Skeptic: Do you really believe that the universe was created in six days?
Sophisticated Christian: Don’t be a silly literalist. “Six days” is a metaphor for a very long, long period of time.
Skeptic: Do you really believe that the entire earth was covered by water from a great flood?
Sophisticated Christian: Don’t be a silly literalist. When God said “the entire earth” was covered by flood waters that was metaphorical for a flood of the entire known world in which Noah lived. It was a regional flood. It was a flood of Noah’s entire world.
Skeptic: Do you believe that all the many languages on earth derive from the Tower of Babel?
Sophisticated Christian: Don’t be a silly literalist. The story of the Tower of Babel is an allegory to demonstrate the power of God in the face of humankind’s sinful arrogance.
Skeptic: Do you believe that Jonah really lived in the belly of a fish for three days?
Sophisticated Christian: Don’t be a silly literalist. This is another allegory. It was told as an allegorical prophecy of Jesus’ burial in the tomb.
Skeptic: Do you believe that Jesus of Nazareth was born of virgin; that his father was a (holy) ghost; that he walked on water; turned water into wine; exorcised demons, sending them into a herd of pigs; healed blindness; raised people from the dead; flew to the pinnacle of the Temple with a devil; reattached a man’s severed ear to his head; and after he was publicly executed, came back to life, appeared to his former fishing buddies to share a broiled fish lunch; and finally, that he levitated off the top of a mountain into outer space where he currently sits on a golden throne as Lord and Master of the universe?
Sophisticated Christian: Of course. That is what the Bible literally says, you God-hating fool!
— Gary, Escaping Christian Fundamentalism, Silly Atheist. Unlike You, Sophisticated Christians Can Distinguish When the Bible is Speaking Literally and Figuratively, July 16, 2019