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Christians Say the Darnedest Things: The Bible Records the “Exact” Words of Jesus

bible head vice

In the latest episode of “You Can’t Make This Shit Up”

We can add to that statement that no other ancient book compares to the Bibler for truth, integrity, validity, and so on. There is a difference between the Bible and all other religious works. No other religious holy book has the authority that the Bible has.

When you read the Bible, you know you are getting the exact same words that Jesus spoke, and that the people have read and heard for the past 2000 and over 3000 for the OT.

— “Dr.” David Tee/David Thiessen/Theologyarcheology, Theologyarcheology, Unique Criteria, August 2, 2021

23 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Emersonian

    Is he joking? Even the most evangelical of evangelicals knows Jesus didn’t speak English… right? And that if you translate something from Aramaic to Greek and Greek into Latin and Latin into German and German into English even in the best possible scenario you are not reading the exact same words from version to version?

  2. Avatar
    Theologyarchaeology

    You people do not understand nor comprehend God and his power to preserve his word. You are not in a position to criticize, critique or pass judgment on anything a Christian says or on the Bible.

    You are the deceived ones not me.

    • Avatar
      Bruce Gerencser

      David,

      Do you think I don’t understand Fundamentalist Christian beliefs about the “preservation” of Scripture? Are you ready, David? Drum 🥁 roll please. I grew up in an Evangelical home, attended an Evangelical college, and pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five. Your comment reminds me of why I need to keep repeating these biographical facts. I have a head filled with knowledge about the Bible/Christianity. This knowledge didn’t magically disappear when I deconverted . When the Holy Spirit moved out of my brain in 2008, he left 50 years of knowledge behind. No “Men in Black” mind wipe for me. I know that urinates you off — an atheist who likely knows more about the Bible and theology than you (as do many of my atheist/agnostic readers). I know, you are butthurt that you aren’t the smartest guy in the room.

      By all means, David, make a rational defense of the inerrancy and preservation of the Bible (they go together) — not by quoting Bible verses, but by making sound intellectual arguments. Shit, David, I’ll even post your defense on this site.

      Of course, I know you won’t take me up on my generous offer. The inerrancy and inspiration of the Bible can’t be rationally defended. Reading several of Dr. Bart Ehrman’s books make that clear.

      Thanks for commenting.

      Bruce

      • Avatar
        Theologyarchaeology

        Okay. It will have to wait till next week though as I am noy home. Had to travel for my father-in-laws funeral

        • Avatar
          Bruce Gerencser

          David,

          No Bible verses, that’s my only rule. Please intellectually defend your position that the Bible (English translation, or Greek/Hebrew/Aramaic manuscripts— no mention of originals, they don’t exist) is inerrant and preserved.

          Thanks.

          Bruce

      • Avatar
        Charles S. Oaxpatu

        Hi Bruce. It is your blog and you can do with it as you please because of that. However, you have kicked me off of your blog for a year, a couple of times in the past, for what I considered to be minor infractions of your commenting rules. Therefore, I do not understand why you are giving this Theology/Archaeology guy what I consider to be an extraordinarily wide berth to cause continuous trouble on your blog. Basically, in my mind, you have already passed the line (albeit an imaginary one) of giving this troll his own personal and continuous Christian Fundamentalist soapbox on your blog.

        I have no interest in reading anything he has to say because it is all standard fundie piffle. I have not read anything from him on your blog that is not squarely within the traditional fundie box. That means he has nothing new, creative, or interesting to say that I or the other readers of your blog have not already heard thousands of times from other people who are just like him.

        You know from your own experience that arguing with a Christian Fundamentalist is an exercise in utter futility—-not because their arguments are correct—-but rather because they come into every argument or debate with the intent to be IMMOVABLE down to the very tiniest speck of what they believe. You cannot win an argument with a dead tree stump like that—-no matter how hard you try. I learned that a long time ago—-as I thought you had—-because you have told us (your regular readers) that engaging in such arguments strains and often breaks your own mental health for certain periods of time. It does that to me too, and it does that to other readers here.

        Finally, as a Mainline Christian and as a professional archeologist, I need to inform you that this guy is indeed an American archaeologist. However, he is not a truly famous one—-anymore than I am. The archaeological world does not beat a path to this guy’s door. Across my 68 years of life, I have seen his name cited only rarely in the reference lists of archaeological reports and journal articles. Moreover, unlike this guy, most American-trained archaeologists I have ever known are atheists, agnostics, or “nones.” (except within the unique confines of Biblical archaeology).

        I value my mental health, and because of that, I am henceforth going to avoid reading the comments written by this Theology/Archaeology guy—and I will not respond to anymore of them.

        If anyone would like to listen to an excellent Christian rebuttal of the stance he is taking on God preserving the words of the Bible perfectly from one language translation to another, and then to several others, is presented here:

        • Avatar
          clubschadenfreude

          “Finally, as a Mainline Christian and as a professional archeologist, I need to inform you that this guy is indeed an American archaeologist. However, he is not a truly famous one—-anymore than I am. The archaeological world does not beat a path to this guy’s door. ”

          ROFL. “mainline Christian”, yep, just one more human who wants to pretend his version is the right one and is no more truthful than those he attacks. Such pathetic ignorance and arrogance from them all.

          I do love watching Christian on Christian action, when they all are frauds, unable to do what their bible promises.

    • Avatar
      Bruce Gerencser

      I’m shocked that you approved the ping back to my post, even if you added:

      “We approved this pingback only to provide you alink to people who are decieved and think they canstand in judgment of God, the Bible and Christians. They have no comprehension of the truth and are in no position to say anything about those people and items.”

      Who is this “we” you are talking about? I speak for one person, me.

    • Avatar
      Astreja

      As you are neither a non-believer nor an acolyte of a non-Christian religion, henceforth stop discussing those topics altogether as you are not in a position to criticize, critique or pass judgement on them.

    • Avatar
      clubschadenfreude

      poor dear T, just one more fraud since poor T can’t do anything a real baptized believer in Christ as personal savior can do, per his very own bible. You know, those “exact same words that Jesus spoke” And gee, just like any other theist, he stamps his lil’ feet and insist that his magic book is the only “real” magic book.

      I’m in quite a lovely position to criticize you and your imaginary god, T. Christians disagree on the most basic things. None of you can agree on what your god wants, what jesus is, what heaven and hell are or how long one might spend there, what baptism does, what “born again/born from above means, how one is saved, which parts of the bible are to be taken literally/metaphorically, etc. Pretty much every bit of doctrinal “truth” I’ve heard spouted from a Christian is contested by Christians.

      There is no more evidence for T’s nonsense than there is for the nonsense in the qu’ran, egyptian book of the dead, etc.

  3. Avatar
    Trenton

    David, your statement and comment reek of arrogance and ignorance. All 4 gospels have different words for Jesus’ last words, they have different versions of who found the empty tomb and there are two versions of Judas’ death as well as what happened to the money. All of these contradictions alone are enough to invalidate your claim of the validity and truthfulness of the Bible.

    Then sitting there and tut tutting us from your high horse about how we are not allowed to criticize any statements or claims you put out there is absolute chutzpah, especially as you attempt to dismiss us and any valid critiques we do have about your claims. You are not sitting on a high horse, you are sitting on an ass that is about to walk over a cliff and ignoring anyone who tells you otherwise because your busy looking back at the parking lot and saying there is nothing else to see here.

    Get your head out of the sand and try to bring something new instead of the same childish tired arguments and platitudes from people who only learned about the beach from a backyard sandbox and plastic pool.

    • Avatar
      GeoffT

      To understand why we cannot possibly know the words Jesus actually spoke one need do no more than watch the film Life of Brian. There’s more underlying common sense and logic in it than there is in the entirety of the gospels. After all ‘blessed are the cheesemakers’.

    • Avatar
      Bruce Gerencser

      [Then said Jesus,] Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. [And they parted his raiment, and cast lots . . . And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said,] Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit (Luke 23)

      [After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, ] I thirst. . . . [When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, ] It is finished: [and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost. ](John 19)

      [And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying,] Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? [that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? . . . [Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.] (Matthew 27)

      [And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, ]Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? [which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? . . . And Jesus cried with a loud voice, and gave up the ghost. ]
      (Mark 15)

      Compare these passages to the words of the suffering messiah in Psalm 22. Jesus was quite verbose in Psalm 22. 😂

      If every word in these passages is “exactly” what Jesus spoke on the cross, there must of been multiple Jesuses.

      Or . . .there’s another explanation. 😂😂

        • Avatar
          Astreja

          The idea of someone suspended by his hands and feet for several hours being able to talk at all is more bad plot device than historical narrative.

  4. Avatar
    mary

    grew up with this view. now i know the bible is an ancient myth/part historic/allegorical work. kids and i now believe in taking what’s positive and learning from the negative. we remember so much of the bible is ancient people trying to make sense of their world w/o the benefit of scientific knowledge. we study it as ancient literature. we also don’t forget that the kjv 1611 was politically motivated and edited.

  5. Avatar
    MJ Lisbeth

    Robert Frost once said that when poetry is translated, what gets lost is the poetry.

    Even if God’s ability to transcend and communicate is greater than that of poets and other humans,’I don’t understand how he could “preserve his word, as Mr. David says.

    While some say the KJV “democratized” the Bible, James’ real aim was to make the book a tool for solidifying his own power. (Every British Monarch since Henry VIII has held the title of “Head of the Church of England.”) Also, I find it amusing that some fundies so revere a translation commissioned by someone that inspired this: “Elizabeth rex fuit, nonc est regina Iacobus”—Elizabeth was the King, now James is the Queen.

  6. Avatar
    Obstaclechick

    ***citations needed.

    When you can make up the omnimax characteristics of your deity, you can pretty much claim.it can do anything you want it to do.

Want to Respond to Bruce? Fire Away!

Bruce Gerencser