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Here’s a Bible Tip for You . . .

bible thumper 2

Johnnie P. Angel, a host and co-host on several programs on the Atheist Experience Network, had this to say last Sunday:

Here’s a tip for you: Take your Bible and shove it up your ass.

Both my wife and I laughed when Johnnie said this. Funny stuff, though I am sure Evangelicals are not amused. How dare some godless heathen tell them to take their Bibles and shove them up their collective asses. Boy, are those atheists hateful and mean. We just want them to hear the “truth,” and get saved. We just want what’s best for them. We just want them to understand that the Bible is the roadmap for life, the blueprint for living. We want them to be just like us!

Here’s the thing, we don’t care what you want. Unless asked, we want you to keep your Bible quotes and sermons to yourself. And if you can’t respect boundaries and mind your own business, then I agree with Johnnie: take your Bible and shove it up your ass.

“You just don’t want to hear the TRUTH,” Evangelicals say. No, it’s not that. I have read the Bible from cover to cover numerous times. I spent most of my adult life studying the Bible. I know its content inside and out. What could an Evangelical possibly say to me that I haven’t heard countless times before? There’s nothing new under the sun, Solomon said, yet Evangelicals continue to parrot the same worn-out arguments, thinking atheists will find them compelling or overwhelming. That’s not the case, as most atheists will tell you if you ask them. Hearing Bible quotations sound a lot like a droning ceiling fan on a hot, humid summer day. Give me a beer and leave me alone.

First-time Evangelical commenters on this site are free to quote the Bible to their hearts’ content. They literally can say whatever they want. One time. I know they are constipated and need to have a Holy Ghost-powered bowel movement, so I say to them, “here’s a laxative, let ‘er rip.” One time. However, once you have done your business, I don’t want to hear your Bible quotations again. I am not interested in your sermons. You said your piece. You delivered the message the Holy Ghost laid upon your heart. You put in a good word for Jesus. Good for you, big boy. It’s time for you to move on. And if you won’t? You can take your KJV/NIV/ESV Bible and shove it up your ass.

I make this clear in the Comment Policy for this site:

Evangelical commenters will be given one opportunity to say whatever they want. One, not two, three, or ten. Just one. Quote the Bible. Preach the sermon God has laid upon your heart. Put in a good word for Jesus. You have one opportunity to impress readers with your John Holmes-like Bible prowess. After that, the following rules apply:

The following type of comments will not be approved:

  • Preachy/sermonizing comment
  • Extensive Bible verse quoting comment
  • Evangelizing comment
  • I am praying for you comment
  • You are going to Hell comment
  • You never were saved comment
  • You never were a Christian comment
  • Any comment that is a personal attack
  • Any comment that is not on point with what the post is about
  • Any comment that denigrates abuse victims
  • Any comment that attacks LGBTQ people

I write about issues that might not be child-friendly. Please be aware of this. I also use profanity from time to time and I allow the use of profanity in the comment section.

The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser is not a democracy where anyone has a right to say whatever they want. This is my personal blog and I reserve the right to approve or not approve any comment. When a comment or a commenter is abusive towards the community of people who read this blog, I reserve the right to ban the commenter.

If you can be respectful, decent, and thoughtful, your comment will always be approved. Unfortunately, there are many people — Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christians in particular — who have a hard time playing well with others. They often use a passive-aggressive approach towards me and the non-Christian people who frequent this blog. This kind of behavior will not be tolerated and will result in a permanent ban.

And for those Evangelicals who refuse to abide by these rules? I hope they brought lube. 🙂

Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.

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Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.

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3 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Andy

    I’m not an avid commenter on blogs, but after binge reading a bunch of your writing I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story and yourself here online. I think we all need the unconditional love you expressed in your “about” post and it’s my sincerest hope you feel that today. I look forward to reading more.

  2. Avatar
    ObstacleChick

    The Bible is useful for seeing how people in a certain time and place viewed the world. That’s it. It is a terrible guide book for how to live one’s life in the modern age.

Want to Respond to Bruce? Fire Away! If You Are a First Time Commenter, Please Read the Comment Policy Located at the Top of the Page.

Bruce Gerencser