Some time ago, a man who says his name is Andrew Beltz left a troubling comment on the Why I Hate Jesus post. Beltz wrote:
So Bruce admits he is a hater. O.K. He has legitimized hate.
Now I can tell you Bruce that I hate you, you fat disgusting thing, because you were no good as a pastor and you hurt our family.
Yes, Bruce, I remember.
I immediately sent Beltz an email. Unfortunately, he used a fake email address, so my email to him bounced. Here’s what I wrote:
Andrew,
Before I post your comment, I would appreciate it if you would elaborate more on the claims made in your comment. I have no recollection of pastoring anyone with the last name Beltz. I see that you currently reside in the Goshen, Kentucky area. I have never lived in Kentucky. Perhaps you moved away from one of the areas I pastored. Which church were you a member of or at which church did you have a negative experience with me?
Thank you for taking the time to respond.
Bruce Gerencser
Comments such as this always trouble me, and here’s why: I readily admit that my preaching, beliefs, and ministerial practices were harmful. When I have been able to talk with offended/hurt congregants privately, I have apologized to them for the harm I have caused. While I could justify myself by saying that I too was abused, and that I was simply a product of the religious environment I grew up in, I choose, instead, to own my behavior. I now know I hurt people. I didn’t at the time, but years of reflection have led me to conclude that I hurt my wife and children, along with the hundreds of people who once called me pastor or preacher. While I was a loving, helpful, kind, and compassionate pastor, I know that what I preached and what I modeled to congregants was psychologically harmful. And in some instances, patriarchal beliefs about child-rearing and family structure caused physical harm. That is what Fundamentalism does. It hurts the hurting, harms the harmless, and causes untold damage to people who sincerely buy into the lies. A lifetime of days is not enough for me to say I am sorry. There’s nothing I can do about the past other than speaking about it openly and honestly. In Beltz’s case, I will gladly talk with him if he wants to talk. I WANT to know about how I hurt people. I can’t make things right if I don’t know for sure what I did or who I hurt.
Former congregants who have contacted me have been, so far, children who grew up in the churches I pastored. Now adults, they too are trying to come to terms with the past. In every instance, they accepted my apology and forgave me. They also told me that I was too hard on myself, that no one forced their parents to attend one of the churches I pastored. They willingly became members, believing as I did that God, the Holy Spirit, empowered my preaching. Many of them just wanted someone to tell them what to believe or how to live their lives, and, being a good Baptist pastor, I was quite willing to fill this need. After all, this is exactly what my pastors, churches, and college professors did for me, shaping me into a man who would then take their teachings and harm several more generations of people.
While I find Beltz’s words hurtful, I bear them because I know how harmful my preaching, way of ministry, and demands for conformity were to people such as him. I don’t run or try to hide from my past. Anyone who wants to contact me can send me an email via the contact form. I respond to every email, though I can be somewhat slow in doing so. Health problems often keep me from being as timely as I would like to be, but I do answer every email sent to me.
Now, Beltz may be just a troll. Several commenters over the years have said they knew me or were members of one of the churches I pastored, only to be exposed as liars. One man went so far as to say that my whole story was a lie, that he knew people who lived in several of the areas I pastored, and none of them knew who I was. In Beltz’s case, I am, until I know otherwise, giving him the benefit of the doubt. I hope he will contact me using a valid email address. I sincerely want to, as much as lies within me, right past wrongs. I hope Andrew will give me a chance to do so.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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I just want to say that I admire that you own your mistakes and your past. That is a hard thing to do and many people can’t do it. I find it a pretty hard thing to do myself. Anyway, just wanted to let you know.
I’ve been reading your blogging posts for years. While still calling yourself a Christian actually. I think it was during that time you wrote a post that left me in tears. I think I commented on that post. I was so overwhelmed because you were a pastor that apologized.
The pastor that abused us, never apologized and to my knowledge I never knew of a pastor who ever apologized for anything.
The post you wrote that day was an apology by you for the harm you had caused others due to your past belief-system. It gave me hope. Hope Bruce. Hope in human decency, integrity and honesty. Though it may sound dramatic, that moment was part of my healing. The hope that even a pastor could publicly admit wrong and apologize. I was grateful and you didn’t know me from a fly on the wall, nor I you.
I first identified with the bravery it took for you to admit it. But you touched my heart because I too, though farther along in the journey out of Christianity, was sorting through the guilt of any harm I had caused while in lay (unpaid position) youth ministry as well as any trauma I may have caused in raising our own children in such a legalistic church environment.
For what it’s worth, I wanted to share again, thank you.
Zoe you said a lot of what I was thinking…I also never got an apology for all of the horrible things my expastor & this flock did to my family & I. That said, to see Bruce, who was a sincere preacher actually re-THINK and do some introspection of the whys & hows & coming out on the other side admitting, like so many of us, I was wrong!, is so refreshing. It gives me hope that others may be able to do the same. Thanks again Bruce for everything you do!!!
Thanks April. Saying your sorry for leaders is extremely rare. Especially religious leaders. Can’t have any hint of being “wrong.” The implication being if they are wrong, so is their God.
Bruce, I’ll say this – you have a big old loving heart. For those of us that know we’ll never get an apology from our former pastors it’s so healing to see that there are those out there who do and will say that they’re sorry for the harm they’ve done, intentionally or unintenionally. Thank you for this.
Agreed, but Andrew comes across as a dishonest troll who just wants to lash out at the former minister turned atheist. He isn’t using a real email address, so he doesn’t want to be contacted, and his comments do nothing but inflict insult and attempt to hurt. So I truly doubt Bruce has ever actually crossed paths with him.
Oh I agree. I think Andrew has all the earmarks of a troll just trying to bait and insult Bruce. But Bruce is still pretty awesome for being open to the slight possibility he might not be and being open to apologizing if Andrew is real.
Same here. My first thought is troll. Seeking to undermine Bruce.
My suspicion is this guy is just another Christian who, (doesn’t know you at all), read one or two posts on your blog & then got his feelings hurt because the big bad atheist dares to question his god, so then he goes & sends you a nastygram. I’m betting you never hear from this person again. Just my thoughts. I could be wrong though, however
Perhaps Andrew was hurt by some other pastor and is lashing out at you.
Being true to yourself makes you a target for haters. Trust me, I know a thing or two about that!
Thank you for being you, Bruce!
And not only the above points, but Beltz never specified in what way he and his family were harmed by your pastoring during that time, Bruce. He didn’t follow through. And for my own experiences years ago, my mother, my half- brother and myself received terrible advice and admonitions from ministers over the years– as in have no rights or boundaries when dealing with unsafe people. Oh, the stories I could recount ! Beltz should step up and explain what he’s talking about.
The only preachers I have ever seen apologize only did so after they were caught with their quill in the office inkwell, so to speak. I knew a preacher type that went to prison in the late 60s for molesting children – the victims were friends of mine – and he continued to deny everything. I looked him up on line a few years back and saw that he had another storefront church/cult in the same city (Miami). He was being sued by the parents of a young lady that cashed out her inheritance to join his cult. The “religion is untouchable” nonsense has to stop.
I think you are a better man than almost any preacher I have known. My only complaint is being called stupid because I happen to be conservative on some issues. I assume at one time those that rejected your preaching were also “stupid”. Good people can agree on issues without resorting to name calling like the Bible Thumpers. But, this is your site and I will continue to read your thoughts because I have learned much.
I found your site at the beginning of my deconversion and tune in regularly. Your Black Collar series should be canonized.
Press on Mr. G!
I admire you for wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I am 100% sure this is some moronic troll who read enough of your blog to know how to wound you and is not a former parishioner at all. Also I doubt he reads the comments here, or cares, because his skull is most likely made of concrete and therefore cannot let information he hasn’t already previously acquired seep through to his shriveled nut of a brain, but I have no respect for someone who comments on a blog with a fake email address.
Anyway one of the best things about this blog is how it shines a light on how utterly hateful and depraved Christians can be. I mean, if they weren’t regularly outing themselves with the things they say elsewhere, but this is a record and really a weapon of sorts against these people. It shines a light on them and shows how disgusting they are, which is enough to turn away any decent, intelligent person from their putrid religion. Kind of like a gift to anti-theists, so to speak.
Yeah, I believe this man is a troll. Leaving a fake email is the tell. He just wants to tell you off and has to pretend he actually knows you. If Andrew really wanted relief, he would’ve left a real email address.