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Just One More Day

polly mom and dad 2018 (2)
Bruce and Polly Gerencser 2018

Repost from 2015-2016. Edited, updated, and corrected.

It’s 4 AM and, like every night, I am still awake.

The sounds are so clear this time of night:

The tick-tock of Big Ben on the nightstand,

Cars as they drive through the sleepy rural town we call home.

A sound machine softly plays in the background, a nightly ritual that lulls my lover to sleep.

The wind is blowing briskly as the wind chimes sing their harmonies into the fall night.

I can feel the cold draft from the wind as it pushes its way through the window frames of our 140-year-old home.

She is covered up, trying to warm herself as cold air blows over her head.

She lies beside me, just as she has these 42 years.

I look over at her and remind myself of what a great life we’ve had.

We have faced many battles that left us bruised and bloodied, but we survived. That’s what we are — survivors.

The Bible is right, there is a love that endures. She and I have that enduring love. Until death do us part, we promised each another one hot July day so many years ago.

Recent events have brought us face to face with our mortality, my mortality, her mortality.

What if it is cancer? What if there are surgical complications? What if the hourglass is close to running out? Dare we ponder our own mortality and bitter end?

Come what may, I’ve had a good life. Whether I live till Christmas or another 20 years, I am grateful for the life she and I have shared.

Forty-four years ago, a beautiful young girl dared to flirt with a brash, outspoken redheaded boy. And just like that, in the blink of an eye, we lie here in the stillness of the night, our lives shaped and filled by our shared experiences.

I think of our children and our grandchildren. I want to wake her up and say, we did well, we have more treasure than the richest man on earth.

I won’t wake her; she needs her sleep.

I hope she knows that I love her.

It’s almost 6 AM and I can feel the drugs beginning to win the battle. Sleep will soon come, and if I awake another day will be mine.

Isn’t that all any of us can hope for?

Just one more day . . .

bruce-gerencser-headshot

Bruce Gerencser, 64, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 43 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.

You can contact Bruce via email, Facebook, Twitter, or YouTube.

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13 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Kristie

    Thank-you for sharing your beautiful thoughts of gratefulness at a time when many would be consumed with the incapacitating fear of the unknown. My thoughts are with you and I’m wishing you the very best medical outcome!
    I just found your website and will be a frequent visitor. I enjoy your writing! You are talented! I, along with other readers, will be with you on this journey to support you in whatever way we can!

  2. Avatar
    Canadian Atheist

    Well written Bruce. I have been thinking of you as you wait for word on your health. I was so glad to see you back online and being able to read your writing again. What always shines through in your writing is your positive attitude in life despite the struggles. I wish I could write like you can.

    I wish you the best.

    Canadian Atheist

  3. Avatar
    Brian Vanderlip

    Man oh man, Gerencser, you’ve been a lucky man. I wish you more good long life with Polly and your family and I wish you better health to embrace it all too. Thanks for reposting this one…

  4. Avatar
    Yulya Sevelova

    I really felt the depth of emotion in your post here, Bruce. You are so correct about the priceless importance of loving relationships and deep bonds. Too many never figure this out their whole lives, especially in this country. Here’s to Christmas this year,and many more, with you and your family. I could almost hear that fall breeze tossing the chimes and the clock quietly ticking away.

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Bruce Gerencser