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Tag: Songs of Sacrilege

Songs of Sacrilege: God Shuffled His Feet by Crash Test Dummies

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This is the fourth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is God Shuffled His Feet  by Crash Test Dummies, folk rock/alternative rock band from Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Video Link

Lyrics

After seven days
He was quite tired so God said:
“Let there be a day
Just for picnics, with wine and bread”
He gathered up some people he had made
Created blankets and laid back in the shade

The people sipped their wine
And what with God there, they asked him questions
Like: do you have to eat
Or get your hair cut in heaven?
And if your eye got poked out in this life
Would it be waiting up in heaven with your wife?

God shuffled his feet and glanced around at them;
The people cleared their throats and stared right back at him

So he said:”Once there was a boy
Who woke up with blue hair
To him it was a joy
Until he ran out into the warm air
He thought of how his friends would come to see;
And would they laugh, or had he got some strange disease?

God shuffled his feet and glanced around at them;
The people cleared their throats and stared right back at him

The people sat waiting
Out on their blankets in the garden
But God said nothing
So someone asked him: “I beg your pardon:
I’m not quite clear about what you just spoke
Was that a parable, or a very subtle joke?”

God shuffled his feet and glanced around at them;
The people cleared their throats and stared right back at him

Songs of Sacrilege: Jesus Loves Me (But He Can’t Stand You) by Austin Lounge Lizards

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This is the third installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Jesus Loves Me (But He Can’t Stand You) by The Austin Lounge Lizards from Austin, Texas. (HT: Camels with Hammers)

 Video Link

Lyrics

I know you smoke, I know you drink that brew
I just can’t abide a sinner like you
You know, God can’t either, that’s why I know it to be true
That Jesus loves me, but he can’t stand you

I’m goin’ straight to heaven, boys, when I die
‘Cause I’ve crossed every T and I’ve dotted every I
Why, my preacher tells me that I’m God’s kind of guy
That’s why Jesus loves me…..but you’re gonna fry

God loves all His children, by gum
That don’t mean He won’t incinerate some
Can’t you feel those hot flames lickin’ you?
Woo-ooo-ooo-oo

I’m raisin’ my kids in a righteous way
So don’t you be bringin’ your kids over to my house to play
Why, yours will grow up stoned, left-leaning, and gay
I know – Jesus told me on the phone today

Jesus loves me, this I know
And he told me where you’re gonna go
There’s lots of room for your kind – down below
Wo-wo-wo-o

Jesus loves me, he loves me real good
I know he does because he called me up on the phone today and told me how much he loves me
He said, “Son, I loooooove you”
He speaks English pretty well, considering it’s a second language for him
You can talk to him too, you know, I’ve got a 900-number in Tulsa that you can call him at – I do it all the time
He’ll be glad to hear from you, I talk to him every day

Jesus loves me, but he can’t stand you!

Songs of Sacrilege: Hand of the Almighty (God will F**k You Up) by John Butler

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This is the second installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Hand of the Almighty (God Will Fuck You Up) by Australian John Butler. Warning! This song contains numerous swear words.


Video Link

Lyrics

Oh, sinner, do not stray From the straight and narrow way For the Lord is surely watching what you do If you approach the Devils den Turn round dont enter in Lest the hand of the almighty fall on you.

Hell fuck you up (hell fuck you up) Yes, God will fuck you up If you dare to disobey his stern command. Hell fuck you up (hell fuck you up) Dont you know hell fuck you up So you better do some prayin while you can.

Long ago a man named Lot Had a wife he thought was hot But she could not stop her black and sinful ways. You know it was her own damn fault When God turned that bitch to salt. Thats the way he used to work back in those days:

He fucked em up (he fucked em up) He really fucked em up When the people went and turned their backs on him He can fuck you up (hell fuck you up) No shit hell fuck you up Just like he fucked the people up back then.

I used to have a friend named Ray Who walked that evil way He cursed and drank and broke his neighbors fence You know Ray was full aware That some sheep were over there And he knew them in the Biblical sense.

God fucked him up (he fucked him up) He went and fucked Ray up Went and paid him back for all his wicked sins. He fucked him up (he fucked him up) Fucked that boy completely up Now hes married to a Presbyterian.

HT: Susan, for sending me this song on Facebook.

Songs of Sacrilege: Did Jesus Have a Baby Sister? by Dory Previn

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Today, I am starting a new series, Songs of Sacrilege. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Dory Previn was an Americans 20th century  song writer and poet. Previn’s fifth album, released in 1974 on the Warner Brothers label, featured a song titled, Did Jesus Have a Baby Sister?

Video link

Lyrics

Did jesus have a baby sister?
Was she bitter?
Was she sweet?
Did she wind up in a convent?
Did she end up on the street?
On the run?
On the stage?
Did she dance?
Did he have a sister?
A little baby sister?
Did jesus have a sister?
Did they give her a chance?

Did he have a baby sister?
Could she speak out
By and large?
Or was she told by mother mary
Ask your brother he’s in charge
He’s the chief
He’s the whipped cream
On the cake
Did he have a sister?
A little baby sister?
Did jesus have a sister?
Did they give her a break?

Her brother’s
Birth announcement
Was pretty big
Pretty big
I guess
While she got precious
Little notice
In the local press
Her mother was the virgin
When she carried him
Carried him
Therein
If the little girl came later
Then
Was she conceived in sin?
And in sorrow?
And in suffering?
And in shame?
Did jesus have a sister?
What was her name?

Did she long to be the saviour
Saving everyone
She me?
And in private to her mirror
Did she whisper
Saviourette?
Saviourwoman?
Saviourperson?
Save your breath!
Did he have a sister?
A little baby sister?
Did jesus have a sister?
Was she there at his death?

And did she cry for mary’s comfort
As she watched him
On the cross?
And was mary too despairing
Ask your brother
He’s the boss
He’s the chief
He’s the man
He’s the show
Did he have a sister?
A little baby sister?
Did jesus have a sister?
Doesn’t anyone know?