This is the one hundred and twentieth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is I Love Jesus by Tim Minchin.
This is the one hundred and nineteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is The Good Book by Tim Minchin.
Life is like an ocean voyage and our bodies are the ships
And without a moral compass we would all be cast adrift
So to keep us on our bearings, the Lord gave us a gift
And like most gifts you get, it was a book
I only read one book, but it’s a good book, don’t you know
I act the way I act because the Good Book tells me so
If I wanna know how to be good, it’s to the Good Book that I go
‘Cos the Good Book is a book and it is good and it’s a book
I know the Good Book’s good because the Good Book says it’s good
I know the Good Book knows it’s good because a really good book would
You wouldn’t cook without a cookbook and I think it’s understood
You can’t be good without a Good Book ‘cos it’s good and it’s a book
And it is good for cookin’
I tried to read some other books, but I soon gave up on that
The paragraphs ain’t numbered and they complicate the facts
I can’t read Harry Potter ‘cos they’re worshipping false gods and that
And Dumbledore’s a poofter and that’s bad, ‘cos it’s not good
Morality is written there in simple white and black
I feel sorry for you heathens, got to think about all that
Good is good and evil’s bad and goats are good and pigs are crap
You’ll find which one is which in the Good Book, ‘cos it’s good
And it’s a book, and it’s a book
I had a cat, she gave birth to a litter
The kittens were adorable and they made my family laugh
But as they grew they started misbehavin’
So I drowned the little fuckers in the bath
When the creatures in your care start being menaces
The answers can be found right there in Genesis!
Chapter 6, Verse 5-7!
Swing your partner by the hand
Have a baby if you can
But if the voices your head
Say to sacrifice your kid
To satiate your loving God’s
Fetish for dead baby blood
It’s simple faith, the Book demands
So raise that knife up in your hand!
Before the Good Book made us good, there was no good way to know
If a thing was good or not that good or kind of touch and go
So God decided he’d give writing allegoric prose a go
And so he wrote a book and it was generally well-received
The Telegraph said, “This God is reminiscent of the Norse.”
The Times said, “Kind of turgid, but I liked the bit with horses.”
The Mail said, “Lots of massacres, a violent tour de force.”
If you only read one book this year, then this one is a book
And it is good, and it’s a book!
Swing your daughter by the hand
But if she gets raped by a man
And refuses then to marry him
Stone her to death!
If you just close your eyes and block your ears
To the accumulated knowledge of the last two thousand years
Then morally, guess what? You’re off the hook
And thank Christ you only have to read one book
Just because the book’s contents
Were written generations hence
By hairy desert-dwelling gents
Squatting in their dusty tents
Just because what Heaven said
Was said before they’d leavened bread
Just ‘cos Jesus couldn’t read
Doesn’t mean that we should need
When manipulating human genes
To alleviate pain and fight disease
When deciding whether it’s wrong or right
To help the dyin’ let go of life
Or stop a pregnancy when it’s
Just a tiny blastocyst
There’s no reason why we should take a look
At any other book
But the Good Book
‘Cause it’s good
And it’s a book
And it’s a book
And it’s quite good!
Good is good and evil’s bad
And kids get killed when God gets mad
And you’d better take a good look
At the Good Book
This is the one hundred and eighteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Cannons of Christianity by Phil Ochs. This song was written in the 1960s.
Lyrics
Christian cannons have fired at my days
With the warning beneath the holy blaze
And bow to our authority
Say the cannons of Christianity
Oh the children will be sent to schools
Minds of clay are molded to their rules
Learn to fear all of eternity
Warn the cannons of Christianity
Holy hands will count the money raised
Like a king the lord is richly praised
On a cross of diamond majesty
Say the cannons of Christianity
Missionaries will travel on crusades
The word is given, the heathen souls are saved
Conversions to our morality
Sigh the cannons of Christianity
Come the wars and turn the rules around
To bend your soul on the battle ground
And the lord will march beside me
Drone the cannons of Christianity
Cathedral walls will glitter with their gold
And the sermons speak through silver robes
Building castles amidst the poverty
Say the cannons of Christianity
Worship now and wash your sins away
Drop the coins, fall to your knees and pray
Cleanse the world of all hypocrisy
Smile the cannons of Christianity
Christian cannons have fired at my days
With the warning beneath the holy blaze
And bow to our authority
Say the cannons of Christianity
This is the one hundred and seventeenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Here’s to the State of Mississippi by Phil Ochs. This song was written in the 1960s.
Here’s to the state of Mississippi,
For Underheath her borders, the devil draws no lines,
If you drag her muddy river, nameless bodies you will find.
Whoa the fat trees of the forest have hid a thousand crimes,
The calender is lyin’ when it reads the present time.
Whoa here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of,
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!
Here’s to the people of Mississippi
Who say the folks up north, they just don’t understand
And they tremble in their shadows at the thunder of the Klan
The sweating of their souls can’t wash the blood from off their hands
They smile and shrug their shoulders at the murder of a man
Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of
Here’s to the schools of Mississippi
Where they’re teaching all the children that they don’t have to care
All of rudiments of hatred are present everywhere
And every single classroom is a factory of despair
There’s nobody learning such a foreign word as fair
Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of
Here’s to the cops of Mississippi
They’re chewing their tobacco as they lock the prison door
Their bellies bounce inside them as they knock you to the floor
No they don’t like taking prisoners in their private little war
Behind their broken badges there are murderers and more
Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of
And, here’s to the judges of Mississippi
Who wear the robe of honor as they crawl into the court
They’re guarding all the bastions with their phony legal fort
Oh, justice is a stranger when the prisoners report
When the black man stands accused the trial is always short
Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of
And here’s to the government of Mississippi
In the swamp of their bureaucracy they’re always bogging down
And criminals are posing as the mayors of the towns
They’re hoping that no one sees the sights and hears the sounds
And the speeches of the governor are the ravings of a clown
Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of
And here’s to the laws of Mississippi
Congressmen will gather in a circus of delay
While the Constitution is drowning in an ocean of decay
Unwed mothers should be sterilized, I’ve even heard them say
Yes, corruption can be classic in the Mississippi way
Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of
And here’s to the churches of Mississippi
Where the cross, once made of silver, now is caked with rust
And the Sunday morning sermons pander to their lust
The fallen face of Jesus is choking in the dust
Heaven only knows in which God they can trust
Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of
This is the one hundred and sixteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is In the Beginning by Todd Snider.
In the beginning, man wondered to himself:
Why, oh why are we here?
And yet, with each asking of this question
the answer would become even less clear
Overwhelmed by fear, distraction took its place
And so it was, in the world’s first shelter
That we began the human race
The human race to fill up more and more empty space
Oh, how we loved, the human race
Until one day this one guy said to this other guy, he said:
Hey, have you seen that guy over there?
He’s got more than everybody else has got
To me, that don’t seem fair
Well, the second guy agreed with the first guy
Everybody else did too
Til they all got so worked up, they figured
there was something they just had to do:
Divide his things up among each other
After they killed him of course
They could see no real good reason not to just
Take what they wanted by force
When they found him he said:
Hey, wait a minute fellas, I wouldn’t kill me just now
You can see that I’ve got more than any of you
Have ever got, wouldn’t you first at least like to know how?
And with that, he had their attention
And with that, he went on loud and clear, he said:
You all know how long we’ve all wondered
Why, oh why are we here?
Well today I’m gonna tell ya all about it
I’m gonna teach ya about sufferin’ and bliss
I’m gonna teach y’all a little bout Heaven and Hell
And the God that gave me all this
God gave me this because I’m humble
And he can do the same for you too
But if you’re seekin’ his love and affection
What you’re doin’ is the last thing I’d do
He sends killers to hellfire, both here and eternally
The good live forever in a place called Heaven
God told me this personally
Who you gonna trust if you can’t trust me?
So unless you want suffering and heartache
Unless you want trouble and fear
You better find some kinda way to humble yourself
May I suggest helpin’ me clean up around here?
‘Course I could pay ya a little bit a money
But more importantly God would see
And if He sees you workin’ humbly
Some day he may give you what he’s given me
Well the crowd just didn’t know what to do with that
Nor could they prove what he said wasn’t true
And since he had what everyone else thought they wanted
It seemed like the thing to do
And with that we rolled into the future
And ain’t it a son of a bitch
To think that we would still need religion
To keep the poor from killin’ the rich?
Who are you gonna trust if you don’t trust me?
This is the one hundred and fifteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Conservative, Christian, Right-Wing Republican, Straight White American Males by Todd Snider.
Lyrics
Conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American male.
Gay bashin, black fearin, poor fightin, tree killin, regioal leaders of sales
Frat housin, keg tappin, shirt tuckin, back slappin haters of hippies like me.
Tree huggin, peace lovin, pot smokin, porn watchin lazyass hippies like me.
Tree huggin, love makin, pro choicen, gay weddin, widespread diggin hippies like me.
Skin color-blinded, conspiracy-minded, protestors of corporate greed,
We who have nothing and most likely will till we all wind up locked up in jails
By conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American males,.
Diamonds and dogs, boys and girls, living together in two separate worlds
Following leaders of mountains of shame, looking for someone to blame.
Diamonds and dogs, boys and girls, living together in two separate worlds
Following leaders of mountains of shame, looking for someone to blame.
I know who I like to blame:
Conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American males,
Soul savin, flag wavin, Rush lovin, land pavin personal friends to the Quayles
Quite diligently workin so hard to keep the free reins of this Democracy
From tree huggin, peace lovin, pot smokin, barefootin folk-singin hippies like me.
Tree huggin, peace lovin, pot smokin, porn watchin lazyass hippies like me.
This is the one hundred and fourteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Rant by Bo Burnham.
All the seats at the Sunday masses,
Filled with the mass’s massive asses,
Classes pass as fast as molasses.
Ceremonial reading glasses.
Read a little bit of Leviticus.
All the kids are a little too little for this.
All the parents nod in agreement –
“I think I can vaguely see what he meant.”
It’s too early in the morning glory
To read another allegory story,
The father, reads a little bit farther,
Assuring the assured that they need not bother
“When god, in verse 45, said that slaves are okay to buy,
He meant that people, all from the start
Each have slaves within their hearts.
Things, that we have sold or boughten, that are forced to pick our moral cotton
God calls us to set these free, free our hearts from slavery…
And then as god goes on to explain the logistics of buying and selling slaves…”
(Uh, He—ju—the Bible’s sorta like…
It’s like, typos… didn’t…)
In the back, I sit and I nod to the beats that are bumpin’ from my iPod
My god, they’re starting to pray
And over the music I can hear them say
“dear god, dear lord, dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword.
Dear good all-seeing being, my way or the highway Yahweh.
The blue-balled anti-masturbator, the great, all-loving faggot hater,
I’d like to thank your holy might for making me both rich and white
And though this is your day of rest, I come to you with one request
There’s so much pain beyond this steeple,
Wars and drugs and homeless people.
Sadness, where there should be joy, hate and rape and Soulja Boy.
A world in darkness needs your light, so I’m sure your schedule’s pretty tight
But my dog just had surgery if you could fix that first…
Jesus?
Debra Messing’s fingers in a holy place, “Hail Mary full of grace.”
Obama, could you pass some hope to the pope
I know a couple dude’s who wanna elope
See the church said, “nope” so the bros can’t cope.
(the bros can grope but the bros can’t cope)
They’ve been in love, they’ve been addicted
Who said they shouldn’t? Benedict did.
Cause in the holy land of the lord he’s the holy landlord and dicks are evicted.
Cause you can be a benedict if you’ve been a dick under Benedict but
You can’t have benedicts because there’s only one pope with only one dick
What? Yeah, a dick on a pope is
Just like a soap on a rope cause it’s
Pointless, unless in prison, throw up your bibles, Christ has risen.
Hallelujah, now it’s raining men,
Because the gender ratio is 1 to 10.
Winos at the Eucharist station, trans-gendered-substantiation
Jesus wasn’t the messiah, get back I’m a heretic and I’m on fire
It was Oedipus, those holy nights
The holy motherfucking Christ.
I’m a blasphemer post-Katrina cruising the marina. On a crusade to cruise aids
And blast FEMA
You’re too late, we’re fucked we don’t need ya.
Amen
In the name of the father, son and holy ghost
Head, shoulders, knees and toes
Turn up your nose, strike that pose.
Hey, Macarena
This is the one hundred and thirteenth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Tennessee by Stephen Lynch.
I’ve seen rocky mountains and great lakes
Stood beneath a redwood tree
But wherever I go my heart aches
For a place called Tennessee
Oh come with me
Where the Whiskey flows like wine
And the meth labs are divine
Oh I wanna be
Where the sweet tobacco grows
And it’s picked by poor Negros
In Tennessee
Oh it’s a place where dueling banjos play
And the mountain folk run free
Where all the children can spell KKK
But cannot spell Tennessee
Oh come with me
Where every cheek is filled with chew
And no one’s ever seen a Jew
Oh I wanna be
Where the hotdogs are deep fried
That’s the reason Elvis died
In Tennessee
Oh come with me
Where the Baptist preachers shout
That if you’re gay you best get out
Oh I wanna be
Where hospitality’s the thing
Just ask Martin Luther King
Shot in Tennessee
The birth place of Aretha queen of soul
The B.B. King and Al Gore
I’m not saying it’s a shit hole
But they don’t live there anymore
Oh I wanna see
Mountain dew in every cup
And all the dentists just gave up
Oh come with me
On my fat bed pickup truck
That’s where the classy ladies fuck
In Tennessee
Oh in Tennessee
This is the one hundred and twelfth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Heaven is Satellite by the Hooters.
Lyrics
Hush little baby, don’t cry like that
God’s gonna buy you a Cadillac
He’s chosen you to do his will
You can spread the word in your coupe de ville
So jump in the river and learn to swim
God’s gonna wash away all your sins
And if you still can’t see the light
God’s gonna buy you a satellite
Look to the heavens and see it shine
Heals the sick and leads the blind
Tune it in and hear it say
It’s counting down to judgment day
So jump in the river and learn to swim
God’s gonna wash away all your sins
And if you still can’t see the light
God’s gonna buy you a satellite
Hey, satellite man, your time has come
Your word received by everyone
And should you fall, well, that’s okay
You love the ones that you betray
So jump in the river and learn to swim
God’s gonna wash away all your sins
And when at last you see the light
God’s gonna by you a satellite
So jump in the river and learn to swim
God’s gonna wash away all your sins
And when at last you see the light
God’s gonna buy you a satellite
Yeah, when at last you see the light
God’s gonna buy you a satellite
Hey, God’s gonna buy you a satellite
Look to the heavens and see it shine
This is the one hundred and eleventh installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Heaven is Under the Sun by Beta Play.
Lyrics
Well you’ve got Jesus, I think that’s great for you
you’re allowed to believe in, but don’t tell me what you know
you say that I’ve been burning, since the day I was born
And you’ve got opinions, yeah that’s okay with me
but you make the decision, like I’ve got some disease
the tale you are spinning, it’s such a curious one
So you can preach all you want at the top of your lungs
but I ain’t hurting no one
and it feels like I already won
heaven is under the sun
heaven is under the sun
Invite me to your party, it’s an eternal one
but I’ve been tiny dancing around with Elton John
you say he’s not invited, I wouldn’t go in without him
So you can pray all you want for the devious ones
to me you’re speaking in tongues
and it feels like I already won
heaven is under the sun
and here I’m gonna make it on my own
here I’m gonna make it on my own
So you say someone lives inside me, I wouldn’t know who to be
but I know I’m the driver, behind this soul machine
not looking for revival, no I can handle myself
And if the high water come I will not be undone
my heart ain’t weighing a ton
it feels like I already won
heaven is under the
feels like I already won
heaven is under the
feels like I already won
heaven is under the sun
heaven is under the sun
heaven is under the sun
heaven is under the sun
