It’s time for me to come clean.
I can no longer hide from my past.
The ugly, ugly truth must come out.
I had an affair.
I had a mistress.
I was intimate with my mistress for many, many years.
My wife and my children know about the affair. I am so sorry for all the hurt and damage my affair caused. That my wife and children stood by me all these years is a wonderful testimony to their love for me. I don’t deserve it.
My mistress and I carried on for a long, long time. In fact she would follow me wherever I moved: Ohio, Texas, Michigan. She was always right there for me.
My mistress is a lot older than me. She is what is commonly called a cougar.
The sex was great. The only problem was I could never satisfy her. The more sex we had the more she wanted. She was quite the nymphomaniac. I had suspicion she was having sex with other people (she was bisexual) but it didn’t matter. What WE had was special. She treated me as if I was the ONLY one.
Over the years, we made a lot of promises to each other, well-intentioned promises. But neither I or my mistress delivered on our promises.
I gave my mistress a lot of money. She deserved it, or so I thought. Yet, no matter how much money I gave her, she wanted more. She would often tell me “prove that you love me Bruce.” So I would give her more money. I began to wonder if she was a prostitute and I was a john. My wife and children suffered because I gave so much money to her. I justified their suffering by telling myself that my affair was what gave me purpose and meaning in life. Without it I might as well be dead.
I deceived myself for a long time. I convinced myself that what my mistress and I had was real. After all, she made me feel alive. She gave me self-worth. When we were together it seemed like time stopped and we were transported into the heavens.
One day, a few years back I began to have doubts about my affair. The sex was great, but there is more to life than sex. I certainly enjoyed the company of my mistress, and boy she sure could cook, but I still felt quite empty when I was away from her.
I began to think about all the sacrifices I made for my mistress. All the money I gave her. The loss of a close, intimate relationship with my wife and children. Was it worth it? Since my mistress got the best of me, all my family got was leftovers. By the time I came home to them, I was too tired, too busy, and too broke to give them the time they needed and deserved.
Twelve or so years ago, I ended the affair. I sold all of the mementos of our torrid relationship. I told my mistress that I could no longer be in a relationship with her. She didn’t even get angry, or for that matter, even care. She told me “There are plenty of other people who would love to have me in their lives. Your loss, Bruce.”
So we parted ways,
I went to the doctor a few years back. I was having some discomfort. The doctor ran some tests and found out I have an incurable, sexually transmitted disease. With medicine and therapy the symptoms can be managed, but I will never be cured.
Every week or so, I trudge to the doctor to get a shot, The shot helps to manage the symptoms, but I still have a lot of residual problems from my 25 year affair. That’s the price you pay when you have an affair.
My wife and I, along with our children are trying to rebuild our home. The damage done by this affair is incalculable. I can only hope that, with time, the wounds will be healed.
I should warn all of you about my mistress. She is always on the prowl looking for someone new to entice.
repost, edited and corrected