I Love You and You are an Abomination to God

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lefthanded

I am sure you have been exposed to this kind of thinking or maybe you used it yourself when you were a Christian…I love you so much that I MUST tell you the truth. Truth, of course meaning a person’s interpretation of the Christian Bible.

People who think this way believe that truly loving someone means telling them the truth even when the person doesn’t want to hear it or the “truth” would be offensive.

Many Christians think they have a God-ordained right to offend people as long they say they are doing it in love.

Imagine trying this with your wife. Honey, I love you and because I love you I must tell you what I really think about you.  You are a fat bitch who can’t cook and, btw, the sex is lousy. How do you think that would go over with your wife? (after you got out of the hospital) Smile

This is exactly how many Christians act towards people they think are doing things that God and the Bible disapprove of.  When challenged on this, they will often say, I am just saying what God said.

They seem to be the oblivious to the fact that when they say , you are an abomination because __________________________________________ ,(fill in appropriate sin and Bible proof text) the person they are saying this to takes it quite personally. They don’t think God thinks of them that way. They think the person making the statement does.

love_sinner_hate_sinUsing the hate the sin and not the sinner line doesn’t work either. First, the Bible says God hates sin and those who do it. Second, a Christians should love what God loves and hate what God hates.

Let me illustrate it like this. Suppose you are talking a walk in the woods and all of a sudden you stumble upon a skunk. Before you can run backwards, the skunk raises its tail and sprays you. You run away from the skunk but the skunk’s smell covers your skin and clothing.

Do you say, oh I love the skunk but hate his smell? Of course not. The skunk and its smell are intricately linked. If the Christian is consistent with their theology they must conclude that the sinner is intricately linked to his sin. Who does the sinning? The sinner does.

Of course, I know why some Christians take the, love the sinner, hate sin position. They don’t want to be thought of as judgmental or hateful. Like most humans and dogs, they want to be liked by everyone.

But, trust me, when a Christian says, you are an abomination because _______________________, the person they are saying this to takes it personally. (and they should)

With these thoughts in mind, let me post a letter a former lesbian turned Christian wrote to women who are still lesbians. This letter can be found on John Piper’s, Desiring God website.

Jackie Hill, the ex-lesbian, now Jesus-loving heterosexual, wrote:

Dear ______,

I just want you to know that I understand.

I understand how it feels to be in love with a woman. To want nothing more than to be with her forever. Feeling as if the universe has played a cruel joke on your heart by allowing it to fall into the hands of a creature that looks just like you.

I too was a lesbian. I had same-sex attractions as early as five-years old. As I grew up, those feelings never subsided. They only grew. I would find myself having crushes on my female best friends, but I was far too ashamed to admit it to them — let alone to myself.

At the age of 17, I finally made the decision to pursue these desires. I entered into a relationship with a young lady who became my “first.” The first time we kissed, it felt extremely natural, as if this feeling is what I had been missing all along. After her came another woman and then another woman. Both relationships were very serious, each lasting over a year. I enjoyed these relationships and loved these women a lot. And it came to the point that I was willing to forsake all, including my soul, to enjoy their love on earth.

In October 2008, at the age of 19, my superficial reality was shaken up by a deeper love — one from the outside, one that I’d heard of before but never experienced. For the first time, I was convicted of my sin in a way that made me consider everything I loved (idolized), and its consequences. I looked at my life, and saw that I had been in love with everything except God, and these decisions would ultimately be the death of me, eternally. My eyes were opened, and I began to believe everything God says in his word. I began to believe that what he says about sin, death, and hell were completely true.

And amazingly, at the same time that the penalty of my sin became true to me, so did the preciousness of the cross. A vision of God’s Son crucified, bearing the wrath I deserved, and an empty tomb displaying his power over death — all things I had heard before without any interest had become the most glorious revelation of love imaginable.

After realizing all of what I would have to give up, I said to God, “I cannot let these things or people go on my own. I love them too much. But I know you are good and strong enough to help me.”

Now, at the age of 23, I can say with all honesty that God has done just that. He has helped me love him more than anything.

Now why did I just tell you about this? I gave you a glimpse of my story because I want you to understand that I understand. But I also want you to know that I also understand how it feels to be in love with the Creator of the universe. To want nothing more than to be with him forever. To feel his grace, the best news ever announced to mankind. To see his forgiveness, that he would take such a wicked heart into his hands of mercy.

But with that in mind, we’re in a culture where stories like mine either seem impossible or hilarious, depending on the audience. Homosexuality is everywhere — from music, to TV, even sports. If you’d believe all that society had to say about homosexuality, you’d come to the conclusion that it is completely normal, even somewhat admirable. But that is far from the truth. God tells us that homosexuality is sinful, abominable, and unnatural (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:18–32; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11; 1 Timothy 1:8–10). But if I were to be honest, sometimes homosexual attractions can seem natural to me.

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that this may be your dilemma as well. You see what God has to say about homosexuality, but your heart doesn’t utter the same sentiments. God’s word says it’s sinful; your heart says it feels right. God’s word says it’s abominable; your heart says it’s delightful. God’s word says it’s unnatural; your heart says it’s totally normal. Do you see that there is a clear divide between what God’s word says and how your heart feels?

So which voice should you believe?

There was a time in my walk with Christ where I experienced a lot of temptation about falling back into lesbianism. These temptations caused me to doubt God’s word. My temptations and desires began to become more real to me than the truth of the Bible. As I was praying and meditating on these things, God put this impression on my heart: “Jackie, you have to believe that my word is true even if it contradicts how you feel.” Wow! This is right. Either I trust in his word or I trust my own feelings. Either I look to him for the pleasure my soul craves or I search for it in lesser things. Either I walk in obedience to what he says or I reject his truth as if it were a lie.

The struggle with homosexuality is a battle of faith. Is God my joy? Is he good enough? Or am I still looking to broken cisterns to quench a thirst only he can satisfy? That is the battle. It is for me, and it is for you.

The choice is yours, my friend. I pray you put your faith in Christ and flee from the lies of our society that coincide with the voices of your heart — a heart that Scripture says is wicked and deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). Run to Jesus instead.

You were made for him (Romans 11:36). He is ultimately all that you need! He is good and wise (Psalm 145:9). He is the source of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). He is kind and patient (2 Peter 3:9). He is righteous and faithful (Psalm 33:4). He is holy and just (1 John 1:9). He is our true King (Psalm 47:7). He is our Savior (Jude 1:25). And he is inviting you to be not just his servant, but also his friend. If lasting love is what you’re looking for anywhere else, you are chasing the wind, seeking what you will never find, slowly being destroyed by your pursuit.

But in Jesus, there is fullness of joy. In Jesus, there is a relationship worth everything, because he is everything. Run to him.

So what do you think of Hill’s letter? Please leave your pithy observations in the comment section.

How to Talk to Your Child About Atheism

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teach_children_think

The Undercover Atheist asked:

How do you talk to children about atheism?

I want to answer this question from two different perspectives. First, I want to answer it from the perspective of talking to a young child about atheism. Second, I want to answer it from the perspective of talking to an adult child about atheism.

When it comes to a young child, I am not sure you need to specifically talk to them about atheism. If you are an atheist and your child was never exposed to religion, then there is no need to talk to them about atheism.

Atheism is the natural state of ALL human beings. No one is born with an understanding of God. Knowledge of God, knowledge of religion must be taught to a child in order for them to have any inkling that there is a God or that there is a family/cultural religion.

Contrary to what Christians will tell you, there is no innate, natural understanding that God exists. As any sociologist will tell you, religious belief is learned from family and culture. Any suggestion otherwise is a denial of the facts.

Here is what I would talk to a young child about. Atheism is not a worldview per se. Most atheists develop their worldview on a foundation of atheism, but it is not all there is to their worldview. What your worldview is determines what you will teach your child.

Many atheists are humanists and it is appropriate for parents to teach their child humanistic ideals. It is also important to teach them to think rationally and critically.

In teaching them to think rationally and critically, exposing them to religion is very important. I am not talking about taking them to church or letting Grandma take them to church.  Churches tend to proselytize and I would not put a child in a situation where they could be proselytized.

I would, however, expose them to the various religions of the world.  Understanding religion is an important part of a child’s training. They need to understand how and why most people believe in a god of some sort. They need to be shown the similarities between the various religions and they need to learn how religion developed down through the history of the human race.

Will this kind of exposure and teaching keep a child from believing in God later in life? No. However, if they have learned critical thinking skills they will be choosing a religion with their eyes wide open. Most likely, they will not choose a religion at all, since their parents modeled a good life without God to them. Again, family and culture matter.

Things become more complicated when it comes to a child who was raised for a time in a religious household.  When the family stops going to church, the child is going to have questions. If only one of their parents stop going to church, they are going to wonder why their Mom still goes to church but Dad doesn’t. This is complicated further if the church-going parent thinks morality comes from religion and that being moral requires going to church to be instructed in morality.

The first thing  I would do is wait. Perhaps the child will lose interest in going to church and this will make things a lot easier. A child, when given the choice to get up early and go to church or to sleep in and play when they get up, will most likely choose the latter.

This is why many churches use enticements to attract a child to church. They do fun stuff, things that naturally appeal to a child. This is a classic illustration of bait and switch. Draw the child in with fun, food, and fellowship and then expose them to God.

The longer a child goes to church the harder it is on them when their parents stop attending church. This is especially true when the child becomes a teenager. As anyone who has raised a teenager knows, teenagers go through a time where they want to be free of their parents. They have their “own” friends, their “own” life.  If they were  raised in church it is likely that they have friends at church, and even if their parents stop going to church, they will likely want to continue to attend.

A parent must tread carefully with a teenager. To take a hard line stand against them going to church might actually push them into the welcoming arms of the church. I think the best that parents can do is let their teenager know why they are atheists, why they no longer attend church. I think it would also help to expose them to books and people that will gently challenge their religious beliefs. Remember, their religious beliefs are not their own. They learned them from you and the church. (and this is why many adults when finally give the opportunity to choose a religion for themselves choose a different religion or no religion at all)

Now, let me address talking to adult children about atheism. I have first hand experience with this, so let me share what I have done with my own children.

The first thing NOT to do is become an evangelist for atheism. It is unlikely that  adult children will respond well to preaching at them. (I am basing what I am saying here on a person who was once religious and who then at some point deconverted and embraced atheism)

It is important to understand that the process a person goes through to become an atheist is the same process adult children must go through too. It takes time, and far too often we want our adult children to immediately embrace what we now believe, not unlike when a person gets saved and they want everyone to get saved.

It is important to be patient. The first thing I did when I became an atheist was to let my wife and children know that I was setting them free. I was no longer going to be the religious patriarch of the family. Each of them would have to find their own path. Each of them would have to answer the God question for themselves.

I am sure this was a difficult time for my children. Some of them, were already on a journey of discovery and were in the process of moving away from the family religion. (Evangelicalism)  When you are used to your pastor father being the spiritual head and leader of the home, it is hard to imagine him not being that any longer.

Now this does not mean we no longer talk about the Bible, religion, or my atheism. I have had countless discussions with my children about these various things. My daughter-in-laws however, have not been willing to talk to me about these things. I think they are afraid of getting into a discussion with me since I know so much about religion and the Bible. They fear I will ask questions that they will have no answer for.

Perhaps they don’t understand yet that I have no desire to convert them to atheism or any other ism for that matter.  What I want for all of my children is happiness and peace. While I may not believe in God, and their Mother may not believe in God, this doesn’t mean that we look down on them or think of them as inferior if they believe in God.

My goal is to foster an open relationship with my children. No question is off limits. However, my children know that if they ask me a question I am going to answer them. It is not fair to ask me a question and then get upset when I give an answer they don’t like or don’t want to hear.

Instead of attacking religion, I try to model the humanistic ideal to my children and my wife does the same. I want them to see that a person can be a decent, good, moral, and ethical person without God, without the Bible.  This is not unlike what the Bible says about letting your light shine before people so they will see your good works.

I have bookshelves full of books. My children are free to borrow books from me as long as they return them. (hint hint, to my children reading this) Smile  I want them to use reason and critical thinking skills to carefully examine not only their religious beliefs but religion in general. Of course, I can’t force them to do this. As any parent knows, you can’t force an adult child to do anything. They are ADULTS and should be left free to pursue their own path  in life, even if  it is a religious path.

Now, my children are able to know what I think about religion and the various religious beliefs people have because I am a public writer. Many of my children read this blog so they have a window into how I think and believe. This can be good and bad. Good, because they can read for themselves what I think and believe, and bad because reading my writing might stifle the face-to-face interaction I would love to have with them.

One of the hardest things for an atheist parent is to watch their child follow a religious path. We are tempted to ask, why can’t they see that there is no god? Why can’t they understand things like I do?  You know the mental discussions we have…why can’t they just follow the evidence?

Far more important than our child becoming an atheist is that they learn to think critically. Now, we might think, well if they think critically they will become an atheist. Perhaps, but we must let them have the freedom to pursue their own path in life, and that means risking them coming to different conclusions than we have about God and religion.

But Bruce, Don’t Women CHOOSE to Stay in Fundamentalism?

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submission_umbrellas

It’s not that simple.

We all tend to think it is just a matter of choice or an act of the will when we see people enmeshed in Fundamentalist religions or bizarre ideologies that we have no personal experience with.

Imagine being told as a child, a teenager, a young adult, and as a grown woman:

  • God expects you to follow the divine order he has ordained  for women and the home.
  • God expects you to marry, bear children, and keep the home.
  • That you should not aspire to higher education since it would be wasted on you as a keeper of the home.
  • That you should keep silent in the church and let the men do the thinking.
  • That the only jobs in the church for you are singing in the choir, playing the piano, watching the nursery, serving the fellowship dinner or cleaning the church.
  • That you should totally submit to your husband since he is the God ordained authority in the home.
  • That before you make any decision you should consult your husband and bet his advice and approval

authoritarian_manImagine being told this year in and year out by your parents, Sunday School teacher, Youth Director, and pastor. Imagine being allowed to go off to college, but only because your parents want you to find a good Christian boy to marry.  Imagine joining a horde of young women at college who all have one goal, snagging a man and getting an MRS degree.

Imagine being told that failure to obey God’s commands and failure to follow his divine order for the home will result in God’s judgment. Imagine a young woman lying in bed at night daring to dream of a life beyond the strictures of her parent’s Fundamentalist religion, only to have thoughts of her Preacher’s sermons about God killing people for being disobedient.

Living in such an environment causes teenage girls and women to lose any sense of self-esteem. They think, I am destined to be a maid, a baby hatchery, or slave.  But, I want to be a doctor, a scientist, or dancer. But, I can’t because God, the pastor, the church, and my parents will be displeased with me.

You see, fear of God and those in authority over her  is what keeps her from leaving.  Her whole life everyone she trusts, respects, and looks up to has told her that God hates sin and those who do it. She fears not only disappointing her parents but disappointing God. No one wants God mad at them, right?  Perhaps some of the women who were raised in the Fundamentalist church will share their experiences and reinforce what I have written here.

My counselor and I talked about this very thing today. This past Sunday was Mother’s Day and Polly got the annual guilt trip from her Mother, Please come to Church with me. It’s Mother’s Day.

Polly’s answer was a short, sweet NO! I told Dr. Deal that in many ways Polly is more anti-church/religion than I am. Why? Because her past experiences are very different from mine.

While I was the exalted pastor,revered by many,  she was just the pastor’s wife. She was the religious version of the blockbuster Baseball trade where a team trades for an all-star players and throws in an no-name player to sweeten the deal. Polly was the no-name player.

She spent much of her adult life in a home and marriage that was dominated patriarchal thinking.  She was forty-six years old before she wore her first pair of pants. She spent much or her married life serving others, rarely making a decision. Over time she lost her self-identity as it was swallowed up by her husband’s identity. (who then lost his self identity as it was swallowed up by the church)

So here we are in 2013. Polly is still quite conservative in many ways, but she has the freedom to be whoever and whatever she wants to be. She was promoted at work a few years ago, a promotion she earned, a promotion that was based on her work and not her husbands. She started taking classes at the local Community College and she graduated last year. Again, she did this in her own right. By her own hard word she earned a degree.

Polly now has the freedom to dress however she wants. She asks, as she puts on a top that shows a bit of cleavage, does is look OK?  I think you can guess what my answer was.  Smile  She is free to watch what she wants on TV and read smutty novels if she chooses.

What she has is her own life. She has freedom. So, when her mother says, do you want to go to church with me, all Polly hears is, do you want to go back to the slavery and bondage of Fundamentalism? As Polly told me, HELL NO!

I have no doubt Polly had to a lot of fear to overcome. Even when a person stops believing, there is a hangover effect. How can there not be? When you have this kind of junk drilled into your head year after year for forty years, it is hard to shake.

Polly went to Midwestern Baptist College to get an MRS degree. She believed God called her to be a Pastor’s wife. Well, she got what she went looking for, and for many years we both played our respective parts in God’s divine plan.

But, now we are free and we have no intentions of going back…ever!  Why we would we ever want to trade the freedom we now have for the bondage Fundamentalism offers?  Fundamentalists try to use threats of judgment and hell to get us to repent but we are immune to such things.

You see, we learned, from the Bible no less, that perfect love casteth out all fear, and we have found perfect love, not in God, a Church or the Bible, but in each other. We have found a love for self, each other, and our family that is freer and sweeter than anything Fundamentalism could ever offer.

I hope readers, especially Fundamentalist female readers, will find encouragement from this post.  I want them to know I understand their fear. I also want them to know that they can be free from the self-killing tentacles of Fundamentalism. My dear wife broke free and many of the former-Fundamentalist women who read this blog have  done the same. Perhaps some of them will share their story.

Jack Schaap and First Baptist of Hammond Sued By Girl Schaap Victimized

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This entry is part 16 of 16 in the seriesJack Hyles and Jack Schaap

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The Chicago Heights Patch reports:

A former megachurch preacher from Crete who carried on a sexual relationship with a teenage member of his congregation was sued in Will County court.

Jack Schaap, 55, sentenced to 12 years in federal prison in March after pleading guilty to a single count of transporting a minor with the intent to engage in criminal sexual activity, is in custody at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Chicago.

The lawsuit against Schaap was filed by the parents of the teen he had carried on with sexually in June and July. The lawsuit identifies the parents as “John Doe and Mary Doe,” and the teen as “Jane Doe.” The suit gives Jane Doe’s date of birth as June 27, 1995.

Schaap, the former pastor of the First Baptist Church of Hammond, in northwest Indiana, first met the girl when she was referred to him for behavior problems in April 2012 the suit said. The girl was a 16-year-old student at Hammond Baptist High School, and the administrator there informed Schaap she was troubled but had a “very tender heart” and was still “very teachable and moldable” and “willing to trust her leaders,” the suit said.

The girl continued her studies at Schaap’s offices and was required to undergo counseling with him “for her so-called problems,” the suit said. The suit accuses Schaap of “preying on the vulnerability of Jane Doe” during counseling sessions, and devising “means and methods to spend more time with” her, as well as “encouraging her to view him not just as her pastor, but also her friend, and eventually, as a love-interest.”

In June, the suit said, Schaap allegedly had his secretary, Jean McCollam, drive the teen to a forest preserve in Will County for an “intense counseling session,” during which he had sex with her. Schaap then took the teen from the forest preserve to his home in Crete, where he again had sex with her, the suit said.

Less than a month later, the teen, McCollam and her teenage daughter allegedly traveled to Michigan for a “girls’ time out.” But Schaap met them at the border and took Jane Doe to his Michigan cabin, the suit said, where they again had sex.

Schaap also “repeatedly” had sex with Jane Doe in his church office during a three-day youth conference, the suit said.

The lawsuit also names the First Baptist Church of Hammond as a defendant.

Besides having sex with the girl, Schaap gave her a card on her 17th birthday, the lawsuit said. Schaap allegedly wrote in the card:

“I can’t get you out of mind. I keep thinking about how much I enjoy talking with you, how great you look when you smile, and how much I like your laugh. I daydream about you off and on all day, replaying pieces of our conversation … laughing again about funny things you said or did. I’ve memorized your face and the way you look at me … it melts my heart every time I think about it. And I catch myself smiling when I imagine what will happen the next time we’re together. You must be really special, because I can’t remember the last time I felt so strongly about someone. Even though neither of us knows what the future holds, I know one thing for sure—you’re one of the best things that’s happened to me in a long time.”

Calls to the law firm representing the teen’s parents went unreturned. The spokesman for the First Baptist Church of Hammond, Eddie Wilson, also failed to return calls for comment.

No commentary from me. Since I have written a good bit on this story, I thought readers would want to know about the lawsuit. Personally, I hope the girl sues the ass off of Schaap and the church. Like with the Catholic Church, the only was to teach the IFB church movement a lesson is to imprison the abusers and perverts and financially penalize the churches for allowing a culture that is conducive to abuse and manipulation.

Domestic Violence in the IFB Church Movement

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domestic_violence

First, let me give readers the definition for domestic violence. The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines domestic violence as:

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

Does the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church movement have a domestic abuse problem? The short answer is Yes!

The IFB church movement is built on a foundation of emotional and mental manipulation and abuse. We see this in how parents discipline their children and how husbands lord over and control their wives. These behaviors are often modeled by IFB pastors, deacons, and church leaders, as they manipulate, control, and dominate church members.

I know IFB readers are howling, and, perhaps, even cursing, over what I have written here. How dare I suggest that the IFB church movement has an abuse problem. How dare I suggest IFB pastors and church leaders emotionally and mentally manipulate and control people. Child abuse? Domestic violence? Where do such things happen, says the IFB church member. I have never seen it.

emotional_abuse_2And therein lies the problem. The abuse and violence is institutionalized to such a degree that it is considered normal.  People are so used to seeing it that they never consider whether such behavior is appropriate.

IFB church members are used to having their “toes stepped on.” They are used to fire and brimstone, naming names, calling sin sin, sermons. They are used to aggressive behavior from their pastor. It seems quite normal to them.

Those of us who were raised in the IFB church movement understand this. It took us getting away from it to see how manipulate and abusive it was. The waiting rooms of mental health professionals are crowded with people whose mental wellness and self-esteem were ruined by Fundamentalist religion.

For those of us who spent decades in the IFB church, we know that the deep mental and emotional scars left by our time in the IFB church never go away. We learn to come to terms with our past and try to do the best we can going forward. We are marred, even broken, yet, somehow, we find a way to pick up and move forward.

This is why some of us speak so openly about the IFB church movement and its manipulative and abusive tendencies. We don’t want ANYONE to experience what we experienced. When we see someone gravitating towards Fundamentalism we try to warn them like we would warn a person who is driving towards a cliff. Stop! Turn around! But, many don’t…and they often pay a heavy emotional and mental price and some pay a heavy physical price.

Domestic violence in the IFB church movement is widespread. Unfortunately, it is often not seen as domestic violence by those who are in the IFB church movement. Instead, domestic violence is often seen as being true to the Bible or being a faithful follower of Jesus.

To understand domestic violence in the IFB church movement we must first understand the theological underpinnings of the violence. Domestic violence often happens because husbands (it is almost always husbands who perpetrate the domestic violence in the IFB church) want to be obedient to the Bible,  Jesus, and the pastor’s dictates. Remember, in the IFB church, the voice of God sounds an awful lot like the voice of the Pastor.

Here is what many IFB pastors preach to their church members:

  • Christ is the head of the church and the pastor is God’s man in the church.
  • The Bible is an inerrant, inspired text that should be literally interpreted and explicitly obeyed.
  • The husband is the head of home.
  • The wife is to to submit to her husband.
  • The highest calling for a woman is to bear children and be a keeper of the home. Many IFB pastors discourage women from working outside the home and discourage women from getting a college education. (unless they go to college to get an MRS degree)
  • The husband is the authority, the disciplinarian, and the king of the home. God holds him, like he did Adam, responsible for everything that goes on in the home.
  • The Bible sanctions using violence when children disobey. To not spank or whip them means the parent is not willing to obey the teachings of the Pastor and the Bible. The rod of correction is meant to be used to drive the wickedness out of a child’s heart.

Now none of these things, in and of themselves, necessarily lead to domestic abuse. However, add to this the IFB church preoccupation with sin and their portrayal of God as a violent deity who will whip them if they disobey, you have a recipe for not only domestic abuse but also child abuse.

I have watched more than a few IFB church members and pastors beat the hell out their children with a belt, switch, or paddle. I remember hearing of one parent who picked up a 2×4 and beat his two teenage girls with it. Why? They deliberately disobeyed him by riding the church bus home instead of going home with him.

I have admitted my own violent, abusive methods of correcting my three oldest children. (fortunately I abandoned these practices with my three youngest children) My oldest sons routinely got thrashed for disobeying their mother or I. I corrected them this way because I thought that is what God wanted me to do. The books I read said this was the proper way to discipline children, and every big name preacher I heard preach said I was doing right by my kids when I whipped them.

Is it any surprise then…with Bible-sanctioned violence against children and a violent God who uses violence to chastise disobedient IFB church members, that violent behavior spills over into the relationship between the husband and his submissive wife?

I can’t say that I know of very many instances where a husband physically beat his wife. It happened, but not very often. I know of a few pastor’s wives who were physically abused by their pastor husband. The pastor was the man of God in the pulpit, but at home he was a violent, disciplinarian who ruled over his wife and children with a rod of iron.

Most of the abuse I saw was more of the mental and emotional type. If the woman wasn’t submissive enough or didn’t put out sexually, she would hear about it. If she dared to have ambition, want to work outside the home, or go to college, she would be put in her place and reminded of God’s divine order for the home.

I have often said, I don’t know how ANY woman stays in the IFB church. Well, I do know. Women are afraid. They fear disobeying God, their husband, and their pastor. They fear God will chastise them if they dare step outside the role God has ordained for them.  And so they stay and suffer the abuse.

Again, theology plays a big part in this. Many IFB pastors think that there are no grounds for divorce or that there is only one ground for divorce, adultery. Having  a husband that is abusive, especially if it is emotional or mental abuse, is not grounds for divorce.

Let me give an illustration of how this is perpetuated from the pulpit:

Years ago the church I was pastoring joined together with other  IFB churches to hold a joint revival meeting. The speaker was Bill Rice III. (I am almost certain it was Bill Rice but it could have been Pete Rice) (associated with the Bill Rice Ranch) One night Bill Rice preached on  the subject of marriage and divorce. Rice did not believe there were any grounds for divorce. He said that even if a husband was beating on his wife, the wife should stay in the marriage. Perhaps she would win her husband to Jesus by her willingness to stay in the marriage. (and intimated that saved husbands don’t beat their wives)

By the time of this meeting my views had already begun to change and I pulled our church out of the meetings. I was incensed that Rice was advocating a woman endure her husband beating on her, implying that God wanted her to do so.

As my wife and I moved beyond the IFB church movement, we had to relearn what it meant to have a healthy marital and family relationship. Ultimately, it took getting away from Christianity altogether for us to find wholeness.

I am not suggesting that every husband in the IFB church movement is abusive or that every father abuses his children when he disciplines them. I am suggesting that IFB theology encourages manipulation, violence and abuse, especially of the mental and emotional variety.

Personally, I don’t think the IFB church movement is good for anyone. The extreme Fundamentalism found in the movement is emotionally and mentally harmful and people are better off finding other Christians sects to be a part of; sects that don’t view women as being inferior and don’t see children as chattel. I am of the opinion that the best thing that can happen is the IFB church movement dies a quick death. (It is dying but it is dying slowly. I am all for smothering the movement in its bed)

Over the years, I have watched a number of women break free from domestic violence. They decided their own personal self-worth and happiness was more important than obedience to God, the Bible, the pastor, and their husband. Most often, gaining their freedom required them divorcing their husband.

Let me head off someone who might suggest that the reason there is domestic abuse and child abuse in the IFB church movement is because they misinterpret the Bible, I don’t think this is the case at all.

I think they are being consistent with their beliefs and they accept the Bible as written. After all, the Bible does command a father to beat his children with a rod. The Bible does command the wife to be submissive to her husband and to be a keeper of the home. And let’s face it, the Bible is a written record of the violence God pours out and will yet pour out on all those who do not worship or obey him.

The good news is, many Christians ignore or explain away vast parts of the Bible. They know beating kids is wrong. They know demanding a wife submit to her husband and only aspire to be a keeper of the home and having children is demeaning . They wisely reject such things.

Do you have a story to tell about domestic violence? What did you experience growing up in the IFB church? What went on in your IFB home when the doors were closed? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.

The Sovereign Grace Ministries Scandal Continues

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From the Wartburg Watch:

…”Character assassination.” That is what one megachurch pastor accused us of 2 years ago when we wrote and begged him to talk to his friend, CJ Mahaney. Deb and I had been reading SGM Survivors and SGM Refuge blogs for several years and had become deeply concerned about the numerous reports on those blogs surrounding the response of leadership to reports of child sexual abuse. We had never been a part of SGM but the numbers of stories, which seemed to constantly escalate, indicated to us that there appeared to be a serious problem. You can link to some of these stories on our home page.

Pastor after pastor, along with NeoCalvinist groups have defended and supported CJ Mahaney and SGM despite these allegations. In the meantime, we, at TWW, were roundly condemned for our expressions of concern about this group. Once our readers see these allegations we hope that they might question the discernment of those who accused us, and others, of character assassination.

Today, the 2nd Amendment to the lawsuit has been released. If you think the last one was bad, you are forewarned. What is included in this released suit will turn your stomach…

…Many will ask why we feel it necessary to post these difficult accusations. We do so because some people do not understand the depth of depravity involved in child sexual abuse. Many prefer to believe in a common caricature of a pedophile as an unkempt old man wearing a dark trench coat who quickly exposes himself to someone or looks under a little girls dress while she swings and then runs away. That is not what we are talking about here.

This past week, I had the opportunity to talk with a group of Christian health professionals. Most of them believe that the problem of pedophilia is found in the Catholic church because priests can’t marry. As you will see, marriage does not cure pedophilia. We have far too many incidents within the Protestant tradition to be casting stones at our Catholic brothers and sisters.

For the attorneys: Everything from this point forward is “alleged.”

1. Five of the alleged victims have, to use a Star Trek term, uncloaked. TWW recognizes their particular courage while at the same time applauding all who have joined this lawsuit.

2.(32-39) James Roberts was molested by David Adams on CLC property. Roberts, @ 8 yrs old, reported this to John Loftness who was the principal of the church’s school, later pastor at CLC, recent member of the SGM Board and current pastor of SGM’s Solid Rock Church. He asked the child to reenact the molestation for him. He did not report this to the boy’s parents and forced the child to meet and forgive Dave Adams.

Adams, along with Loftness who covered up his actions, would go on to molest other children, including his own daughter. Roberts would go onto be molested again by Nate Morales, who was arrested in Las Vegas recently for this. Apparently, some other teens disclosed to Roberts that they, too, were bothered by Morales at school. Grant Layman was alerted to this discussion and did not report it.

Today, Loftness issued a statement denying any participation in child sexual abuse at this link.

3.(42-46) A daughter of David Adams wife, Peggy, reported that her father molested her from the ages of 11-14. This was reported by her sister Dara Sutherland. The unnamed daughter remains psychologically disabled.Peggy, the mom, reported these assaults to church leader Dave Mays who reported this to John Loftness and Gary Ricucci. Peggy was not informed of the previous molestation of Plaintiff Roberts by Adams.

Ricucci claimed that Adams was not a pedophile because Adams was not attracted to his 11 year old daughter but to the “woman she was becoming.” Apparently the defendants then hired an attorney for Adams instead of helping the victims.The defendants even suggested to Peggy that she send her daughter away so that she could bring Adams home as the “head of the household.” …

Please see my October 2012 post on this scandal.

The Wartburg Watch has also provided a pdf link to the lawsuit.

I have long said, based on my intimate knowledge of Evangelicalism and its secret, ugly underbelly, that Evangelicalism, has just as big of a problem with sex crimes, pedophilia, and child abuse as the Roman Catholic Church.

As more and more victims come forward, I suspect we will see a horror just as great as those found in the Catholic Church. Evangelicals love to point to the debauchery in the Catholic Church, ignoring that they have their own debauchery. The disconnectedness of Evangelicalism has allowed vile behaviors to go undetected.  Thanks to brave victims speaking out and the power of the internet, Evangelical predators and their enablers can no longer hide.

Thanks to the Wartburg Watch for shining a light on the evil that is done in darkness by men and women professing to be followers of Jesus, the Christ.

Thanks to Twitter follower Fendrel for sending me a link to the Wartburg Watch article.

BTW,  I was a big supporter of Sovereign Grace Ministries in my Calvinistic pastoring days.

Link to Sovereign Grace Ministries website.

Sovereign Grace Ministries statement on the amended lawsuit:

With a heavy heart, we write to update you on the civil lawsuit filed against Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM).

The suit has been amended a second time. It claims that several members of Covenant Life Church and Sovereign Grace Church of Fairfax were the victims of egregious sexual abuse by a number of alleged perpetrators at various times and places. It further alleges that a number of pastors from those churches conspired to cover up the alleged abuse.

Named among these alleged perpetrators is pastor John Loftness, former Chairman of the SGM Board of Directors. John Loftness has denied the allegations and has offered a statement which is available at http://solidrockchurch.net/.

The charges in this amended complaint are serious, grievous, and difficult to read. The thought of such alleged abuse is extremely disturbing. Because of our resolve to see truth and justice prevail, we continue to work closely with legal counsel.

Our careful review of the allegations to date has not produced any evidence of any cover-up or conspiracy. If we discover otherwise, our Board will immediately report it to the authorities and see that it is prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Without minimizing the serious nature of these allegations nor the grievous harm individuals may have experienced, we understand that it is possible for people to be wrongly accused. We thank God for the judicial system where these allegations can be brought, a defense made, and a verdict rendered through a fair and just process.

Thank you for your patience as these legal proceedings take place. Please continue to pray for God’s will to be done and for SGM to work through these challenging circumstances in a manner that honors him and that demonstrates that our hope and trust are in him.

Home Schools and Church Sponsored Schools, Should They be Regulated?

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Katherine Stewart, in an article for the British paper, the Guardian, writes:

Several decades ago, political activists on the religious right began to put together an “ideology machine”. Home schooling was a big part of the plan. The idea was to breed and “train up” an army of culture warriors. We now are faced with the consequences of their actions, some of which are quite disturbing.

According to the Department of Education, the home schooling student population doubled in between 1999 and 2007, to 1.5 million students, and there is reason to think the growth has continued. Though families opt to home school for many different reasons, a large part of the growth has come from Christian fundamentalist sects. Children in that first wave are now old enough to talk about their experiences. In many cases, what they have to say is quite alarming….

…Many parents start off home schooling with the intention of inculcating their children in a mainstream form of Christianity. However, as many HA bloggers report, it is easy to get sucked into the vortex of fundamentalist home schooling because extremists have cornered the market – running the conventions, publishing the curricula, setting up the blogs…

…The fundamentalist home schooling world also advocates an extraordinarily authoritarian view of the parental role. Corporal punishment is frequently encouraged. The effects are, again, often quite devastating. “People who experienced authoritarian parents tend to turn into adults with poor boundaries,” writes one pseudonymous HA blogger. “It’s an extremely unsatisfying and unsustainable way to live.”

In America, we often take for granted that parents have an absolute right to decide how their children will be educated, but this leads us to overlook the fact that children have rights, too, and that we as a modern society are obligated to make sure that they get an education. Families should be allowed to pursue sensible homeschooling options, but current arrangements have allowed some families to replace education with fundamentalist indoctrination.

As the appearance of HA reminds us, the damage done by this kind of false education falls not just on our society as a whole, but on the children who are pumped through the ideology machine. They are the traumatized veterans of our culture wars. We should listen to their stories, and support them as they find their way forward.

Stewart’s description of homeschooling in America is spot on. My only objection is that she is wrong about why many parents start home schooling.  There are very few mainstream Christian families who home school. The home schooling movement is overwhelmingly a child of the Evangelical church movement, (and to a lesser degree, Fundamentalists in the Roman Catholic Church)  The home schooling movement is decidedly Evangelical and Fundamentalist.

Add to the home schooling number the millions of Evangelical children who are educated in private schools, and you quickly see that we have a huge problem on our hands. If society, as Stewart suggests, has a vested interest in children being properly educated, why then do home schools and church-sponsored schools in most states get a free pass?

Here in Ohio the home school requirements are so minimal that they might as well not even exist. Home schooling families routinely ignore the home schooling requirements. A child only has to test out at the 25th percentile to satisfy the state’s testing requirement, and parent’s can, in many cases, administer the annual tests to their children.

It is even worse when it comes to a church-sponsored, non-accredited school. In Ohio, there are NO requirements. None. If the Church meets the fire and safety requirements, they are free to educate children however they wish.   Ohio takes a see, hear, and speak no evil approach to church-sponsored, non-accredited schools.

Polly and I, well mostly Polly, educated our children, either in a home school or a church-sponsored, non-accredited school.  We intimately know the home school and church-sponsored, non-accredited school movement.  We knows dozens of families who have home schooled their children or educated them in a church-sponsored, non-accredited school.

Many of the children generally receive a good education. However, many of them don’t. Consider a few home school illustrations from the churches I have pastored:

  • One family stopped home schooling for a whole year. Their children could be seen roaming the town while the public school was in session. Why the year off? They were so far ahead, Reality? They were barely literate.
  • One family had a large number of children and both parents worked a fulltime job. Who educated the children? Not the parents. The older children did, primarily through using A.C.E. material. (see Jonny Scaramanga’s blog for excellent coverage of A.C.E.)
  • One family had a large number of children who were educated by a mother who had few teaching skills. Result? Many of the children had reading problems and their spelling was atrocious.  When the family wanted to take off for a week or two they did so. Imagine trying that in a public school.

Even in our own home school, Polly and I played loose with the regulations, and were quite liberal in taking days off. Now we were very strict about our children mastering the subjects they were being taught. We worked very hard at making sure our children were well-educated, BUT there were deficiencies, especially in the areas of science and math. We took the approach that one class at the local community college would fix any math or science deficiency they might have. (these deficiencies reflected the theology and deficiencies of their teachers)

I am of the opinion that home schools and church-sponsored schools should be strictly regulated. There should be strict guidelines for exactly what they must teach. We owe it to every child to insist that they receive a complete, quality education. (and yes, I am aware that many public schools fail in this regard)

Should Church Donations be Tax Deductible?

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If a person gives money, services, or property to a church they can deduct the amount of their donation on their Federal tax return.

Every year, billions of dollars of money, services, and property are given to churches.  Not only does the giver get a tax deduction for his donation, but  the church does not have to pay any tax on the donations it receives.

All churches, by default, are tax exempt. Many people wrongly think that a church must be 501c3 approved to be tax exempt.  All a church needs to do to be tax exempt is say, we are a church.  (by Sunday at 9 AM I could  start a church that would be completely tax exempt by IRS standards, even if only my family attended)

The IRS deliberately steers away from explicitly defining what a church is. In their view, if it looks and acts like a church, it is a church. Here are the main criteria the IRS uses to decide whether a church is tax exempt:

  • a distinct legal existence and religious history,
  • a recognized creed and form of worship,
  • established places of worship
  • a regular congregation and regular religious services, and
  • an organization of ordained ministers

As you can see, it is very easy for a group to considered a church by the IRS.

Churches are also, in many states, exempt from paying sales tax and real estate tax.  Years ago, I bought my cars through the church.  This saved me 6% since I didn’t have to pay sales tax on the purchase. Here in Ohio, churches are basically tax-free. It is a huge boon that businesses and civic organizations do not receive.

The question I ask is this. Should church donations be tax-deductible? Should churches be tax exempt?

Christians will quickly state that their church is a charity and it does good in the community so their church should be tax exempt and members should get a tax deduction for their donations.

Relative to the amount of money they take in, do churches really do a great amount of good in the community?  Take a look at a church’s budget. Where does MOST of the money go? Salaries, benefits, insurance, utilities, buildings, and programs that benefit the congregation.

If a “real” charity spent their money in this manner, the IRS would pull their tax exemption and donations to said charity would no longer be tax-deductible.  Yet, the IRS, and the Federal Government give churches a blind-eye pass.

I am sure some Christian will likely object to what I have written. I have written on churches and their finances many times over the years. If you are getting ready to object…here’s my challenge. Send me your church’s budget. Let me take a close look at it.  I have eyes for seeing through the budget secrecy and bullshit many churches practice. Let’s take a close look at the numbers.

In five years, no church, pastor, or Christian has taken me up on this challenge. They whimper, whine, and complain, but they never produce their financial documents. Why? They know the emperor has no clothes. They know if they dared share their financials that the truth would be revealed.

If a church wants to be considered a tax exempt charity, then should be required to apply for charity status. They should then be required to spend the bulk of their money on charitable services that benefit the community. No church should be tax exempt just because they say, we are a church.  BTW, this rule should apply to ALL charities.

The truth is, churches are not charities. Churches are social clubs and the price of membership is what people give in donations.  The club rightly spends the bulk of its money on things that directly benefit the membership.

As a club, a for-profit business, churches should be required to pay taxes and fill out all the tax forms that other businesses do. Of course, the biggest benefit of this is that the government will take in a lot more in tax revenues. Isn’t it about time churches start paying their own way, just like every other business does?  Why should First Baptist Church be tax exempt and receive free fire and police service and free infrastructure improvements, but other businesses in town receive none of these tax benefits?

I support the elimination of church tax exemption, the church donation tax deduction, and the clergy housing tax deduction. (I have written about the clergy housing deduction here and here)

A practical side effect of this is that churches would then be free to endorse political candidates. No more Christian whining about their “free” speech being stifled.  Churches would be FREE to do what they want AND pay taxes just like everyone else.

Now I Know Why Many Evangelicals Have Empty Heads

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Mike Ratliff, writing for the Christian Research Network, had this to say about faith:

…Human faith is not the same thing as Genuine (saving) faith, which is a gift from God. The former is based in Human reason and intellect. The latter is supernatural. What passes for faith in many professing believer’s “Christianity” is a belief based in who preaches to or teaches them. This is not Genuine faith because it is not a belief in the Word or in God through the Word. These are “believers” who will eventually fall away. Some may last a lifetime, but as soon as the fires of tribulation come upon them they slide into apostasy because their faith is not of the substance that endures…

In one short paragraph, Ratliff reveals WHY so many Evangelicals have empty heads, why they lack any sort of intellectual acumen.

Why, you ask? Because God has replaced their human faith with genuine faith. According to Ratliff, genuine faith is a gift from God. Human faith is not from God and is based on reason and intellect.

There ya have it…God gives Evangelicals faith and BOOM out goes their reason and intellect. In comes a faith God gives, a faith that leads people to believe things like the Bible is inerrant,the earth was created in six days six thousand years ago, Adam and Eve were real people, and Jesus really, really did walk on water and resurrect from the dead.

This is me being snarky. Smile Ratliff’s post is another reminder of how preachers like him keep people enslaved by telling them that their human intellect and reason should never be trusted. Instead trust the pronouncements of Ratliff, the man of God, God, the Holy Spirit,  and His inerrant, inspired Bible.

Ratliff and others like him know that if people really begin to use their intellect and reason they are likely to exit stage left. Thinking Evangelicals often don’t stay in the Evangelical church. Once they see that they been snookered by their church and pastor, they move on to places where reason and intellect are appreciated.

Notes

The Christian Research Network is owned and operated by the infamous Christian watchdog, Ken Silva.