A Guest Post by Dr. David Teabag, a graduate of Bumpkiss Bible Institute and I Know I Am Right Baptist University
Hell, also known as the Lake of Fire, is a real place; a place of fire and brimstone; a place where non-Christians will spend eternity being tortured by God. Don’t want to be roasted by God in Hell, repent and believe the gospel!
Skeptics such as that dumb-ass Evangelical-preacher-turned-atheist Bruce Gerencser often ask us to prove the existence of Hell. Where is Hell, exactly?, Gerencser laughingly asks. Well, today, I am happy to report that scientists have found Hell in the middle of the earth! I know, it is hard to believe, but as I write this post, billions of people are being tortured by the Prince of Peace right under our feet.
I Fucking Love Science reports:
Lying beneath Africa and the Pacific in the lowermost part of the Earth’s mantle, surrounding the Earth’s core, there are two gigantic blobs that occupy around three to nine percent of the volume of the Earth.
There are of course no direct ways of seeing the Earth’s core, at least without being burned to a crisp or fighting your way through the mole people. The deepest hole we’ve ever dug – sweetly dubbed the “entrance to hell” – reached 12,263 meters (40,230 feet), still a long way from breaking through the Earth’s crust to the layers beneath. However, we can look under the surface pretty effectively by utilizing earthquakes in a technique known as seismic tomography.
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When this technique was new, the two large and strange structures were found, known as large low shear velocity provinces (LLSVPs). In these areas, generally called “blobs”, waves travel more slowly than through the surrounding lower mantle. Under Africa, the area known as “Tuzo” is thought to be about 800 kilometers (497 miles) in height, or about 90 Mount Everests.
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So, what are they? Unfortunately, we still aren’t entirely sure, though we have a few sound ideas. Given that the objects are denser than the surrounding mantle, it’s assumed that they are made of a different material, though we cannot tell exactly what it is – nor the exact density – based on seismic tomography data alone.
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Though we don’t know for certain what the blobs are, and will never see them directly, techniques for investigating beneath our feet are continually improving. Hopefully it is only a matter of time before we can refer to them by what they are, rather than mysterious behemoth blobs lurking deep beneath our feet.
These unsaved scientists may not know what these blobs are, but I do. I have a theology degree from Bumpkiss Bible Institute in Bada-Bing, New Jersey, and a master’s degree and doctorate in archeology and hellology from I Know I Am Right Baptist University in Bubbaville, Kentucky. I know, based on my extensive training straight from the 1611 King James Bible, that Jesus descended into the bowels of the Earth (Hell) when he died to visit those who lived there; that when non-Christians die they go straight to Hell; do not pass GO, do not collect $200. These blobs are Hell. Prove me wrong!
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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Thanks for a good laugh, Bruce. Anglicans call Easter Saturday, ‘The harrowing of hell.’ That’s when the creed says jesus descended into hell to preach to departed souls. This confused me. If I was a departed soul….and was being given the choice of eternal burning torture….or escape to ‘pleasures forevermore’ at god’s right hand….can’t think of any other response than….what a no brainer that choice is!
If I am not wrong, the Harrowing of Hell takes as its biblical basis the verses from 1 Peter chapter 3, which says that Jesus proclaimed his victory over death to “the spirits in prison, who in former times did not obey, when God waited patiently in the days of Noah.”
So it only applies to either, 1) those who died in sin before Jesus came, or 2) the righteous in the OT whose salvation was not “complete” until Jesus came.
In other words, this won’t apply to every departed soul. Especially not those who “are without excuses” for having been exposed to the message of the Gospel, yet “choose” to disbelieve.
But, at the end of the day, as Bruce said, the bible can be made to say anything you want. And Christians hate each other as much as they hate the “unwashed and uncircumcised Phillistines of the world”, as Bruce is fond of saying.
Around the late 90’s, my brother-in-law sent his preacher to our house to talk to us. He said scientists had dug the deepest hole in the world and found Hell. A microphone had been lowered down, and the screams of the suffering sinners had been recorded. As a geology buff, I didn’t go for this crap at all, and neither did my Catholic husband. The thing that pissed me off the most was the fact that he couldn’t even make direct eye contact when he spoke. He knew he was lying. Why do these preachers lie to people? Do they believe it’s okay to get someone saved on a lie?
yep, they beleive exactly that. And they ignore their bible. Romans 3 is rather straightforward in saying don’t lie, even if you think you are lying for this god.
I’m a geologist and I’ve always found that idiocy of the hole to hell hilarious. Just as stupid as the magic flood.
You might appreciate the recent post by Clay Jones:
Onligatory Pat Robertson Obituary Cartoon
He is suggesting that Pat Robertson may have found hell.
Dammit, Bruce, it’s cruel to make this crippled old woman geologist roll on the floor, laughing.
Underground? The Paris Metro? London Tubes? NYC Subway? Lemme tellya, rush hour really is Hell!
Back in the day, during a visit with a retired senior pastor he gave me a “document” indicating where hell is and that scientists, miners, whoevers heard the screams of those in hell when they were down in the earth’s crust. I sat and listened. He was soon to die and I a young 30 something. There is no changing anyone’s mind about this stuff.
If I want a “map” of Hell, I’ll settle for Dante’s “Inferno.” At least the imagery and poetics are great. (Even with my limited Italian,’I can see how great it is!) Plus, I must admit, it’s given me an idea or two on how I can punish people who intentionally hurt me. I’ve never carried them out, but they were fun to think about.
P.S. All I know about geology, I learned in my eighth-grade science class back when “Stairway to Heaven” was on the charts. (You can do the math if you like.) And spelunking is one of the few sports I have had no inclination to try. So I won’t know whether Hell is underground unless the 3 or C line of the NYC subway takes me there!
I just drove thru the Battery Tunnel in NY yesterday, maybe that was hell? Anyway, I survived and got home just fine, but we did take the bridge to NJ, home of many fine universities including the Bumpkiss Bible Institute. People even leave the glorious winders of the Bible Belt to attend BBI in Bada-Bing!
OC—I haven’t gone through the BBT in a while (I don’t drive) but I thought it was pretty hellish.
Did anyone get my Sopranos mention? 🤣🤣
Bada- Bing ! Yep, I got it ! I do remember that year ago in the early 2,000’s. Art Bell had a recording of that microphone going down into the Siberian hole. It’s the deepest manmade hole created, supposedly. Animals will run away from the sounds from that recording. And in 1987, Time Magazine did an article on a cavern found just above the magma pools,where it rains nickel, the caverns have flames too. But it’s not called Hell in the story. So those caverns are below the surface,under the ocean floor. That’s all I remember from that magazine. Didn’t photocopy it at the library,where I read it. When I heard on the radio that Pat Robertson died last week, what came to mind was his blood- diamond investments in Africa. Stuff he did that wasn’t too nice. While I don’t wish anyone, anywhere to go to Hell, the cartoon about him is a great irony.💰💰💀💩