The word “deconstruction” is hotly debated these days, especially among Evangelical Christians. Rather than spend energy debating the meaning of the term, Let me explain how I colloquially use the word. Deconstruction is the process of stripping your beliefs bare and reinvestigating the claims that gave rise to these beliefs. The process is a lot like stripping the inside of a house and rebuilding it. This is exactly what I did two decades ago. Long before I embraced atheism, I decided to carefully, thoughtfully, and painfully reexamine my religious beliefs. The early seeds of this process were sown in the late 90s when my politics began to change, as did my beliefs about capitalism and war. I later embraced socialism and pacifism. In 2000, I voted for a Democrat the first time, and I have primarily voted Democrat ever since. As it happens for many former Evangelicals, my deconstruction found its impetus in evolving political beliefs.
I pastored my last church in 2003 and preached my last sermon in 2005. For several years I deconstructed my beliefs, stripping bare the central claims of Christianity. Starting with the inerrancy and infallibility of the Bible, I worked through the major doctrines of the Christian faith, concluding they could not be honestly and rationally sustained.
And that’s the word I want to focus on: honesty. There is only one thing required in the deconstruction process, and that is honesty. As you deconstruct your beliefs, be honest with your observations. I have counseled people countless times over the years about deconstruction. I typically yell them that honesty is key to the process. Meet truth in the middle of the road and do business with it. Don’t try to go around truth, jump over it, or return to where you came from. It’s okay to park in the middle of the road until you have thoroughly examined a particular belief (or practice). You don’t owe it to anyone to “move on.” When, and only when, your questions have been answered, then you can move on to examining another belief. This is what I did until I, with a broken heart — having invested fifty years in worshipping Jesus — admitted I no longer believe.
Deconstruction never leaves you as you are. Rarely do people honestly return to their old beliefs. Sadly, people often return to their old beliefs and practices out of fear or judgment or being ostracized. And I get it. When I deconverted, I lost a lifelong career, most of my friends, and all of my colleagues in the ministry. I didn’t lose everything — but almost. I paid a high price for truth, a price I would pay again today if called on to do so.
Most people who deconstruct end up in churches and religions that put a kinder, gentler face on faith. I don’t know of anyone who deconverted from Evangelicalism after deconstruction who then returned to Evangelical beliefs and practices afterward. I am sure they exist, I just don’t know of any. Some people end up embracing humanism, agnosticism, atheism, and other -isms. The common denominator is that they freely (I know, I know, free will doesn’t exist) chose to embrace different beliefs without conditioning and indoctrination. One of the hardest things for me to admit about my past Evangelical life is that I belonged to a blood cult, and after years of indoctrination and conditioning, I wholly embraced the cult’s deity and became a high priest.
Contrary to what Evangelicals will tell you, life is not all about the destination. The Evangelical house of cards is built on a foundation of a divine payoff after death for believing the right things. All that matters is making it to Heaven after death. I contend that life is all about the journey. Who knows where your journey will take you, but if you are honest throughout your journey, you will end up exactly where you need to be.
Bruce Gerencser, 69, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 48 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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