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The Silly Things Fundamentalist Christians Worry About

Found on a Baptist discussion forum. In a world dominated by mass shootings, global climate change, white nationalism, militarism, trade wars, Brexit, and all things Trump, this Baptist man is outraged over men adjusting or scratching their balls. This man wants to — I kid you not — address this pecker problem in one of his sermons. I wonder what proof text he will use to justify his obsession with male genitalia? Maybe Luke 22:34? And he said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me. Or maybe, the real problem here is penis envy, and this preacher is bothered by well endowed men adjusting their junk. Perhaps, he could preach from Ezekiel 23:20: For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.

Just another day in the out-of-touch world of Fundamentalist Christianity; a world where crotches crouch.

5 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Matilda

    On No Longer Quivering this week, a patriarchal guy asked this: When he commands his wife to make him a sandwich, how long should he wait before it arrives?

  2. Avatar
    ObstacleChick

    I definitely wouldn’t put much stock in a sermon from a fellow who doesn’t know the difference between “crouch” and “crotch”.

  3. Avatar
    Brunetto Latini

    I kid you not: my Free Will Baptist pastor adjusted himself while standing in front of the congregation. It was one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever witnessed. I guess nobody told him that it was crude? The daughter of a couple I knew got in trouble one night for commenting on it too loudly.

  4. Avatar
    Neil

    Maybe ‘righteousdude2’ could preach on Matthew 5.30 where Jesus, talking about sex, says, ‘if thine right hand offend thee, cut it off.’

    That’s the absolute literal word of the Lord right there. If that don’t stop all this perverted ‘crouch’ grabbing, nothing will.

  5. Avatar
    Karen the rock whisperer

    Also notice that this writer thinks such evil crudeness was introduced by THE BLACK MALES. Sounds like a police description of suspects, doesn’t it? Why do I suspect that righteousdude2 is white, and spends time and effort insisting he isn’t racist?

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