Dear Stalkers, My Wife and Children Are Not Me, Nor Do They Speak for Me

My wife, Polly, had a conversation the other day with someone at work which unnerved her a bit. The person Polly was talking to let it be known that she had done a Google search on Polly’s name and found out that her husband had a blog. Polly is not too tech savvy when it comes to the Internet. She’s satisfied to use it get information, read her email, read books, and access social media. She’s never cyberstalked anyone. I explained to her that cyberstalking is quite common; a practice that I engage in on occasion. ’Tis the nature of the Internet. I see in this blog’s logs numerous searches related to my name every day. I used to obsess about this, wondering, who is trying to find information about me?  I now know, as a public figure, that whatever I say on this blog, on other sites, and on social media, can and will be read by others. As a writer, I know that there is no such thing as secrecy on the Internet. I must live with the fact that anyone can read what I have written, and they can then use and misuse my writing. New bloggers are often surprised when they find out that other people, people they don’t know, can read their writing. That’s the nature of the Internet. It is best to assume that anything you say and do on the Internet is akin to you standing stark naked before the world.

Polly, of course, is not a public figure. Being married to a public figure doesn’t make you one, and the same can be said about my children. They bear the burden of their husband and father being an outspoken atheist and political liberal. Polly has never had anyone at work say anything to her about me, whereas my children have had numerous people seek them out to let them know what they think about something I have written. In most instances, the feedback is negative and, at times, hostile. This is to be expected, since we are living an area dominated by Evangelicalism and right-wing politics. People such as myself are very much a minority.

I have told my family that they are under no obligation to defend me. If someone has an issue with something I have written, he or she knows where to find me. I am quite accessible, and certainly glad to answer any questions people have. The only reason people seek out my wife and children instead, is that they are afraid to challenge the dragon face to face. Instead of wielding their swords against me, they choose instead to go after my family. While Polly and my children are certainly capable of giving an answer for the reason and skepticism that lies within them, they should be free to do so on their own terms, and not because someone is challenging or attacking me.

Locals need to understand that the Gerencser family believes in personal freedom and autonomy. No one speaks for anyone else. My wife and children are not me, nor do they speak for me. The same goes for me. I don’t speak on behalf of Polly or my children. If someone questions me about Polly or one of my children, I tell the person to contact them.

Several years ago, a pastor who was once a close friend of mine sent me a scathing email that ripped me from one end to the other. I hadn’t heard from this man in years. This preacher attacked me personally, charging that I had ruined Polly and my children, that I had dragged them down the proverbial rabbit hole with me. I responded to him, saying that it would have been nice if he had asked, how are you doing? before giving me a digital prostate exam. Why did this former friend of mine write such a hostile email?

Evangelicals, especially those who are on the extremist end of the Evangelical spectrum, practice what they call traditional marriage — a social structure in which the man is the head of the home and his wife and children are submissive to him in all things. This means that the man is the decision maker; that there are no independent thoughts or decisions. What dad and husband says, goes. Understanding this helps give context to my former friend’s email. He sees me as the head of my home, a patriarch who rules and reigns over this wife and children. And in fairness to him, when we were still friends, that’s the kind of person I was. But, those days are long gone.

It’s been nine years since Polly and I attended church for the last time; nine years since we called ourselves Christians; nine years since we prayed or read the Bible; nine years since we viewed the Bible as a road map or blueprint for life.  At the time, I made it clear to Polly and my children that I was cutting them loose; that I was no longer going to be the head of the family, the supreme ruler over all things. I made it clear that all of us were free to choose our own paths, to follow their bliss wherever it leads. This has resulted in the Gerencser family becoming quite diverse as far as religious and political beliefs are concerned. Yes, none of us is Evangelical, but that’s not on me. If one of my children wanted to be an Evangelical, he or she has the freedom to do so. The blame for my children choosing NOT to be Evangelicals rests on Evangelicalism and its adherents. Once free of Dad, my children were able to examine Evangelicalism for themselves, and this resulted in all of them exiting stage left. Am I happy that none of them is an Evangelical Christian? Yep. I am so glad that the Fundamentalist curse has been broken.

Leaving Christianity has brought freedom and personal autonomy. For those seeking information about Polly and/or one of my children, I suggest they contact them. I don’t speak for them, and they most certainly don’t speak for me. If someone wants the skinny on Bruce Gerencser, all they have to do is read this blog or send me an email. No need for anyone to lurk in the shadows playing Private Eye. The woman I mentioned at the start of this post? Well, I found out exactly what posts she read, and all of them mentioned Polly. That’s fine. I never say anything about my wife or children in public that would cause them harm, shame, or embarrassment. I pay careful attention to what I say in my writing. Much like I was with my sermons during my preaching days, I am a careful and deliberate writer. Pointed and direct? Sure, but I suspect that this is a plus, not a minus. I am cognizant of the fact that people have endless media options. That thousands of people choose to read my writing is humbling. I say all this to say, if you are looking for “dirt” on Polly or my children, you are not going to find it on this blog; nor are you going to find anything I don’t want you to know. And for all those with a deep, burning desire to know something about me, all they have to do is ask.

About Bruce Gerencser

Bruce Gerencser, 60, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 39 years. He and his wife have six grown children and eleven grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. For more information about Bruce, please read the About page.

Bruce is a local photography business owner, operating Defiance County Photo out of his home. If you live in Northwest Ohio and would like to hire Bruce, please email him.

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