I recently watched a discussion between Alex O’Connor, an atheist, and Dr. Francis Collins, an Evangelical Christian and former Director of the National Institutes of Health (NIH) on YouTube. You can watch the video here:
I have heard countless discussions, debates, arguments, and brawls over the existence of God. Eighteen years in, I’m no longer interested in the “God debate.” I have heard every possible defense of or “proof” for the existence of God. Many of these arguments try to establish the existence of a creator God, a generic deity of sorts that they posit is found in every culture and religion. Such discussions are largely philosophical masturbation, for which I have no interest. I will, at times, engage Evangelicals when they try to claim and prove that the generic deity I mentioned is actually the Christian God of the Bible. Such arguments miserably fail. Why? They rely on the Bible as proof for their claims. (I am using the words proof and prove in a colloquial sense. I know proof is a mathematical term, not a theological/philosophical one.) As a former pastor and theologian, I still enjoy discussing the Bible and theology, though I no longer have the stomach for WWE-style wrassling matches over minute points of dogma. That said, I have yet to have an Evangelical make a compelling argument for their peculiar God’s existence.
Even within the framework of the Bible, there are numerous gods, beginning with multiple deities in the book of Genesis to the insurmountable differences between the God of the Old Testament and the Son of God in the New Testament. There’s no such thing as a singular Christian deity. One could argue that there are more Christian gods than we can count, with each believer shaping his or her God in their own likeness. That’s why, when talking to Evangelicals about the existence of God, the first question to ask them is “How do you define God?” What are his qualities and attributes? Typically, no two Evangelicals will give you the same answer.
During O’Connor’s discussion with Dr. Collins, one idea came up several times; that the most important question any of us can ask is “Does God exist?” I suppose in atheist-Christian debating circles this might be true, but, for me personally, and I expect for many of you who read this blog, answering the question “Does God exist?” is not at the top of your list of important questions to answer. In fact, I suspect, for those of you who have always been atheists or deconverted years ago, the God question rarely crosses your mind, that is, unless a Christian zealot is in your face trying to get you to pay attention to his God and the importance of getting saved lest you die and end up in Hell.
The only time I even think about God is when I am writing an article for this site. Otherwise, God rarely crosses my mind unless I just stepped on a Lego left on the floor by one of my grandsons, leading to me uttering “God dammit” or “Jesus Christ.” I sure hope the Lord appreciates my worship. 🙂
Pondering deep philosophical questions is largely the domain of white, affluent westerners who have time and money to sit around pondering God’s existence and the meaning of life. For most people, their lives are focused on more pressing questions such as earning a living, providing for their family, renting/buying a home, putting food on the table, and making sure they have a running automobile or reliable transportation to get where they need to go. By the time working-class/middle-class people sit down at the end of the day, the last thing on their minds is the question, “Does God exist?
How about you? Is the “Does God exist?” question important to you? Or do you find such discussions boring, reminders of the endless chattering about theology during your days as a Christian? I wonder if I am alone with my indifference towards this question. I have reached a place in life where I simply no longer care. I have far more pressing issues that vex my soul, especially matters concerning my health, family, and economic well-being. Please share your pithy thoughts in the comment section.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
I started blogging in 2007, a year or so before I deconverted. From 2007 to today, I have received thousands of emails, comments, and social media messages from Evangelical Christians. Many of these believers think that God, in the person of the Holy Spirit, lives inside of them as their teacher and guide; that the Bible is the inerrant, infallible Word of God; that every word in the Bible is true, straight from the mouth of God; and that God either gives them messages to send me by whispering to them in a still, small voice only they can hear and having them put those messages in an email, or by directing them to certain Bible verses to send me that will bring conviction and repentance in my life if I dare but read and accept them.
As of 9:29 pm, on January 8, 2025, every Evangelical Christian who has deigned to send me a message straight from the triune God of the Bible has miserably failed. Every last one of them. Is it that I am so hardened to sin and the gospel that I am unreachable? Or is the real issue I know the Bible better than most of the Evangelicals who contact me; that their messages from God or quotes from the Bible are unpersuasive when measured by skeptical, rational, evidentiary standards?
Most Evangelicals are presuppositionalists (and all of us are to some degree or the other), presupposing without evidence that the Christian God is the one and only true God; that the Bible is the very Words of God. Evangelicals expect atheists and other unbelievers to accept these claims as true without evidence, and if we don’t, we are deliberately suppressing what we know to be true. If you have ever engaged an Evangelical presuppositionalist in a debate, you know it is impossible to have a meaningful discussion with him as long as he holds on to these unsupported beliefs. These are faith claims, and as such beyond rational debate.
You cannot prove the Bible by the Bible. That’s called circular reasoning. The Bible is a book of claims, not a compendium of evidence. When Evangelicals make claims from the Bible, I ask them for non-Biblical evidence for their claims. Just because the Bible says __________________ doesn’t mean it is true. To an atheist, the Bible is just printed words on pages. When the Bible makes a claim, the atheist is justified in asking for evidence to prove the claim. Ken Ham can say the Bible says the universe was created in six literal twenty-four-hour days, 6,027 years ago; that Adam and Eve were the first humans; that God destroyed almost every living thing on the earth with a flood a few thousand years ago; that human language variation began at the Tower of Babel, but these claims are meaningless to me apart from evidence outside of the Bible. Simply put, the Bible is a book of words, no different from countless other books I can buy from Amazon or other booksellers. When you say to me, Bruce, the BIBLE says ____________, my first response is this: “And I should care, why? “
To those God has given a message via Holy Spook ESP®, I ask you: How do you know the voice in your head is God’s? How do you know the message is from God and not the personal thoughts you want to share with me? How do you distinguish between God’s voice and yours? What empirical evidence can you provide for your claim that your message for me is a supernatural communiqué from the God of the Bible? Do you really expect me to believe you just because you SAY your message is from your peculiar deity?
I am an agnostic atheist. I am not an anti-theist. I can be convinced of a God’s existence if sufficient evidence is provided. My “heart” is open to truth, and since God knows where I live, he can cut out the middlemen and talk to me directly. Is this too much to ask for?
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
David Malllinak is the pastor of Berean Baptist Church — an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) congregation in Ogden, Utah. Several years ago, Mallinak wrote a post titled Why It Stinks to be An Atheist. As is common in such articles written by Evangelical preachers, Mallinak writes about an atheism that does not exist. He claims to have heard all the atheist arguments, yet he dismisses them out of hand.
Mallinak begins by saying:
If, as the atheist claims, all the world is a product of impersonal forces – the collision of matter and energy – or perhaps, lightning striking mud, then what we really have going on is this gigantic chemical reaction which members of the press somberly describe as “breaking news.” Sometimes the chemicals fizz; sometimes they pop; sometimes they experience diaphragm spasms; sometimes they debate. But the chemical activity from one beaker to the next really doesn’t matter because it isn’t really anything anyway. Some brains spark rationally, and some quite irrationally, and that is what chemicals do given certain temperatures and atmospheric pressures.
Atheism is the absence of belief in the existence of gods. That’s it. Any other belief added to this statement is beyond the scope of atheism proper. While most atheists accept evolution as the best explanation for our biological world and accept scientific consensus for the age of the earth and the universe, not all atheists do. Many atheists are indifferent about matters of science. I, for one, have little interest in discussions about the beginning of the universe. I am far more concerned about the here and now than what took place billions of years ago,
Mallinak would have us believe, based on his ignorant understanding of human minds, that atheists believe rationality and irrationality are based solely on chemical processes. While the brain sending and receiving chemical/electrical signals throughout our bodies controls all sorts of physical processes, including thinking, we must not ignore how external influences, education, experiences, and traumas affect our thinking too. Rationality and irrationality are affected by both nature and nurture.
Mallinak goes on to say that because atheists believe in a world of impersonal causes our lives lack wit, will, wisdom, personality, design, intention, or purpose:
Ideas have consequences. The atheist imagines a world without God – a world of impersonal causes. In the ultimate order of things, there can be no wit, no will, no wisdom, no personality, no design, no intention, no purpose. Thus, Christian apologists have pointed out that nihilism is the only consistent atheism.
While this may be true on a cosmic level, it is certainly not true as we live our day-to-day lives as godless heathens. Sure, some atheists are nihilists, but most are not. The reason for this, of course, is that most atheists are humanists. It is secular humanism that provides many atheists with an ethical and moral foundation by which to live their lives. (Mallinak writes as if he’s never heard of secular humanism.) Humanism gives them meaning, purpose, and direction. Want to call humanism a religion? Fine, I don’t care. To suggest that atheists don’t have wit, will, wisdom, personality, design, intention, or purpose is absurd, nothing more than an attempt to paint atheists in a bad light. Humanism provides a comprehensive challenge to Mallinek’s Fundamentalist worldview. And the good news for humanists is that we are free to draw from all sorts of worldviews as we build a moral and ethical framework for our lives, including Christianity. I have no problem admitting that my worldview is deeply affected by the fifty years I spent in Christianity — for good or ill. I embrace the good things I learned from Christianity while rejecting those beliefs and teachings that cause harm. I view the Bible as a book of wisdom and spiritual teachings, just as I do other religious texts.
Mallinak believes that atheists live in denial of the logical conclusions of their beliefs; those beliefs, of course, as defined by a right-wing preacher:
If we could get our atheist friends to be honest with their own worldview and to follow their premises to their logical conclusions, this is what we would get. And that’s why it stinks to be an atheist. Because once in a while, as someone else has pointed out, the atheist looks around him at all the beauty and all the splendor and all the delights of this world, and feels a strange and alien sensation creep into his heart that for a moment makes him want to contradict his own premises and feel what the Christians describe as “gratitude.” But in that moment of insanity, he stumbles over two roadblocks. First, his atheism leaves him with no way of accounting for the sensation of gratitude, aside from an exalted notion that his feelings are actually things and that they mean something. How irrational in a world of impersonal cause! And then, if those irrational sensations persist, he looks around for someone to thank and finds nobody.
Mallinak lives in a religious bubble that requires a God for goodness to exist; for beauty to exist; and for gratitude to exist. Lacking imagination, Mallinak cannot fathom a world without his peculiar version of God, one shaped by his idiosyncratic interpretations of the sixty-six books of the King James Bible. Mallinak alleges that he has talked to atheists; that he has atheist friends. I question how many intimate atheist friends he might have. IFB preachers have little room in their lives for people who disagree with them; especially people who consider their beliefs and practices harmful, both psychologically and physically.
I have been an outspoken atheist for almost seventeen years. I have answered allegations such as Mallinak’s many times. On the About page for this site you will find the following advice I give to readers:
You have one life. There is no heaven or hell. There is no afterlife. You have one life, it’s yours, and what you do with it is what matters most. Love and forgive those who matter to you and ignore those who add nothing to your life. Life is too short to spend time trying to make nice with those who will never make nice with you. Determine who are the people in your life that matter and give your time and devotion to them. Live each and every day to its fullest. You never know when death might come calling. Don’t waste time trying to be a jack of all trades, master of none. Find one or two things you like to do and do them well. Too many people spend way too much time doing things they will never be good at.
Here’s the conclusion of the matter. It’s your life and you best get to living it. Someday, sooner than you think, it will be over. Don’t let your dying days be ones of regret over what might have been.
I try to live by these principles every day. As far as gratitude is concerned, I give thanks/praise/credit to those to whom it is due. When my partner of forty-six years cooks an awesome meal, I don’t praise a dead Jew who lies buried somewhere outside of Jerusalem. I praise the person who prepared, cooked, and served the meal. When someone does something for me, I thank them. I focus my gratitude on those who matter, and not a deity who is nowhere to be found. And wonder? I am filled with wonder everytime I see my six children and their partners, and my sixteen grandchildren. What a blessing to have a wonderful family. I have a sense of wonder when I watch our four cats run and play with nary a thought of what is happening outside. We are blessed to have lots of wildlife frequent our yard; birds, squirrels, possums, raccoons, skunks, and deer. We also have numerous feral/stray cats that come to our home for food, water, and housing. I marvel at their abilities to survive both the cruelty of their former owners, but also nature itself. Finally, when I look at the night sky I am filled with wonder, grateful that I have been given this moment in time by my ancestors to experience life to its fullest. Yes, I live with a plethora of health problems and battle unrelenting, pervasive pain every waking moment of my life, but on balance, I am grateful to be alive.
Mallinak will reject the locus of my gratitude, but that’s his problem, not mine. He needs a God, a church, and a Bible for his life to have meaning. Having been indoctrinated and conditioned to have a Christ/God-centric life, he likely cannot fathom how an atheist can have a happy, satisfying life.
Mallinak writes:
I would rather worship the Triune God in all His glory and majesty and infinite, loving power and goodness, even if He was make-believe. Yes, I prefer an imaginary God to “the unyielding despair” required by the premises of atheism.
…
But of course, the Triune God is no more make-believe than the sun in the sky. Man could not invent such a God any more than a man could invent himself. If the Triune God Who has revealed Himself in Scripture doesn’t exist, then we cannot explain the world we live in. Morality goes away. Beauty is meaningless. Reason dies. All is meaningless, purposeless. It stinks to be an atheist.
Mallinak would rather believe in a mythical God than accept the world as it is. His ignorant view of atheism has allowed him to construct an atheist straw man, one which he burns to the ground, all the while surrounded by atheists who wonder what the crazy preacher is burning. Much like the deity he worships, Mallinak is torching a myth, Instead of allowing atheists to define themselves, Mallinak insists that he knows non-believers better than they know themselves. How could it be otherwise? He believes God, in the person of the Holy Spirit, lives inside of him, teaching and guiding him through life. He believes this same Spirit talks to him, both personally and through the pages of the Bible. He is certain that his interpretations of the Bible are right, and that his understanding of the Scriptures perfectly aligns with the mind of God. This kind of thinking breeds certainty and arrogance, so it is not surprising that Mallinak thinks he knows how atheists think and what they believe. (Yet, I suspect it upsets him when atheists ignorantly pontificate on what Christians believe without knowildedge and understanding of the religions and its teachings>)
Mallinak concludes his screed with his version of Pascal’s Wager:
Let me invite you to a thought experiment for a moment. Think of this as a spin on Paschal’s wager. If atheism is right, it doesn’t matter whether I believe in God or not. We all die like dogs, and then the skin worms get down to business. But if Christianity is right, we can make sense of the world. If God created the world, then that explains everything – reason, morality, goodness, truth, ice cream flavors, heat and cold, dreams and ideals and disappointments and satisfaction – it all makes sense. If God made the world, then we can justify our innate desires for the good of humanity.
Sigh, right? (Please see Why I Use the Word “Sigh.”) Mallinak’s wager is built upon the foundation of a false definition of atheism and a lack of understanding the humanistic principles by which most atheists live their lives. No matter how much Mallinak protests, atheists and humanists can explain “reason, morality, goodness, truth, ice cream flavors, heat and cold, dreams and ideals and disappointments and satisfaction.” It all makes sense to atheists, without deities and religion getting in the way.
Life is good. May Loki be praised! 🙂
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Evangelical Christians believe in everlasting punishment for all those who die without faith in Jesus Christ. According to Evangelical dogma, the vast majority of humanity — past, present, and future — will end up in the Lake of Fire after they die, forever tortured by God for their sin and unbelief.
When asked where Hell is located, Evangelicals either stupidly say it’s in the center of the earth or, in a rare breath of honesty, say they don’t know. The Hell of eternal punishment exists only in the pages of the Bible. Within broader Christianity, the existence of Hell (the Lake of Fire), its purpose, and who ends up there, if anyone, is hotly debated. For unbelievers, especially agnostics and atheists, Hell is a myth, a theological concept used by clerics to promote fear among church members, knowing fearful congregants are more likely to obey their commands, attend church, and keep offering plates full. Remove the threat of Hell and I suspect scores of people will stop attending church. Without fear, they might be inclined to sleep in on Sundays, watch the NFL, and spend their tithes and offerings on personal needs instead of funding their pastors’ every whim.
When asked if I believe in the existence of Hell, I give a two-part answer. No, I don’t believe in the existence of big H Hell, but I do believe in little h hell. Little h hell is what humans do to each other, other animals, and the planet they live on.
Hell is a creation of human imagination. I explain it this way:
Good News: Hell is the creation of human imagination.
Bad News: Human imagination knows no bounds when it comes to cruelty and violence
I do not fear landing in Hell after I die. I am confident that once I draw my last draw, that will be the end for me; that I will return to the same darkness and nothingness as before I was conceived. I do, however, fear the hell that my fellow humans can and do inflict upon our planet and its inhabitants. Come January 20, 2025, Donald Trump will become president and unleash upon the American people hell that we have not seen in many years. Imagine the hell that will be unleashed by MAGA extremists such as Tulsi Gabbard (Director of National Intelligence), Scott Bessent (Treasury Secretary), Pete Hegseth (Defense Secretary), Pam Bondi (Attorney General), Kristi Noem (Homeland Security Secretary), Robert F. Kennedy Jr.(Health and Human Services Secretary), Doug Burgum (Interior Secretary), Chris Wright (Energy Secretary), Linda McMahon (Education Secretary), Lee Zeldin (EPA Administrator), Kash Patel (FBI Director), Tom Homan (Border Czar), Elon Musk (Department of Government Efficiency), Vivek Ramaswamy (Department of Government Efficiency), and Russ Vought (Office of Management and Budget Director). These men and women are committed to enacting and enforcing Trump’s extremist social, health, education, and economic policies, regardless of the hell they cause the American people and the world at large.
Trump relishes chaos, so we shouldn’t be surprised when his rhetoric and saber-rattling land the U.S. in new military incursions while trying to end conflicts in Ukraine and the Middle East abruptly. His threat of withdrawing the U.S. from N.A.T.O. should scare all of us. Trump’s insane commitment to tariffs will certainly cause increased inflation as businesses increase prices to offset tariff costs, as will his plan to cut the social safety net. His plan calls for large-scale immigration enforcement and deportations of primarily Mexican and Latin American immigrants. Doing so will likely tank portions of our economy that rely on migrant workers (many of whom are undocumented). The new Department of Government Efficiency hopes to set much of the federal government and its agencies on fire, causing untold harm to the American people. And Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.? Left to his own devices, Kennedy, Jr. will turn HHS into a health food store, and leave us largely unprepared for the next pandemic.
Of course, the United States is but one country out of 193, each with its dispensers of hell on earth. As of June 2024, there were 56 military conflicts in the world, involving 92 countries in conflicts outside their borders. Famine and lack of sufficient food, water, housing, and medical care remain a major problem in many countries. Increased world temperatures and weather extremes remain a threat to our very existence; that is if a nuclear war doesn’t destroy our planet.
Hell and threats of hell abound, and all any of us can do is help put out as many fires as we can. Yes, Trump is a major hell threat, but his ability to burn everything to the ground except his bank account remains to be seen. Will there be Republicans who will stand up to his extremism? It’s doubtful, but perhaps a few of them will wake up, get their noses out of Trump’s ass, and remember that they serve the American people. The year 2026 will provide voters will an opportunity to right the Congressional boat, thus limiting the damage Trump and his acolytes can do. However, Trump has two years to pretty much do what he wants. Democrats are largely powerless, most Republicans are MAGA devotees, and the U.S. Supreme Court is controlled by right-wing ideology. Protests are sure to come, and I fear violence will follow. Sadly, this will give leave for Trump to unleash “HIS” FBI and Justice Department on protestors and anyone else on his blacklist.
I see little that would cause me to be optimistic. We are in for hell over the next few years. I will do what I can to put out fires or at least keep them from engulfing people and institutions, while at the same time pushing back against Christian Nationalists who see Trump’s presidency as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to turn back sixty years of secular, social, and church-state progress.
I hope I am wrong, but so far, all I see is a raging fire on the horizon. Hell awaits us, and whether we survive remains to be seen.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
This is the latest installment in the Sacrilegious Humor series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a comedy bit that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please email me the name of the bit or a link to it.
Today’s video is Coming Out As Agnostic by Emily Catalano.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Secular Humanism is about humans and what’s good for them. Christianity is about Jesus and what’s good for him.
— Matt Dillahunty, The Atheist Experience, 2017
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
My partner, Amy Gustin, had a great idea the other day. This is not at all unusual for her. A lot of my columns begin with one of her great ideas, and this is one of them. The other day, Amy was perusing some books about the cave paintings at Lascaux and Chauvet while contemplating the flora and fauna of Ice Age Europe, and speculating about the Paleolithic origins of certain pagan European Christmas symbols, when she said this: “Environmentalists should take over Christmas.”
“What?” I replied. She explained that a lot of European pagan Christmas symbols celebrate the Boreal Forest and an arctic climate. We have Christmas trees. Christmas is the only time of year when snow is popular, and Santa lives at the North Pole and gets around on a sled pulled by caribou. All of these things remind us of the Arctic, and they should remind us that the Arctic is undergoing dramatic changes due to global climate change.
Can you think of a better symbol for global climate change than Santa Claus? First, he drives a zero-emission, carbon-neutral vehicle, and he’s been doing it for centuries. Second, everything Santa owns faces imminent destruction, unless we can stop the sea ice from shrinking. Santa, Mrs. Claus, all of the elves, and the whole toy factory are headed straight for a watery grave at the bottom of the ocean unless we stop global warming now.
….
Coca-Cola has done a great job of making the polar bear into a symbol of Christmas, and we should adopt that symbol wholeheartedly. Instead of Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus, put a mother polar bear and her two cubs in your nativity scene. I’m all for wise men, if you can find any, but how wise can your men be if they’re standing next to a hungry polar bear?
The global climate crisis affects everyone, and it’s time to make Christmas into a holiday for everyone. From now on, Christmas is about the North Pole and the gift of a stable climate. Being born doesn’t get you a holiday, in my book. Jesus has a holiday — it’s the one he lived and died for, and Christians should go ahead and do Easter big. But Christmas is too important to let Christians hog it to themselves. Besides, Christmas is better without Jesus.
We’ve still got Santa Claus, but now Christmas is about saving Santa. We’ve got reindeer and sleigh bells, snow and Christmas trees and we’ve got all of the animals coming together to help their friend the polar bear. We’ve got the Nutcracker to help us crack the nut of global climate change, and we can re-edit the Charlie Brown Christmas Special so that Linus’ big speech reflects the holiday’s bold new direction. Everything you love about Christmas will still be there for you, but now Christmas has a mission.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Evangelical Tom “shares” the gospel with Atheist Jean
Christmas: it’s that time of year. Joy to the World. Handel’s Messiah. Cookies and fudge. Eggnog. Shopping. Evergreen trees decked with ornaments and lights. Cards. Presents. Ugly sweaters. Family gatherings. Excited grandchildren. Ah, the wonders of the Christmas season.
But there’s one aspect of Christmas hated by non-Christians, and that’s their Evangelical relatives and friends using the holiday as an opportunity to evangelize those they deem lost and headed for Hell.
From tracts stuffed into Christmas cards to Christian-themed gifts, evangelistically-motivated Evangelicals make sure that their non-Christian family members and friends know that Jesus is the Reason for Season and that unless they know The Prince of Peace, They will Have No Peace.
Even worse are those Evangelicals who make a concerted effort to talk to unsaved relatives about their spiritual condition at family Christmas gatherings. Told by their pastors to use the Christmas season, with its focus on joy and family, as an opportunity to witness to the lost, Evangelicals make concerted efforts to put in a good word for Jesus whenever they have an opportunity to do so.
We’ve all been there. We’re hanging out with our family at the annual Christmas gathering: eating Mom’s food, swapping childhood stories, drinking wine, laughing, and enjoying life. And out of the corner of our eye, we see Evangelical Uncle Bob coming towards us. Oh shit, we say to ourselves,not THIS again. “This” being Uncle Bob snuggling up to you so he can tell you for seemingly the hundredth time that Christmas is all about Jesus, and that the greatest gift in the world is the salvation that God offers to every sinner. Sinner, of course, being you. And as in every other year, you will politely listen, smile, and think in your mind, just one time I’d like to tell Uncle Bob to take his religion and shove it up his ass. Your thoughts will remain unspoken, and after your evangelizing relative is finished extolling the wonders of Jesus and his blood, you say to him, just as you do every other year, Hey, Uncle Bob, how ’bout them Cowboys? You know that there is one thing that Uncle Bob loves to talk about almost as much as his savior Jesus, and that’s America’s team, the Dallas Cowboys.
Several years ago, Fundamentalist Calvinist pastor John Piper reminded his fellow cultists of the importance of giving non-Christian relatives prayed-over, Bible-saturated books during the Christmas season. Piper wrote:
The Christmas season is ripe for “reviving your concern” (Philippians 4:10) for the spiritual wellbeing of friends and family members. We may lament the expectations of gift-giving and the excesses of holiday spending, but we can take it as an opportunity to invest in eternity by putting God-centered, gospel-rich content into the hands of those we love.
Next to the Bible, perhaps the most enduringly valuable gifts you can give this Christmas are books soaked in God and his grace. Online articles, sermons, and podcast episodes change lives and sustain souls, but they don’t make for typical material Christmas gifts. Printed books, on the other hand, wrap well, and can be just as life-changing and soul-saving, and more.
As Christmas approaches, we wanted to remind you of our recent titles from the team at Desiring God. We’ve done our best to saturate them in the Bible and fill them with God and his gospel, and we’ve prayed over them again that they might be a means of God’s grace not only for you, but also your loved ones…
I know this sounds counterintuitive. In fact, to some, this may sound like downright heresy! Some of us have been trained to “make sure to state the whole gospel” or “their blood will be on our hands.” To me, that sounds a bit like a lack of trust in the sovereignty of God. In our day of constant contact (through email, texts, tweets, etc.) we can trust God to string together a partial conversation at Christmas dinner to a follow up discussion the next day, to a phone conversation, to numerous emails, etc. Some of our unsaved family members and friends need to digest parts of the gospel (“How can God be both loving and holy?”) before they can take the next bite (“Jesus’ death resolves the tension of God’s love and his holiness.”)…
Back in the days when I was a fire-breathing Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) preacher, I encouraged church members to use the Christmas holiday as an opportunity to witness to their unsaved relatives. Hell is hot and death is certain, I told congregants. Dare we ignore their plight? Remember, the Bible says that if we fail to warn our wicked relatives of their wicked ways and they die and go to Hell, their blood will be on our hands. Despite my attempts to guilt church members into evangelizing their relatives, not one member reported successfully doing so. Most of them, I suspect, ignored my preaching and said nothing to their relatives. And those who did likely made half-hearted attempts to interject Jesus into family Christmas discussions. Regardless, not one person was saved as a result of our Christmas witnessing.
Let me conclude this post with a heartfelt, honest appeal from non-Christians to Evangelicals bent on witnessing to family and friends during the Christmas season:
Christmas is all about love, joy, peace, and family. Religion, like politics, is a divisive subject, and talking about it will certainly engender strife and resentment. I know that you think our negative response toward your evangelistic effort is the result of our sinfulness and hatred of God. What you fail to see is that our irritation and anger is the result of your unwillingness to value family more than you do Jesus. Besides, we’ve heard your Jesus shtick before. We get it: we are sinners, Jesus died on the cross for our sins and resurrected from the grave three days later. If we want our sins forgiven, we must repent of our sins and accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. If we refuse God’s wonderful offer of salvation and eternal life, when we die, we will go to Hell. See? We heard you. There’s no need for you to keep doing your best imitation of a skipping record. If we ask you a question about your religion, then, by all means, answer it. We asked, and we wouldn’t have asked if we didn’t want to know. However, if we don’t ask, please keep your religion to yourself. If you truly love and respect us, please leave us alone.
If you choose to ignore our request, we will assume that you are determined to be an asshole for Jesus. While we will likely walk away from you, we might, depending on our mood, decide to give you a dose of your own medicine by sharing why we think your God and Jesus are fictitious. We might even challenge your so-called Bible beliefs. You see, we know a lot more about Christianity than we are telling. It’s not that we don’t know. We do, and we find the Christian narrative intellectually lacking. While Jesus gives your life meaning, purpose, and peace, we have found these same things in atheism, agnosticism, humanism, paganism, or non-Christian religions. We don’t need what you have because we already have it.
Most of us who are non-Christians will spend the Christmas holiday surrounded by believers. In many instances, we will be the only non-Christian in the room. While we love the Christmas season — with its bright colors, feasts, and family gatherings — contemplating the fact that we will be the only atheist at the family Christmas gathering can be stressful. We understand that Christmas is considered a Christian holiday. When Christian prayers are uttered, we will respectfully bow our heads. When Christmas carols are sung around the hearth, we will likely join in (many of us like singing Christmas songs). We will do our best to blend in.
Please, for one day, when we are all gathered together in expression of our love for one another, leave Jesus and your religion at the door. By all means, if you must talk about Jesus, seek out like-minded Christian family members and talk to them. When talking to us, let’s agree to talk about the things we have in common: family, childhood experiences, and our favorite football team.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
A year or so ago, Richard, an Evangelical Christian, sent me an email, to which I responded in the post Dear Richard, the Evangelical Christian. Richard did not respond to my post, either by commenting or sending me an email.
Today, Richard sent me another email, which is reproducedbelow. In round two, I will attempt to respond to Richard again. (All spelling, grammar, and punctuation in the original.)
Bruce, I wrote you about fourteen months ago. I am glad that you are still alive, for where there is life, there is hope.
Richard, I find it troublesome that the only reason you’re glad I’m still alive is so I might yet get saved. 2024 was a difficult year for me physically. Four months ago, I had major surgery on my spine. I am still recovering from this procedure. I continue to have increasing problems with gastroparesis and exocrine pancreatic insufficiency — both of which have robbed me of the joy of eating. I’m on the short side of life, so I’m glad to be alive, not so I still have an opportunity to get washed in the blood of Jesus, but because I want to spend as much time as possible with my partner, children, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren. I hope to live another day for them, knowing they will miss me when I’m gone. There’s no Heaven, Hell, or afterlife, so each day matters to me, knowing that the moment I draw my last breath, life will end for me. Most days, I think that sucks, but some days my pain is so severe that death seems preferable to living, Fortunately, such moments pass. Whether that will always be the case, I know not.
Hope, from my perspective, is the promise of tomorrow. Since death is the end of the road for all of us, my hope focuses on what life I have left; which may be an hour, a day, a month, or a year or two or three. I want to cram as much living into my life as possible. I have no interest in spending time on mythical beings or Bible verses that have no relevance or bearing on my life.
God has given His human creation and His angelic host free-will (i.e., the right to choose their destiny in life and death).
First, I’m an atheist, so I reject the notion that God created us.
Second, I reject the notion that we have libertarian free will. As a Christian, I didn’t believe in free will either. Surely you don’t believe sinners can get saved any time they want.
If you want to have a debate about free will, I’m game. I’m well versed in what the Bible says on the matter.
Your website states that you are both a humanist and an atheist, but that may not be altogether true. You did not start out that way. At some point in time, you made a conscious choice to move in that direction.
What do you mean by “that may not be altogether true”? I am a humanist and an atheist. Are you saying I’m lying or that I don’t know what I believe?
Yes, I chose to be an atheist and a humanist. I also chose to be a Christian and a pastor. I chose to marry Polly and have six children with her. I chose to spend twenty-five years pastoring churches, just as I chose to walk away from Christianity almost seventeen years ago.
Since you have free will and as long as you have life, you have the right to stay with your current position or adopt some other position in the future!
Sure, and I will become a Christian the moment I am provided persuasive evidence for the existence of God and the supernatural claims of the Bible. Do you have such evidence, Richard? If so, I would love to see it. Preaching at me will not work, and neither will quoting Bible verses.
The measure of true character is the actions we take when we are under enormous stress/pressure.
I agree, and that is why you should compliment me for being willing to be honest and deconvert, even though I was under tremendous pressure to remain a Christian, under threats of judgment and Hell.
The Garden of Gethsemane was thebest opportunity by Satan to subvert God’s plan of salvation for His human creation. If Jesus had died in the Garden and not on the cross, He would not have died an ignominious, humiliating death on a Roman cross, but He also would not have been able to completely fulfill all that was foretold about Him in the Scriptures. Jesus did not take the easy way out, but drank the full cup of suffering He was required to drink to satisfy the complete payment for our sins.
Richard, I have suffered far more than Jesus did. He had a really bad day hanging on the cross, but then he died and was resurrected 48-72 hours later. I have battled chronic illness and pain for over twenty years. No ascension to Heaven for me. Just painful suffering from the moment I awake until I fall asleep — that is, IF I sleep. Many nights, I sleep an hour or so at a time before pain in my spine, neck, legs, or shoulders wakes me up.
I hope you know your sermonizing means nothing to me. Jesus lived and died, end of story. You assume facts not in evidence; claims based on faith, not evidence.
Bruce, in a race, especially the race of life, the most important stage of the race is to finish strong and hopefully win.
That’s not how I live my life. Life is all about the journey and not the destination. Since we all die, none of us can “win.” Live long enough and you will face and experience diminished capacity and strength. I am a shell of the man I once was physically.
I live for the moment, Richard. If my life ends today, it will be with the knowledge that I have lived a good life; that I have been blessed to spend forty-six years with my best friend and lover; and that I have lived long enough to see some of my grandchildren graduate from high school and go off to college. I’ve had a good life, so what could your Jesus add to my life? Nothing that I can think of.
Jesus is the One I try to emulate. He claimed that His Word is truth and He also claimed to be the Way, the Truth, and the Life. I believe Him. He spoke of Hell in very graphic terms and convinced me that Hell is somewhere I do not even want to visit, let alone spend eternity there.
So what? I don’t care what the Bible says. I don’t think the Bible is a supernatural text written by a supernatural God.
I do not fear Hell, because I am confident that no such place exists. The Evangelical Hell is used as a tool to elicit fear in non-Christians so they will get saved. Its ultimate use is to put asses in church pews and money in offering plates.
And even if I believed in the existence of a place called Hell — a place created by God to eternally punish non-Christians — I would not worship God. Any deity that punishes finite sins with eternal punishment is not a God worthy of worship. Such a God is a moral monster.
The other day, I listened to a video broadcast between two well-known and respected scientists who, at the start of their lives both knew hardly anything about God, but now are both committed Christians. One is a chemist and the other one is a physicist. The chemist grew up in a secular Jewish home, yet has a love relationship and a closeness with Jesus that I wish I had but do not yet have.
I am including a link below regarding that video I heard. Bruce, you might even enjoy it and it could rekindle something that died long ago.
No thanks. You seem to not understand why I deconverted. Please read or re-read the posts found on the Why? page. A YouTube video is not going to change my mind about the existence of the Christian deity. I was an Evangelical Christian for almost fifty years I have a Bible college education and pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years. I spent 20,000 hours reading and studying the Bible. You really don’t understand my story if you think this video is going to “rekindle something that died long ago.” Give me credit for doing my homework, Richard. When I deconverted in 2008, I did so with eyes wide open, knowing that I was making the right decision.
And for the record, Dr. James Tour [one of the scientists on the video] is a dick. He is a terrible advertisement for Christianity.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Recently, a reader sent me several thoughtful questions that I would like to answer in this post:
Dear Bruce,
I admire how you bravely stood up by writing that letter to make the points you made. Years later, after the firestorm, do you still think writing it was the best way to let everyone know about your deconversion? Any regrets over the firestorm?
Also, I wonder if any old friends who are evangelicals remained friends with you afterward?
I wonder all this because I am unsure about whether I should come out publicly or not. Our personalities are quite different, but I value your perspective.
My partner, Polly, and I, along with our three youngest children — then ages 18, 16, and 14 — attended church for the last time on the last Sunday in November 2008. We had been attending the Ney United Methodist Church on Sundays, though occasionally we would visit other churches. For months prior, Polly and I had been talking about our experiences as Evangelical Christians. Both of us had spent our entire lives in Evangelical churches. After marrying in 1978, we spent twenty-five years pastoring Evangelical churches in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Our last pastorate (2003) was a Southern Baptist church in Clare, Michigan. We spent the next five years visiting over one hundred churches (Please see But Our Church is DIFFERENT!) in five states looking for a place to call home. Instead, we became increasingly disillusioned by what we saw, heard, and experienced, in both Evangelical and mainline churches.
During these five years, we spent countless hours talking about our experiences and beliefs. By the time we reached 2008, Polly and I had serious doubts about the Bible and the bedrock beliefs we held dear. Both of us feared where the path we were on would lead, but we couldn’t stop. Indeed, we were on the slippery slopes our pastors warned us about — the downward slope that led to unbelief.
I’m not sure that either of us thought our last Sunday at Ney United Methodist was the end of the road for us, but after we came home from church, with tears in my eyes, I said to Polly, “I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.” Polly replied, “I’m done too.” Discussions, of course, about the Bible, religion, and church, in general, continued for some time. We weren’t atheists, but we weren’t Christians either. Our identities were so wrapped up in the ministry as pastor and pastor’s wife, we were uncertain about what the future held for us — including whether God was going to punish us or strike us dead for walking away from Christianity.
Rumors had been swirling among Evangelical friends, colleagues in the ministry, and former church members for some time. To put an end to all the gossip, I decided to write an open letter, and send it out to family, friends, and former parishioners. Sent out to a hundred or so people, here’s what I wrote:
Dear Family, Friends, and Former Parishioners,
I have come to a place in life where I can no longer put off writing this letter. I have dreaded this day because I know what is likely to follow after certain people receive it. I have decided I can’t control how others react to this letter, so it is far more important to clear the air and make sure everyone knows the facts about Bruce Gerencser.
I won’t bore you with a long, drawn-out history of my life. I am sure each of you has an opinion about how I have lived my life and the decisions I have made. I also have an opinion about how I have lived my life and the decisions I made. I am my own worst critic.
Religion, in particular Baptist, Evangelical, and Fundamentalist religion, has been the essence of my life from my youth up. My being is so intertwined with religion that the two are quite inseparable. My life has been shaped and molded by religion, and religion touches virtually every fiber of my being.
I spent most of my adult life pastoring churches, preaching, and being involved in religious work to some degree or another. I pastored thousands of people over the years, preached thousands of sermons, and participated in and led thousands of worship services.
To say that the church was my life would be an understatement. But, as I have come to see, the church was actually my mistress, and my adulterous affair with her was at the expense of my wife, children, and my own self-worth. (Please see It’s Time to Tell the Truth: I Had an Affair.)
Today, I am publicly announcing that the affair is over. My wife and children have known this for a long time, but now everyone will know.
The church robbed me of so much of my life, and I have no intention of allowing her to have one more moment of my time. Life is too short. I am dying. We all are. I don’t want to waste what is left of my life chasing after things I now think are vain and empty.
I have always been known as a reader, a student of the Bible. I have read thousands of books in my lifetime. The knowledge gained from my reading and studies has led me to some conclusions about religion, particularly the Fundamentalist, Evangelical religion that played such a prominent part in my life.
I can no longer wholeheartedly embrace the doctrines of Evangelical, Fundamentalist Christianity. Particularly, I do not believe in the inerrancy of Scripture, nor do I accept as true the common Evangelical belief of the inspiration of Scripture.
Coming to this conclusion has forced me to reevaluate many of the doctrines I have held as true over these many years. I have concluded that I have been misinformed, poorly taught, and sometimes lied to. As a result, I can no longer accept as true many of the doctrines I once believed.
I point the finger of blame at no one. I sincerely believed and taught the things that I did, and many of the men who taught me were honorable teachers. Likewise, I don’t blame those who have influenced me over the years, nor do I blame the authors of the many books I have read. Simply, it is what it is.
I have no time to invest in the blame game. I am where I am today for many reasons, and I must embrace where I am and move forward.
In moving forward, I have stopped attending church. I have not attended a church service since November of 2008. I have no interest or desire to attend any church regularly. This does not mean I will never attend a church service again, but it does mean, for NOW, I have no intention of attending church.
I pastored for the last time in 2003. Almost six years have passed by. I have no intentions of ever pastoring again. When people ask me about this, I tell them I am retired. With the health problems that I have, it is quite easy to make an excuse for not pastoring, but the fact is I don’t want to pastor.
People continue to ask me, “What do you believe?” Rather than inquiring about how my life is, the quality of that life, etc., they reduce my life to what I believe. Life becomes nothing more than a set of religious constructs. A good life becomes believing the right things.
I can tell you this . . . I believe God is . . . and that is the sum of my confession of faith.
A precursor to my religious views changing was a seismic shift in my political views. My political views were so entangled with my Fundamentalist beliefs that when my political views began to shift, my beliefs began to unravel.
I can better describe my political and social views than I can my religious ones. I am a committed progressive, liberal Democrat, with the emphasis being on the progressive and liberal. My evolving views on women, abortion, homosexuality, war, socialism, social justice, and the environment have led me to the progressive, liberal viewpoint.
I know some of you are sure to ask, what does your wife think of all of this? Quite surprisingly, she is in agreement with me on many of these things. Not all of them, but close enough that I can still see her standing here. Polly is no theologian. She is not trained in theology as I am. (She loves to read fiction.) Nevertheless, I was able to get her to read Bart Ehrman’s book Misquoting Jesus and several others. She found the books to be quite an eye-opener.
Polly is free to be whomever and whatever she wishes. If she wants to start attending the local Fundamentalist Baptist church, she is free to do so and even has my blessing. But, for now, she doesn’t. She may never believe as I do, but in my new way of thinking, that is okay. I really don’t care what others think. Are you happy? Are you at peace? Are you living a good, productive life? Do you enjoy life? Answering in the affirmative to these questions is good enough for me.
I have six children, three of whom are out on their own. For many years, I was the spiritual patriarch of the family. Everyone looked to me for answers. I feel somewhat burdened over my children. I feel as if I have left them out on their own with no protection. But, I know they have good minds and can think and reason for themselves. Whatever they decide about God, religion, politics, or American League baseball is fine with me.
All I ask of my wife and children is that they allow me the freedom to be myself, that they allow me to journey on in peace and love. Of course, I still love a rousing discussion about religion, the Bible, politics, etc. I want my family to know that they can talk to me about these things, and anything else for that matter, any time they wish.
Opinions are welcome. Debate is good. All done? Let’s go to the tavern and have a round on me. Life is about the journey, not the destination, and I want my wife and children to be a part of my journey, and I want to be a part of theirs.
One of the reasons for writing this letter is to put an end to the rumors and gossip about me. Did you know Bruce is/or is not_____________? Did you know Bruce believes____________? Did you know Bruce is a universalist, agnostic, atheist, liberal ___________?
For you who have been friends or former parishioners, I apologize to you if my changing beliefs have unsettled you or has caused you to question your own faith. That was never my intent.
The question is this: what now?
Family and friends are not sure what to do with me.
I am still Bruce. I am still married. I am still your father, father-in-law, grandfather, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, and son-in-law. I would expect you to love me as I am and treat me with respect.
Here is what I don’t want from you:
Attempts to show me the error of my way. Fact is, I have studied the Bible and read far more books than many of you. So what do you really think you are going to show me that will be so powerful and unknown that it will cause me to return to the religion and politics of my past?
Constant reminders that you are praying for me. Please don’t think of me as unkind, but I don’t care that you are praying for me. I find no comfort, solace, or strength from your prayers. So be my friend if you can, pray if you must, but leave your prayers in the closet. As long as God gets your prayer message, that will be sufficient.
Please don’t send me books, tracts, or magazines. You are wasting your time and money.
Invitations to attend your church. The answer is NO. Please don’t ask. I used to attend church for the sake of family, but no longer. It is hypocritical for me to perform a religious act of worship just for the sake of family. I know how to find a church if I am so inclined: after all, I have visited more than 125 churches since 2002. (Please see But Our Church is DIFFERENT!)
Offers of a church to pastor. It is not the lack of a church to pastor that has led me to where I am. If I would lie about what I believe, I could be pastoring again in a matter of weeks. I am not interested in ever pastoring a church again.
Threats about judgment and Hell. I don’t believe in either, so your threats have no impact on me.
Phone calls. If you are my friend, you know I don’t like talking on the phone. I have no interest in having a phone discussion about my religious or political views.
Here is what I do want from you: I want you to unconditionally love me where I am and how I am.
That’s it.
Now I realize some (many) of you won’t be able to do that. My friendship or familial relationship with you is cemented with the glue of Evangelical orthodoxy. Remove the Bible, God, and fidelity to a certain set of beliefs, and there is no basis for a continued relationship.
I understand that. I want you to know I have appreciated and enjoyed our friendship over the years. I understand that you cannot be my friend anymore. I even understand you may have to denounce me publicly and warn others to stay away from me for fear of me contaminating them with my heresy. Do what you must. We had some wonderful times together, and I will always remember those good times.
You are free from me if that is your wish.
I shall continue to journey on. I can’t stop. I must not stop.
Thank you for reading my letter.
Bruce
— end of letter
After this letter was received, the response of Evangelical family members, fellow preachers, and former church members was immediate. Letters. Emails. Books. Personal visits. Worse, the gossip didn’t stop. Now people were wondering if I was under the influence and control of Satan or whether I was even a Christian. Several pastor friends said I was mentally ill or that I was destroying my family. Not one person tried to understand where I was coming from. All they seemed to care about was that I left the cult.
Now to the questions.
Years later, after the firestorm, do you still think writing it was the best way to let everyone know about your deconversion?
I still think that writing the letter above was the best way to let everyone know that I was no longer a Christian. I genuinely thought that if I was just honest and open with people about where I was in life, everyone would understand. I was, of course, naive. I grossly underestimated how people would respond to the letter. Former church members, in particular, had a hard time reconciling my unbelief with the sermons they heard me preach and the part I played in leading them to salvation. If I could lose my faith, what about them? Several members told me that they found my deconversion so troubling that they could no longer be friends with me or even talk to me. (Please see Dear Greg, A Letter to a Former Parishioner: Dear Wendy, Dear Terry — Part One, and Dear Terry — Part Two.) Former colleagues in the ministry were far more hostile towards me. Their words cut me to the quick. These were the same men I preached for, prayed with, counseled and supported when they were going through tough times, and fellowshipped with, yet now I was a pariah, a man worthy or ridicule and judgment. (Please see Dear Friend.)
Any regrets over the firestorm?
I regret the pain I caused people who couldn’t reconcile my deconversion with what they knew about me. They knew me as a devout, committed follower of Jesus; a man who gave his all to the work of the ministry. “How was it possible that I was no longer a Christian?” they wondered. Of course, over the years, as I have shared on this blog more and more about my life as a pastor, and the contradictions between my aspirations and reality, their high regard for me lessened. And that’s fine. As a pastor, I was a fallible, frail man, prone to the same struggles others had. As I spoke about my decades-long struggle with depression, people wondered if I was fit to be a pastor. It took me losing my faith for people to see me as I was. Do I regret this? No, but I do wish I had received love, kindness, and understanding instead of being treated like their enemy.
Are any old friends who are evangelicals remained friends with you afterward?
All of my former colleagues in the ministry distanced themselves from me. It’s been years since I heard from any of them. I suppose this was to be expected. The glue that held our relationships together was fidelity to the Bible and Evangelical doctrine.
Former church members largely went on with their lives. I will run into a few of them at the grocery or doctor’s office. We share pleasantries, talk about our children and grandchildren, and part with a handshake and a smile. Two former congregants remained friends with us, but one of them has since died from COVID, and the other, a man I have known for almost sixty years, and I are not as close as we used to be. He texted me recently about getting together for lunch. I’m not sure whether I want to do this.
The email writer wonders whether she should come out publicly about her loss of faith. She is wise to carefully ponder doing so. Once a person publicly declares their atheism or agnosticism, they can no longer control the narrative. And as I learned, you can set your world on fire by doing so.
The Bible gives some pretty good advice about counting the cost in Luke 14:28-30:
For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.
Who starts a building project without first counting the cost? The key phrase here is counting the cost. Every choice we make has a consequence. I think a loose definition of Newton’s Third Law of Motion applies here: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Foolish is the person who does not consider the consequences of saying for the first time to family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances, I AM AN ATHEIST.
When I left Christianity and the ministry in 2008, my wife came along with me. Polly was a few steps behind, but close enough that we could hold hands. We spent many hours reading books and having long discussions about the past, the Bible, and Christianity in general. Dr. Bart Ehrman was nightly pillow talk for many months. When we finally came to the place where we said to one another “We are no longer Christians,” we knew that telling our family, friends, and acquaintances would cause a huge uproar. What should we do?
Polly decided to take the quiet approach, keeping her thoughts to herself. When asked, she would answer and try to explain, but if people didn’t ask, she felt no obligation to out herself. She still operates by that principle. There are people she works with who likely think she still goes to church on Sunday and is a fine Christian woman. Several years ago, a woman Polly had worked with for 20 years asked her if she was going to church on Easter. Polly replied, no. Her co-worker then asked, So do you go to church? Polly replied, No. And that was that. I am sure the gossip grapevine was buzzing. Did you know Polly doesn’t go to church? Why, her husband was a pastor! And they don’t go to church? Never mind that the woman asking the questions hadn’t been to church in over a decade. She stays home, watches “Christian” TV, and sends money to the TV preachers she likes.
I took the nuclear approach. I wrote an open letter to my friends, family, and former parishioners.
….
If I had to do it all over again, would I do it the same way? Would I write THE letter? Probably. My experiences have given me knowledge that is helpful to people who contact me about their own doubts about Christianity. I am often asked, what should I do? Should I tell my spouse? Should I tell my family, friends, or coworkers?
My standard advice is this: Count the cost. Weigh carefully the consequences. Once you utter or write the words I AM AN ATHEIST, you are no longer in control of what happens next. Are you willing to lose your friends, destroy your marriage, or lose your job? Only you can decide what cost you are willing to pay.
I know there is this notion that “Dammit, I should be able to freely declare what I am,” and I agree with the sentiment. We should be able to freely be who and what we are. If we lived on a deserted island, I suppose we could do so. However, we are surrounded by people. People we love. People we want and need in our life. Because of this, it behooves (shout out to the KJV) us to tread carefully.
I hope some of you will find this post helpful. My deepest desire is to help you on your journey. I am hoping that my walking before you can be of help to you as you decide how best to deal with and embrace your loss of faith.
This blog is here to remind those struggling with leaving Christianity or who have already left Christianity, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
