It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment. (Hebrews 9:27)
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. (II Corinthians 5:10)
And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. (Revelation 20:12)
Prepare to meet thy God, O Israel. (Amos 4:12)
From my earliest days in Evangelicalism in the 1960s, until I deconverted in 2008, a common theme I heard from the pulpit and later preached myself as a pastor, is that life is transitory; an almost imperceptible blip on the radar of eternity. Life is the time given to us by God to prepare to meet him in eternity. Everything we do and experience in this life is secondary to meeting God face-to-face. God steps into human existence to test, try, and correct Christians. Why? To prepare them to experience the eternal, everlasting presence of God after death. Everything in this life — the pain, suffering, heartache, and loss — are preparatory, minor inconveniences, that when endured, lead to life everlasting.
Jesus told his disciples in Mark 13:13: And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake: but he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved. James said in James 1:12: Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. Paul told Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:3: Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. Much like Jesus endured suffering in his thirty-three years of life, his followers are to do the same. And if Christians patiently endure suffering, there awaits eternal reward for them — mansions, streets of pure gold, and McDonald’s on every corner — after death.
This type of thinking permeated most of my life, from my teen years until the age of fifty. I have experienced a lot of trauma and upheaval in my life; things no child should have to experience. Yet, I survived. Why? No matter what came my way, I stoically embraced it as God preparing me for the life to come. All the pain, suffering, heartache, and loss were minor inconveniences when compared to what awaited me in glory. This life was offloaded to the life to come. It mattered not what happened. Heaven awaited me the moment I drew my last breath.
Of course, I have no idea whether what I had been taught and what I later, as a pastor for twenty-five years, taught others was true. There’s no evidence that any of this is true other than the Bible says it is. By faith, I endured hardness as a good soldier, believing that no matter what I experienced and endured in life, there would be a divine payoff in the end. Jesus said in the Gospels, that if Bruce endures to the end, he will be saved. This explains why I stoically, resolutely, dare I say passively accepted whatever came my way in life.
This was my life and way of thinking for almost five decades. And then, after more pain, suffering, and deep reflection, I came to understand that I had been sold a lie; that there was no evidence for the existence of God; no evidence for Heaven; no evidence for an afterlife; that all any of us has is this present life, and death is the period on the end of our lives.
For a long time, I was angry about how “preparing to meet God” thinking had made me passive not only about my own life, but that of my partner, Polly, and our six children. This doesn’t mean I was passive when it came to the work of the ministry, studying the Bible, praying, and evangelizing the lost. I was on fire for Jesus! Why? Because these things “mattered.” They prepared me for what awaited me after death; my commitment, zeal, and passion showed God, the church, and the world what really mattered to me.
Today, I am an atheist and a humanist. I am convinced that this life is the only one I will ever have, and the moment I die — that’s it. End of story, other than the stories told by those who knew me and live on.
Yesterday was my sixty-seventh birthday. I wish there were do-overs in life, but there are not. We get one crack at life. I can’t undo the past. I can’t fix the harm caused by the church; the harm I caused to not only myself, but to others — all water under and over the proverbial bridge. What I can do is live as if this is the only life I have; as if life is short and then I die; as if there is no promise of tomorrow, so I must live for today.
My counselor has expressed concern that I am pushing myself too hard; not pacing myself, conserving my strength for another day. She knows I’m sick, my body racked with unrelenting, pervasive pain. She also knows that I am headed for a permanent seat in a wheelchair (or worse) if nothing can be done about my spine. (I see a neurosurgeon on Tuesday.) While my therapist encourages me to embrace life, she also cautions me to not overdo it. The thing is, I don’t know if I am overdoing it until I do “it.” 🙂
People often say “we only live once.” No, actually, “we only die once.” And this is what drives me to continue to embrace life as it is; to do as much as I can on any given day, not because I am preparing for eternity, but because I intimately know and feel in my bones that I am on the short side of life; that all too soon I will be dead.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Connect with me on social media:
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
You can email Bruce via the Contact Form.
Happy Birthday, Bruce! I admire how you go full-force into life, doing things you love with your family, keeping up-to-date on a variety of topics related to Christian fundamentalism and politics, writing, doing interviews, etc). I understand why your therapist is warning you to slow down some, and I understand why that’s difficult for you.
I didn’t get as wrapped up in the promise of afterlife like some Christians do. But I did witness some relatives living their lives less while putting further stock in the glorious afterlife promised to the faithful. It makes me sad to see that.
Happy Belated Birthday Bruce. Biker Dude has one tomorrow. 🙂
Happy birthday Bruce.
Like yourself, I was met with tribulations no child should endure. My childhood and yours had an unlikely number of parallels. No fantasy reinforced me against life’s outrageous slings and arrows. I was raised Catholic by a devout Mother and my religion was loyalty to my Mother. Her religion was inseparable from her. Religion never supported me emotionally or any other way but my Mamma did. I defied the alcoholism, poverty, mental illness and alienation I inherited. I endured, survived and (slowly) rose above hard times and prospered in spite of predictions of a contrary fate. Hocus pocus had little or nothing to do with it. In my decisions good or bad, religion never factored. My Mother’s teachings by example on the other hand imprinted a sense of right and wrong and directed my life. My Mother often told me I was the best little boy in the world and even when I proved that untrue, the words rang in my head. I wanted my Mother to be right about me which made me want to do and be better. You took direction and strength from Jesus and I took direction and strength from my Mamma. We hear said that religion provides moral structure and without it, we would be as ravening wolves. In my case, my Mother’s morals filtered down to me and gave me a sense of direction. Her morals came from her religion so a case can be made that her religion guided my life. I’m convinced morality and ethics can be and are learned outside of formal religion and that religion alone will not build good character without guidance from moral ethical parents.
My Mother was good, kind, generous, patient, hard working, and forgiving, and even when I was none of those things, I wanted to be. I never thought of, let alone feared, punishment by an angry Jesus. I just wanted my Mamma to be right about me and everything else.
The most important dynamic I know for raising and guiding children is: your children may not do and be what you tell them but they WILL do and be what they see YOU do and be. Being threatened by Jesus is unnecessary and toxic.
Watching these fevered, fervent evangelicals preach, it’s clear that behind their earnest facial expressions, they’re thinking, “This doesn’t make sense. This is baloney. How in the world could I be spouting such nonsense?”
But they’ve force-fed it to everyone for so long that they have no choice but to continue down the road. They’re just too invested in it to turn back. Not to mention the fact that they love the taste of ribeyes and lobsters too much to give them up.
If ever there was a real hell, these Pied Pipers should be tossed in head first, before anyone else.
Do all of the Madalyn Murray O’Hairites need a big box of Kleenex or maybe an old coffee can to cry the tears in over the Ten Commandments? Sad 😞. Many gonna split hell wide open.
They need to put the gospel next to them.
the Ten Commandments show humanity the problem.
the gospel of Jesus Christ shows the solution.
[and Revival Fires shows us why Christianity is bankrupt]