Peanut Gallery, a group of people whose opinions are considered unimportant, a source of insignificant criticism, the cheap seats.
Repost from 2015.
The first email purportedly comes from a man named James Barr. I say purportedly because people often use fake email addresses. Barr wrote:
Seems hard times have changed your focus. The Lord is very much alive. For one who was very much involved in the ministry,you have fallen away. God is faithful. Have you ever thought your health problems is God trying to get your attention? For one who saids he is an atheist, why would Bro Hyles even matter?
Ah yes, the “God is making you sick to get your attention” argument. Now, if I had been a picture of perfect health before I left the ministry and deconverted, this argument might carry some weight with me. However, my health problems started fourteen years before I left the ministry. Back then, I thought that God was testing me or making me stronger. Evidently, I failed the test or I was weak, because my health continued to decline. I was still a Christian in 2007 when I went through extensive testing to determine if I had Multiple Sclerosis. In fact, I was sick longer as a Christian than as an atheist.
As to the writer’s question, “why would Bro. Hyles matter”, the answer is simple. The Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church movement continues to manipulate and hurt people and their families. My email inbox tells me that there are a lot of people who have been emotionally and mentally scarred by the abusive, controlling authoritarian beliefs and practices of IFB pastors. It is for these reasons I continue to write about Jack Hyles and the IFB church movement.
The last two emails come from a Canadian man. He used fake email address and names, so there is no way to know his name and gender, but based on the overall tenor of this writing, I suspect he is a man.
First email:
Hey Bruce,
Are you enjoying your rants, and posting fake names ? After reading through your blog, you sound like a hypocrite, not treating others as you have taught before. Right ? Our world has been made a more legalistic place. Have you got anymore rules you wanna add , fat nosed ? Your name and website has just begun to be exposed for all the world to see, laugh, and puke at you.
M.D.
Second email:
Hey,
Your blog has been voted the worst in USA, Canada & Mexico. Let me know if you would like to see the links.
Like showing the world what prestigious writer you are? blah blah blah blah blah
viszlát
Colin (your hu-animist too)
Not much I can say about these works of literary genius. They speak for themselves. I think I know who this is, but since I can’t know for sure, I won’t mention his name.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Why is it that many Evangelical Christians have a hard time believing that pastors, evangelists, parachurch leaders, Christian university presidents, and other notable Christian leaders commit crimes such as sexual assault, rape, child abuse, murder, fraud, or otherwise engage in behaviors deemed by faithful Christians to be sinful? Often, when I write a Black Collar Crime article about a pastor or some other Christian leader committing a crime or behaving in ways that make them out to be hypocrites, I end up getting comments and emails from people objecting to my publicizing the story. These objectors leave comments that suggest that they have some sort of inside knowledge about the matter, and once the “truth” comes out the accused will be vindicated. Other objectors will take the “they are innocent until proven guilty” approach, subtly suggesting that these kinds of stories should not be publicized until there has been a trial and a conviction. With righteous indignation they attack me, the messenger, for daring to publish anything about the stories, warning me that God is going to get me for causing harm to his servants and his church. And when the trials are over and convictions are handed down, do these same people return to this site with heads humbly bowed, confessing that they did not know these men and women as well as they thought they did? Of course not. If anything, they will demand forgiveness for the offender. After all, we are all sinners in need of forgiveness, right?
Years ago, I remember some people getting upset with me over my publicizing on Facebook their pastor’s criminal behavior. He didn’t do it! I KNOW this man! I’ve been friends with him for 20 years! He led me to Jesus! It’s just the word of a confused teenager against the word of an honorable, devoted man of God. It was interesting to watch all these outraged people disappear once multiple girls came forward from several churches and said that this pastor had taken sexual advantage of them. Why is it these church members had a hard time believing that their pastor committed felony sexual crimes?
When Jack Schaap was accused of carrying on a sexual affair with a teenage girl he was counseling, scores of outraged members and supporters of First Baptist Church in Hammond Indiana came to this blog and declared Schaap’s innocence. These are the same people who, to this day, believe that Schaap’s father-in-law, Jack Hyles, never carried on with his secretary, and these same people, while not condoning David Hyles’ heinous crimes, demand that he be given favorable treatment since God has forgiven him. Who are we to condemn, if God has forgiven him, they said. He that is without sin let him cast the first stone! Judge not!
Bob Gray, the one-time pastor of Trinity Baptist Church in Jacksonville Florida, was accused of sexually molesting young children. Countless Gray supporters said that their pastor could never do such a thing, yet we now know that it is likely he had been a sexual predator for most of the fifty years he spent in the ministry. How is it possible that a pastor who was considered by many, including myself, to be a Holy Ghost-filled man of God, could, for decades, sexually harm children, yet no one know about it (or at least was willing to report it)?
In 2017, Justin White, pastor of First Christian Church in Columbus, Indiana was arrested on felony charges of insurance fraud and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. White was later sentenced to three years in prison. Come to find out, White was a heroin addict. I found myself asking, how is it possible that a man could preach three times a week and lead a large church while on heroin? Those must have been some pretty awesome and inspiring sermons. Did church leaders know that White had a heroin problem? It seems likely that they did. In 2015, White went out of state for thirty-two days to a rehab center, returning clean to a none-the-wiser church congregation. If news reports are to be believed, White’s recovery was short-lived, resulting in him committing insurance fraud to pay an $11,000 debt he owed to a drug dealer. Despite the evidence and White’s subsequent resignation, some congregants believed their pastor was innocent of all charges. Why do these church members, and others like them, have such a hard time believing that the man who stands in the pulpit on Sunday can be someone other than who he says he is?
These same people have no problem believing that non-Christians commit all sorts of crimes. When newspapers report the crimes of unbelievers, these followers of Jesus shake their heads and say if they only put their faith and trust in Jesus all things would become new for them. In their minds, Jesus is an antidote for bad and criminal behavior. And, to be honest, he often is, or at least the idea of Jesus is an antidote for behavior deemed sinful or unlawful. Countless alcoholics and drug addicts clean up after having a Come to Jesus moment. While I could write much about why this is so, the fact remains that in some instances having some sort of conversion experience leads people to change their ways. If Jesus really is the antidote for sin and the answer for what ails us, why then do so many Christians fall (or run) into behaviors that are considered sinful or criminal? Why is there little difference behavior-wise between nonbelievers and believers?
The reason then that Evangelicals have a hard time believing their pastors could ever commit the crimes they are accused of is because they think — despite evidence to the contrary — that people are protected from moral and ethical failure by their Christian salvation and the presence of the Holy Spirit living inside them. This is why the Black Collar Crime series is so important. The series is a public reminder of the fact that religion, in and of itself, does not make anyone a better person. It can, and perhaps at times does, but countless people who are nonreligious or members of non-Evangelical churches live exemplary lives. Religion is not a prerequisite to goodness. And because Evangelicals refuse to understand this, they find it difficult to accept that the men and women they hold up as pillars of morality and virtue can really be perverts and criminals in disguise.
While we should generally trust people, we should not do so blindly, and therein lies the problem for many Evangelicals. They are taught to obey those that have authority over them. They are reminded that gossip is a sin and that church members should not believe an accusation against an elder (pastor) unless it can be firmly established in the mouth of two or three witnesses. Jack Hyles was fond of saying, if you didn’t see it, it didn’t happen. Countless Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) preachers have used this very line to turn back whispers about their sexual infidelity or criminal behavior. You keep your mouth shut now. If you didn’t see it happen, you have no business talking about it. I’m sure former IFB church members can remember blistering sermons about gossip or the dangers of speaking badly about the man of God. Remember those boys who mocked the man of God in the Bible? Why, bears came out of the woods and ate them. Best keep your tongue quiet, lest God send bears to eat you. How often do Evangelicals hear sermons about not touching God’s anointed? Mind your own business, church members are told, and let God take care of the preacher. If he is sinning, God will punish him. But here is the problem with this kind of thinking: God doesn’t punish sinning preachers. They just keep on sinning and sinning and sinning. They will keep on molesting little boys and girls, raping teenagers, and sleeping with vulnerable congregants until real flesh-and-blood human beings make them stop.
Think of all the times that church leaders heard rumors or reports about clergy misconduct, yet did nothing. They were more concerned about the testimony of the church than they were about the victims. Think of all the times that church leaders heard rumors or reports about clergy misconduct, conducted their own investigations, and once finished, buried the accusations or elicited a promise from offenders that they would never, ever do again that which they were accused of. After all, since Jesus has forgiven them, shouldn’t the church? The short answer to this question is HELL NO! When clergy commit criminal acts that harm other people, they must be held accountable. This is why states have mandatory reporting laws. When church leadership hears of reports of possible criminal sexual misconduct, they are required to immediately report these actions to law enforcement. It is not their responsibility to investigate or mete out punishment. We have a legal system that’s responsible for investigating crimes and bringing offenders to justice. I wish more churches would be prosecuted for failing to report. If a handful of church deacons or elders had to spend time in jail for not reporting or for covering up crimes, perhaps this would put an end to these men and women placing their religious institutions’ reputations above the welfare of those who have been victimized.
I spent twenty-five years in church ministry. From the time I preached my first sermon at age fifteen to preaching my last at age fifty, I was a member of the preacher fraternity. I know what went on behind closed doors. I know about scandals, sexual affairs, fraud, and suspected criminal behavior. I know where the bodies are buried. I know the real story behind Pastor So-and-So’s abrupt call to a new church. I know why certain missionaries had to come home from the field, never to return. I know that preachers are not any different from the people they pastor. Yes, most pastors are good people. Yes, most pastors generally desire to help others. What is also true is that some pastors are lazy and see the ministry as a way to make a quick and easy buck. It is also true that some pastors watch pornography and have sexual affairs with people in and out of their churches. People are people, and the sooner church members understand this, the better. Stop putting pastors on pedestals. Stop thinking pastors and their families are in any way better than anyone else. They are not, and I wish that pastors would stand before their congregations on Sundays and be honest about this.
The reason they don’t, of course, is that few congregants want honesty and transparency. Instead, they want pastors who are victorious over sin. They want pastors who are above the fray. They want winners! They want men and women they can look up to as examples of moral purity and virtue. Years ago, I remember admitting in a sermon that I knew what it was to lust after a woman. My objective was to let congregants know that I was just like them, and that I was not in any way morally superior to them. After the service, a man came up to me and told me that he was upset over my confession. In no uncertain terms, he let me know that he didn’t want to hear about my sins or failures. He wanted a pastor who was a shining example of holiness and righteousness. In other words, he wanted me to be God. Needless to say, this man did not last long in our church. He quickly found out that I was, like the apostle Paul, the chiefest of sinners.
Have you ever attended a church where the pastor, deacon, Sunday school teacher, or some other revered leader in the church was accused of criminal behavior or sexual misconduct? How did the church respond to these accusations? Were some members unwilling to believe that the pastor could do the things he or she was accused of? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
My partner, Polly, and I have six adult children, ages thirty-one to forty-five. We have sixteen grandchildren, aged four to twenty-three. I regularly see most of my children and grandchildren every week or two. Now that the NFL season has started, I will see several of my sons and their families when they stop by to take advantage of my Sunday Ticket Package on YouTube TV. Over the past two weeks, I have seen all our children and thirteen of our grandchildren. I have texted our granddaughters who are now in college at Ohio State University and Miami University — Oxford, respectfully. Our family is dysfunctional, but we are close.
Because I am close to my spouse, children, and grandchildren, I naturally have some influence over them. Not controlling influence as was common during our Fundamentalist Baptist days, but influence in giving advice or sharing my opinion. And I am opinionated, as I always have been. I love discussions and debates about religion, politics, philosophy, economics, and the state of the Cincinnati Reds and Bengals. Years ago, I expected our family to be of one mind, but those days are long gone. Now I genuinely want to hear Polly’s opinions and those of my children and grandchildren. I am fascinated by how their thinking and beliefs have evolved post-Evangelicalism.
Libertarian free will is a myth. According to Got Questions, an Evangelical site, libertarian free will:
. . . is basically the concept that, metaphysically and morally, man is an autonomous being, one who operates independently, not controlled by others or by outside forces. According to the Pocket Dictionary of Apologetics & Philosophy of Religion (InterVarsity Press, 2002), libertarian free will is defined as “in ethics and metaphysics, the view that human beings sometimes can will more than one possibility. According to this view, a person who freely made a particular choice could have chosen differently, even if nothing about the past prior to the moment of choice had been different.” In the libertarian free will paradigm, the power of contrary choice reigns supreme. Without this ability to choose otherwise, libertarian free will proponents will claim that man cannot be held morally responsible for his actions.
Interestingly, most of the Internet sites offering up definitions of libertarian free will are Christian. Regardless, libertarian free will posits that people operate independently, not controlled by outside influences or people. This is patently false. Free will is fiercely argued, with some philosophers believing people don’t have free will. Others believe we have free will in a limited sense. These discussions are above my pay grade, but I generally believe all of us are influenced by outside sources. From the time we are born, we are influenced by people, events, and circumstances. As an old man, I have pondered the people and things who have deeply influenced my life. Could it be otherwise for a husband, father, and grandfather?
What I don’t have is controlling influence; influence that demands obedience and conformity. In our Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) years, I demanded my spouse and children obey me as the patriarch of the family. I believed, as did Polly, that this hierarchy was commanded by God and taught in the Bible. Post-Christianity, Polly and I adopted an egalitarian worldview. This required us setting our children free to think for themselves and make their own decisions. While I always appreciate them asking me for advice — what old man doesn’t want to feel needed? — their decisions are theirs. I may share my beliefs or opinions with them, but there’s no demand to conform. Thus, whether to believe in God (any God), go to church, or follow the teachings of the Bible is up to them, not me. Whether they end up in the Evangelical Hell is on them, not me. Yes, I am an atheist, as is their mother, but I make no effort to evangelize them. Am I happy that none of my children attend Evangelical churches, and some of them are atheists or agnostics? Of course.
Of course, the question in the title is only asked by fearful Evangelicals; people who are afraid of being punished by God and going to Hell. I understand their fear, having walked in their shoes for the first fifty years of my life. Deconverting helped to break and dispel my fear of God and Hell. There is no God, no Heaven/Hell, no fear. All Polly and I know to do is to live a fear-free life and raise a bit of hell. 🙂
But, Bruce, you can’t know for certain whether there is a Hell. True, but I can’t be sure Lizard People don’t walk among us either. All I know to do is to skeptically and rationally look at the central claims of Christianity (and Lizard People), and live accordingly. I live a God-free and Hell-free life before not only my family, but my neighbors. I want them to see authenticity — sans God, Christianity, and the Bible. Much as I did as a Christian, I let my little light shine. If my spouse, children, or grandchildren find an affinity with my beliefs and way of life, that’s on them, not me. They are free to live their lives as they wish. I will love and support them regardless of what they believe or how they live their lives. Our objective is for all of us to live openly, freely, and honestly.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Comment: I wonder what the apostles and martyrs of the christian faith would day to you….? I feel sad that your convictions, after having “pastored” are so mushy. I do hope you get converted back someday. I feel sorry for your children and your blog followers. You Atheism is as inspiring as you “theism”. You should express yourself through a hobby rather than preaching your humanist void…I never write to people I encounter on the web, but I find your material disgusting, but I guess that ud fine with you anyway. May the void bless you.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
If you would like to contact Bruce Gerencser, please use the following form. If your email warrants a response, I will respond to you as soon as possible.
Due to persistent health problems, I cannot guarantee a timely response. Sometimes, I am a month or more behind on responding to emails. This delay doesn’t mean I don’t care. It does mean, however, that I can only do what I can do. I hope you understand.
I do not, under any circumstances, accept unsolicited guest posts. Think that I’m interested in letting you write a post with a link back to your site, I’m not. That said, if you have a relevant guest post you would like to write, please pitch me your subject, and I will see if it is a fit for this site.
I am not interested in receiving commercial email from you.
I am not interested in buying social media likes, speeding up my website, signing up for your Ad service, improving my SEO, or having you design a new blog theme for this site.
I will not send you money for your ministry, church, or orphanage. In fact, just don’t ask for money, period.
I know you stayed at a Holiday Inn last night, but you are not a medical professional, so please do not send me unsolicited medical or psychological advice. I am not interested — ever.
If you have a pathological need to evangelize, spread the love of Jesus, or put a good word in for the man, the myth, the legend named Jesus, please don’t. The same goes for telling me your church/pastor/Jesus is awesome. I am also not interested in reading sermonettes, testimonials, proof texts, or your deconstruction/psychological evaluation of my life. By all means, if you feel the need to set me straight, start your own blog.
If you email me anyway — and I know you will, since thousands of Evangelicals have done just that, showing me no regard or respect — I reserve the right to make your message and name public.
That said, I am more than happy to respond to emails respectfully challenging something I have written. I am not infallible, so disagreement is welcome. If you have questions about Evangelical theology, atheism, liberal politics, the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church movement, or Christianity, I will gladly try to be of help.
If you think a correction needs to be made to a Black Collar Crime series post, please contact me and, if warranted, I will make a correction. I will need public news articles or other verifiable evidence to make a correction. Sorry, but I can’t take your word for it. I’ve had numerous people lie to me, so I have learned the hard way that I must check and verify every correction request.
Outside of the exceptions mentioned above, I promise to treat all correspondence with you as confidential. I have spent the last seventeen years corresponding with people who have been psychologically, and at times, physically, harmed by Evangelical Christianity. I am more than happy to come alongside you and provide what help I can. I am not, however, a licensed counselor. I am just one man with fifty years of experience as a Christian and twenty-five years of experience as an Evangelical pastor. I am more than happy to lend you what help and support I can. If I think you need professional help, I will tell you so.
In 2015, my friend Ian wrote a series of posts detailing his experiences in an Accelerated Christian Education (A.C.E.) school. You can read the series here. A.C.E. is a self-directed Fundamentalist Christian K-12 education program. Students use PACES (Curriculum booklets) to individually perform their schoolwork. There are no teachers per se — just monitors who make sure students complete their work.
A while back, I received several emails from a Fundamentalist Christian man named Jonathan “Jon” Slagill objecting to my use of the phrase “A.C.E. school.”
Jonathan: Hello, There are no “ACE” schools but one. It’s in Hendersonville, TN. There are thousands of home schools, church schools and such that use the curriculum. But the school you went to was NOT an “ACE school.”
Bruce: In Christian Fundamentalism, the phrase “A.C.E. school” almost always refers to an educational institution owned and operated by a church. I know of dozens of such schools.
You are straining at the gnat and swallowing the camel.
Be well.
Bruce Gerencser
P.S. The A.C.E. School series was not written by me.
Jonathan: No, I’m stating a fact. They do not recommend spanking at all. They used to, but that has changed as also has the public schools. I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but it’s not what you think it is. Please stop living in the past. It’s not healthy. Your friend, JON
Bruce: I know what I know. Believe what you will. And keep your fucking psychoanalysis to yourself. You know nothing about me. You didn’t even bother to read the series. I checked the server logs. You did a Google search, found the series, and emailed me one minute later.
Jonathan: Yep. I know you are a very bitter person. You hate God. You hate the school you attended and blame ACE. I don’t read poison. That’s what it is.
Bruce: Evidently, you can’t read. I DIDN’T write the A.C.E. series. I attended a public high school in the 70s.
Slagill did a Google search, read the post title, and emailed me one minute later. He refuses to read the series because it is “poison.” Without reading anything I personally wrote, he determined I had a bad experience at an A.C.E. school and I hate this school, even though I never attended the school. I also am a very bitter person who hates God. Jonathan must be clairvoyant.
Fundamentalists never cease to amaze me.
Slagill, by the way, is the lead graphic designer for, drum roll please, you guessed it, A.C.E. Slagill attended Pensacola Christian College for two years and graduated from Friends University — a Quaker institution. Several years ago, Slagill commented on a YouTube video titled, How I Became a Quaker. His comment will tell you everything you need to know about his brand of Christianity:
Fallowing [sic] the teachings of Jesus and having a born again experience is the only way to the Father. I graduated from Friends University but never got the Gospel. Fox was wrong. Fallow [sic] the teachings of JESUS. Only he has the power to save. Universalism is what this sounds like and it’s [sic] will lead to hell. WE are not gods.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
It’s not hard to find out who I am. Sixty seconds with God — also known as Google — or any of the lesser search engine deities, will reveal everything you would ever want or need to know about Bruce Gerencser. Out of seven billion people on planet Earth, I am the only Bruce Gerencser. Ain’t I special, right? Anyone bothering to exercise a modicum of curiosity will quickly find out that I was part of the Evangelical church for fifty years; that I attended an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) college and married the daughter of an IFB preacher; that I pastored Evangelical churches in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan for twenty-five years; that I left the ministry in 2005; that I left Christianity in 2008. Since 2008, I have worn the atheist moniker. I have not hidden who or what I am. Yet, countless Evangelicals who send me emails, contact me on social media, or comment on this blog are clueless about my background and journey from Evangelicalism to atheism. Having about as much curiosity as a smushed raccoon on an Ohio country road, these deliberately uninformed followers of Jesus say all sorts of things to me; absurd things, in light of my past and present unbelief. What follows is a brief Facebook discussion with one such person. (Please see Curiosity, A Missing Evangelical Trait.)
By way of background, the woman who contacted me on Facebook took issue with what I wrote about IFB evangelist and pastor CT Townsend. Townsend is the pastor of Victory Baptist Church in North Augusta, South Carolina. The woman who contacted me is a long-time member of Victory Baptist. You can read what I wrote about Townsend here:
VBC Member: If all you do is sit around talking about what others are or are doing or not doing….I believe you have missed the point of life.
Bruce: Well, it’s a good thing, then, that’s not all I am doing. As if you would know what I am doing since you don’t know me.
You might want to ponder this verse: “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him” before sitting in judgment over people you have never met and know nothing about.
Now, let me get back to what I’m doing: photographing a high school basketball game.
VBC Member: But you don’t believe the Bible ? …. yet you quote scripture. I guess it works for when it suits you. So, let me remind you to be mindful of speaking against a man of God. I was just sending you a word to ponder. You are in my prayers.
Bruce:I’m reminding you that you are a hypocrite. As far as “speaking” against a man of God, (I have no idea which preacher you are talking about), preachers aren’t any different from the unwashed, uncircumcised Philistines of the “world.” I was a pastor for 25 years. I know what goes on behind closed doors; where the bodies are buried. Sorry, just because someone is a pastor doesn’t mean they deserve deference/respect. Such things are earned, in my book.
VBC Member: But, are you not doing the same things when you give your opinion of a man of God? In my opinion, if you do not believe in God and denounce him, then why do you care what any man of God does? Does that not make you the same as you say I am being? I read recently one of your blogs. I do not understand how you can speak such nonsense? That is just your opinion on how you perceive someone based on what you have been through. I truly believe that whatever it is that you have experienced while you were a pastor was very hurtful. Perhaps you feel let down by God or, the ministry. I do not believe that you really denounce everything to do with Christ. Because, in my opinion, you would not try so hard to tear down everything you once believed in. I believe when you watch a pastor preach you perhaps feel conviction, because deep down you know the truth they speak. So, the devil is able to discourage you reflect on others what you went through. My heart truly breaks for you. If you no longer want to believe in HIM, then be done with it. That is your choice, but you are trying too hard to attack others who believe in God. The God I am speaking of is the one who died on the cross to save us all. By doing that we were given a choice to accept HIM. God does not force us to believe in Him. I hope you remember no man is perfect but HIM. We are all human and we make mistakes and fail daily. That is why we as Christians need HIM. I was not meaning to attack you or put you down. I knew you would think I was judging you but, that is what you were doing in your blog post when speaking against my friend and pastor. I respectfully say to you, to be mindful in speaking against a man of God in such a way as you did. I am going to be praying for your heart to soften and heal from what hurt you. You have all the head knowledge and truly know the ins and outs of what may or may not be going on in churches. I pray that starting at this very moment as you read this that you are reminded of the goodness and love God has for you. I assure you my pastor/ friend has earned the favor of God and is humbled by what God has done for him and continues to do in his life. The devil wants nothing more than for you to denounce God and put down others who believe as you once did. God is a sovereign Savior. He knows all. My prayer for you is that you remember why you were called and once believed. I am so sorry that you were hurt. Take care and I wish you the best.
Bruce: Who, specifically, are you defending?
VBC Member: When I read your blog I had a different feeling about you. I saw deep hurt. My reaching out to you was not to bash you or disrespect you. My heart hurts for you. I didn’t feel the need to protect my Pastor’s heart or intentions because God knows his, mine, and yours and HE knows our intentions. I can say as a human being there have been times in my life I did not understand GOD myself or his plans concerning my life. So, I get why some people turn their backs on anything to do with GOD. I have had my dark days too. I am not defending my Pastor. I was more so trying to open up and tell you I get it and understand. I do not look down on you at all. I wanted to say, “ I understand and I am sorry. “ ….. we can not try and deflect on others our pain and disappointment. Religious beliefs or not what purpose does that really get us. Maybe, instant gratification but only last for so long.. How we live our life reflects our heart. Dr. R Larry Brown was my Pastor for 39 years. Now we have a wonderful new Pastor C.T. Townsend. I can not change your opinions or beliefs. I can pray for you. Because where others lash out because of your blog. I see a man that was deeply hurt and sad, and angry and bitter at the way things went while you were a pastor. Just maybe you have a right to those feelings and emotions. You are right Sir, I don’t know you. I have experienced hurt and all of the above. Maybe you are right there is no God or the Devil. So, when we die those who believe and are Christians have not lost a thing, but if it is all true how terrible would that be?
You can research a man all day and size them up. Sometimes, you can be right, but who are we to judge? You felt attacked and judged by me and was quick to quote the Bible or say it was not very Christian of me to do so. However, you claim you are an atheist just so you can tear down anything to do with other people’s faith. How are you different? No one is perfect I am certainly not. Let people believe what they want. In the end, we all will see who was right. I wish I could share my story with you but I don’t want to bore you or intrude on your time any longer. Just know this was not an attack on you or your character. I saw deeper than your blog post and felt compelled to reach out. I wish you the very best and hope you find that enter peace between you and God.
[end of Facebook discussion]
Most of what this woman writes I have heard countless times before. I am angry, bitter, or hurt. I am out to attack God and the Christian church. Deep down, I know what preachers such as CT Townsend are saying is the T-R-U-T-H! Gotta throw in Pascal’s Wager too. No email from a Fundamentalist Baptist is complete without them sharing some version of Blaise Pascal’s “what if” argument (even though most letter writers have never heard of Pascal’s Wager).
Instead of giving these comments the Bruce Gerencser Line-by-Line Evisceration Treatment®, I want to address the issues of judging others and whether preachers are exempt from judgment.
First, should Christians, or any of us, for that matter, judge other people? I love how this woman tells me I shouldn’t judge, yet her comments are filled with her judgments of me as a person and my past experiences. As a public figure, I know that people will judge me and write all sorts of things about my life — past and present. All I ask, as I did of this woman, is that people at least make an honest effort to get to know me. At the very least, I ask that they invest some time in reading the posts on the WHY? page and the information found on the ABOUT page. Maybe read Dear Jesus and Why I Hate Jesus too.
As far as the Bible saying we shouldn’t judge others, the Good Book doesn’t actually say that. Please read (Does the Bible Really Say “Thou Shalt Not Judge?”) Besides, even if the Bible DID say THOU SHALT NOT JUDGE as many Evangelicals allege, my experiences both in and outside of Christianity tell me that “Bible-believers” are some of the most judgmental people I know. In fact, many Evangelical preachers are top-shelf judgmental assholes.
This is what happens to people who condemn preachers: Another time, Elisha was on his way to Bethel and some little kids came out from the town and taunted him, “What’s up, old baldhead! Out of our way, skinhead!” Elisha turned, took one look at them, and cursed them in the name of God. Two bears charged out of the underbrush and knocked them about, ripping them limb from limb—forty-two children in all! (2 Kings 2:23,24, The Message)
Second, I want to address the notion that preachers are exempt from being judged by others. Twice, the woman tells me “to be mindful of speaking against a man of God.” Those of us raised in the Evangelical church know that what this woman writes is actually a passive-aggressive threat that says “God hurts, maims, and kills people who dare to speak against those he has chosen to be preachers. If you don’t stop speaking against CT Townsend, God is going to get you!” Boy, I am scared now! A Christian has sicced her God on me, and if I don’t stop writing against this or that preacher or True Christianity® in general, God is going to strike me dead. Well, here I am, bring it on, Jesus. Surely, even a hardcore Fundamentalist Baptist knows that threatening an atheist with judgment from God is a waste of time. Now, if this woman had threatened me with my wife holding a cast-iron skillet over my head, then I might quake in my boots. But, God; the Christian God; the Evangelical God; the IFB God; this woman’s God? I am not worried in the least. I am far more worried about a deranged Bible-thumper showing up at my house one day and killing me in the name of a dead man named Jesus than I am a mythical deity raining fire and brimstone on my head or afflicting me with Job-like boils and hemorrhoids.
Preachers are made of flesh and blood just like the rest of us. I can’t think of any reason I should defer judgment on their words and works. CT Townsend, in particular, lives a very public life. His actions and beliefs are not beyond scrutiny and judgment. Instead of hurling meaningless warnings of judgment my way, how about considering whether my observations and critiques have merit? As long as preachers such as Townsend say they speak for God and publicly judge and condemn the unwashed, uncircumcised Philistines of the “world” for their way of life, I plan on challenging them. As long as such men continue to demand that their peculiar brand of Christianity be given preferential treatment in the public square, and demand that government at every level follow, obey, and enforce the laws, precepts, and commands of the Bible, I will vociferously object. The day Evangelicals retreat to the privacy of their houses of worship and content themselves with personal piety, then, and only then, will I shutter this blog, having nothing more to say. Of course, that ain’t ever going to happen. The Evangelical goal remains what it has always been: to claim the United States for God. And that, my friend, must never happen. Once Evangelicals and their fellow Mormon and Catholic extremists gain the power of the state, freedoms will be lost and people will die. The unholy mixing of church and state always yields the same fruit, and as long as I am breathing, I plan to be on the battlefield with Roundup in hand, spraying every theocratic weed I see. Theocratic thinking, wherever it is found, is a disease that kills all that it touches. If I love my children and grandchildren and care about what the future holds for them, how can I be silent?
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Paul and Marry Gerencser and Children, 1950s. My father, Robert, sits next to his Dad. Only my Aunt Helen, back row, far right. is alive today.
I was born in Bryan, five miles from where we live today. We live a few miles south from what was the Gerencser family farm on County Road A. We often travel down Route 15 to Bryan to shop, eat, and receive medical care. As we pass the 100-acre farm my grandparents once owned, my mind romantically turns to thoughts of Grandpa plowing and discing the ground, hoping for a harvest of beans, corn, or wheat. I think about their hard life as immigrants; no indoor plumbing and a single pump handle for water in the kitchen. My roots run deep into the rich farmland of rural Ohio. This is my home.
When we first married, we lived in rural northwest Ohio for less than a year. We then spent the next 14+ years living in central (Newark, Buckeye Lake, Frazeysburg) and southeast (Somerset, Mt Perry, Glenford, Junction City, New Lexington) Ohio.
In 1995, we returned to northwest Ohio. I pastored two churches, one in Fayette, and another in West Unity. In 2002 we left, and in 2005 returned to stay. Here I was born, and here will I die. This is home.
Eighteen years ago, we bought a ramshackle two-story house in the one-stoplight-two-bars-and-one gas-station town of Ney — population 354. We live in Defiance County — a static/declining county. I went to usafacts.org to check how Defiance County demographics have changed throughout our marriage. I found our population is declining, older, and slightly less white. I see nothing in the numbers that suggests these things will change any time soon, if ever. Remove Defiance College from the demographics, we are older and whiter. This is just how it is. You accept that you live in a largely aging, white community — one that is largely Christian and Republican. Only in who we root for — Michigan or Ohio State? Bengals, Lions, or Browns? Reds, Tigers, or Guardians? —do we find diverse demographic splits.
Polly and I are liberals; socialists; pacifists; atheists; humanists; and cat lovers — me outwardly so, Polly quietly so. Our values say we should be living somewhere on the East or West Coast, but here we are. This is home. We know that most of our neighbors disagree with us. Even in the Defiance County Democratic Party — to whom we committed to support and become more active — we are to the left of most of our fellow Democrats. We accept we will always be the black swans in a bevy of white ones. So why do we stay?
First, our six children, their spouses, and our sixteen grandchildren live here. We want to be involved in their lives as much as possible. Living here allows us to do this. We don’t want to be long-distance grandparents. Family matters to us. If it didn’t, we would still be living in Arizona.
Second, we love the slow — watch paint dry, corn grow, farmer Joe slowly walking across the road to get his mail — pace of life. When we get a hankering for good food, entertainment, etc. we drive to Fort Wayne, Toledo, or Findlay — all three are about an hour away. Then we come home to nothing-ever-happens-here-and-we-like-it-that-way Ney. Honk when you drive by and we will wave, even if we don’t know you.
Third, rural northwest Ohio is familiar to us; it’s home. Even Polly, a convert from Bay City, Michigan calls this place home. We have planted our roots here and they have grown deep. Wendell Berry often talks about the importance of place. I agree with him. On one hand, I have wanderlust, having moved countless times over my sixty-seven years of life. On the other hand, I value what we have planted, grown, and cultivated as a family here in farmland country.
A gospel song says “I’ve come too far to look back.” So it is for Polly and me. This is home, and here we will one day draw our last breath. We embrace Defiance County as it is, while at the same time working to make our home more diverse, tolerant, and kind. Many days, this goal seems hopeless, but we don’t give up.
This is home.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
Originally written in March 2015. Updated, expanded, and edited.
An anonymous commenter left the following comment (no longer publicly available) on the Galatians 4 blog:
if the Bible is not truth; the Word of God – then NO ONE can be saved. If we do not believe the Bible, we cannot be saved.
This comment was left on a post on a blog entry titled, The IFB Pastor Turned Atheist: Those Who Fall Away (no longer available). The post is about my defection from Christianity. The author of the blog post agrees with the anonymous commenter’s view: that if we do not believe the Bible we cannot be saved. (Interestingly, the owner of the Galatians 4 website is now an unbeliever.)
Here’s the problem with this view:
First, it makes salvation dependent on reading the right words and believing the right things.
Second, the first-century Christian church had no Bible. They had the Old Testament, a text that makes no mention of Christian salvation and Christian oral traditions. Besides, most early Christians could not read or write.
Third, the gospels were not written until decades after Jesus Christ died and resurrected from the dead. The writings of the Apostle Paul were written first, and they are quite sparse when it comes mentioning Jesus and clearly articulating the Christian gospel. Paul’s writings need the gospels for the Christian/Pauline gospel to make sense.
Fourth, the printing press was invented 1500 years AFTER the death of Jesus. What Bible did people read before the invention of the printing press?
Fifth, illiteracy and the cost of a printed Bible meant that most Christians did not own a copy of the Bible. They relied on others to read the Bible to them or pass on the oral stories of Christianity.
Sixth, it took centuries to complete the canon of the Christian Bible. Prior to this, Christians had “incomplete” Bibles, often containing only a few books of the Bible. And to this day, Christians debate whether certain books belong in the canon of Scripture.
The anonymous commenter does what a lot of Christians do: he takes how things are now and reads it back into Christian church history. You know, if the Oxford, Calf-Skinned KJV Scofield Bible was good enough for the Apostle Paul it is good enough for me.
Most Christians have little knowledge about the long, complex, and contradictory history of the Bible and the Christian church. This lack of historical knowledge allows them to make absurd statements like the anonymous commenter made on the Galatians 4 blog.
The bigger problem is the way Fundamentalists read the Bible. When they read the phrase “Word of God” they assume it means “the Bible.” This, however, is not the case. Most instances in the Bible where we find the phrase “word of God” refer to spoken words or Jesus Christ himself.
The phrase “word of God” appears 49 times in the Bible. As you can easily see, the phrase has several different meanings:
1 Samuel 9:27 And as they were going down to the end of the city, Samuel said to Saul, Bid the servant pass on before us, (and he passed on,) but stand thou still a while, that I may show thee the word of God.
1 Kings 12:22 But the word of God came unto Shemaiah the man of God, saying . . .
1 Chronicles17:3 And it came to pass the same night, that the word of God came to Nathan, saying . . .
Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Mark 7:13 Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.
Luke 3:2 Annas and Caiaphas being the high priests, the word of God came unto John the son of Zacharias in the wilderness.
Luke 4:4 And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.
Luke 5:1 And it came to pass, that, as the people pressed upon him to hear the word of God, he stood by the lake of Gennesaret . . .
Luke 8:11 Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God.
Luke 8:21 And he answered and said unto them, My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God, and do it.
Luke 11:28 But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it.
John 10:35 If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came, and the scripture cannot be broken . . .
Acts 4:31 And when they had prayed, the place was shaken where they were assembled together; and they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and they spake the word of God with boldness.
Acts 6:2 Then the twelve called the multitude of the disciples unto them, and said, It is not reason that we should leave the word of God, and serve tables.
Acts 6:7 And the word of God increased; and the number of the disciples multiplied in Jerusalem greatly; and a great company of the priests were obedient to the faith.
Acts 8:14 Now when the apostles which were at Jerusalem heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent unto them Peter and John . . .
Acts 11:1 And the apostles and brethren that were in Judaea heard that the Gentiles had also received the word of God.
Acts 12:24 But the word of God grew and multiplied.
Acts 13:5 And when they were at Salamis, they preached the word of God in the synagogues of the Jews: and they had also John to their minister.
Acts 13:7 Which was with the deputy of the country, Sergius Paulus, a prudent man; who called for Barnabas and Saul, and desired to hear the word ofGod.
Acts 13:44 And the next Sabbath day came almost the whole city together to hear the word of God.
Acts 13:46 Then Paul and Barnabas waxed bold, and said, It was necessary that the word of God should first have been spoken to you: but seeing ye put it from you, and judge yourselves unworthy of everlasting life, lo, we turn to the Gentiles.
Acts 17:13 But when the Jews of Thessalonica had knowledge that the word of God was preached of Paul at Berea, they came thither also, and stirred up the people.
Acts 18:11 And he continued there a year and six months, teaching the word of God among them.
Acts 19:20 So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed.
Romans 9:6 Not as though the word of God hath taken none effect. For they are not all Israel, which are of Israel . . .
Romans 10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
1Corinthians14:36 What? came the word of God out from you? or came it unto you only?
2 Corithians 2:17 For we are not as many, which corrupt the word of God: but as of sincerity, but as of God, in the sight of God speak we in Christ.
2 Corinthians 4:2 But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.
Ephesians 6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God . . .
Colossians 1:25 Whereof I am made a minister, according to the dispensation of God which is given to me for you, to fulfil the word of God;
1 Thessalonians 2:13 For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.
1 Timothy 4:5 For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.
2 Timothy 2:9 Wherein I suffer trouble, as an evil doer, even unto bonds; but the word of God is not bound.
Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
Hebrews 6:5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,
Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Hebrews 13:7 Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation.
1 Peter 1:23 Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.
2 Peter 3:5 For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water . . .
1 John 2:14 I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one.
Revelation 1:2 Who bare record of the word of God, and of the testimony of Jesus Christ, and of all things that he saw.
Revelation 1:9 I John, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ, was in the isle that is called Patmos, for the word of God, and for the testimony of Jesus Christ.
Revelation 6:9 And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held . . .
Revelation 19:13 And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.
Revelation 20:4 And I saw thrones, and they sat upon them, and judgment was given unto them: and I saw the souls of them that were beheaded for the witness of Jesus, and for the word of God, and which had not worshipped the beast, neither his image, neither had received his mark upon their foreheads, or in their hands; and they lived and reigned with Christ a thousand years.
The word “scripture” appears thirty-two times in the Bible. Most of the time, the word scripture refers to the Old Testament, a text that is devoid of any mention of Jesus, the gospel, or ANYTHING Christian, for that matter.
The Bible states in John 1:1-2 that Jesus was the Word:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. (The rest of John chapter 1 makes it clear that the “Word” John 1:1-2 is speaking of is Jesus, not the Bible.)
With this thought in mind, that Jesus is the Word, let’s look at Hebrews 4:12-14:
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do. Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
Raise your hand if you have heard Hebrews 4:12-13 quoted in reference to the Bible, the Word of God. Anyone raised in a Baptist church has heard this countless times. However, look closely at Hebrews 4:12-14. Is the word of God here the Bible or Jesus? Notice the male pronoun in the phrase manifest in HIS sight? Verse 14 makes the “who” of the text very clear when it says, “Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God…”
The whole point of this exercise is to show that it is important NOT to read preconceived ideas and beliefs into the Biblical text. Pastors breed ignorance when they quote verses to “prove” a point and do not convey to the congregation what the text actually says. They also breed ignorance when they refuse to say, not “the Bible says” or “God says,” but “our church says,” or “I say.” Far too many preachers are like Al Shannon, Jr, a fifty-year member of the Church of Christ. Shannon says about himself:
I adhere to the principle of speaking where the bible speaks, and remaining silent where the bible is silent. I do not add to or take from God’s Word nor do I go beyond that which was written. I prove all things by the scripture, and by no other source. This site is designed to preach the gospel and doctrine of [the Churches of] Christ unto all the world.
This kind of thinking is common in every sect that believes the Bible is an inerrant, infallible text. They think THEIR interpretation is the one, true, exact interpretation, and they alone are preaching the pure word of God. They are naïvely or deliberately ignorant about the influence of geography, culture, environment, and tribal affiliation on what one believes. (Please see Why Most Americans are Christian.) In their minds, they believe exactly what was written on parchment 2,000 years ago. In Shannon’s sect, many of the churches have a building cornerstone that says AD 33. That’s right, just like the Catholic and Landmark Baptist sects, they believe they are the one true church, established by Jesus to propagate the true gospel to the ends of the earth.
This kind of intransigence closes minds off from any other belief or idea. Until people dare to think that they could be wrong, that their sect might be wrong, or that the claims they make for the Bible might be false, there is little to no hope of reaching them. They are intellectually walled off from any voice but their own.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
One of the common lines of attack Evangelical critics use against me is what is commonly called the “No True Scotsman” fallacy. Rational Wiki explains the “No True Scotsman” fallacy:
The No True Scotsman (NTS) fallacy is a logical fallacy that occurs when a debater defends the generalization of a group by excluding counter-examples from it. For example, it is common to argue that “all members of [my religion] are fundamentally good”, and then to abandon all bad individuals as “not true [my-religion]-people”.
….
NTS can be thought of as a form of inverted cherry picking, where instead of selecting favourable examples, one rejects unfavourable ones. The NTS fallacy paves the path to other logical fallacies, such as letting the “best” member of a group represent it. Thanks to these remarkable qualities, the NTS fallacy is a vital tool in the promotion of denialism.
Simply put, “No matter what you say, Bruce, you never were a REAL Christian.”
I was part of the Evangelical church for fifty years. I spent twenty-five of those years pastoring Evangelical churches in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. At age fifteen, I made a public profession of faith at Trinity Baptist Church in Findlay, Ohio. Coming under the Holy Spirit’s conviction, I went forward during the invitation, knelt at the altar, repented of my sins, and asked Jesus to save me. Several weeks later, I went forward again and professed publicly to the church that I believed God was calling me to preach. From that time forward — until I walked away from Christianity in November 2008 — my heart and mind were set on worshipping, serving, and following Jesus. I committed myself to daily prayer and reading and studying the Bible. At age nineteen, I enrolled for classes at Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan. While at Midwestern, I met and dated the beautiful dark-haired daughter of a Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) preacher. We later married, had six children, and invested our lives in building churches, helping others, and evangelizing the lost. Simply put, we loved Jesus, and whatever the Holy Spirit led us to do, we did it — even if it cost us socially or economically.
That’s not to say we were perfect Christians. We weren’t. Speaking for myself, I was temperamental, prone to mood swings that ranged from palpable excitement to brooding darkness. I now know that I was dealing with undiagnosed depression; that what I really needed was competent professional help. It took more than a decade for me to see a therapist once I realized I needed help. Why so long? I grew up in a home with a mother who had serious mental health problems. (Please see Barbara.) I knew the shame that came from having a loved one who was viewed by others as “nuts” or “crazy.” I certainly wasn’t my mother — as my counselor has frequently reminded me — but I didn’t want my wife and children to have to bear the stigma of having a husband/parent who had mental problems. It was enough that they had to bear the brunt of my mood swings behind closed doors. I didn’t want them to bear that burden in public.
I am sure an Evangelical zealot or two is itching to ask, “Bruce, did you ever “sin” against God?” Silly boy, of course I did. I daily sinned in thought, word, and deed; sins of omission and commission. Let me ask you the same question, “Have you ever sinned against God?” That’s what I thought. Of course, you have. Whatever failures I had in my life, and they were many, doesn’t negate the fact that I loved Jesus (and the church) with all my heart, soul, and mind. I spent the prime years of my life — ruining my health in the process — laboring day and night in God’s vineyard. I chose a life of poverty so I could provide the churches I pastored with a full-time preacher. There’s not one former congregant who can say of me that I didn’t give my all to the church; to preaching the gospel to sinners, and teaching the saints the Word of God. Critics will search in vain for anyone who knew me at the time who would say of me, “Bruce was not a real Christian.” Several years ago, a woman who knows me quite well, told a family member, “If Butch (my family nickname) wasn’t a Christian, no one is!” And that’s my testimony too. There’s nothing in my story, when taken as a whole, that remotely suggests that I wasn’t a real Christian.
What happens, of course, is that my Evangelical critics skim over the book of my life, choosing instead to just read the last chapter; the chapter where Bruce, the Evangelical pastor is now Bruce, the atheist; the chapter where Bruce rejects, criticizes, and stands against everything he once believed; the chapter where it is clear to Bruce’s critics that he is a reprobate and apostate. After reading the last chapter, my critics conclude, “Bruce, you never were a real Christian.” Once critics come to this ill-informed conclusion, it is impossible to change their minds (and I no longer try to do so).
The biggest problem my critics face is their theology. Most Evangelicals, particularly Baptists, believe that once a person is saved, his salvation cannot be lost. Once adopted into the family of God and married to Jesus, you are forever a member of the Christian family. The Apostle Paul makes this clear in Romans 8:31-39:
What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.
Did my long years as a Christian show that I was a sheep who had heard the voice of Jesus and followed him? Of course, they did. If that is true, and it is, then based on the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God, I was a born-from-above child of God who had been granted eternal life by God himself.
Many of my critics can’t bear to admit that I was ever a “real” Christian. They can’t bear to think of spending eternity in Heaven with me, an avowed atheist. So they take a lice comb to the hair of my life, looking for anything in my beliefs, practices, or conduct that reveals that I was not, according to their peculiar standard, a real Christian. Their minds are made up: I was a fake Christian. I was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Never mind that the evidence of my lived life suggests otherwise. Instead of admitting the obvious, these keepers of the Book of Life strain at the gnat and swallow a camel finding ways to “prove” I wasn’t a real Christian.
On the one hand, I agree with them. It is absurd to think that I am now a Christian, and that Heaven awaits me after I die. There’s nothing in my present life that remotely suggests that I am a follower of Jesus. A few critics, unable to square their theology with the sum of my life, take a different approach. According to them, I am still a Christian, and there’s nothing I can say or do to change that fact. This line of argument is equally absurd.
It is not up to me to help my critics make their theology fit the narrative of my life. All I know is this: I once was a Christian, and now I am not. I think of my life this way: At the age of fifteen, I married Jesus. We had thirty-five years of blissful marriage. However, at the age of fifty, I divorced Jesus, and fell in love with rationalism and freedom. When asked about my marriage to Jesus, I say, “All in all, we had a good life together.” There are times when I wistfully look at my marriage to Jesus and yearn for the “good old days.” Stupid thoughts, to be sure, knowing that humans tend to sanitize their past, ignoring or blocking out the bad things that happened. Sure, Jesus and I had a good life together, but he’s no match for my current lover. I could never go back to the leeks, onions, and bondage of Egypt, having tasted and enjoyed the wonder and freedom of the Promised Land.
Some readers, particularly lifelong atheists, often ask, “Why does this matter to you, Bruce? The Christian God is a myth. Christianity is built on a foundation of lies. There’s no judgment, no Heaven, no Hell. Your life as a Christian was built on a fairytale!” As a godless heathen, I certainly agree with these sentiments. However, I WAS a devoted Christian for many years. I WAS a committed, sacrificial pastor for decades. It’s impossible to honestly and faithfully tell my story without sharing the fifty years I spent in Evangelicalism. Years ago, I had a social worker offer me some advice on how to write an effective résumé. She thought that my religious education and ministerial job history were turnoffs or red flags to many prospective employers. She suggested leaving these things off my résumé. I replied, “So what do you want me to do with the huge holes in my work history? Should I just put “I was in prison for twenty-five years?” She was not amused.
My past is part of who I am. I can’t and won’t ignore the “Christian years” to make my story more palatable. Nor can I ignore the chapters that are presently being written. Are not all of us the sum of our experiences? Why is it we have no problem when someone says, “I was married and now I am divorced? Several months ago, I met someone who might be the right person for me.” That’s my life. I was married to Jesus, divorced him, and seventeen years ago I met someone new; someone who has become just the right person for me. All I ask from Christians is that they accept my story at face value; and that they allow me to tell my story honestly and openly without attempting to deconstruct my life. When Christians comment on this blog, I accept their claims of faith without question. Even when they promote bad theology or say contradictory things, I allow them to tell their stories on their own terms. If I have learned anything over the years it is this: there are millions of Christianities and millions of Jesuses. No two Christians believe the same things or worship Jesus in the same way. To discern who is and isn’t a “real” Christian is an impossible task. Who am I to say to a follower of Jesus: you are NOT a real Christian? All of us bring unique books to storytime. Mine just so happens to be one of devotion to Jesus and loss of faith. Regardless of what my critics say about my past, I know what I know. After all, who knows my life better than I do? And so it is with you.
Several years ago, I had a Christian contact me, asking for advice on how to set up a blog and how to rank well with search engines such as Google and Bing. I gave him some general advice. The first thing I told him is this: “I encourage everyone, Christian or not, to tell their story. Blogging is an excellent way to do so.” I am convinced that the best way to help others is by telling our stories. Sure, there’s a time and place for polemical writing; attacks on the text and teachings of the Bible. I am certainly more than willing to take an axe to the roots of Christianity and the Bible. However, I have learned, as a public speaker and writer, the most effective way to reach people is by telling my story. As such, this blog will always remain “one man with a story to tell.”
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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