What is it about Evangelicals who think that I am being less than honest about my past and present life? Rarely does a week go by without someone questioning my truthfulness or doubting my explanations as to why I left Christianity.
Today, I received an email from Pastor Mark (I know his last name, but I won’t mention it here). Here’s what Pastor Mark had to say:
I have read your stories. I’m not surprised by the way you feel. However, how could you be a minister for over 25 years unless you believed in Jesus Christ? Maybe you never had a true relationship with Him. Maybe you allowed other people, things to come between you and Him. I cannot answer those questions, but you can and you can answer them honestly.
It make me wonder if your family (wife, children, grandchildren, etc) feel the same way you feel about Jesus. One thing I know, Jesus didn’t leave you, you left Jesus.
Pastor Mark wonders how it is possible that I pastored for twenty-five years, but didn’t believe in Jesus. Here’s the thing, I did believe in Jesus. I was a devoted, committed follower of Jesus Christ. My beliefs, practices, and lifestyle testified that I was a child of God. No one, at the time, questioned my relationship with Jesus. It was only after I divorced Jesus that people doubted whether I was a True Christian®.
Pastor Mark wonders if I had a “true” relationship with Jesus. I did. He also wonders if people or things came between me and Jesus. Sorry to burst your bubble, Pastor Mark, but they did not. I left Christianity primarily for intellectual reasons. Pastor Mark would have learned this had he checked out the WHY? page, but alas, much like most Evangelicals, the good pastor showed little, if any, curiosity about my story.
Pastor Mark asks me to answer his questions “honestly.” Have I been anything other than honest? Seventeen years, over 4,000 posts on this iteration of my blog, and people are still questioning my honesty. What more do I need to do? Post nude pics with every article, showing my nakedness before God and my fellow man?
Pastor Mark wonders about my wife, children, and grandchildren. Their stories are theirs to tell, but I can say that none of them is an Evangelical. I can also say they are atheists, humanists, agnostics, nominal Catholics, and generally indifferent towards organized religion. This is, to me anyway, good news. This means the Evangelical curse has been broken.
Pastor Mark is certain that Jesus didn’t leave me, but I left Jesus. First, Jesus is dead, so he couldn’t go anywhere. Second, I didn’t leave Jesus, I left Christianity. It’s Christianity that I reject. Again, check out the WHY? page.
There ya have it, Pastor Mark. All your Bruce Gerencser questions answered. I do, however, have a few questions about you. Are you the . . . Naw, I will leave it there.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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From my experience, some Christians cannot imagine not being a Christian, so they assume everyone who left religion is either lying about themselves, or is disturbed and lost. They won’t listen no matter what anyone says.
Like Missimontana said, there do seem to be a lot of religious people who think the automatic default is deity-beloef and religion, so they are unable to understand that there are a number of us who don’t believe in deities or follow a religion. That explains why so many religious people think atheism is a religion, or science is a religion, and that we have to worship something.
We’re not lying, we truly do not believe in deities and aren’t members of a religion.
True that. There’s something about religion making followers feel religion is natural and that it’s un-natural not being religious. A Palestinian acquaintance asked me about my religion and my standard answer of “I don’t do religion” made him visibly uncomfortable. He said it would be better for me to have a religion to follow. That came from a genuine sense of caring I suppose.
As to “atheism as religion”, some atheists I’ve known are so committed to atheism that they proselytize at the slightest opportunity like folks who knock on doors to talk about Jesus. Knowing them, one could be excused for misunderstanding atheism as a religion. These folks are so “in your face” with atheism that I can only describe it as religious zeal. I think it manifests a human need (or weakness) to be devoted to some sort of mystical belief and rejecting Christianity, (or whatever), leaves a void they fill with devotion to atheism.
Pastor Mark: “… but you can and you can answer them honestly.”
Zoe: This one is difficult to stomach as no matter your response, I don’t think it will be seen as honest. It’s like your stories, he has claimed to read aren’t the truth and nothing but the truth, so help me …
And so it goes. What? That can’t be true. Oh, well, that is a story, but well, I suspect you are lying. I’m not lying. Oh well, maybe not but it doesn’t “feel” honest to me. It is honest. Oh well, I don’t think so.
Exhausting.
I think it is easier online to gaslight former believers. Not so with those who truly knew us. Not one person in my former Christian life denied that I was ever a Christian. They were there, they saw my belief, they were ministered to by my belief, they were comforted by my belief, they were saved by my belief, and they were participants in my belief. They couldn’t look me in the face and say that I was never a Christian. They knew I was.