore the rampant illicit sexual activity by dorm students; people who are now pompous, arrogant moralizers? Should I ignore the oppressive rules and repressive disciplinary system? Should I ignore the weak academics and unqualified teachers? Should I ignore the teacher who taught an IFB form of eugenics? Should I ignore the racism of one of the church’s pastors? (All dorm students had to attend nearby Emmanuel Baptist Church, pastored by Tom Malone.) Should I ignore the fact that Tom’s Malone’s wife and children violated the rules the rest of us were expected to obey, under threat of expulsion? Should I ignore being forced to quit a well-paying job, all because the business owner and Tom Malone had a falling out? Should I ignore . . . You see, it takes the good and the bad to tell a complete story. And as long as I continue to tell my story, I intend to look at the entire structure, and not just the facade that gives readers a false picture of my life, Midwestern Baptist College, and the IFB church movement. That’s the prerogative of the storyteller.
Bruce Gerencser, 69, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 48 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Apologist: Are you a Christian? Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?
Bruce: I’m an atheist.
Apologist: Really? You don’t believe in God at ALL?
Bruce: Nope. I’m a card-carrying godless heathen.
Apologist: Did you ever go to church?
Bruce: Yes, I was an Evangelical Christian for fifty years. I was saved, baptized, and called to preach at age fifteen. I pastored Evangelical churches in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan for twenty-five years.
Apologist ponders what to say next.
Apologist: What happened?
Bruce: Nothing.
Apologist: Surely, something had to happen! I can’t imagine any reason someone would walk away from Jesus after fifty years.
Apologist: Did something happen in the church? Did someone “hurt” you?
Bruce: No, I . . .
Apologist: I apologize on behalf of whoever hurt you. I want you to know you are loved.
Bruce: Sorry to burn your atheist straw man to the ground, but no one hurt me.
Bruce: Any hurt from Christians came after I left Christianity. I quickly learned that Christian love and kindness only apply to people who believe the right things or go to the right church. Dare to speak out against Evangelical beliefs, and Evangelicals will rain judgment and violence upon your head — including death threats and never-ending threats of eternal punishment in Hell.
Bruce: Why would I ever want to be a Christian after being treated like this?
Apologist: Well, I doubt these people were “real” Christians.
Bruce: Really? This has happened thousands of times over the past twenty years. I’ve been misused, abused, and attacked by pastors, I’ve had evangelists, missionaries, and youth pastors. I had sermons preached about me, along with blog posts written to show me the error of my ways. One preacher, Dr. David Tee, has made it his life’s mission to discredit me with lies, half-truths, and personal attacks. He’s failed, but his ill-bred behavior continues to reveal the ugly, vicious underbelly of Evangelical Christianity.
Apologist: Well . . .
Bruce: I deconverted because I no longer believe the central claims of Christianity are true.
Apologist: Surely, there’s more to your story than this. What REALLY happened?
Bruce: Sigh . . .
Bruce: You got me. I’m a closet lesbian. I had an affair with the deacon’s wife, and one night, just for fun, I fucked the deacon too.
Apologist: I KNEW it! You need to repent!
Bruce: None of those things happened. I’m just jerking your chain. I suspect I was a better Christian than you before I deconverted. Shall we compare our lives?
Apologist: True Christians don’t leave the church. The Bible says . . .
Bruce: No need to quote the Bible. I know it better than you do.
Apologist: I’m praying for you.
Bruce: And I’m thinking for you.
Apologist shakes dust off his feet, and walks away mumbling a prayer, “I tried to tell him, Jesus. I commit his soul to your hands.”
I’ve had this conversation with countless apologists over the years. None of them has succeeded in leading me to saving faith in Christ.
Apologists cannot accept or understand my story. In their minds, true Christians stay true to Christ until the end. Since I “quit,” this proves I never was a real Christian. Never mind the fifty years I spent in Evangelicalism. Never mind my love for Jesus and my devotion to the work of ministry. All that matters is that I didn’t renew my club membership; that I walked away from Jesus.
I find this kind of discussion wearying. Apologists have an agenda, whereas I just want to tell my story and have a thoughtful conversation.
When apologists reject my story, what they are saying is this: “Bruce, you are a liar.” Apologists will not call me a liar to my face, but their approach to me clearly shows they think I’m lying. And I don’t know about you, but I have no use for people who say I’m lying. Especially when they provide no evidence for their claim.
Has a Christian apologist ever called you a liar or implied as much? How did you respond to them? Please leave your pithy thoughts in the comment section.
We lived in Newark, Ohio, for ten months in 2004-2005. By this point, I was done with the ministry. We decided to look for a church we could call home; one that would embrace our family and give us opportunities to serve. We thought Jersey Reformed Baptist Church in Jersey, Ohio, was that church. Sadly, a few months later, we were out the door, looking for another church to attend.
Jersey was a young, growing church. Lots of big families. Our family of eight was considered “normal” at Jersey, though we eventually learned that their definition of “normal” was different from ours.
Most church familieshomeschooled their children, as did we. Jersey was a family- focused congregation. No Sunday school or children’s church. Families worshipped together. A good idea, even to this day.
Jersey was Calvinistic in doctrine, Fundamentalist in practice, and Reformed Baptist in affiliation. We were quite conservative at the time, but we learned Jersey, as a congregation, was far more to the right than we were on many issues.
Most of the women in the church were stay-at-home moms. Many of them had home businesses to supplement family income. Our family was different. I was disabled, unable to work a full-time job. We needed money — such a novel idea, right? — so Polly took a full- time job cleaning offices for Start Farm. The highlight of our time in Newark was Friday nights. We would splurge for two $5.00 pizzas from Little Caesar’s. Fine dining, at its best. 😜
One Sunday, after church, we were having a friendly discussion with a handful of members, mostly women. The members were curious about us, so they asked us questions about our family. I told them I was disabled, and unable to work. Polly, with nary a thought, happily shared that she worked full-time at State Farm. Immediately, the climate changed, as did their looks. We knew then that we had broken one of the “rules.”
Around the same time, I attended a men’s prayer meeting. Someone brought up praying for Terri Schiavo, awoman in an irreversible permanent vegetative state. Schiavo was in the news virtually every day.
Wikipedia states:
Schiavo’s husband and legal guardian argued that Schiavo would not have wanted prolonged artificial life support without the prospect of recovery, and, in 1998, he elected to remove her feeding tube. Schiavo’s parents disputed her husband’s assertions and challenged Schiavo’s medical diagnosis, arguing in favor of continuing artificial nutrition and hydration.The highly publicized and prolonged series of legal challenges presented by her parents, which ultimately involved state and federal politicians up to the level of George W. Bush (the then U.S. president), caused a seven-year delay (until 2005) before Schiavo’s feeding tube was ultimately removed.
….
After appeals through the federal court system that upheld the original decision to remove the feeding tube, staff at the Pinellas Park hospice facility disconnected the feeding tube on March 18, 2005, and Schiavo died on March 31, 2005.
The prayer meeting took place before Schiavo’s feeding tube was permanently removed. Every man, except one, was praying for Schiavo’s tube to be permanently put back in, “saving” her life. Saving what life? I thought at the time. The church men disagreed, believing that Schiavo should be artificially kept alive regardless if she regained consciousness and function. Schiavo was an idol worshiped by the pro-life movement. In their mind, she should be kept alive at all costs. To do otherwise was “murder.”
As I mentioned above, there was one man who disagreed with the rest of the men, and that was me. I made clear my thoughts on the issue: Schiavo had a right to die, as we all do. Unfortunately, pro-life Christians oppose the right to die, even if someone is terminal or suffering.
Eventually, prayers were offered to theEvangelical God on behalf of Schiavo, but I suspect only one prayer was for her to have a swift, painless death. A short time later, God answered my prayer.
A few days later I had a discussion with the pastor. He was thoughtful and polite—I always enjoyed his preaching— but by the end, I knew it was time for us to look for a different church to attend.
This would be the only time that we weren’t conservative enough for a church. Three years later, we left Christianity for good.
Typically, I use internal critiques when engaging Evangelicals on this site. If you are unfamiliar with the term “internal critique,” Google defines it like this:
An internal critique evaluates an idea, theory, or system using its own rules, assumptions, and standards rather than applying outside values. It temporarily accepts a position to see if it is logical, self-consistent, and works by its own definitions.
Simply put, I assume the Evangelical (or Independent Fundamentalist Baptist) position when critiquing Evangelicalism. This means that I accept their Bible-based theological beliefs at face value. My goal is to determine whether Evangelical beliefs and practices are logical and consistent. Are the beliefs of my interlocutors consistent with the stated theological beliefs of Evangelical Christianity? Are their beliefs consistent with their professed doctrine and interpretations of the Bible; a collection of religious texts Evangelicals believe are inspired, inerrant, and infallible?
Thus, when Evangelicals say “God is Good,” an internal critique looks at whether this claim is logical and consistent with what Evangelicals say they believe and practice. This, of course, requires engaging what the Biblical text says. The Bible is the foundational text of Evangelical Christianity. My internal critiques always focus on the Bible, since it is, allegedly, the standard by which Evangelicals judge their beliefs and live their lives.
While some — not many — Evangelicals might appeal to philosophy or external critiques, discussions are best served by focusing on the Biblical text itself, or, to a lesser degree, church history. The Christian church has a 2,000-year history, so there’s much to glean about Christianity itself. That said, most Evangelicals are not well-informed about church history, and even if they might know a bit of church history, their final court of appeal will be the Bible and the history contained therein.
An internal critique of Evangelicalism requires a basic understanding of Christian/Evangelical beliefs and practices (orthodoxy and orthopraxy). Knowing how to use Hebrew and Greek language tools (dictionaries, interlinears) tools is helpful too. No need to purchase these things. They are readily available on the Internet.
My use of internal critiques often confuses both Evangelicals and atheists alike, but for different reasons. This leads to them not understanding what it is I do on this site. More than a few atheist critics have told me that I’m still a Christian; a secret believer. They totally misunderstand what I am trying to accomplish with my writing. My primary goal is to help those who have deconverted or are thinking about leaving Christianity. Engaging critics helps with that goal.
Many Evangelicals also think I’m still a Christian. They read my writing and find it “Biblical” and compelling. Sometimes, they will send me an email thanking me for my faith in Jesus and my stand on the Word of God. Ten minutes later, another email from them will arrive, stating that they are appalled by the fact that I’m an ex-Evangelical pastor, an atheist, and humanist. How could I possibly write such “powerful”words and be an atheist. I love it when Evangelicals send me a donation, only to find they are supporting a tool of Satan. Sorry, all donations are final.
An internal critique will not work with some Evangelicals. Once they appeal to faith, claim Holy Spirit-given knowledge, or say that the ‘natural man” (all non-Christians) cannot understand the Bible, meaningful discussions end. An internal critique requires both parties in the discussion to play by the same rules. I generally try to focus discussions on the Biblical text itself. Faith claims and personal testimonies have no value when giving an internal critique. All that matters is the Biblical text and how Evangelical Christians interpret it.
I try to keep doors open and bridges unburned when engaging Evangelicals, hoping we will have thoughtful discussions in the future. Sadly, this will not be the case when dealing some believers. When they find their beliefs twisted into a pretzel, they become filled with anger instead of grace. Instead of considering what has been presented, they display what they hilariously call “righteous anger”; which often is no different from impudently losing their temper. When this happens, I try not to return the same, choosing to remember that I was once a devout, Spirit-filled, passionate Evangelical Christian. I understand their anger, which often is actually fear. Fear that they can’t answer my questions and challenges. Often, such people will say, “We will just have to agree to disagree.” No, we don’t. There can’t be two correct answers. Both of us may be wrong, but both of us can’t be right. And I would think, for all of us, truth matters.
Do you use internal critiques when engaging Evangelicals in discussions? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section. Disagree with what I’ve written? Fire away!
Many Americans never asked “why” after Muslims hijacked planes and flew them into buildings on 9-11.
Many Americans never asked “why” after Hamas killed over 1,200 Israelis on 10-7 — most of them civilians— and kidnapped several hundred people.
And now the United States is waging war against Iran, and few Americans bother to ask “why?”
The U.S. government is currently controlled by fascists, oligarchs, theocrats, and technocrats. Donald Trump and his feckless, immoral administration only care about personal financial enrichment and political power. Trump, Vance, Rubio, Hegseth, and company show no care or regard for the American people. These fascists self-righteously say they are protecting the American people from nuclear weapons and Muslim terrorism. Never asked is “why?”
Robert “I’ve Got a Brain Worm” Kennedy, Jr., has decimated Health & Human Services and is currently promoting distortions, conspiracy theories, and lies about vaccines, COVID, autism, and dietary guidelines. Why aren’t more Americans asking “why?”
Donald Trump is doing away with federal support of wind and solar power, giving millions of dollars to oil, natural gas, and coal companies. Dare we ask, “why”?
Americans tend not to be too big on answering the question “why?” Why? 😅 Cuz, we are AMERICANS! We are a people divinely chosen by the Christian God of the Bible. We are a shining light on a hill for all the world to see. Manifest destiny! Might makes right, right? Right? There’s no need to ask “why?” when God is on your side and you are always right.
Name the last president who admitted to the American people he was wrong. Trump, for instance, has never been wrong. He’s an expert on e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, including swimming pools, ballrooms, and grass. Trump doesn’t apologize to anyone. Instead, he blames others for his mistakes, failures, and errors in judgment. Trump is an impetuous man who cannot and will not tell the truth, even when a lie is not necessary. Does anyone doubt, then, that Trump NEVER asks “why?” (And the same can be said for MAGA in general.)
Post-Jesus, answering the “why” question has been vital in helping me better understand the country and world I live in. And let me be clear, understanding both is essential to a well-rounded view of the world. If all we wear are Pro-American glasses we are going to have a false, truncated view of the world. This is why the majority of Americans are illiterate about countries, peoples, religions, and politics outside of the United States.
Sadly, way too many Americans wrongly think the answer to the question, “Why do so many people hate us?” is “We’re America!!!!! And other countries hate the American Dream and our way of life!” Rarely do Americans step beyond the facade and wrestle with the hard questions about what our nation has become and why.
As an Evangelical-pastor-turned-atheist, I am seldom asked “why?” by my critics, who ignore my attempts to answer the question without them asking. Their minds are made up, so there’s no reason to ask me “why” or read my biographical writing. In their minds, “The Bible says,” end of discussion. What they really mean, of course, is that their churches, pastors, and favorite podcast hosts interpret the Bible for them. Most Evangelicals do not daily read the Bible, and their go-to source for Bible knowledge is their pastors — who rarely preach exegetical sermons and are more focused on “felt needs.” The goal? Make people happy and their wallets lighter.
If we are going to be skeptics, it is essential for us to ask “why?” even if the answers we receive are painful to hear. Part of the deconstruction process for me required asking “why” questions. I suspect that was or is the same for many of you. Evangelicalism taught us to trust and never doubt, especially in matters of faith. Want to be “happy in Jesus”? There’s only one way: “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus.” Of course, the “obey” part is conditioned on obedience to the theological edicts of pastors and churches. Never ask “why,” just obey.
Over the years, attempting to answer “why” questions has taken me down many paths, forcing me to confront my ignorance, biases, and bullheadedness. When the “why” question arises, I try my best to answer it, regardless of what I might find.
Motivations matter to me. Personally, anyway, it was not enough to rage against Islam when Muslims flew planes into buildings on 9-11. “Why” did they do this? Is the United States culpable in any way? What about the “war on terror” that followed, to this day? Dare we ask “why” the United States is waging war on multiple fronts, killing scores of innocents with our bombs and bullets? So much so that we are running out of munitions and Hegseth is asking for billions of dollars of additional war funding. Surely you aren’t so stupid as to believe all the violence, bloodshed, and war crimes are “protecting the American way of life.” Do you feel safe? Now that undocumented immigrants are literally running for their lives, are we better off as a nation? Asking “why” about these issues and others is essential if there’s any chance for the “land of the free, and the home of the brave” to survive.
Please share your pithy thoughts in the comment section. And if you don’t, let me ask, “Why?”? 😜😜
Excerpt from The Question Every Christian Must Answer, by Dr. David Tee, whose real name is Derrick Thomas Thiessen. The grantor of Thiessen’s alleged doctorate is unknown. Make of that what you will. Regardless, Thiessen views himself as an expert on the Bible, history, science, archeology, LGBTQ issues, and why I’m no longer a Christian. Doubt me? Just ask him.
If science is pursued correctly and honestly, then science agrees with the Bible. What turns young minds away from biblical truths are the theories, opinions, and conclusions that are generated from unbelieving scientists.
It is their assumptions, leaps to conclusions, conjectures, and hypotheses that say the Bible is wrong, not true scientific exploration or facts. Once believers understand this truth, then holding on to their faith in the face of the onslaught from secular science becomes much easier.
It is their assumptions, leaps to conclusions, conjectures, and hypotheses that say the Bible is wrong, not true scientific exploration or facts.
….
When Christians take unbelieving or secular science over God’s words, then they are not exercising faith.
Instead, they are rejecting what God has said in favor of what unbelievers have claimed to be true. This is not just doubt but clear rejection of God’s words. Since God cannot lie, then we can take his word over what unbelieving scientists, archaeologists, anthropologists, and other unbelievers claim.
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These institutions need to get back to God and rein in their science teachers/professors and get them to teach the truth, not unbelieving science.
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The Bible is not wrong. It is the unbelieving scientists who are.
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