Why I Left Christianity After Twenty-Five Years of Preaching the Gospel — Part Two

Recently, a young Evangelical pastor emailed me and asked me two questions:

• What made you leave the faith?
• Why [would] you would leave a faith that you defended for a long time?

You can read my response to these questions here.

After reading my first response to him, the young Evangelical pastor sent me two follow up questions:

• What interested you with Bart Ehrman?
• Did something happen in your life that made you question your former reality?

I have long praised Dr. Bart Ehrman for playing an instrumental part in my loss of faith. Remember, I was an Evangelical Christian; a devout follower of Jesus and preacher of the gospel for most of my life. As an Evangelical, I believed the Bible was literally the Words of God, inerrant and infallible. Imagine spending the first fifty years of your life believing an ancient religious text is different from all other books ever written; a supernatural text written by a supernatural God. I believed the Bible was true in all that it said, containing instruction in life and godliness.

I was an Evangelical pastor for twenty-five years, pastoring Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB), Sovereign Grace Baptist, Christian Union, Southern Baptist, and non-Denominational congregations. What was the one thing these denominations and churches had in common? To the person they believed the Bible was inspired, inerrant, and infallible — both at the textual and translation level. Not faithful; not reliable; the very words of the thrice holy God.

Dr. Ehrman (and others such as John Spong) educated me about the nature and history of the Bible. I came to the conclusion that Bible inerrancy and infallibility cannot be rationally sustained. All one needs to do is show one mistake or contradiction in the Bible, and inerrancy collapses. If Ehrman’s books taught me anything, they taught me that my pastors and professors lied to me about the Bible, as did countless Evangelical authors I read whose books/sermons claimed the Bible was a supernatural text in both its formation and message. These beliefs about the Bible were shattered by Ehrman’s thoughtful dismantling of inerrancy and infallibility. Once the Bible lost its divine authority over me, I was free to question, challenge, and, if warranted, repudiate its teachings.

I spent most of life adult life with my nose in the Bible. All told, I spent over 20,000 hours reading and studying the Bible. I preached 4,000 sermons. I breathed in and breathed out the Word of God, so imagine my shock to learn that the Bible was not what I claimed it was; that it was a book that contained wisdom and moral teachings here and there, but it was a collated religious text written by mostly unknown authors, who made thousands of textual errors (most of which are insignificant, but some, if believed, contradict the beliefs and moral values held by most Evangelicals).

Knowing these things forced me to reexamine my sincerely-held theological beliefs. Over time, I reinvestigated the central claims of Christianity and found them to be false. I recognize that Evangelical apologists can and do have explanations and justifications for alleged errors and contradictions in the Bible. Christians have had 2,000 years to explain and justify what I call their “Book of Claims.” Not evidence, claims. As I was going through the deconversion process, I found the arguments of apologists for the claims of the Bible to be intellectually lacking, if not outright dishonest. Worse, apologists are forced to defend God’s violent, immoral behavior because to do otherwise causes people to question and doubt the Bible. Can’t have that, right?

Let me be clear, I read dozens of books during the deconversion process, written by mainline Christians, atheists, agnostics, and humanists. I didn’t need to read Evangelical authors, because I had already done so. Sadly, some Evangelical apologists think that if I just read or listened to the pablum of men such as Lee Strobel, C.S. Lewis, Josh McDowell, or William Lane Craig, to name a few, I would, in short order, return to Christianity. This is laughable, to say the least. I have read these authors and others, so there’s no reason for me to re-read their books. Worse are Evangelicals who claim that I am an atheist because I read too many books; that I should stop reading books and only read the Bible — preferably the King James Version.

Granted, millions of Christians don’t believe the Bible is inerrant and infallible, but they still worship Jesus. I have dinner once a month with three friends of mine: a retired United Church of Christ pastor, a former Lutheran pastor, and a Buddhist. The concept of inerrancy is foreign to them. Errors and contradictions in the Bible don’t faze them as they do Evangelical Christians. Thus, learning that the Bible was not what I claimed it was caused the collapse of my house of faith. How could it be otherwise?

Let me conclude this post by answering this young pastor’s second question: Did something happen in your life that made you question your former reality?

The short answer to this question is “no,” but I want to address the motive behind asking this question. I have been blogging since 2007. I have repeatedly answered questions about why I deconverted. The Why? page contains numerous posts detailing how and why I left Christianity. If I make one thing clear it is this: I divorced Jesus for primarily intellectual reasons. I didn’t deconvert because the church hurt me or I had bad experiences. Was I ever hurt or did I ever have bad experiences? Sure, as all of us do, but these things had little to do with my loss of faith.

When this young pastor and other Evangelicals ask me this question, he is really asking me, “What is the REAL reason I left the ministry and deconverted?” Unable to wrap their minds around my story and the stated reasons for deconversion, Evangelicals wonder if there is some sort of secret reason for me being an atheist today. Let me be clear, I am an atheist because I no longer believe the central claims of Christianity. Simply put, Christianity no longer makes any sense to me. I find the Bible’s supernatural claims to be irrational and absurd. (Please see The Michael Mock Rule: It Just Doesn’t Make Sense.)

It is true that emotions played a part in my deconversion, as they do in all decisions I make, but I can’t point to one hurt or emotional experience that provided grounds for walking away from everything I held dear. That said, my experiences with Evangelicals post-Jesus have largely been negative, causing more than a little emotional hurt. Evangelicals routinely lie about me, distort my story, threaten me with judgment and Hell, and go out of their way to discredit me. Worse, they threaten me with violence, and even murder. These lovers of Jesus attack my partner and our six children. Preachers preach sermons about me and use me as a cautionary tale, an illustration of what happens when you no longer believe the Bible is true. While these experiences are not sufficient to justify my deconversion, they are enough for me to conclude that Evangelicalism is morally bankrupt. Why would I EVER want to become a Christian again?

The aforementioned pastor concluded his email with the following: I pray that this conversation can go in the right direction of the Lord’s will. 

What, exactly, is the “right direction of the Lord’s will?” This suggests that there is some sort of agenda, other than knowledge and understanding. My only agenda is to openly and honestly answer his questions. It is up to this pastor to declare his motivations. I am more than happy to answer whatever good faith questions he might have, but if there is some sort of ulterior motive lurking in the shadows, I can quickly become an arsonist.

Bruce Gerencser, 69, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 48 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.

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