Why do I get upset when Evangelicals (and other Christians) say, “I’m praying for you?”
First, Evangelicals who say this to me deliberately violate the clear teaching of the Bible. Did Jesus not say:
Beware of practicing your righteousness before others in order to be seen by them, for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven.
So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be done in secret, and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:6 NRSV)
These verses seem clear, without ambiguity. Jesus commanded his followers to give and pray in secret. Why, then, do so many Evangelicals think it important for them to tell me that they are praying for me?
Second, I ask Evangelical readers in the comment guidelines to not leave “I’m praying for you” comments. Unlike some readers of this blog, I find no value or purpose in telling people you are praying for them. God is a myth, and so is “answered” prayer. I view prayer in the same light as I do God — a waste of time. It’s fine if Christians think differently, but understand that telling me that you are beseeching the God of the Bible on my behalf does little more than irritate me. Why do something that you KNOW will irritate the hell out of me? Especially since my knowing that someone is praying for me plays no part in whether God answers said prayer.
Third, praying for me is literally the least you can do for me, no different than politicians who offer up “thoughts and prayers” when there is another mass casualty shooting. Countless Christian prayers will be offered up for the dead. Why? They are dead. Instead of prayers, how about actually doing something that will make a meaningful difference?
Thousands of people have allegedly prayed for me. I say allegedly because I know Evangelicals are famous for lying about praying for others, or they briefly pray one time and move on. Instead of doing something that will tangibly improve my life, Evangelicals choose the one thing — prayer — that does nothing for me.
I have been blogging for seventeen years. I can count on two fingers the number of Evangelicals who have done something material for me; something that would make a difference in my life. The two people I have in mind sent me money to help with my needs. Is this not the essence of loving your neighbor as yourself? I am known for being a big tipper when we go out to eat. During the holidays, it is not uncommon for me to leave a tip equal to the bill total. I do this for one reason; to be a blessing and help to others — no strings attached. I should add that these two people — both preachers — have left Christianity. Beware of giving money to Bruce Gerencser. It could cause you to lose your faith. 🙂
One of my biggest beefs with Evangelical churches is that they rarely, of ever, do anything just to be a help to others. Years ago, an Evangelical preacher named Iggy left a comment detailing all the things he and his church did to be a blessing to others. I dared to question the motivations behind these acts of love. Boy, did we have a digital fight. 🙂 I concluded that the goal was not helping others as much as it was advertising the church’s and pastor’s name.
Will this post keep Evangelicals from saying they are praying for me? Silly boy, of course not. Evangelicals gonna do what Evangelicals do.
Bruce Gerencser, 68, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 47 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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Bruce, I understand what you are saying. Your decades of experience with evangelicals – having been one yourself in addition to being a leader – gives you insight into the subtext and culture of “prayer”. You know the message behind the message, and it isn’t always pretty! Especially when you don’t know the person, you can’t be sure of their actual intentions. Are they sincere, or are they being passive aggressive?
My dad is dying and I’m having a very hard time emotionally, mentally and physically. Countless friends, coworkers, and those online say they will pray.
I don’t believe in a ‘god’ that answers prayers, otherwise my mom would be sitting nearby as I type this. But, I am so alone in this that even someone saying they will pray tells me they took the time to open their mouth and/or type, and right now that’s the only support I have…. which is better than none. Of course I am not suggesting any one else should feel the same.
When he dies, though, I’d better not hear a damn thing about “god needed another angel” or “he’s with your mom” because so help me, I’ll likely go to jail for assault. Just tell me you are sorry he died and leave it at that. But, our society does not deal with grief…. 3 days and it’s back to work and you’re supposed to be smiling and saying “I’m fine”. I’m pretty f—ing far from fine.
I need REAL support. I need someone to sit there quietly while I pack up his apartment and let me cry without trying to fix me. I’m not broken. I want someone to listen on while I ramble on about nonsense and have non-linear thoughts. I want someone who can listen to me swear non-stop and does not judge my need for intoxicants. I just want to be seen and heard. There is no fixing this.
Big hug to you, dear EL, 🤗 with all my heart ❤️!!!!!!
That’s cool about the tipping. We are to be cheerful givers, extravagant, even ridiculous givers, over-the-top! We’ve only got one life to live on this earth 🌎. Remember Dickens’ classic, “A Christmas 🎄 Carol” when Ebenezer Scrooge wakes ⏰️ on that wonderful morning, Christmas day, no less…and he’s “as giddy as a schoolboy, as tipsy as a drunken man!” OVERJOYED that he made it through that encounter with the ghost of Christmas future, and beyond eager to find a lad to buy a huge turkey for!
He goes to work, sets coals in the fire (as opposed to ‘conserving’ and freezing 🥶) , gives his humble, hard-working employee a RAISE….and tells him to take the day off to enjoy Christmas dinner with his family. Bob Cratchett.
😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️
You know, been thinking…wheels turning…I don’t believe I’m an Evangelical, at least not in the normal sense of the word. For instance, I can say right off the bat that I don’t think you are going to hell. That kind of knocks me out of the “Evangelical” category right there. I’m also not into man’s idea of “churchianity”. I think it actually shuts God out alot of the time. Not always, this is not a blanket statement.. but we’ve all seen damage done throughout history where the Bible has been used to promote the exact OPPOSITE of Jesus’ teachings. Not God’s fault, but man’s.
But alot of “churchianity” truly limits God by not “teaching the truths of the Bible, but the opposite”. Big example: Some churches have felt it was the right and spiritual thing to do, to tell people how ‘bad’ , how ‘worthless’ and a ‘worm’ they are. BUT! That COMPLETELY goes against what the Bible actually teaches!! The Bible tells us that Jesus BECAME sin, so that we, in turn, could become THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD! It’s almost a too-good-to-be -true exchange!! The ramifications of that truth alone requires a PARADIGM SHIFT from how so many churches think, and therefore act and exist in this world. Many more thoughts, but too much to write ✍️ it all out today.
Terri, I hate to burst your bubble, but here’s a verse from the Bible that says we humans ARE worms. Job 25:6 –
“How much less man, that maggot,
And the son of man, that worm!” Be careful and do your Bible research before you willy-nilly assert your “Bible Truth.” And thanks for deciding to pause from writing your thoughts here. There will be a collective sigh of relief from all quarters, I’m sure.
That was spoken by one of Job’s “comforters”, I think it was Bildad the short guy (Shoe-Height) Shuhite. Who, at the end, was reprimanded by God for not telling about God accurately, as Job had. Everything in the Bible needs to be taken in proper context to get a right interpretation.
If Bruce wants me gone, he’s free to block 🚫 me. Until then, I don’t think he minds too much. He seems pretty tolerant, to me.
I just looked up “worm” references in the Bible in regards to humans. (even Jesus, on the cross ✝️, in Psalms!):
Isaiah 41:14:
“Fear not, thou worm Jacob, and ye men of Israel; I will help thee, saith the LORD, and thy redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.” In this verse, God refers to the Israelites as a “worm,” emphasizing their need for His help and redemption.
The use of the worm metaphor in these passages is not meant to be derogatory in a literal sense. Instead, it serves to illustrate several key aspects of the human condition:
Human Frailty and Mortality:
Worms are often seen as weak, vulnerable, and easily crushed, reflecting the human experience of physical weakness and the inevitability of death.
Sinfulness and Need for Redemption:
The image of the worm can also represent human sinfulness and the need for God’s grace and forgiveness.
Humility and Dependence on God:
By acknowledging themselves as worms, individuals are called to humility and a recognition of their dependence on God’s power, love and mercy.
Alot of people in some churches can be made to feel condemned and inferior by a wrong interpretation of the use of word, “worm”. But in reality, it seems like an almost very beautiful concept…that in our greatest weakness, in our times of having most in common with weakness and brokenness, Jesus desires to comfort and carry us.
Ha! Touché! At least now you’re not droning on and on with all that God blather. That is boring. I’ve heard too way much of it from overly enthusiastic starry eyed Christians. Biblical exegesis can be fun with open minded people.
Hey Bruce and fellow readers. Wow. There is a lot in this one. Something I’ve been thinking about lately regarding Christian prayer is that it is often a form of control/perceived control. People will pray that so and so would turn out a certain way. They pray that their test results will come back how they want. Or that it won’t rain on the day of some kind of outdoor church activity. I had a Christian tell me recently that they would be much less stressed if everyone in their family would just do what this person wants them to do (do what they are praying for family to do). Wow! At least they are honest about it. LOL
And yes, someone actually doing something for someone is the way to go. I don’t know anyone who would say they would rather have people pray for them rather than have tangible help. When my wife and I were poor and didn’t know how we would make it through the week or month, someone putting a $10 bill in my hand went a whole lot further than them praying. Through the years we’ve been able to make more money and help friends and family when they were having financial trouble. I don’t remember anyone ever saying to us, “go ahead and keep the money, just pray for us”.
My son was in the ICU for several days about 10 months ago. Other than immediate family, he had one visitor. A pastor friend of ours that we’ve known for about 25 years. He came and sat with my son and made him laugh and encouraged him. Knowing that my son is not “religious”, he didn’t pray with him. My son still talks about this person coming to visit and how much it lifted his spirits just to have him there to listen and laugh with.
“I’ll pray for you”. But what exactly are they praying to have happen? Well, that you’ll become a believer again. But I suspect that they know full well that you will not change.
A few weeks later, you examine your thoughts and say “Well, I’m still atheist, so this prayer obviously did not work”.
This event becomes one more tiny grain of sand on the scale on the side of disbelief, one more tiny speck of evidence that Jehovah ain’t real. So in a way, per their worldview, by telling you that they’re praying for you, they’re adding ever so slightly to your condemnation. And I suspect… I that they know this!
In summary, “I’ll pray for you” is an evangelical’s way of saying “Go to Hell!” 😀
P.S. Passed through Defiance county on my way to / from GenCon this past weekend, would’ve been a cool coincidence to have crossed paths with you!
No, Kadeph…that’s not what people mean at all…most folks aren’t that mean. The request was about a kind-hearted man named Bruce, who was dealing with many illnesses, and alot of physical pain. And who probably felt that God didn’t care, especially considering he’s had very little compassion shown to him by those (not all!) claiming to have faith, but among whom there were ones who were very abusive (death threats). And for him to feel encouraged and blessed during this tough time.
Terri, admittedly I was generalizing, and I will agree to saying that there are some people who fit my description and some that fit yours – and quite possibly more of the latter than I realize. So I won’t argue that point with you.
I do have one hard disagreement with another statement you made. The “Bruce” you’re referring to, is it safe to assume that you’re talking about Bruce Almighty aka Bruce Gerencser? If so, then I disagree with this:
“And who probably felt that God didn’t care…”.
From what I’ve read of Bruce’s writings, no he doesn’t feel that “God doesn’t care”. He does not believe that Jehovah is real at all, which is a pre-requisite for caring or not caring.
I happened to “stumble” upon this last night, its a great video called, “God Does Not Exist”, for all you Evangelicals out there who haven’t yet heard the good tidings! Hilarious! Outlandish! During the intro, there is even a cartoon, red haired, bearded guy who represents the disciple Thomas. Folks, I didn’t plan this, it totally was a complete and utter, “coincidence” (of Providential Proportions?) It’s REALLY quite entertaining! 🤣
https://youtu.be/Q8yWDxpi2Ug?si=X4RfKT2YNdRF2DUA.
the video maker is just a different version of Evangelical. Evangelicalism is a big tent, so you will find all sorts of peripheral beliefs. The core beliefs, however, remain the same.
I’ve heard that phrase many times, and I rarely find it sincere. Like the numerous old ladies in my building who constantly say “bless you” to everyone every day. It’s a passive -aggressive way of saying fuck you. Yes, I have had lots of old aunts who grew up doing this, and the meaning was loud and clear. “Why bless you, Sister Jane Doe!” to the person who they claimed they couldn’t stand and constantly gossiped about with family.
I see “I’ll pray for you” two ways:
1. I know you are suffering, but I can’t be bothered to try to give real help or to listen.
2. I think you need fixing, my way, of course, because I don’t like or respect the way you choose to live.
I hate the phrase. That, and bless you.
Give it a rest Terri, your preaching, your writings about your interpretations of your book of fairy tales and its sky fairy ‘up there’ that you delusionally believe exists…..and ‘cares for and comforts us.’That’s one of the biggest lies of all that you peddle here. Your fictitious god/jesus/holy ghost are somewhat short on those last 2 things given the evidence of all the appaling suffering in the world. Forgive me if I’m interpreting your comments wrongly, but Bruce has had many x-tians post comments in the false hope of being THE ONE who brings the famous atheist Bruce and some of his deluded (ha ha, we’re not) followers back to the fod!
Nah, its not that i care about being “the ONE”, that’s too big a task for me, really!! Given my own daily life responsibilities and family, friends, etc. And, I think that would be an extremely self-serving motive anyway!
It’s just, 😀 when I saw the video, the timing of me running into it “randomly”, the actual content and the cartoon, it struck me as hilarious (the message on it) and at the same time, awe-inspiring. And, in my heart, the cartoon part of it honestly felt almost as though it had been “made” for Bruce…like that cartoon guy was actually HIM.
“Nah, it’s not that i care about being “the ONE”, that’s too big a task for me, really!!”
But seems you’ve thought about it, haven’t you?
“Given my own daily life responsibilities and family, friends, etc. And, I think that would be an extremely self-serving motive anyway!”
Ooh, you HAVE thought about it quite a bit.
Why don’t you listen to Tildy and give it a rest. Please? Pretty please? I’m asking you nicely. Although, after reading your comments thus far, you probably will keep on God blathering away. 🙄
I second Matilda and Karuna Gal, Terri. This is not a page for proselytizing. I say that as a Christian myself. Everyone on this page, including myself, have experienced the two constants of evangelical Christians- they never change their mind or the topic.
That was a saying of my late and beloved father, and I realize more and more each day how right he was.
Many of these readers also experienced varying levels of trauma because of these two universal constants. Their friends and family put their religion over everything else. When they decided to exit the Christian treadmill, they received varying degrees of well-intentioned “witnessing” (aka “harassment”).
When I recommended a few days ago for you to respect the rules of the page, it was because I really felt that you would benefit from hearing the different perspectives of everyone, as I can definitely say that I have.
No, that’s not a job for me. Only the Almighty Himself could pull such a thing off.
I do like to listen, John. And do read each comment through thoughtfully. I’ve given up proselytizing years ago. Too much effort. A pain in the butt. Not having to have an agenda, is actually so very freeing, the pressure is off. Creative dissent and thought-provoking discussion is just fun and interesting. You never know where it’s headed, that’s what makes it so exciting. I do like to have fun. Wasn’t aware that 😳 anything I’ve said has triggered any bad memories for some folks on here. Your being protective of them is a good thing.
Isaiah 42:1-4
“Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him,
and he will bring justice to the nations.
He will not shout or cry out,
or raise his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.”
Please, no scripture quotations or proof texting.