The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser

Series: Songs of Sacrilege

  • Songs of Sacrilege: Jesus Saves by Slayer

    This is the twenty-first installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Jesus Saves by Slayer, an American thrash metal band from Huntington Park, California.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    You go to the church, you kiss the cross
    You will be saved at any cost
    You have your own reality
    Christianity

    You spend your life just kissing ass
    A trait that’s grown as time has passed
    You think the world will end today
    You praise the Lord, it’s all you say

    Jesus saves, listen to you pray
    You think you’ll see the pearly gates
    When death takes you away

    For all respect you cannot lust
    In an invisible man you place your trust
    Indirect dependency
    Eternal attempt at amnesty

    He will decide who lives and dies
    Depopulate Satan’s rise
    You will be an accessory
    Irreverence and blasphemy

    Jesus saves, no need to pray
    The gates of pearl have turned to gold
    It seems you’ve lost your way

    Jesus saves, no words of praise
    No promised land to take you to
    There is no other way

  • Songs of Sacrilege: My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus by Jimmy Buffett

    This is the twenty-first installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus by Jimmy Buffett, an American singer–songwriter.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    Chorus
    My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don’t love Jesus.
    It’s that kind of mornin’,
    really was that kind of night.
    Tryin’ to tell myself that my
    condition is improvin’ and if I don’t
    die by Thursday I’ll be roarin’ Friday night.

    Went down to the snake pit,
    to drink a little beer.
    Listened to the juke box,
    oh, it’s comin’ in clear.
    All of a sudden I wasn’t alone
    pickin’ country music with old Joe Bones.
    Duval Street was rockin’,
    my eyes they started poppin’!
    Because there she sat at the corner of the bar,
    as I broke another string on my old guitar.
    Someone call a cab.
    Lady won’t you pay my tab?

    Chorus

    Got to get a little orange juice,
    And a Darvon for my head.
    I can’t spend all day,
    Baby, layin’ in bed.
    I’m goin’ down to Fausto’s
    to get some chocolate milk.
    Can’t spend my life in your sheets of silk
    I’ve got to find my way
    Crawl out and greet the day.

    Chorus

  • Songs of Sacrilege: Has Anybody Seen JC? by Jeff Ollerhead

    This is the twenty-third installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Has Anybody Seen JC?, sung  by Jeff Ollerhead, a singer–songwriter from Liverpool, England. Best I can tell the lyrics are of unknown origin. The song has numerous verses as the lyrics below show.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    Chorus
    Has anybody seen J C
    J C, J C, J C, J C.
    Not since Easter Sunday,
    Riding on a Donkey.
    Has anybody seen J C
    J C, J C, J C, J C

    Virgin born, head of thorn
    Resurrects the dead at dawn

    That J C, he’s divine
    Changes water into wine.

    Virgin Mary, She’s the most
    She’s been fucked by the Holy Ghost

    Cleans up temples it is said
    Raises spastics from their bed

    J C, He’s so cool
    Boogies across my swimming pool

    Took three loaves and five fish
    Feed five thousand piece of piss

    Lots of songs, raises cheers,
    In the charts two thousand years

    Holes in hands, Holes in Feet,
    Carries his cross down the street,

    Holy Ghost, He’s the most,
    Gets them pissed on wine and toast,

    Banished fear and gave us hope,
    Went one better than the Pope,

    Love he gave, faith he took,
    Still the Worlds best selling book,

    Save our souls, fun we poke,
    Sorry God its just a joke.

    J C stands five foot nine,
    Plays scrum half for Palestine.

    Arms out wide, feet are tied,
    It’s hard to boogie when your crucified.

  • Songs of Sacrilege: Joseph Smith American Moses by The Book of Mormon Cast

    This is the twenty-fourth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Joseph Smith American Moses, sung  by the cast of the Broadway play, The Book of Mormon.

    Warning! Song contains curse words.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    And now we wish to honor you with
    The story of Joseph Smith, the American Moses

    Well, this is very good, praise Christ

    Mormon

    I’m going to take you back in time
    (Mormon)
    To the United States, 1823
    (Mormon)

    A small and odd village called Upstate New York
    (Upstate)
    There was disease and famine
    (So sick)

    But also in this village lived a simple farmer
    Who would change everything
    His name was Joseph Smith

    Hiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiya Joseph Smith, American Moses
    Praise be to Joseph, American prophet man

    Aye, my name is Joseph Smith
    And I am going to fuck this baby
    What?

    No no Joseph, don’t fuck the baby
    Joseph Smith, don’t fuck the baby

    Suddenly the clouds parted
    And Joseph Smith was visited by God
    Joseph Smith, do not fuck a baby
    I will get rid of your AIDS, if you fuck this frog

    Hiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiya

    Joseph Smith fucked the frog God gave him
    And his AIDS went away
    Then a great wizard named Moroni came down
    From the Starship Enterprise

    Joseph Smith, your village is shit
    You shall lead the villagers to a new village
    Take these fucking golden plates

    Away

    And on the plates were written the directions to a new land
    Sal Tlay Ka Siti
    (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
    Joseph tried to convince all the villagers
    To follow him and his golden plates

    Liberation, equality
    No more slavery for Upstate Mormon people

    I got de golden plates
    (Gold plates)
    I’m gonna lead the people
    (We head West)

    We gotta stick together
    (Mormons)
    We gotta help each other
    (We’re Mormons)

    And so we climb the mountain
    (We head West)
    And we cross the river
    (We head West)

    And we fight the oppression
    (Mormons)
    By being nice to everyone
    (We are Mormons)

    Not so fast Mormons, you shall not pass my mountain

    Down from the mountain look who comes
    The American warlord Brigham Young

    Yes, I am Brigham Young
    I cut off my daughter’s clitoris
    That made God angry so he turned my nose
    Into a clit for punishment

    Brigham Young, his nose was a clitoris
    What will you do Joseph, will you fight the clitoris man

    Not fight him, help him

    Oh

    Joseph Smith took his magical fuck frog
    And rubbed it upon Brigham Young’s clit face
    And behold Brigham was cured

    Joseph Smith magical AIDS frog
    Brigham Young, frog on his clit face

    Brigham Young was so grateful
    He decided to join the Mormons on their journey

    Compassion, cutesy
    Let’s be really fucking polite to everyone

    I got de golden plates
    (Gold plates)
    I’m gonna lead the people
    (We head West)
    We gotta stick together
    (Mormons)

    Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad
    (Oh)
    After traveling for so long, the Mormons ran out of fresh water
    And become sick with dysentery

    Water go to the water, water go to the cup
    Cup go to the stomach, shit come out the butt
    Shit go in the water, water go in the cup
    Shit go down the stomach, shit come out the butt

    Ugh, oh fuck
    Oh no, the prophet Joseph Smith is now getting sick

    Shit go in the water, water go in the cup
    Cup go to the thirsty, shit go to the stomach
    Blood come out the butt, blood go in the water
    Water go in the cup, cup go to the tongue
    Shit blood in the stomach, shit blood in the mouth
    Shit blood on the insides, water come out the butt

    Brigham Young you must take the golden plates
    And lead the Mormons to the Promised Land
    Plghh
    Desperation, mortality, loss of faith

    I got de golden plates
    (Gold plates)
    I’m got to lead the people
    (We head West)
    We gotta stick together

    Even though their prophet had died
    The Mormons stuck together
    And helped each other and were really nice
    To everyone they came across

    And then one day the Mormons finally found
    Sal Tlay Ka Siti
    (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
    And there, the Mormons danced with Ewoks
    And were greeted by Jesus

    Welcome Mormons
    Now, let’s all have as many babies as we can
    And make big Mormon families

    Fuck your woman, fuck your man
    This is all part of God’s plan
    Mormons fuck all that they can
    We’re in Salt Lake City land

    Thank you, thank you but now we are fucking
    Thank you, thank you, but God wants us fucking
    Thank you, thank you, but get back to fucking
    Thank you, thank you, God

    Joseph Smith fuck frog
    Brigham Young clit face
    Shit come out the butt
    Jesus says fuck, fuck
    Mormons

     

  • Songs of Sacrilege: I Want a Marriage Like They Had in the Bible by Roy Zimmerman

    This is the twenty-fifth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is I Want a Marriage Like They Had in the Bible by Roy Zimmerman, an American satirical singer-songwriter and guitarist.

    Video Link

     

  • Songs of Sacrilege: Jerry Falwell’s God by Roy Zimmerman

    This is the twenty-sixth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Jerry Falwell’s God by Roy Zimmerman, an American satirical singer-songwriter and guitarist.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    Jerry Falwell’s god was standing by the elevator while we were talking about the party, so we had to invite him.

    Secretly, we were all wishing that he wouldn’t come, because he’s vengeful and jealous and he tends to smite people.

    And, of course, he knew we were thinking that, so it made him all the more determined to show up and punish us.

    And I wanted to invite my god, but I couldn’t find him.

    But, Jerry Falwell’s god is hard to miss… the gossamer robe and the beard down to here, and the button that says, “What would Jesus do?”

    And sure enough, day of the party, there he was at the door.

    And he spoke, spaketh he, saying, “I AM COME.”

    And I knew there was a joke there… but Jerry Falwell’s god will not be mocked.

    So I said, “Come in.”

    Jerry Falwell’s god
    Jerry Falwell’s god
    Huh!

    Now, I’m no heavenly host, but I throw a decent party, and there were people of all kinds there — black, white, Swedish, Norwegian, the whole human spectrum.

    And right away, Jerry Falwell’s god found the two people who would listen to him and began spaking in a voice so loud, it made the Beastie Boys sound like the Vienna Boys Choir.

    And he made the lame to walk.

    And these were my friends, so they were still lame, but they could walk.

    And he turned the loaves to fishes, and the Oreos to Hydrox.

    And he divided up the room, divided he, saying “Gays here, lesbians here, pagans here, abortionists, feminists, civil libertarians, People for the American Way,” and frankly, some of us did not know where to stand.

    I went with the lesbians.

    Jerry Falwell’s god
    Jerry Falwell’s god
    Huh!

    And he pointed his huge finger at each group in turn, saying, “I blame you, and you, and you, who have secularized society and cast me out of the town square,” and I thought, “Man you are the town square.”

    He said, “Lo, I have lifted the Veil of Protection, for the end days are here, and the judgment is nigh, where I will draw the faithful to heaven and will leave the unrepentant to walk a desolate earth.” And I thought, “More polyester for the rest of us.”

    And he spat fire, and he rained toads, and he brought forth seven bowls of seven plagues, and finally I just said, “Look, I’ll tell you one thing Jesus would not do.

    Jesus would not wreck a guy’s party.

    And Jesus would not preach hate.

    And Jesus would not stand in the rubble and say, ‘I told you so.’

    And Jesus would not use an international catastrophe to score points for some misogynistic, narrow, homophobic, anti-Semitic interpretation of his life and teaching.

    And if people are jealous and judgmental and vengeful and violent, maybe it’s because you made them in your image.

    And if people have cast you out of the town square, maybe it’s because you are a finger-pointing, moralizing, rageaholic, stone drag who gives deities a bad name!

    And if people have turned away from your word, maybe it’s because you have spinach in your teeth!”

    And he smote me.

    Jerry Falwell’s god
    Jerry Falwell’s god
    Huh!

     

  • Songs of Sacrilege: Hard to Be by David Bazan

    This is the twenty-seventh installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Hard to Be by David Bazan, an indie rock singer-songwriter from Seattle, Washington.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    You’ve heard the story
    You know how it goes
    Once upon a garden
    We were lovers with no clothes

    Fresh from the soil
    We were beautiful and true
    In control of our emotions
    ‘Til we ate the poison fruit

    And now it’s hard to be
    Hard to be
    Hard to be a decent human being

    Wait just a minute
    You expect me to believe
    That all this misbehaving
    Grew from one enchanted tree?

    And helpless to fight it
    We should all be satisfied
    With this magical explanation
    For why the living die

    And why it’s hard to be
    Hard to be
    Hard to be a decent human being

    Childbirth is painful
    We toil to grow our food
    Ignorance made us hungry
    Information made us no good
    Every burden misunderstood

    So I swung my tassel
    To the left side of my cap
    Knowing after graduation
    There would be no going back

    Because it’s…

     

     

     

  • Songs of Sacrilege: The Easy Confidence (What I Would Say to You Now) by Quiet Company

    This is the twenty-eighth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is The Easy Confidence (What I Would Say to You Now) by Quiet Company, an American rock band from Austin, Texas.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    I was screaming out your name. I guess you never heard me, but I was screaming it for years, and I think I deserve a reason for why you’ve been so elusive. Now I’ve been thinking about my life and I can’t believe that I have wasted so much time trying to be what everyone loves, the prodigal son returning. Oh, what a sight, the prodigal son returning.

    If Jesus Christ ever reached down and touched my life, he certainly left no sign to let me know he had. And I wouldn’t mind that he couldn’t find the time, it’s just that now my heart longs for things that probably don’t exist. But now I think I see this for what it is.

    Oh my soul! Oh, my soul is tired, but I’ve got an itch to scratch, I’ve got a stone to throw, and I want to sink my teeth into your hollow bones. I’ve got a bone to pick, and I want to pick it clean! Oh, the prodigal son and his shameful disbelief.

    I want something better. I want something real. And this is the part where my exit starts, because I caught a glimpse of the father’s heart. Do we want something we can’t have? So come on, friends, count up your sins: one for being human, two for being born like this. This isn’t love. We’re not in love. If you wanted love, you just should’ve spoken up.

  • Songs of Sacrilege: Saved by Shelley Segal

    This is the twenty-ninth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Saved by Shelley Segal, an Australian musician.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    Say that i need to be saved
    Say with me the devils got his way
    I want to know how when you are praying
    And when you are dooms-daying
    How you think you know that someone is listening to what you are saying

    So you think that you
    Can tell us how to live our lives
    Never questioning the source from which your moral code derives
    You think that suffering is part of some great plan that’s been devised
    I wonder, I wonder
    When we’ll be rid of your lies

    Say I need to hear the truth
    A sales-pitch of eternal life and eternal youth
    All these blessings you are bestowing
    Upon the one you say is all-knowing
    Are they really deserved if ‘He’ is sending me where you say I am going?

    So you think that you
    Can tell us how to live our lives
    Never questioning the source from which your moral code derives
    You think that suffering is part of some great plan that’s been devised
    I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, I wonder

    What will it take for you
    To start opening your eyes
    To start questioning the bullshit everyone around you buys
    You think it’s any of your business what goes on between my thighs?
    I wonder, I wonder,
    When we’ll be rid of your lies

     

  • Songs of Sacrilege: Eve by Shelley Segal

    This is the thirtieth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

    Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Eve by Shelley Segal, an Australian musician.

    Video Link

    Lyrics

    The bible tells me I was made for and from man
    And I must do for him everything that I can
    I must surrender to his will, yeah I must submit
    I can’t make the household decisions coz I am unfit
    It tells me my place
    With ever-lasting grace

    The bible tells me I must be silent you can’t hear my voice
    My role has been divinely defined and I have no other choice
    I may not be a teacher of man, I must cover up my shame
    These are the laws of the one who in vain I cannot name
    He tells me my place
    With ever-lasting grace

    And my punishment for wanting to learn
    Is a painful birth from which I may not return

    The bible tells me that I am unclean
    I am impure you cannot touch me and it has nothing to do with where I’ve been
    It is part of who I am, It is because I corrupt man
    I was asking for it just by being a woman
    He tells me my place
    With ever-lasting grace

    And my punishment for wanting to learn
    Is a painful birth from which I may not return

    The bible tells me I was made for and from man
    And I must do for him everything that I can
    I must surrender to his will, yeah I must submit
    I can’t make the household decisions coz I am unfit
    It tells me my place
    With ever-lasting grace