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Oh Jesus, Where Art Thou? Another Failed Rapture Prediction

The following graphic best describes Christian obsession with the rapture, second coming of Jesus, and the end of the world.

rapture and end of the world

Evidently, the following verses are not in some Bibles:

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only. But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come. But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up. Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh. Matthew 24:36-44

After what I thought was another failed rapture on September 23, I received the following card in the mail, letting me know why I wasn’t taken up into the clouds by Jesus.

rapture card



  1. Avatar

    Love that card and the graphic. I was pretty shocked once I realized that end-time predictions were more or less as old as time 😉 I thought they’d only started somewhere in the 1900’s.

    Jesus is sure taking his time; you’d almost think he doesn’t care all that much about collecting his bride home. Almost as if it was an arranged marriage that he did not persue. It is rather strange, isn’t it? He sacrifices his life so he can save his bride/the maiden in distress, i.e. us sinners who make up his church, but then when it comes to marriage and happily ever after he is stalling…. And has been for some 2000 years or so!

  2. Avatar
    Sarah Andreski

    Every other year some idiot predicts the end of the world on my birthday. This year I was proactive about it. I trolled this idiot with a demand for an apology. He has yet to apologize. Coward.

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