Hey Girls, What Jesus Gives is Way Better Than What Your Crush Gives You

Here’s the latest from Paula Hendricks, a writer for the Lies Young Women Believe website. Have a mushy crush on a hot boy, girlfriend? Are you blown away by his attention and all the gifts he gives you to let you know he cares? Well, Jesus is way, way b-e-t-t-e-r.

According to Hendricks, Jesus gives girls:

  • Life
  • Breath
  • Food
  • Water
  • Coffee
  • Himself
  • Forgiveness of sins
  • Peace
  • His perfect righteousness
  • Eternal, never-ending life
  • and more and more and more…

Hendricks asks, what are you looking to your crush to give you that Christ can’t give you?

In others words, girlfriend, Jesus is w-a-y better than any crush or boyfriend.

Except he’s not. Jesus is a fictional, feel good crush that will do when one is between relationships, but Jesus is no match for a tender kiss, a warm embrace, or making love. Simply put, Jesus doesn’t have a penis.

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7 Comments

  1. Becky Wiren

    She has crazy eyes.

    Reply
  2. Dale

    Dangit, made me blow beer out of my nose again.

    Reply
  3. Stephanie

    My imaginary boyfriend and Jesus do about the same for me…that should say something

    Reply
  4. Len Koz

    So I can’t get out of bed in the morning unless Jesus gets me out of bed? Bruce, help me out here, I know you know the Bible well, where does it say that?

    Reply
  5. Scott

    So is Jesus Roast Coffee a dark or a light roast? Or is it an flavor add? Inquiring minds want to know.

    Scott

    Reply
  6. Richard B.

    Wait, is this a mockery of Jesus. Please don’t do this, to the truly loving God. Jesus is all loving and all knowing and everything, he is the perfect one, and we can’t make fun of him like this. Thanks. May God direct all of you according to his loving ways Amen and Shalom 🙂

    Reply
    1. Trenton

      Dear richard,
      It is unlikely you will read this, blasphemy and mockery are the highest forms of free speech and without which we would not be able to expose the hypocrisy lies and outright fraud by several(but not all)adherants of any particular religion. You saying we shouldnt do it is all the more reason to do it.

      Reply

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