In chapter 20 of How to Rear Children, Jack Hyles, former of pastor of First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, gives his advice on making a lady out of girl:
The women’s liberation notwithstanding most men still want someone ladylike and feminine for a wife. To be sure, all good Christian men want submissive, feminine, ladylike, and godly wives. Yet, we live in a society which wants to homogenize the sexes. The boys wear make-up and the girls wear blue jeans. The boys wear flowered shirts while the girls wear work shirts. The fad is for the boys to be feminine and the girls to be masculine. Consequently, if parents rear a girl to be ladylike, they will be swimming upstream, going against the grain, and climbing uphill, but it can be done. If it is done, however, it will be on purpose and some of the following suggestions must be used in order to make a lady out of a girl.
1. Dress her like a girl. Let her have long hair. Let her wear lace and ribbons. Do not let her wear that which pertaineth to a man. Deuteronomy 22:5 says, “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.” The parent who wants to make a young lady of a daughter should see to it that she does not wear revealing clothes, but that she dresses modestly. I Timothy 2:9 and 10 says, “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety: not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.”
This must be started early in the life of a girl. If she never wears pants for the first time, she will always wear skirts. If she never wears mini-skirts for the first time, she will always wear skirts of a modest length. In these days of hot pants, mini-skirts, and pant suits, may God give us some old-fashioned mothers and dads who well rear some sweet, feminine ladies for our boys and dress them accordingly.
2. Teach her strict obedience. Other chapters stress the fact that obedience is the most necessary ingredient to be required from the child. This is especially true in the life of a girl, for she must be obedient all of her life. The boy who is obedient to his mother and father will someday become the head of the home; not so for the girl. Whereas the boy is being trained to be a leader, the girl is being trained to be a follower. Hence, obedience is far more important to her, for she must someday transfer it from her parents to her husband.
This means that she should never be allowed to argue at all. She should become submissive and obedient. She must obey immediately, without question, and without argument. The parents who require this have done a big favor for their future son-in-law.
3. She should not be allowed to play alone with boys. The parents should see to it that she plays with other girls. This is important for many reasons. She should play only with toys that are uniquely for girls. This, by all means, should include dolls, doll clothes, housecleaning equipment, dishes, pots and pans, etc. She should participate in sports enough to become coordinated but she should not excel in sports. If later she marries a man who is very athletic, she could become more proficient in some particular sport that he enjoys, but if she becomes an expert in a sport that is usually associated with men and boys, it could prove embarrassing to her future husband, and for that matter, it could entice her to become more masculine than she ought to be…
…5. Teach her to be an intelligent listener and an articulate conversationalist. She should read a variety of good books and magazines and have a wide variety of knowledge. It should be obvious to any male with whom she is conversing that she is an intelligent listener and that she can understand and respond to his conversation. She should never seem to know as much as he does (even though she may actually know more) but enough to talk intelligently about his interests and to make him feel that his conversation is falling on receptive ears and an understanding mind. This means that she should learn all she can about everything, especially things that interest men. For example, she should know football, but she should not play it. There is nothing a man wants any more than to be understood by an intelligent listener.
The wise lady will never “take over” the conversation. She will add just enough to make a valuable contribution and to show her intelligence on the subject, but she will always make her man feel that he is the more knowledgeable…Though she should not be a football fanatic she should know enough about football to enjoy watching the game with her boyfriend, fiancée, or husband, if he so chooses. It should be obvious to him that she is enjoying the game and that she is knowledgeable about it, but that he can teach her even more.
6. Teach her to make her dad feel like a hero. A young lady that can treat her dad properly is more likely to treat her husband properly. If she makes her dad feel like a man when he is in her presence, she will not doubt make her husband feel like a man when he is in her presence. If the daughter is careful to refill Dad’s glass at the table, see to it that he gets the best chair, listen to him intelligently when he talks, participate intelligently, yet meekly in the conversion, she will someday transfer this to her husband and her husband will rise up and call her “blessed.”…
…8. Teach her not to be too forward to boys. A young lady should not initiate a correspondence. If she cars for a boy she may respond to him with courtesy and feminine reserve so as to let him know she like him, but she should not be the aggressor, neither should her respond except within the bounds of propriety and right. It certainly is not proper for a young lady to call a young man on the telephone for a social talk, If there is obvious business, it may be done with reluctance, but it should never be done when the call is strictly for social purposes.
9. Do not show off her talent to others. As is mentioned elsewhere in this book it is far better for a parent to compliment character than talent. Many children have been ruined because their parents were too proud of them and their performances. This not only hurts the child but it disgusts other adults. In such cases the child receives far too much attention and then wants it for the rest of her life. Hence, she becomes maladjusted. Let her gain her own attention by her performance. Let her attract her own audience by her own ability and opportunities, not by the insistence of a mother or father who is overly proud of a daughter.
10. Let her do things that enable her to be a necessary help to another who is in the limelight. This is very important for a young lady. That is why learning to accompany a soloist is good training for a girl. Learning to take dictation is also good training. Both of these things train her to be a necessary helper to someone who is in the limelight. The Bible teaches that a woman is made not for the limelight but to complement and supplement. Proverbs 32:23 says, “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.”
The girl should be taught that her lot in life is to be obedient and helpful to her husband…
…11. Teach her to pull for her dad. The wise mother will teach the girl to make a hero of her father and always pull for him. She should pull for him in business and do all she can to help. She should pull for him in any athletic contest and do all she can to cheer him to victory. In everything he does she should stand on the sidelines and root for her dad. She is being taught to root for the biggest man in her life and to cheer and spur him on to bigger heights. When she is married she will transfer this to her husband and will be a great encouragement to him.
The mother must teach the daughter that when the father is a success the daughter is also a success. She is a very vital part in his success, and as a member of the team she can share the victory and the spoils. When this attitude is properly developed she will feel the same way when she is married. When the husband wins a victory it will be a team victory rather than a victory just for him.
12. Teach her to plan for a profession but to hope that it will not be needed. Mothers and fathers should teach their daughters to train for some kind of profession that is always in demand. There is always the possibility that the daughter will never marry or that she will become a widow with children to rear and will not remarry. Because of this she should plan to pursue some profession that will enable her to support herself and her children in any eventuality. She should be taught that if possible, she should not follow this profession when married. This gives her a dependence, if the opportunity arises to be dependent, but an independence if needed. There are many professions that a young lady could pursue such as that of a school teacher, beautician, secretary, nurse, etc.
13. Teach her the sanctity of the body. Teach her that boys should keep their hands off and that her body should be clean in every way. She should care for her body. She should be well groomed and physically clean. Then she should also be moral and virtuous. Talk with her about situations which arise in the lives of most young ladies. Teach her how to handle each situation. Explain to her that that is the reason she should not be in a car alone with a boy. Teach her what to do if improper advances are made. Let her be conscious of the fact that her body is a very sacred thing and should always be treated as the temple of the Holy Spirit.
14. Teach her to do feminine chores. As is mentioned elsewhere it is better for a girl to do the dishes than the yard, to wash the pots and pans than the car, to clean the bedroom rather than the garage. She should do the duties that she will do when she is married and a successful mother and wife…
…The most noble goal that parents can set for their daughters is to help them become Christians. The second most noble goal is to lead them to be ladies, for one of the great needs of our generation is Christian ladies…
Twisted. His misogynist child-rearing strategy would produce emotionally stunted women with no respect for themselves and no sense of their talents. Parents who followed his advice would be doing a huge disservice to their daughters.
Many women would crush this bug as if he was a mosquito. Th e only children he could harm would be young children who are helpless to protect themselves. This child abuser would do his level best to ruin their lives but any youngster with a couple of years maturity would tell him he was a complete abusive idiot. This type of scumbag for Jesus depends on getting hold of very young people to harm…..
Wow. It is hard to believe this is real. I feel sad for girls who were raised to believe that their entire identity was defined by their relationship to men.
Jack Hyles’ advice is interesting indeed when you consider what he did inhis own family. He was married to Beverly, but had church secretary Jennie Nischik as his mistress. Jack’s daughter Cindy was married to Jack Schaap, Jack Hyles’ successor, until Schaap went to prison for his sexual involvement with a teen. Cindy has since divorced Jack Schaap. Linda Hyles Murphree left the IFB and has given TED talks about growing up in the IFB. David Hyles was a clerical Lothario and it helped to end both of his marriages. I’m not sure I’d want to take Jack Hyles’ advice about raising girls. He didn’t have much respect for his wife or daughters!
This is the point! There was never any respect for a human being! He desires to harm others in a most Biblical fashion, as he sees it and he goes straight ahead and fucks everybody up! It is successful evangelism!
I popped over here from No Longer Quivering, I’ve been a silent reader of of that blog in the past few years and have been quite shocked at the requirements of what females should act or be like in Christians sects such as these.
But this post takes the cake! Are patriach men so insecure that they need their egos boosted in every single way by their daughters / girlfriends / wives? GAH. I’m thoroughly disgusted.
I’m a Christian and I don’t consider myself a feminist. But I’m so very glad I grew up with parents who consider girls a value and strive to provide them with the best education and start in life so she can go on to be successful in life.
My heart goes out to those who have suffered through such rigid, ridiculous, disgusting, impossible requirements just to bolster some utterly insecure male up who can’t seem to find it within themselves to feel pride without having to draw it from others. I pray they all find healing and peace….
I agree with you that this is awful.
This may get a little preachy, but it’s a pet peeve. I’m always disappointed when women say they aren’t /don’t consider themselves a “feminist” when they obviously agree with what feminism is about. You treat it like the bad word that Fundies do. It’s not about hating men or becoming men. It’s about being treated as an equal/ first class citizen. For most of history, women weren’t.
You take feminism for granted and appreciate what it has accomplished in the last half century, yet distance yourself from the concept. You don’t seem to have an understanding of social history.
“Women’s Liberation” came about precisely to fight the Hyles type understanding of women (lesser than/appendages to men). Don’t think so? Watch some Mad Men. Your parents wouldn’t have raised you the way they did without enlightenment about women’s place in the world – enlightenment brought about by feminists.
I was raised to appreciate how much better I’ve had it than my mother. I have been a stay at home Mom, and I AM a feminist!
Best wishes, Angel…. please read Bruce’s
Isn’t the Hyles’ family notorious for infidelity and underage sexual relationships? Why, yes, they are. In that case, I can’t imagine why anyone would want advice on raising girls from a man who had affairs and raised a son who had affairs with underage girls.
This man doesn’t have the slightest notion of how to treat anyone with respect. He doesn’t understand consent, honesty or honor. He appears to be fundamentally (ha) afraid of women. He seems to want women “dumbed down” and afraid. He appears to believe he can’t cope with a mature, unafraid, knowledgeable and straightforward woman. And, in that and that alone, he’s probably right.
Is it me, or does this list seem to better fit slaves?
Oh my. I’m a WV transplant to NW Indiana, and only just learned of Jack Hyles, but I was raised in an IFB church. To think that this was the garbage the pastor of our church likely learned and embraced during his time at Bob Jones sickens me. I mean, I already knew a lot of the IFB was messed up and misogynistic, but wow.
Painful to read. I have five daughters all of whom are kind, compassionate, intelligent, successful people who will never, among other things, stroke a man’s ego by pretending to be less knowledgable than some man.