A Guest Post by Dr. David Teabag, a graduate of Bumpkiss Bible Institute and I Know I Am Right Baptist University
Hell, also known as the Lake of Fire, is a real place; a place of fire and brimstone; a place where non-Christians will spend eternity being tortured by God. Don’t want to be roasted by God in Hell, repent and believe the gospel!
Skeptics such as that dumb-ass Evangelical-preacher-turned-atheist Bruce Gerencser often ask us to prove the existence of Hell. Where is Hell, exactly?, Gerencser laughingly asks. Well, today, I am happy to report that scientists have found Hell in the middle of the earth! I know, it is hard to believe, but as I write this post, billions of people are being tortured by the Prince of Peace right under our feet.
I Fucking Love Science reports:
Lying beneath Africa and the Pacific in the lowermost part of the Earth’s mantle, surrounding the Earth’s core, there are two gigantic blobs that occupy around three to nine percent of the volume of the Earth.
There are of course no direct ways of seeing the Earth’s core, at least without being burned to a crisp or fighting your way through the mole people. The deepest hole we’ve ever dug – sweetly dubbed the “entrance to hell” – reached 12,263 meters (40,230 feet), still a long way from breaking through the Earth’s crust to the layers beneath. However, we can look under the surface pretty effectively by utilizing earthquakes in a technique known as seismic tomography.
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When this technique was new, the two large and strange structures were found, known as large low shear velocity provinces (LLSVPs). In these areas, generally called “blobs”, waves travel more slowly than through the surrounding lower mantle. Under Africa, the area known as “Tuzo” is thought to be about 800 kilometers (497 miles) in height, or about 90 Mount Everests.
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So, what are they? Unfortunately, we still aren’t entirely sure, though we have a few sound ideas. Given that the objects are denser than the surrounding mantle, it’s assumed that they are made of a different material, though we cannot tell exactly what it is – nor the exact density – based on seismic tomography data alone.
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Though we don’t know for certain what the blobs are, and will never see them directly, techniques for investigating beneath our feet are continually improving. Hopefully it is only a matter of time before we can refer to them by what they are, rather than mysterious behemoth blobs lurking deep beneath our feet.
These unsaved scientists may not know what these blobs are, but I do. I have a theology degree from Bumpkiss Bible Institute in Bada-Bing, New Jersey, and a master’s degree and doctorate in archeology and hellology from I Know I Am Right Baptist University in Bubbaville, Kentucky. I know, based on my extensive training straight from the 1611 King James Bible, that Jesus descended into the bowels of the Earth (Hell) when he died to visit those who lived there; that when non-Christians die they go straight to Hell; do not pass GO, do not collect $200. These blobs are Hell. Prove me wrong!
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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