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Tag: Bo Burnham

Songs of Sacrilege: From God’s Perspective by Bo Burnham

Bruce Gerencser 0 Comments

bo burnham

This is the one hundred and thirty-fifth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is From God’s Perspective by Bo Burnham.

Video Link

Lyrics

[Bo Burnham]
Um…there’s things I don’t want to be miss construed my act I feel off and on. I don’t wish you leave in my shell, thinking that I think I know better than people, or that I think I am better then people in general. Okay, I will put it up there. This is a song from the perspective of God

[Verse 1]
The books you think I wrote are way too thick
Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn’t be a dick
And I don’t watch you when you sleep
Surprisingly I don’t use my omnipotence to be a fucking creep
[Hook 1]
You’re not going to heaven
Why the fuck did you think I’d ever kick it with you
None of you are going to heaven
There’s a trillion aliens cooler than you

[Bridge 1]
You shouldn’t abstain from rape just because you think that I want you to
You shouldn’t rape because rape is a fucked up thing to do
(It’s pretty obvious just don’t fucking rape people
I didn’t think I had to write that one down for you.)

[Verse 2]
I don’t think masturbation is obscene
It’s absolutely natural and the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever seen
You make my job a living hell
I sent gays to fix overpopulation
Boy, did that go well

[Hook 2]
You’re not going to heaven
Eat a thousand crackers, sing a million hymns
None of you are going to heaven
You’re not my children, you’re a bad game of Sims

[Bridge 2]
You shouldn’t abstain from pork just cause you think that I want you to
You can eat pork, because why the fuck would I give a shit?
(I created the universe you think I’m drawing the line at the fucking deli aisle?)

[Verse 3]
You argue and you bicker and you fight
Atheists and Catholics
Jews and Hindus argue day and night
Over what they think is true
But no one entertains the thought
That maybe God does not believe in you

[Hook 3]
You pray so badly for heaven
Knowing any day might be the day that you die
But maybe life on earth could be heaven
Doesn’t just the thought of it make it worth the try?

[Bridge 4]
My love’s the type of thing that you have to earn
And when you earn it you won’t need it
My love’s the type of thing that you have to earn
And when you earn it you won’t need it

I’m not going to give you love just cause I know that you want me to
If you want love then the love is gonna come from you
Thank you very much

Songs of Sacrilege: Rant by Bo Burnham

Bruce Gerencser 0 Comments

This is the one hundred and fourteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Rant by Bo Burnham.

Video Link

Lyrics

All the seats at the Sunday masses,
Filled with the mass’s massive asses,
Classes pass as fast as molasses.
Ceremonial reading glasses.
Read a little bit of Leviticus.
All the kids are a little too little for this.
All the parents nod in agreement –
“I think I can vaguely see what he meant.”
It’s too early in the morning glory
To read another allegory story,
The father, reads a little bit farther,
Assuring the assured that they need not bother
“When god, in verse 45, said that slaves are okay to buy,
He meant that people, all from the start
Each have slaves within their hearts.
Things, that we have sold or boughten, that are forced to pick our moral cotton
God calls us to set these free, free our hearts from slavery…
And then as god goes on to explain the logistics of buying and selling slaves…”

(Uh, He—ju—the Bible’s sorta like…
It’s like, typos… didn’t…)

In the back, I sit and I nod to the beats that are bumpin’ from my iPod
My god, they’re starting to pray
And over the music I can hear them say
“dear god, dear lord, dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword.
Dear good all-seeing being, my way or the highway Yahweh.
The blue-balled anti-masturbator, the great, all-loving faggot hater,
I’d like to thank your holy might for making me both rich and white
And though this is your day of rest, I come to you with one request
There’s so much pain beyond this steeple,
Wars and drugs and homeless people.
Sadness, where there should be joy, hate and rape and Soulja Boy.
A world in darkness needs your light, so I’m sure your schedule’s pretty tight
But my dog just had surgery if you could fix that first…
Jesus?

Debra Messing’s fingers in a holy place, “Hail Mary full of grace.”

Obama, could you pass some hope to the pope
I know a couple dude’s who wanna elope
See the church said, “nope” so the bros can’t cope.
(the bros can grope but the bros can’t cope)
They’ve been in love, they’ve been addicted
Who said they shouldn’t? Benedict did.
Cause in the holy land of the lord he’s the holy landlord and dicks are evicted.
Cause you can be a benedict if you’ve been a dick under Benedict but
You can’t have benedicts because there’s only one pope with only one dick
What? Yeah, a dick on a pope is
Just like a soap on a rope cause it’s
Pointless, unless in prison, throw up your bibles, Christ has risen.
Hallelujah, now it’s raining men,
Because the gender ratio is 1 to 10.
Winos at the Eucharist station, trans-gendered-substantiation
Jesus wasn’t the messiah, get back I’m a heretic and I’m on fire
It was Oedipus, those holy nights
The holy motherfucking Christ.
I’m a blasphemer post-Katrina cruising the marina. On a crusade to cruise aids
And blast FEMA
You’re too late, we’re fucked we don’t need ya.

Amen
In the name of the father, son and holy ghost
Head, shoulders, knees and toes
Turn up your nose, strike that pose.
Hey, Macarena

Sacrilegious Humor: Words, Words, Words by Bo Burnham

Bruce Gerencser 0 Comments

This is the nineteenth installment in the Sacrilegious Humor series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a comedy bit that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please email me the name of the bit or a link to it.

Today’s bit is Words, Words, Words by Bo Burnham.

Warning, many of the comedy bits in this series will contain profanity. You have been warned.

Video Link